by Farmers_Son
Writing a page everyday makes no sense, you need to write bigger chapters or stop posting. Just because this is a free site does not mean you do not respect your readers. Many have complained about this and it's time you grow up and take feedback seriously rather than just ignoring it. You said in the first chapter that you will post a couple of chapters each day, but obviously that has not happened. You need to rectify this asap.
From a stories point of view, it's a good tale but he is being too soft on her, when she violated the court order he could and should have called the cops and got her arrested, perhaps even his mother in law if required to teach people a lesson. Stop making him a pussy.
1. Charge her with rape and all other crimes possible.
With the level of depraved indifference she showed she will get real time in prison.
2. While she is in prison divorce her, get custody, keep the money and the house (or sell it and move to a better one).
Why let someone with no conscience be the primary caregiver for his children?
She loves them?
She supposedly loved him and look what she thought was acceptable to do to him.
While wiping her ass with the constitution but unless she is convicted of a crime involving minors, she would get full custody, alimony AND he would leave with less than half his shit.
And blackmail? That would put him in jail so fast, he wouldnt have time to lube his ass before Bubba was giving him the grand tour of his new life as a prison bitch.
.... we had the makings of an interesting story ..... so where has it all gone wrong ?
I think a man would react far more aggressively ( not physically aggressive ) to what she did, and what she has tried to do.
But this story isn't helped by such small installments. So far there is barely enough content printed for two worthwhile chapters , yet you have released it over four pages , one at a time.
If the story is already written , go for it , have a little faith , we know you can write .
I know Literotica is a fantasy site but please, get the legal actions right. Yes, he could payoff the mortgage. No, he could not take out another mortgage in his wife's name.
Plus, he cannot just remove his name from joint accounts. The liability is jointly. There are lots more but I don't want to ruin things by being pedantic. But keep it real.
the last paragraph tells us where this story is going...........for the sake of his boys he will go home and live a married life of the cuckold instead of having her charged with all crimes she has committed.37B
She's a monster, but she's a good mother? He could have been killed by some unknown knockout drug, but he's OK leaving his sons in her care? And he doesn't want her parents to know she has become a psychopath? He has the entire rape video on her phone!
He would have her charged with rape, giving him a drug, unlawful restraint, conspiracy to blackmail, and more. And he would include Darcy as an accomplice. He would have her removed from the marital home and would obtain protective custody of his sons. The wife essentially committed marital and personal suicide. Darcy would of course turn state's evidence to cut a plea deal, and Bev's entire seduction, affair, and planned blackmail would be presented to the District Attorney for prosecution. End of story.
So what story are you trying to create? And why such a convoluted meandering and pointless plot? And the oddest details you think need to be described; are you getting paid by the word? Who cares what they had for breakfast, what kind of clothes people are wearing, and what the hotel conference rooms are sometimes used for?! Bizarre sense of detail yet a detached sense of priority and direction of the story. Where the hell is this going, and why?
Hey, do it your way. But know it reads really awkward and sloppy.
As much as I hate to read one-page chapters, I'm anxious to know what happened!
Given how quickly new chapters have posted, most have probably been written and edited, so for your next submission, even if it has to wait a couple of days, why not put 5, 6 and 7 together?
He can pay off the mortgage, but can't force her to take out a new mortgage! If he's holding anything over her head, that's blackmail.
Shouldn't Thomas have made sure that the location service was turned off BEFORE he brought it over?
Once police and judge see tape they must arrest her. There is no leeway. Story is built on idea she could avoid charges. She could not. She would have been arrested and boys taken away.
OK I have lasted thru four chapters and yes I believe you should stop dragging your feet just to milk out some time. When someone looks at your Bio do you think it will make you look like a better writer because you have as you put it 18 chapters?
If your guy had received the first million dollars from the big three automakers the best case if would have ended up with about $600,000 after taxes in a divorce. If she was going to try and control all the money she would have started to move it around long before she drugged and raped him. Unless he owned the manufacturing plant and was selling his invention to all the auto makers the best deal he could get would be about one dollar a unit (yes he could become very wealthy but that would be over time).
You have made him out to sound like he can spend money like water but he is still working. Just using the lottery as an example they all quit until they have spent all the money. Please do us all a favor and end the madness if you don't want to combine the chapters the have them all drop on the same day. You are about to loose me.
If wife doesn't play ball with husband, rape charge would put her out of the picture. There is video evidence no need for publicity. Also doping husband and life endangerment. The first thing to keep wife out of jail would be councilling for both ladies. Then go from there to see what is next .
It's good, but I feel like it's dragging a bit.
I'm conflicted. Don't like waiting, but I like longer chapters.
Idk, you do you author. Overall I'm enjoying it. Bev is a monster though...wow.
Instead of impotently demanding you release the entire story at once, again, I demand a pony. If no pony is given within 48 hours you will be sorry, sir.
why is this bitch not in jail. my husband would have me put under the jail if i did that to him. enough already. get to the point on this.
This one was kind of a waste of time. Let’s get on with the story. And I ha e to agree, these whores need to be burnt to the ground in rapid succession
Great Monty Python reference! Though I'm partial to "The Ministry of Silly Walks" myself!
First off the USA laws make any earnings outside of the country untaxed until it actually enters the USA. As such divorce proceedings can not include these external moneys in there negotiations. His wife has no claim on those funds. All he has to do is to have a foreign subsidiary of his company hire him external from the USA and pay him externally. No money enters the USA so wife has no claims on his money. This is legal and examples can be found on the Internet.
As for his wife, she committed a felony on his person, drugging and rape, so she would go to jail for a long time. He would get the kids.
So where is your ending to this story?
She goes to jail and he gets the kids . End of story. To much bullshit in between here.
There seems to have been no plot, outline, storyboard, character development or any other writing principle utilized before you started. I have no idea where the story is going or really even where it has been.
What do you think is getting to the kids? Every reporter and tv-station wants this story and stalk his boys! And when? You have a sligtest meaning what it does to kids in this age? Yes you can burn this wife and it cost you the soul of your kids!
So his grand master revenge plot is to...stay married to her and leave his children in the primary care of a psychopath?
To quote Tony Stark: "not a good plan."
I'm honestly at a loss to determine what your endgame is here Farmer. The vicious wife has wound herself ample rope to hang herself with. He doesn't have to do sweet fuck all to burn her. He doesn't even have to do anything to ensure that he keeps custody of the kids and his forthcoming windfall since she'll be a convicted felon.
Seriously dude, you've not thought this one through. I may peek at future mini-chapters to see what other ludicrous things you're spinning, but you're rapidly running out of goodwill on this plot.
Rape victims are not named, nor will they state the victim was the spouse. So why the hesitation to press charges? Let's end the story like this...The rapist is given an opportunity to allow a divorce with her freedom, however she forfeits any future earnings by her spouse, he gets full custody (instead of them currently living with her), and she gets supervised visitation. Or plan B, she gets arrested, faces 10-15 years in prison for kidnapping, unlawful restraint, and sexual assault. Her 18 y/o friend testifies against the rapist in return for a 3-5 year sentence. Then the victim files for divorce, gets full custody, and keeps his money.
How do you hide money off shore, yet still pay taxes? That wouldn't be hiding now would it? A judge is shown a rape video and only orders a protection order versus an arrest warrant?
I realize this is fiction, but this is waaaaayyyyyy out there.
Well, Lorena Bobbit, who wasn't in the midst of 'passion' was able to CUT OFF THE PENIS OF HER HUSBAND, drive off and throw it at the side of the road...and she got off scot free!
So the fact that the woman 'just' raped a dude after drugging him and not getting tagged by it at the request of the victim? Sure. Women tend to get one third the time of a man normally.
As far as his reasoning it concerned, yeah. It has SOME validity. He would be headline news these days, on all the networks for a week if not a month.
He will be 'Coma Ass' FOREVER. She, meanwhile, will get a movie deal in prison, be a dione of the LGBTQ community and probably have Kristen Gillibrand invite her to a State of the Union address as a 'profile in courage'.
Now, is the author playing overly fast and loose with the facts? Probably. And it's reflected in the scores.
For myself, I don't like where this is going. What is he going to do: LOCK himself into a spare bedroom with alarms systems just so he can see his boys regularly? Use his kids as poison testers when he is dining with the family?
OR, have DYFS give HIM custody in a closed door meeting based on quite realistic assessments of her personality?
Let's see. Write faster and longer.
Your chapters are too short. In my humble opinion you need to move this story along a little faster.
Good story but it's like watching paint dry or corn grow.
Person painting should not request criticism before he thinks he completed the job. Once in a while they will ask an opinion about a detail in the painting but normally you are looking at the whole picture. With oils it is easy to alter these details.
How can he remortgage the house in his wife's name without her signing?
Once again I would suggest combining Chapters 4 and 5. Progressing nicely.
Have enjoyed the story so far but this brought a smile to my face
"The boys helped him move his clothing to his new apartment. They thought it was cool but a little boring unless they got to go up and down the elevator a lot. They made good doormen and assisted people on and off the elevator whenever Chuck needed to go for more stuff."
That is typical of young boys. Well done
There would be no reluctance to tell in-laws and anyone who asked what happened on that particular Friday night. Why promote confusion? No, let's get it straight. Tell everyone everything and let the chips fall where they may. The in-laws would get a copy of the recording as well as Mark and Terri s report.
That right there is why some men will break there neck and back and scar there psyche and stay in an untenable relationship. Everyday they die just a little bit more each day when dealing with a she devil viper just for the love of his children.
How could his wife possibly think he would come home and ever trust her again after drugging him and trying to convince him he had brutally raped the baby sitter? Is she delusional or completely off her rocker???? Pretty good story, not good for the kids, but cheaters never worry about collateral damage do they?
Chuck deserves everything he gets as long as he allows his wife to control the narrative. He needs to tell everyone what happened and expose his wife's treachery. Not doing that just allows her to go on in her delusions while she conjures up one lie after another to protect herself. It also puts him in the position of having to lie and conjure up jusitfication for his behaviors and pathological marriage relationship. He's just enabling the whole dysfuntional situation to putrify.
This gets worse.His lawyer goes to get his clothes and comes back with various agreements and contracts.He pays off the mortgage,yet some how manages to remortgage it in his wife's name without her signicture and her being there to agree it.Dead line of 4.30pm for the boys to be at their grandparents,why? Why not 5pm,they can't spend time with their grandparents if grandad is still at work.?
Apaként is nagy hibát követ el ,ha nem jelenti a leszbikus szerelmi csókolózást és együttléteket a bíróság felé,mert végérvényesen befolyásolhatja a gyermekei szexuális irányultságát ,erkölcsi nevelését negatív irányba!
He's basically setting his wife and her lover up, while getting out of the way for them to raise his his kids to be man haters. They'll be gay in no time.
Makes no sense. Why isn't she in jail? Why is he setting her up for life? Bizarre. Can't understand how this is realistic as the author started at the start....