Coming to Grips Ch. 02

She started to leave the room and then turned to look back at her father. For a moment, she was unable to speak. There was a look on his face that was familiar but she couldn't remember from when. It unsettled her even more than she already was. "Tell Mom thanks for dinner and that I couldn't stay any longer," she said. She walked out and grabbed her coat. Standing by the door, she tried to calm herself. It didn't work well. She went outside, and getting into her car drove off as quickly as she could.

It wasn't until halfway home that she remembered when her father had looked like that. It was how he looked every day right after David was killed. "I guess that's how he thinks of me now," she whispered.

When her cell phone rang a little while later, she recognized the ring tone she had made for her parents. It was the Cranberries song, "Ode to my Family." She wondered if it was her father or her mother. She tried to sing along but didn't get very far.

"Understand the things I say, don't turn away from me..." As the words failed her, she felt the long delayed tears start to fall. She listened to the music until it stopped. A minute later she heard the little beep indicating whoever it was had left a message. She picked up the phone and held as she considered listening. "I can't right now," Suzanne said aloud. The tears continued to run down her face for a while, but by the time she was home, they were gone. Her face was dry now, but her red eyes and the blotchiness on her cheeks betrayed her.

As soon as she was in the apartment, Suzanne went into the bedroom and went to bed as soon as she could. She grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it as the tears started again. She couldn't hold them back. Tuptim jumped up on the bed and nosed her way under the covers so she could curl up against Suzanne's belly. Continuing to softly weep, Suzanne reached under the covers and stroked her little cat until she fell asleep.

In the morning, Suzanne woke up much earlier than Saturday. It was closer to her typical 7 AM weekend time. She felt wretched. All the crying had left her dehydrated and feeling as if she had a hangover, even though she hadn't had anything to drink. The dull throbbing of her head forced her to get up, pour a glass of water, and take some ibuprofen. Once she was up, it was almost impossible for her to get back to sleep. Her mind started going.

After making a pot of coffee and having a piece of toast, Suzanne started thinking about the day. She hadn't gone running yesterday. "I might as well do that. I am not getting enough exercise because of work; I shouldn't miss it on the weekends too."

After changing, Suzanne grabbed her earbuds and her phone. As she plugged the jack in, she saw the reminder that she still had not listened to the message. Once again, she shook her head. Just then, Tuptim walked by and rubbed up against Suzanne. "I don't have the energy now, Tup. I promise to listen later." Putting in the buds, she headed out the door for her run.

The rest of the day was filled with running errands and doing chores. In the late afternoon, her cell phone rang again. This time it was her boss, Jim.

"Hey Suzanne. I just heard from Wayne. He has come down with the flu. It sounds pretty bad. Even worse, his wife and one of his kids had it before him. Whatever it is lasts a few days. He doesn't think he can do the focus groups."

"Damn! I mean it sucks for Wayne, but he and I spent a lot of time getting ready for this. We both knew what we had to do. Anybody else is going to have to come up to speed, almost from scratch," Suzanne said.

"Maybe not. Colby has been helping both of you with your prep, hasn't she?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, but she isn't a marketer," Suzanne started to say before Jim cut her off.

"Of course, but she's pretty sharp, isn't she?"

"Well, yes," Suzanne acknowledged.

"And unlike anyone else, she has gone through all the material. In fact, she helped write some of it," Jim continued.

"That's true," Suzanne conceded. Knowing where Jim was likely taking this, Suzanne could feel a sudden nervousness.

"Look, I know I hired her as my assistant but I also hired someone who is really bright and could take on new challenges. Let's see how much she can do. Take her instead of Wayne," he finished.

Suzanne slowly let out the breath that she was holding. "You're right, Jim," she said. "It's the best option for the company. Are you going to call her?"

"Yes, I just wanted to check with you first," Jim said.

"I am sure she knows but remind her the flight leaves at 9:30. Do you need me to get her a ticket?" Suzanne asked.

"I don't think so. I'll let you know if you need to do anything," her boss said.

"Okay, I'll call Wayne and see about picking up his materials. I know he took it home since we were just going straight to the airport. Talk to you later," Suzanne said as the call ended. Spying a notepad on the counter, she grabbed it and started making a list. Jim might not think there was anything to do, but she knew better.

The rest of the day was spent knocking the items off her list. The most time consuming one was going out to her sick co-worker's house to get the stuff he was going to bring. He lived in one of the more distant suburbs and it took an hour and a half to get there and back.

On the way back home, Suzanne's phone rang. It was Colby's number. "I was wondering when you would call," she said as she answered.

"Sorry, I should have called earlier. There was just a lot that I had to do," Colby said in that sexy voice she had. Suzanne felt the hairs on her neck and arms rise a little. "I can't believe Jim wants me to do this. I don't know if I can live up to what he expects."

"Hey, don't worry about that. You will do great. Colby, you are good with people. You put them at ease. And you pay attention to detail. I've got faith in you," Suzanne said. She meant every word, and it was important that Colby believe that. Having confidence that you were good would spawn good results, which just reinforced the belief. Starting off without that tended to lead to things not going as well, which just made it hard to build that confidence. "Hey, honestly I wouldn't have told Jim you should go if I had any doubts," she added. "I would never lie to you, Colby."

Suzanne heard Colby take a deep breath and let it out. "Okay, what do you need from me? Should I come over and we can go through the materials?" Colby asked.

"You did all the revisions to them. You helped me practice. You helped Wayne practice. Do you know what your role is?" Suzanne replied with a question of her own.

"Yes," Colby answered.

"Do you know the material?" Suzanne continued asking.

"I think so. Yes." Colby's voice grew in confidence.

"Do you think you need to come over to do a good job?" Suzanne's own voice left no doubt what she thought the answer was.

"No, but I just don't want to let you down," Colby told her.

Suzanne smiled. When she spoke, her voice was soft. "Colby, I don't think you could ever do that."

It was quiet on the phone. Finally Colby spoke. "That's a lot of belief in someone you haven't known long."

"Colby, it doesn't take much time to see that someone is smart, hardworking, and dedicated, as well as a genuinely good person. Jim chose very well. You are a great addition to the team. You are more than capable of doing this. You know that too. Plus I'll be there as back up," Suzanne replied. Her voice had a more businesslike tone, but it still had a trace of the softness.

"Okay. I feel better. Hey, would you want to carpool to the airport? We are both in town and it would mean being able to use the HOV lanes, plus saving money on parking," Colby asked.

"Sure. That's a good idea. I guess because I'm closer, it makes sense for you to pick me up. Why don't you come by around seven? That will give us enough time," Suzanne replied.

The rest of the call was just settling the remaining details and did not take long. After she ended the call, Suzanne sat thinking. The day had been too busy to do much of that. Even though everything had been because Colby was making the trip, talking about driving to the airport together made Suzanne really think for the first time about spending a week together with Colby.

"It isn't that big a deal," she told herself. "I mean, men work with women all the time that they find attractive and don't let it get in the way of working together. I just need to focus on the business side of things and ignore the rest." At the same time, she couldn't help remember the guys who had struggled with that boundary, men who made the working relationship awkward or creepy. "God, don't let me be like that," Suzanne thought as she got up to get back to work.

Later as she got ready for bed, Suzanne reflected on the weekend. With the exception of going to see her parents, work completely consumed it. Even that one personal thing was something that she would have given almost anything to avoid. She tried to put it out of her mind. It was just too painful. Not only had it rubbed the raw wound about her promise, but now there was a tinge of guilt about yelling at her dad. Even though the promise was to him, she made the choice. Beyond that, she chose to continue keeping it. Yet although much of her anger was with herself, she vented it on him.

At the same time, she remembered why she promised in the first place: fear. With her mother having a heart attack after seeing her together with Chloe, Suzanne couldn't face the thought of her mother dying. The pain of losing her brother was bad enough. With the thought of her mother dying and then her father disowning her, it hadn't really been a choice. "I did what I had to," she thought. "Because of their prejudice, I couldn't do anything else." It was from there that anger came. It wasn't her promise or that her father forced her to make the choice. It was that their hate was more important than their love for her.

After getting in bed with Tuptim on her belly, Suzanne lay there trying to let go of the tension sitting in her neck and shoulders. It was strong enough that it was making it hard to sleep, even when she finally stopped thinking about her father. Taking deep breaths, she tried to relax. Slowly that, plus petting Tuptim, started to work. It didn't go completely away, but it got better.

In the quiet dark room, Suzanne's mind wandered. It took her a little while to figure out the reason for her restlessness. Despite everything else, she was a little horny. Eight years after being with Chloe, that was still the gold standard for orgasms for Suzanne. Most of the time with men, she wasn't able to cum. She would fake it and then take care of herself later after he fell asleep. It was a while since that was an issue. It was easier to cum by herself but it was never like being with Chloe. That was just the physical satisfaction without the emotional one.

Things had been so busy the last couple of weeks, Suzanne just hadn't played with herself. She usually was so tired. Even when she wasn't physically tired, she felt mentally drained. Still, she couldn't deny tonight that she was horny. One hand drifted up and started to caress a breast through her nightshirt. Her fingers made long soft caresses around her breast without coming close to her nipple. As she gradually started to close in on it, she could feel her arousal growing. Brushing a fingertip lightly over the hardening little bump, she moaned softly.

In her mind, Suzanne started to conjure up a lover doing this to her. At first, it was someone vaguely anonymous. Her fantasy lovers were never Chloe. For a little while after she left Chloe, Suzanne had tried doing that. Even when she got herself off, she was left with a guilt stricken self-loathing feeling. It didn't get better and it didn't take long before she blocked out thoughts of Chloe when she masturbated. Most of the time, her lovers were people she did not know; actresses or people she saw on the street and felt an attraction.

Tonight, it felt a little more familiar. Her excitement grew quicker than usual. Her other hand went between her legs as she started to lightly pull on her nipples. On their own, her hips began to flex upward so that she opened up more. Suzanne could feel her wetness starting to coat her fingers as she slid them up and down. "Oh God, that feels good. Mmmm, like that," she told her fantasy partner.

Wanting to get that feeling of being with someone, Suzanne tried to bring her more fully into focus. All of a sudden, she was looking into Colby's brilliant blue eyes. Her lovely face was filled with lust and surrounded by her luxurious curly black hair. "Yessss," Suzanne hissed. One finger sought out her clit and began to flick it furiously back and forth. She could feel her orgasm approaching and she longed for release.

"Fuck, what am I doing?" Suzanne abruptly said aloud as she pulled her hands away. "God, I know better than this. It's already hard enough to be around her. Using her to get off will make it impossible." Her heart was beating so hard she felt the pounding of it in her temple. Her breathing was the same, coming in rapid gasps. The orgasm that had been so close was fading away, leaving only a stubborn longing that refused to go away.

Although she tried restarting, Suzanne found that the imagery of Colby making love to her wouldn't go away. As much as she wanted to think of someone else, her lovely co-worker returned to haunt her. Finally, Suzanne rolled over and just tried to go to sleep. It took a while but eventually she was successful. If she dreamed, Suzanne had no memories of them in the morning. She was thankful for that.

While she got ready in the morning, Suzanne deliberately pushed any thoughts of the previous night out of her mind. Years of practice made it a familiar process, although it was harder this time. She managed, but stray thoughts of Colby slipped in occasionally. Still by the time Suzanne was showered and dressed, she felt ready to see her co-worker without the memory of last night getting in the way. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror one last time. Smiling, she turned one way and then the other. She had on a woman's suit with trousers. They were cut loosely so that they would be comfortable traveling, while still projecting a professional aura. A red blouse with a tie that was part of the collar finished it off.

"Well at least I look good," Suzanne said aloud. Even though she couldn't say the words, a little part of her hoped that Colby would think so too.

Walking out to the kitchen, she opened up the refrigerator and looked in it. It had been so busy yesterday that she had not really eaten dinner. She was feeling that now but as she looked at the clock, Suzanne realized that Colby would probably be there in a few minutes. She reached in and grabbed a yoghurt. "This will keep me going," she thought. Taking it over to the front window of her apartment, she looked down at the street and quickly polished off the yoghurt. Just as she finished, she saw Colby's car pull up into the loading zone in front of her apartment.

Suzanne pulled out her phone and typed in a text. "I see you there. Be right down." Going back into the bedroom, Suzanne sat down next to where Tuptim was sleeping on the bed.

When Suzanne gave her a long stroke, Tuptim popped up her head and made a long meow punctuated at the end by a big full mouth yawn. Suzanne giggled. "I'm sorry, Babycat. I have to go. I'm going to miss you. Mary from downstairs will come up, feed you, and give you some loving every day. I'll be home on Friday." She gave her another long, hard pet. This time Tuptim stretched out and put her paw on top of Suzanne's hand. "Aww, I know. I don't want to go either, but I have to. Be good!" She got up and grabbed her luggage, and after one last look at her cat headed to the door.

"Morning," Colby called over to Suzanne as she emerged from her building. Colby was standing by her little Honda Civic as she waited for her co-worker to come down. She made an interesting contrast to Suzanne. While Suzanne had dressed up to emphasize her status as a professional woman, Colby was more concerned about comfort. It wasn't that she didn't look nice. She had on a black and white striped asymmetrical tunic over black leggings. Suzanne couldn't help looking at her and think about how stylish Colby looked.

"You look so nice," Suzanne told her. Colby blushed just a little and got a little smile.

"I was hoping you would think so. I didn't think to ask you about clothes until it was too late to call. I have nicer things to wear to the meetings, but today we are just traveling. This is really comfortable for that," Colby said with a sunny smile. "Is that everything?" she asked as she looked at Suzanne's luggage.

"Yeah, I hate to check baggage but there is no choice this time. All of my stuff is in the carry on but the materials are in these two," she said pointing at two sturdy cases. There was one for each of them. At each stop, they had prepositioned laptops with their software already loaded. The materials were manuals, getting started guides and the feedback forms, as well as a selection of pens and other office supplies. They had everything they needed with them.

"Well, let's go," Colby said as she opened the trunk for Suzanne. It only took a few seconds before everything was in it. As Suzanne slid into the car and shut the door, the faint scent of Colby surrounded her. It was not overwhelming but unmistakably hers. Despite last night, Suzanne breathed it in deep. "Jeez, she smells so good," she thought. "Focus," she added, "you can do this."

The drive to the airport did not take too long. Traffic was a little lighter than normal and Suzanne didn't live terribly far from it. Everything seemed to go well that morning and before they knew it, they were through Security and making their way to the gate. Up until then, most of their thoughts were on getting the tasks at hand done. There was little time to talk about much else.

Now as she walked next to her, Suzanne couldn't help wondering how Colby's date had gone. She tried to tell herself that it was just natural curiosity, but she knew that was only a little part of it. "Okay," Suzanne admitted to herself. "I'm a little jealous and kind of hope it didn't go well." Still, she found it hard to ask as much as she wanted to know.

The pause gave an opening to Colby. "So did your little fib work the way we wanted?" she asked. Visibly startled out of her own thoughts, Suzanne glanced at Colby and immediately looked away again with her jaw set. As the silence went on, Colby wondered if it had somehow backfired. "Oh no, what happened?" she asked.

"No, that went fine. My mom bought it and left me alone. Thanks, it was a good idea," Suzanne told her. She still did not look over at Colby, nor did her jaw relax. Even though Colby wanted to ask what else happened, the forbidding look on Suzanne's face intimidated her enough to keep her from following up. It did not lighten up even when they found a couple of seats together at the gate.

"Hey, do you want to hear about my date?" Colby asked, searching for a safe topic.

Once again, Suzanne seemed startled out of thoughts that had her far away. Her expression slowly relaxed until she cracked a faint smile. "Sure, I would like to hear," Suzanne said. Her voice was low and calm, betraying none of the emotional turmoil bubbling inside her.

"It was just a first date. I met her getting a smoothie after jogging. The line was kind of long and we were talking. She's good looking with short blonde hair. She's taller than me, but who isn't. She's fairly buff. I mean she has long legs, but they are maybe a little over muscled." Colby looked down at Suzanne's legs. "Not like yours," she said and then realized that must sound bad. "I mean, I'm sorry Suzanne I hope it doesn't bother you for me to say this but you have nice legs. You've got them covered up now, but I've seen them. I wish I had long legs like yours."