by batotit
I really appreciate the word building aspect to the story. But please watch the pronoun usage. I get what you're trying to do with the role reversal so women are called he and husbands but it seems like you're indecisive about commiting to the rolse reversal to that extent and it makes the reading inconsistent. Otherwise I feel that theres a lot that you can do with this story. Theres endless potential and scenarios you can play around with.
Can you like write more and longer chapters since this was good. Im glad this has more of a plot of than the others and good world building. Still needs a bit of proof reading, but there is clear improvement. Maybe you can develop Lucia or something and she can do something in the next chapter- I don't know.
Poor, badly needs proof reading, there are far too many errors and inconsistencies. I reads as if the writer is not a native English speaker.