All Comments on 'Tongue in Mouth'

"I watch the birds

eating the seeds

of discontent"

I like the mix with the new and familiar.

I am not crazy about "gal" for some reason, seems too old fashioned for this poem? I don't know. Just my feeling. :)

SR

Another brilliant poem, my love. excellent excution. Aa wonderfull play on words.

expression of longing,

speaks volumes my friend..

-sGp-

I think gal is fine. I'm your woman/I'm your girl: neither of these sound right.

I really like the last phrase: But don’t take

too long, the days are growing shorter by the minute.

A powerful, sad sense of time passing!