All Comments on 'Country Club Ch. 04'

Loved how it turned out with Rick handcuffed and helpless...that got me there!

Your Dave character should start off by establishing that he's in charge (spanking Amy for her attack after he makes sure the other two are clear on that). Once he's established that he isn't relinqueshing his dominant role over Amy to Erin, that should free you up to re-establish some degree of trust among the characters, and can lead you away from a rape scenario to one of Erin and Rick teaching/training Dave and Amy in the nuances of a dom/sub relationship.

Just a thought.

I very much enjoy your style. I find it easy to read and relate to your characters and I agree w/ Anonymous in USA that this seems to be the ideal opening for more BDSM activity. I would like to suggest that Dave should reestablish his authority over Amy by punishing her physically for disobeying his instructions, possibly with some advice/input from Rick and Erin, and then have him fuck Erin while Rick and Amy are required to watch. Then, when Amy is thoroughly worked up, send her home totally frustrated. Where it goes from there would depend upon how well Amy learns to curb her anger. I'd also like to see the main characters become a regular foursome and have you develop the Erin and Rick characters further. And don't restrain yourself to three more chapters - you have enough character dynamics to continue this well into the future. You could, for example, let Larry get jealous and develop him into an angry antagonist that threatens the harmony of the group. And Dave's anticipated promotion to asst. manager could throw numerous complications into the tale.

I think Ton8ty is right about the assesment of the situation. Have Dave establish his dominance over Amy, beat her ass until it is raw and then drop her on the floor letting her think about barging in on him. He needs to establish the Control.... not her. Also, have Rick/Erin instruct and teach Dave the finer points of D/s; let Amy really get into being Dominated by Dave. Larry could be a third wheel in all of this as the angry male - soften him up after Dave has complete control of all Amy's activities. Maybe Donald could find out and become a submissive with Erin. Just a thought...more the just three chapters...lots more than just three.

(I don't know if you've already got another installment mostly written out, so maybe this is too late, but here goes...)

From your blurb at the end, it sounds like you have similar preferences to me; you're not really into more extreme BDSM or extreme non-consent.

I like the idea of Erin/Rick showing Dave/Amy some moderate BDSM stuff that they enjoy, but maybe decide is a bit more than they prefer.

Dave should definitely re-assert control here, but shouldn't do it in a completely demeaning way. He's not in any sort of relationship with Amy yet. He can do what he wants with Erin.

Personally, I'd prefer it if you stay away from Gay male. It doesn't really feel like it would fit the story as well. The story is about Dave/Amy, and Dave/Erin only because it ties in with the Dave/Amy relationship.

I think Group Sex is the most obvious way to go (at least temporarily). Have Erin, Dave, and Rick continue what they were going to do before, only now with an audience. Have Amy get turned on by it, and make it obvious, so they ask if she wants to participate. They can remove the gag, but I agree it'd break things up too much to establish boundaries and a safe word, so just keep things from getting that intense. You already did the bit with sending her home frustrated, I don't see any point in doing it again (at least not right away).

At least at this point in this story, I don't see Dave forcing Amy to have sex with Rick. Mild things like spanking seem freaky to him. He doesn't know if Erin would go for it, if Amy would go for it, or if Rick would go for it (although Rick probably would, lol).

I don't think Larry deserves a bigger roll in the story.

Write the next chapter...cant wait

I don't think that what catergory you place it in matters, I will as many others will, find it by searching you out under authors. If you must, put it in Novels and Novellas, it will be fitting as it will have at least 7 chapters as you said. I have found your writing to be fun to read, and wherever it goes next will be fun, I'm sure. I never put it down until I got to this temporary dead end, so I never noticed the change in catergories. Before I got to this dead end, I envisioned Dave spanking Amy, maybe Erin having Rick give Amy's ass a licking and then onto a rimming while Amy blows you and you eat Erin or Amy eats Erin and you get head from Erin. The possibilities are endless, and regardless of what I or anyone else may say or think, you will write what feels right to you. So, please get to writin'!

I know its been a while since you thought of this story, but I think you need to explore Daddy feelings. Was he using her as a fuck slut? Is she showing her lust, unrequited of course, for her extremely corporal father? Is she scared of losing control of her life again? I really think this is the crux of your problem in continuing your story! I think your hero is OK with what is happening so far, but he must deal with this problem over the next 2 or 3 chapters. I really think the next chapter must involve lots of bondage on both Erin's and the hero's part. Actually, I think Amy needs this more than the other 2.

You need to finish this story the way you want it to go, don't leave it hanging in limbo like some other authors do. So far I've enjoyed this story with a little bit of voyeurism/non-consent/b&d mixed together. I think Amy has an exhibitionist side that needs to be explored. Just don't get to heavy into the b&d..I'm not sure that would be fitting in this situation. This is just my opinion, take it or leave it, but finish it.

Write more Its great

Not particularly clever. And the writing wasn't good enough to make it either interesting or entertaining. A waste of time to read.

I loved the 3 first chapters. This one is clearly too short.

Some coments :

If he play the game as he has begun with Amy : she disobedied and insulted him ! I think a spanking or punishing is in order (Anal maybe)

Then Emi was here to show him some tricks, I'm not mutch in the BDSM stuff myself, and Rick situation is more in the voyeur / Cuckold categorie as he "trained" Emi.

Also maybe Amy should be forced to make amend to Emi for her bad (racist even) language like pleasuring one or two strategic parts of her nemesis.

Then clearly Dave is not in BDSM himself, so one way or another, their relationship should gradually (it as already begun) evolve into less dom and more love as long as Amy control her bad temper ...

Hope to see the end of this serie someday

Thanks

Shit that was ten years ago and I'm now on the list of the admirer waiting for the 3 plotted chapters !

We have been good : publish It !

Thanks for your work !