Full Stop

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demure101
demure101
212 Followers

The pulse of life gets slower at each beat
    And as we can control it all with pills
Too soon our victory will be complete.

Now that sweet milk is poison from the teat
    - A mother's only a machine that kills -
The pulse of life gets slower at each beat.

The dagger glistens up the crowded street
    Admired by the steady hand that drills -
Too soon our victory will be complete.

For those who die it is no use to greet
    The emperor - he's green about the gills;
The pulse of life gets slower at each beat

And we don't stop to hear the stray lambs bleat
    But let them lose themselves among the hills;
Too soon our victory will be complete

And sad, slow nature must admit defeat;
    As we point blank refuse to pay her bills
The pulse of life gets slower at each beat -
Too soon our victory will be complete.

demure101
demure101
212 Followers
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3 Comments
SweetOblivionSweetOblivionalmost 12 years ago
Further Feedback

Further to your question there are all sorts of replacements you could use. Looking at the poem again: "I'm sure", "And soon", "You know", "Be sure" all work better that "Ere Long". Your call - I'm sure you'll find a wonderful phrase to delight us. Sweet O.

SweetOblivionSweetOblivionalmost 12 years ago
Nice Villanelle

Not sure if the antiquated "Ere longs" quite work though.

tazz317tazz317almost 12 years ago
IF EVERYTHING LEFT IS TOXIC

the species will end immediately in the near future passed. TK U MLJ LV NV