by Scorpio44a
I'm really enjoying your story and other than the odd mix-up with names, the editing is good. Having said that, however, you have confused me regarding the ladies' ages. Laura is self-described as 50 years old, yet a little later Ashley (the mother) is also described as aged 50. At times Sandy is portrayed as the youngest yet she was married and had nieces/nephews aged 11 and under quite some years ago. A little paragraph-sized reiteration would bring some clarity to the question.
Very thought provoking. I sometimes have to go back and re-read passages when I realize I missed most of what I had just read as my mind wandered and wondered "how can I make this happen for myself?" I've read enough of your stories to know not every woman is able to live this community life -- too indoctrinated in old ways of thinking. Thoughts that exclude, not include others in life.
And I wonder how you come up with the ideas. You really take time with a story and it's a pleasure to read.
the name switch thing is a tad confusing but as a whole the story is really good
I've read this before and it was worth rereading. Thanks so much for writing about the man I'm looking for. I hope he's out there for every girl. And any guys who are that way too. We all deserve to find happiness by giving happiness to others.
We do all deserve happiness and this sounds and reads an idyllic way to live. I have a master to whom i have given my vow and I see this sort of a relationship for us. With only the two of us at first for sure. but i am so very turned on at the thought of having another join us one day.
The idea of a 60-ish year old man with four women is ridiculous enough to make me want to stop reading. However, the two glaring errors on pages 1 and 2, plus the many spelling and grammar mistakes, convinced me to quit in the middle of page 3.
As someone stated in a previous comment, Ashley cannot be 50. Her daughter, Laura, is 50! Ashley has to be at least 67 (unless she was a true "child" bride); therefore, the bathing suit suitable for a 60 year old is actually too young for her, lol. The other big error I noticed was about Beth--she had her first session on the table and was so exhausted when released that she immediately went to bed and instantly fell asleep. As she trotted off to bed, mother Ashley was placed on the table. Soon, Nick, Sandy, Laura, and BETH were watching her through CCTV. A paragraph or so later, Beth is said to be asleep and not able to participate. You need a competent editor!
I enjoyed the first chapter. As a BBW myself, it was nice to see a story about someone older than 25 and full figured. Not many of us can be 36D-24-35. -- shemar