All Comments on 'Broken Valentines'

One paragraph begins:<p>No one show hide or hair of Atreyu or the other twenty students for the raise of the week.<p>Now, read that and tell me if it's even literate. I mean, did you write worse than that in high school? And that's just one example.<p>If you want to keep writing, you'll need an editor. I mean, a serious editor, someone who won't be afraid to tell you what sucks and what doesn't.

The story does not reflect the way this world works. The basic plot is not terrible, but the details that support makes the storyline come across as juvenile. The writing is atrocious and makes a loose plot even more incomprehensible. My seventh grade English teacher would have graded this a D.