tagHumor & SatireAnother King Arthur Tale

Another King Arthur Tale

bysparkle8©

The King Arthur legend is replete with fantastical tales of love, loyalty, and courage in combat. Here is one tale you may not have encountered:

Sir Lancelot came to the Round Table to be King Arthur's most trusted knight. His reputation, naturally, preceeded him. In addition to his many knightly qualities, it was rumored that Lancelot was possessed of a weapon of enormous proportions, which it was said he used with great skill. He was also said to have the intelligence of Jethro from The Beverly Hillbillies.

King Arthur, sadly, was possessed of a tiny pike. Although no one would bring this directly to his attention, for fear of being drawn and quartered, he was nonetheless poorly suited to compete in the very popular Medieval competition, Co-Ed Naked Jousting.

Guinevere knew of the legend of Lancelot, and because she was wedded to a man who wielded a woeful poniard, she was understandably curious to verify the truth of the legend.

One day Guinevere was walking alone in the woods. Her destination was the local stream with waterfall, a lovely place to take one's yearly bath. She typically knew it was time for that bath when, upon her approach, the insects panicked and darted away.

She arrived at the stream, and to her amazement, Lancelot was already there bathing, splashing in the water, soaping up, and rinsing in the waterfall, naked as a newborn.

Guinevere could not help herself. Her eyes widened as they went directly to his scimitar. It was everything the legend said it was, and more. It was the largest sword she had ever seen, and that included those on her favorite porn websites. Although she was a good 15 feet away from the waterfall, she was still getting wet.

"Hello, Sir Lancelot," she said.

Lance jumped 3 feet in the air, and when he came down, he naturally placed both hands over his swordstaff, as it was unchivalrous to flash a Queen. As big as his hands were, he couldn't completely cover his halberd.

"Say, Lance, I'm due for my yearly bath. Would you mind if I joined you?"

"Uh! Don't know. Well, let me think. Uh." (remember Jethro?)

"Come on, Lance. It's no big deal. It's just a bath."

"Well, OK."

Guin began to undress, and as she did, Lance watched, and lo and behold, Lance's lance began to look more like a broad sword. Once it was fully vertical, the size of his battering ram was simply stunning. Guinevere removed the rest of her clothes, and fully naked, entered the stream, never taking her eyes off of Lance's longship.

Guin soaped up, and said, "Say, Lance. Would you mind washing my back? It's so hard for me to reach."

"Well, OK. But don't tell the King."

He may have been dumb, but he was not stupid.

"Relax," she said "he will never know."

As Lance soaped her up, his monumental javelin kept poking her in the back, then the backside, then the space beneath her backside. Even Lance could not help but notice Guin's voluptuous body and soft skin.

After they had finished bathing, Guin said "let's lie on the rocks to dry off. Come on."

Lance could not resist the Queen's suggestion. They got out of the stream, spread some towels, and lay down on a big flat rock, the sun shining on them. Lance's bludgeon was still quite hard, and it made a loud thwack as it crashed down on his stomach.

"Hey, Lance. That weapon of yours. Are you as proficient with that weapon as you are with, say, a jousting lance?"

If there was one thing Lance hated, it was to have his competitive prowess questioned.

"Yep. I wield this weapon with abandon, and can cut down any challenger."

"Good. How about showing me your talent?"

Guin climbed on top of Lance and slowly impaled herself, careful not to detonate her womanhood. She lowered slowly, but then Lance, being the big lunk that he was, jammed himself all the way in.

"YYYIIIEEEEHHH. Jeez, Lance. That thing is going to come out of my mouth. Go easy, big guy."

So Lance and Guin spent a lovely afternoon on the rock, Lance plunging his javelin into Guin's pulsating core, and Guin screaming in ecstasy.

Later, they got dressed, and returned separately to the castle. Arthur wanted to know where Guin had been, and she said,

"Oh, I was wiling away the afternoon watching the drawbridge go up and down. It's quite a sight when it's up."

Guinevere was no shrinking violet. She wasted no time telling her maids-in-waiting the details of her encounter with Lancelot.

And that is how the legend of Lancelot's Monster Sabre has survived to this day.

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