All Comments on 'The Honeymoon's Over Ch. 01'

it's all we seem to get anymore. What about another special event?

This site is a train wreck. We need help from somewhere.

. . . from nearly flat chested to 34FF? You lost me at that point!

Thanks for the constructive comments, particularly the comment from 'Anonymous', using the language of community (all 'we' get on here) whilst hiding behind anonymity .

If you're not happy with the quality, and can't wait for a story to evolve over time, make your own submission, contribute a story which will improve the quality of the stories, making this site something that you feel is worthy of your critical eye.

Hi, I'm Larry. My brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl are out spit-roasting Pokerman757's wife because he'd rather whine about anonymous comments left on a porn site than have sex with her.

Me? I'm gonna go fuck a goat, take care now!

name is pokerman757 idiot, the rules should be you have to have an I.q. higher then ten to post a story.

Let's wait for the following part, but from the previous story and from the beginning of this one, the signs aren't good...2* for now

The Marriage is over.

FF fake tits! Haha. Is she employed as a porn star? “Glamour” model?

“I think my wife fucked some guy on the beach on our honeymoon!”

“Ooo. That’s kinky. What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to convince them to do it in front of me so I can gaze at his hot chiseled body!”

“Hee hee. I wish I were you. Are you going to lick her cream pie after? And suck his big dick clean?”

“Probably.”

One short marriage

I love the suspense at the end of the story, especially since I have been a cuckold wannabe for some time. What happened when he fell asleep. Did she cuckold him right there on the beach? It is the same question I have asked myself when my wife seems to be a bit more vibrant after having had the possibility of being with someone else.

More like an opening paragraph. Next time wait until you have more of a story going before you post. This was not very interesting.

and will get worst and worst.

I love the writing style. it's different than the in-your-face stuff that is normally on here. I do like that you left this hanging out there with very vague clues as to where it's headed. Sure, all of us have some storylines dancing in our heads. I suppose that even includes the nasty little troll who says every story like this is headed for divorce. But thankfully most authors here know that divorce is not erotic and they tend to swear clear of it. I am anxiously awaiting the next (hopefully longer) chapter.

Worst story of a real pathetic batch. 1

Till I read the second chapter

Since you seem to be a beginner writer I’m going to offer a few constructive comments. Please take them in the spirit they’re given.

A common misconception among beginners is that it’s easier to write a good short story than to write a novel and that it’s easier to write a short, ‘short story’ than a long one. Wrong! It takes a lot more skill to tell a successful story in a few words. Since the novel, which requires more time and work, is out of the question here, we’ll stick to discussing the short story.

While I’m not an expert by any means, I know what I like, and I need to get deeper into the story on the first page. One instructor said if you can’t set your “hook” in the first hundred or so words, your fish will likely get away. Another recommends trying to “hook” your reader in the few paragraphs.

Sorry, but you closed your first chapter with me still having that “Ho-Hum” attitude.

For an example of what I’m talking about read “Anger Management” by swingerjoe. The tease starts in the opening sentences and by paragraph 7, I couldn’t wait to see what he did to Dylan. SJ goes on to flesh out a husband, I personally wanted to choke, but I couldn’t stop reading until the end. That’s the QUALITY of writing you should shoot for.

You seem to have a real story going here, but you gotta get the reader to return for Ch02.

Listen to carolinadreamer. He gives some good advice. I will wait to see where this goe, although I'm not caring too much for the bride.

She didn’t say any of this questionable stuff BEFORE the wedding?

Not even a little bit?

He had NO reason to worry before?

Odd.

"This was also the nineties, before internet porn and cuckolding changed our lives,"

Hope I am wrong, but even Good husband can't usually make me like such folks

Just another heartless cheating Cunt and a complete Sissy Loser husband. No one to like in this mess.

beware the one page wonders ........busy e-mails do not constitute a story 1*

when the little head assumes control. TK U MLJ LV NV

take the ratings seriously. If you are here for cuckolding, it's not a great event with no follow up about his humiliation, if it's for revenge, there really isn't any, got even and I think carried on married that way....thought it's not said.

Wife is a slut

Husband is a wimp and philanderer

And the author loses track of the story.

Best you can do is leave it at this, or if you don't believe me, do as I did and skim the next 2 chapters.