by icey_hearted
I like this type of story but it could use an editor....I noticed a ton of spelling errors.. and I'm sure others will notice other things wrong with it.. but other then the spelling and some punctuation it was pretty good...
Loved the story and the progression was natural and flowing, however mis spellings and improper grammer were very noticeable. I would be happy to proof read for you next time. Keep em coming and please continue the story. LOVED IT!
I love this story. Please continue it. It has great potential.
Too fast... could have taken a bit more time to be interesting.. noyt ti mention gramatical errors as well... good work though...
Story idea is great, but again, re-read it. You have a lot of grammatical errors. If you have someone else to proof read it, let them. Keep going, make sure you don't always use the same descriptive words over and over. Don't give up!