All Comments on 'Cat & Mouse Ch. 1'

For those who have read my story please make a comment!!

Your storyline was somewhat imaginative and a bit different. The problem is I had a hell of a time getting to it through all the really, and I do mean really, bad English. I know most people are going to love it as a stoke story but man, you really need an editor. For instance:

You are not accomplished enough to write in the second person. Stick to first person for new writers.

Next, this story in rife with run-on sentences. Stuff like "Not much, she was in a car accident about a week ago and her back was hurting she was rear ended on the interstate coming back from the game which she had seats behind home plate." This should be 3-4 shorter sentences. Even better is keeping things to a minimum. Do you really talk like that? I think not. Try something like this:

"Not much. She got rear-ended about a week ago and screwed up her back."

Everything else is extaneous and not necessary for the story. Having seats behind home plate has nothing to do with her driving the interstate. Her driving on the interstate is info we don't need at that moment. Bring that out later.

RUN A SPELL CHECKER! Better yet, invest in a dictionary and learn to spell yourself.

Don't use you for your. You is not a posessive.

By all means try this again, but please use an editor. Try DanielleKitten, or Techsan, or LadyC. Danm good writers and they can compose in English. :-)

Best regards and keep trying! :-)

C