Damaged Property

--

I woke to my sister's light shaking of my shoulder. I looked up and she grinned. "You fell asleep", she whispered.

She took the sleeping Candice from me and put her in the crib without any fuss. I stood up and stretched my left arm and back. I was stiff.

I walked out into the hallway and Carole followed me. Jen was standing there smiling. She was holding her phone. She held it out to me and showed me the picture of Candice and me sleeping.

Carole led us downstairs so as not to wake the little one. "She really liked you John. Other than me and Robert, she won't let anyone read to her and she definitely won't fall asleep like that in anyone else's arms."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Family."

Carole shook her head. "No. It's because she looks like and is named Candice. You loved Candice more than anyone and when you felt she was like our sister, you radiated that love and protection. Baby Candice could feel it and felt very safe, protected, and loved. That's what it was."

"Maybe." I tried to avoid more comparisons.

"No, that's definitely it." Jen added her two cents.

I scowled at Jen briefly, but turned to Carole. "Well, she's beautiful."

Carole beamed. "Yes, she is. And she needs her Uncle John."

That got my attention. "What do you mean?"

"We had her baptized and named you her godfather without you being there. The priest didn't like the fact that you weren't there, but we did it. She needs her uncle."

I stared at Carole. Me? Her godfather? "Why?"

"Because I knew you would love and protect her. I knew you would come to your senses some day and be the godfather she needed."

"I'm not sure. I don't even know what a godfather does."

"You are already doing it. Just love her and agree to protect her if anything were to happen to me and Robert."

I looked up suddenly. "I can't do that. What do I know about raising a kid?"

"It's only in the case of an emergency or we are both killed."

I looked over at Jen and she was grinning. I looked back at Carole. "Okay, I guess." Ugh. Perish the thought of losing more family.

She hugged me again and I was surprised at how much I loved having my sister back in my life.

Jen and I finally headed back to my place. While she was driving I kept thinking about baby Candice and what I would be responsible for if something happened to my sister and her husband. No way was I capable of taking care of a small child. I also thought about Jen. What was her deal? Why was she hanging around me even after our disastrous date? It couldn't have been the sex, right? I mean she ran from the place almost as fast as I wanted the sluts from the club to leave.

When we pulled up in front of my place, Jen asked to come in. I shrugged my shoulders. Maybe she was going to sleep with me after all.

We got into the house and I asked her if she wanted something to drink. She said no and sat down at the kitchen table while I got a beer.

"John, there's something else we need to discuss."

I didn't want to hear this. I turned around. "Jen, look..." I started to tell her off, but I hesitated when I saw that she was holding up an envelope in her hand. "What's that?"

"A letter."

"I can see that, but from whom? And is it for me?"

"Yes, it's for you. It's from Miranda." She laid it on the table.

I stared at it. My anger was rising. I couldn't speak at first. I just stared at the letter; a letter from my cheating, former bitch of a fiancée. The cunt that started this mess of a life I had. Fuck! "And what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"

"Read it."

"Fuck you and fuck her. I don't need this shit." I stormed out and into my bedroom slamming my door. Now Jen was putting herself in the middle of that mess? What the fuck?

There was a knock. "I'm leaving. It's up to you, John."

I heard her leaving and her car start. I went back into the kitchen and stared at the letter. I wanted to just burn it immediately. I stared and stared, swigging my beer. What the fuck could she have to say now? What possible reason could she have to write to me a year later? Why would I care what that bitch had to say? And again, why was Jen in the middle of this?

I leaned over and looked at the letter. It was addressed to me at Carole's address. I couldn't make out the post mark, so I don't know how long she had had it. I stared. Was it poison? Was it some rambling justification on why she did it? Did I really care? I just couldn't touch it right now.

I walked into the living room and sat down. I turned on the TV and watched some football. I got another beer - and another. Finally, I'd had enough. I was going to read it and then burn it. Fuck this woman and her ability to fuck me up.

I opened the envelope. The paper was nice stock and there was only one page. Well, she certainly didn't strain herself.

I unfolded it and read.

Dearest John,

I am very sorry for the way things turned out between us. I know that I hurt you deeply. You should know that it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Scott and I had dated for two years and then we separated. We both felt we were too young to make a commitment when we separated. When I met you, I thought that I loved you, and I did a little but I guess I was still masking my love for Scott. You are an amazing individual but Scott and I are soul mates. Scott was dating my roommate when we got engaged. When he and I were thrown together during the wedding preparations, we realized that we belonged together. The only problem was that you and I were already engaged. I knew that I loved Scott and wanted to be with him, but I was a coward and was delaying having to tell you, one of the kindest people I had ever met. Then you found out in the most awful way imaginable. I'm so sorry for that. Scott and I got married three months ago in California. My family was very distraught over how I handled it and I only hope that you and they can forgive me for being a fool and a coward. I wish you the best and hope that you have moved on.

Hoping to be your friend,

Miranda

I stared at the letter. Fucking bitch! How could I ever forgive her for that? It was, as things go, as unforgivable as anything I could think of. I had two more beers - then a shot.

I looked at the letter again. My sister had this for how long? How long had she hid this from me and then sent Jen over here to deliver it? Talk about a coward. What the fuck? I was angry now. I hopped in my car and sped over to Carole's. When I arrived, it was late, but I didn't care. I looked at my watch. It was 9pm. So what?

I walked up to the door and didn't even knock. I just opened it and went it. They had left it unlocked. Carole and Jen were sitting in the den, which was just off the entryway and I turned in there. They looked up and I could see the surprise on their faces. Oh, yeah, it was going to get worse.

I held up the letter. "How long have you had this Carole? How long have you been hiding it from me, huh?"

She looked at Jen and then her shoes, which was different for Carole. She was usually so strong willed, so I knew she felt bad about concealing it. "About two weeks."

"And when were you going to give it to me?"

"Never."

"Never? You were going to keep it from me forever? Why? What the fuck are you talking about Carole?"

"I didn't think you would like finding out that she was married to Scott and I didn't think anything she had to say would matter to you."

I was yelling now. "You're right about that! This bitch can go straight to hell for all I care. So why do I have it now?"

Carole turned toward Jen. "Jen thought it was best."

I turned to Jen. She was closer to me and I leaned over her. She leaned back as far as she could as I neared her. "You thought it would be best? Who gave you the right to mess around in my fucking life, huh? Who the hell do you think you are?"

She cowered before me, trying to melt into the couch. Then she managed to wiggle out of there and bolted into the kitchen. I turned to Carole who was staring at me and I could see the beginning of tears. Really? Carole? The one who could be so caustic that people would avoid her for weeks after she went off on them?

Fuck it. I followed Jen into the kitchen. I swung the swinging door back forcefully and burst into the kitchen. I heard and felt the door hit something and I saw Jen gasp. She was sitting at the table and was leaping to her feet. I looked behind the door and laying there, just starting to wail, was Candice. I stared as Candice started crying while Jen picked her up quickly. I had hit her with the door and knocked her down. What the hell was she doing back there after 9 at night? There was no way I could know. Shit!

Carole immediately joined us and took her from Jen. My anger was gone and I stared as the two of them consoled her. I had hurt the defenseless Candice. I had injured the one person in the world who didn't care how I acted and didn't hate me for something. Shit! What the hell else was going to happen today?

Carole took Candice upstairs and Jen went with her. The two of them ignored me and just took care of the little one.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge and went out onto the deck. I sat there, my mind reeling at everything when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and it was Carole. She was holding Candice, who was sucking on the back of her right hand and staring at me with those damn blue eyes. She obviously used the back of her hand like some kids used their thumb. She was still breathing a little heavily, but had calmed down considerably. I stood up.

"Carole, I'm..."

Carole put her finger to my lips. "Shhh. She should not have been up and around, but Bruce had let her out. We all know it was an accident. She's okay now. I told her that it was an accident and that you wanted to see her."

I looked at the angelic, innocent little girl. I put out my arms and Candice looked at her mother who nodded and then Candice came to me. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. I told her how sorry I was and she hugged me back. I can't remember my exact words, but when I stopped hugging her and looked back at Carole, she had tears in her eyes. Mommy hood was making her a softy.

I handed Candice back to Carole and said goodnight. Carole took Candice up to put her to bed.

I took that opportunity to head home. I couldn't face them anymore. I had to get out of there. I was a wreck. I shouldn't have been drinking. I had met my favorite sister's namesake, a beautiful little girl, I had found out about Miranda and Scott, I had yelled at the only two people who seemed to give a shit about me, and then I hurt the most innocent person in the world. I guess I really am an asshole.

When I got home, it was now almost 11pm. I was exhausted and looked like hell. I sat down in my recliner and turned on the TV. It put me to sleep almost immediately.

Sunday

I awoke again at 4am, but it was not from the dream, it was due to a full bladder. Too much beer.

That letter that Miranda sent was still running around in my head. Okay, so it wasn't the greatest letter in history, but it explained a lot. I never knew that she and Scott had a history. I went to the bathroom. I stared into the mirror at the haggard face staring back at me. The eyes that stared back at me were bloodshot and surrounded by dark circles. I thought about everything that had happened. It all came back to Miranda. That bitch had fucked me up. But things had changed a bit, right? Then Jen started sticking her nose into it and she shouldn't be doing that. Damn it, why the hell did everyone feel like they had to help me? I was doing fine, right? Fuck Miranda. Fuck Jen. To hell with them all! I lost the best friend I had in the world over this and now they were fucking with my head. I closed my eyes and I kept getting more and more angry. ARGH! What the fuck!

The sound of the glass breaking and the pain in my hand brought me out of my reverie. I looked down at my hand as the blood dripped off the knuckles. I looked up at the wall mirror over the sink. There was a spider web of cracks spreading out from where I had punched it with my fist. I didn't remember doing anything with my hand until the sound and pain. I looked at my splintered face in the mirror and wondered if that was a metaphor for my life. Yep. Probably.

I looked back down at my bleeding hand. I was too tired and still a little drunk. I wrapped it in a hand towel and went to the kitchen. I took another shot and grabbed a beer. I watched some TV and passed out.

--

There was a loud banging and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I came slowly awake and the light hurt my eyes, although it was not very bright. My head was pounding, but that's not what was making the loud banging. It was someone at the door. I went to it and looked out. Jen. Damn, woman, it had to be early morning and you come banging on my door?

"Okay, okay." I opened the door and blinked at her. "What?!"

"Carole tried to call you several times last night to make sure you got home alright, so we got worried."

I stared at her. She looked disheveled and tired and it was too early. "What time is it?"

"6am."

"Fuck!" I turned around and walked back away from the door, letting her come in if she wanted. I sat down in my recliner and put my face in my hands.

"I just wanted - what the hell is that?" Jen had just seen my hand wrapped in a towel. Blood was showing through in places. "What happened to your hand?"

I looked up at her. "I cut it." I got up and my head started pounding again. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take some Tylenol and go back to bed."

I headed for the bathroom. Jen followed tapping away on her cell. She was probably sending a text to Carole. When we got there I remembered that that was where I hurt my hand, but it was too late. Jen saw it.

"Jesus, John, what the hell did you do?"

"I lost a fight with the mirror, what does it look like?" I opened the cabinet and took out the Tylenol. I grabbed a couple, picked up the glass I kept in there, filled it, and took them. I headed for the bedroom. I was going to try to ignore Jen, hoping she would leave. I unwrapped my hand and tossed the towel into my dirty clothes basket. It was probably toast, but I would try to wash it anyway.

Jen came into the bedroom with some band aids and Neosporin. I groaned.

"Just let me fix it up so it won't bleed onto your sheets."

"Whatever."

She leaned over and went to work. She was careful and good. She was right, but I was tired, hung over, and didn't want to deal with it.

When she finished she stood up. "There, all done. Not as good as when you did my knee years ago, but still pretty good."

She referenced it so easily and quickly. It was obvious that she would never forget about that. Then I yawned. I was too fucking tired.

I stood up and undressed down to my boxers. My clothes were a mess, too, since I hadn't taken them off last night. I looked over and Jen was watching me. I put my hands out to the side. "Seen enough?" She didn't say anything so I lay down. I think I was awake for about 5 more minutes before I passed out.

--

I woke at about 10am feeling pretty rested. I looked around, hoping to find Jen in my bed again. No dice. I don't know why that disappointed me so much. She knew my lifestyle and had said we would only have that one time. But for some reason I was hoping she would be there again.

I wandered into the living room and she was using my recliner. She was covered with one of my small blankets I keep near the recliner, so I leaned over and peeked under the edge. Yep. She was in panties and bra again. I watched her for a couple of minutes and then leaned over and kissed her lightly on the mouth. She slowly came to.

"What?" That's all she could come up with when she opened her eyes.

I grinned at her. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come back to the bedroom."

She stared at me. "Of course I do." She watched me smile. "But I won't."

I tried not to show my disappointment. Oh, okay. So she was going to keep her word.

"I need to get back to Carole's and get cleaned up."

"Okay. Breakfast first?"

"Sure." The word was sure, but there was a look of uncertainty on her face.

She was dressed quickly and in the kitchen getting things out by the time I got in there. She was going to make scrambled eggs again, but before she broke them into the bowl I stopped her.

"Let me make them over easy. That's how I like them. What about you?"

She looked at me funny. "Yes, I love them that way, but I can't make them. I always break the yolk."

"Well then stand back and watch the master." I gave her a grin. Jen just looked at me and then started setting the table.

The doorbell rang. Now what?

I was in the middle of cracking eggs into the pan so Jen went and got the door. She came back with Carole and Candice.

"Good morning!" Carole seemed particularly chipper since she had supposedly been up late worrying about me.

"Hi."

I turned toward Carole and I could see her taking in me and Jen. She looked over at Jen.

"Somebody looks well taken care of this morning." She grinned at Jen and I saw Jen give her a sad look. Carole saw it.

"We're just having breakfast." I tried to change the subject.

Carole put Candice down and looked at me. "Oh, okay." I could see her look at Jen with sympathy. Shit! My sister wanted me to get together with Jen, too. She looked down at Candice. "Candice, do you want Uncle John to make you some eggs, too?"

Candice looked up at me and nodded. I smiled at her and reached down to ruffle her hair. She was a beautiful little girl and she could already look right through me with those big blue eyes.

"Okay, beautiful. How do you like your eggs?"

Candice looked to her mother, who answered for her. "Over easy. She likes me to dip some toast in the yolk and feed it to her."

Candice looked back to me and nodded with a big smile.

"Okay. First batch is almost ready."

I finished cooking all the eggs as Carole told Jen where she was going shopping and for what. By the time we were done eating it was almost 1pm.

We all put the dishes in the sink and I told them I would put them away. Jen got her stuff and Carole started to pick up Candice, but she ran to me and put her arms up. I picked her up and Carole laughed.

"Already making best friends with another Candice, eh?"

I looked at the child and she was gripping my shirt with her left hand, staring at her mother.

Carole put her arms out. "C'mon honey, we need to go. We have to go shopping."

Candice shook her head and burrowed into my chest. Carole frowned.

"She doesn't want to let go of you, John. I've never seen that before."

I looked down at Candice and she raised her head from my chest to look at me. "How long will you be shopping?"

Carole looked at her watch. "Only about an hour and a half. I have to get her home by about 3pm so that she can get a nap."

"Why don't you leave her here with me for a while? Hell, she could even take a nap here while you shop and that will give you more time."

Carole's eyebrows shot up. "Serioiusly? What do you know about taking care of a one year old?"

"Well, she's not an infant and she eats real food. Just leave me the diaper bag and the other things and I'll take care of it."

Jen had stopped at the front door and was staring at me. Carole hesitated. "Okay, but when was the last time you changed a diaper?"

"C'mon. You know I used to baby-sit for our cousins when I was a teenager and I could handle it then. They were pretty young and some were in diapers. It's not rocket science." I looked down at Candice. "Isn't that right, Candice?"

She looked up at me when I said her name, but she wasn't following the conversation. She just kept a tight hold on my shirt.