by john1982
Well done John1982. I like it so far. Looking forward to see if you can avoid the temptation.
Personally, I don't like explanatory paragraphs that say it is a real story. Just tell it as fiction. However, I liked it and thought it was a good little tease. More storytelling with dialogue would be good.
A nice beginning. Glad to see that you're not afraid to let the story build.