All Comments on 'After Drinks'

Your story keeps changing person - and sucks. Most of it is second person, not first, which immediately cuts out half your audience. I don't want to be told about "Your breasts pressed into my chest" I'm male.

You weren't clear in your comment - did you mean the general action and so forth "sucks" in addition to the problem of changing person, or that changing person was the one huge flaw?

Regarding not wanting to be told about your breasts, I addressed that in my opening note. This story was written specifically to someone (who HAS breasts) and I just happen to be sharing it here with you. If you don't like it that's your own issue, not a problem with my story. Also, one can't write to please everyone all the time - and could argue that the choice to be heterosexual in your own life "cuts out half of your audience".

Still, thanks for taking the time to write. I did say comments welcome and I'm sure deep down you were trying to be constructive.

I thought the story was hot... and that's the reason I read them. Thanks for sharing.

Written as only someone with true swinging experience could. Quite accurate and very hot. Hope you continue contributing.

I had a hard time trying to figure out who was who and who was the author. The style made it even harder to get into the story. I had to give up (before finishing the whole story) as I just couldn't figure out who was doing what to whom.

Something is amiss here. If both of you couples desired each other's spouses so much, why don't you live together in a communal setting so you can fuck each other's spouses at will, even living naked together and raising each other's babies?

The story is not hard to read but it does distract when you shift from first to second person. Written in the first person through out would make it a better story.

Dom Woolf

I really enjoyed the choice of perspective in that it is the narrator and his wife enjoying the company of another couple. It enforces the sense that it is truly a shared experience between the narrator and his wife-- as I would imagine a swinging marriage would be, in order to be successful on both aspects.

To stay consistent with that, I would fine tune the "second person" narrative, so that the "You" of the story is ALWAYS the wife. The "You" shouldn't shift to being the couple or anyone else. That will clear up any confusion.

Be encouraged...it is a really good story. With the "You" issue cleared up, I would definitely rate it higher.

I look forward to reading more of your stories...