Damaged Property

Carole looked over at Jen who shrugged. "Okay, you agreed to be the godfather and you need to learn to do this again. Let's see how you do." She walked over to the counter by my refrigerator where I kept a pad of paper. She wrote on it. "Here's my new cell number. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all."

"No problem."

Carole hesitated in front of me and Candice. She stroked her head. "Okay, honey, I'm going to leave you here with Uncle John for a while, okay?" Candice just looked up at me when Carole said my name. "You be good for Uncle John, okay?" Candice nodded.

"You're sure?" Carole checked one more time and I nodded. "Okay, see you later."

She headed for the door and Jen left after watching that exchange. Carole went to her car and came back with a diaper bag and a bag with some toys and books. She looked petrified at the last second, but didn't say anything. I wondered how many times she had left Candice with someone else. She had become a stay at home mom after Candice was born and was not going back to work for a while.

After the two women left, I took Candice into the den and turned on the TV. "You want to watch some TV?"

Candice nodded and I surfed until I found an old Sesame Street rerun. Candice smiled and we sat there and watched. She stared at the moving figures on the screen and I wondered what it looked like to her.

After a few minutes of that, I needed something to drink, so I asked her if she wanted anything and she shook her head no. I left her sitting on the couch, propped up by some pillows and went quickly to the kitchen to get some Gatorade. I really needed some. I also filled her Sippy-cup with some water anyway.

When I got back, Candice was still staring at the TV. We sat and did that for a while and then I put her on the floor and got out her toys. There were some basic stacking cups and other things that were pretty simple, and there were two books. We played there on the floor and I remembered the times I had done babysitting for my cousins. Everyone in my family was older than all our cousins so we all had to do it at some point. It was actually pretty easy. The only thing I had to be careful of is that my house had not been child-proofed. There were some easy to reach fragile things and such, but Candice was relaxed and happy to sit and play.

By the time we finished doing that for a while, I was getting tired again. Candice appeared to be getting tired as well. She only spoke a few times, but she knew the names of most of the toys. I changed her diaper and it really was pretty easy.

Finally, just before 3, Candice and I were both pretty tired. I got in my recliner with Candice and a book and started reading to her. She listened for a while, but drifted off after about 10 minutes. I put the book on my chest. I was tired, too. I drifted off as well.

--

I was awakened by being shaken again. I looked up at Carole, who was grinning. "You two like taking naps together, it seems."

I looked down. Candice was lying on my left side, her face on my chest, breathing heavily.

"The next time I need a sitter, you're going to be on speed dial."

"Yeah, well, don't get too excited, I still have to act like Casanova, remember?"

"Of course I remember. I can also see that there's something about you and Candice. I don't believe in all that mysticism or reincarnation stuff, but there's definitely something between you two."

I looked down at the little blonde head as she slept on my chest; so trusting, so innocent, so damn cute. "Me neither, but this little copy of our sister is pretty special."

Carole beamed at that like all mothers do. "Yes, she is." She leaned over to pick her up. "Okay, I need to put her in the car and get her home." She managed to pry her from where she was entangled with my left arm and pick her up. She stirred a little, but just put her head on her mother's shoulder and kept sleeping. "I'll put her in the car, you collect all her stuff." Carole waved and walked out the door.

I ran after Carole and opened the door so she could put Candice into the child seat. Candice never really woke up and was buckled in pretty quick. Carole turned and gave me another big hug. I was almost shocked, but not quite. I went back in and collected the two bags and came back out. I put them in the back seat.

"Okay, see you later Uncle John." Carole got it and left.

I watched her drive away. It had been an interesting weekend and it all made me think again about where I was going with my life.

Friday

The next week went fast, except for replacing the large wall mirror in my bathroom. That was a disaster. Trying to take it down without the pieces crashing to the sink or floor was impossible. I had quite a mess to clean up.

At work we were approaching a delivery and I worked quite a bit that week. When Friday rolled around, I was ready to do something with my buddies. Randy and Jack agreed to meet me at the club at 10pm. I went home and relaxed. All week I had been alone with my thoughts on Candice, Carole, and Jen. I knew I wanted to spend more time with my family and the beautiful Candice. It almost felt like I could talk about my sister again. I found myself remembering all the good times and smiling. I didn't feel quite so lonely when by myself at home. Then there was Jen. She had slept with me on Sunday morning and then left. She was a beautiful little thing and I had been tempted to call her. But she had indicated that it was a one-time thing and perhaps I should leave it at that. But there was something about her that I found intriguing.

I got to the club a little later than Randy and Jack. They were occupied at a table with two cute young ladies and I sauntered over.

"Hey!" I had to shout over the music which seemed particularly loud tonight.

They nodded and said hello. Then I was introduced to Joyce and Rebecca. When I was introduced to them, they looked at me a little funny. I wasn't sure what that was about. I asked about drinks and they said a waitress was taking care of the table and would be by shortly. And she was. It was Donna, who seemed to work every night. She took my order and Jack was ready for another beer and she left. I was just starting to get into a conversation with Randy when I felt a presence to my left. I turned. It was Jen. I was a little surprised at first, but then shocked when she sat down on the remaining empty stool. She leaned toward me to be heard.

"I see you met my friends, Joyce and Rebecca."

I nodded and stared at her. "Uh, yes. I didn't realize you still knew anyone in this area."

"They are friends from my new job. It's going well and there are a few single ladies there." She grinned at me and I realized she was drunk already. "Don't you find them attractive?"

I turned and looked at them. Yes, they were. They were probably early twenties, both just a little fleshy in the right place with womanly hips and tits. "Yes, they are nice."

Jen looked at me. "You want me to introduce you to them? Maybe you need someone to take home tonight." She was definitely drunk.

I stared at Jen. Was she joking? She had to be. She was just pulling my leg. If not, should I call her bluff? Make her introduce me and then turn my back on her? It would server her right. "Sure, I wouldn't mind taking either of them home, which do you suggest?"

She looked at me for a second and then grinned. "Asshole." She took it as a joke and elbowed me. "Me. That's who you should take home."

I stared at her. "Really?"

"Sure. I'm in love with you, asshole, and there's nothing I can do about it. I give up."

I stared at her some more. Maybe I should take her up on her offer. I wouldn't have refused three weeks ago. But for some reason I hesitated now. Maybe it was the feeling that my life was better with Carole and Candice in my life and doing this to Jen would jeopardize that, especially if it went badly. Or maybe I actually liked this girl and didn't want to just fuck with her. As soon as that thought went through my mind I was shocked. Did I really think that? Why did I care about that? "Is that a good idea?"

Jen looked at me with sadness. "I think so, don't you?"

I looked at her. When she was a little drunk, every emotion she felt was reflected in her demeanor and her face. I could see her looking at me hopefully. She was definitely in love with me, but the question was why. How could she love me? I had come to realize over the last few days how much of an asshole I had been lately. Maybe I should take her up on her offer. "Sure, it sounds wonderful." Jen beamed at that and I was surprised at how good I felt.

Jen turned to her friends and told them she'd see them later. She put her arm through mine and she turned us toward the door. I could see the look of surprise in the faces of everyone at the table.

When we got in the car, Jen moved over and snuggled up against me. I was reminded of how it had been for me and Miranda. She had always sat up against me. And now Jen was doing it. Was that a good thing or bad?

When we got to my house, I helped Jen from the car and could tell that she was probably too drunk to have sex. She was not a good drunk.

I helped her into the house and then into my bedroom. As soon as I lay her on the bed she complained of the spins. I hated those, too, and it usually meant one thing: prepare to hurl. I stood her up and helped her into the bathroom. I sat her on the toilet and got a washcloth. I put some cold water on it and wiped her face. She seemed to be hot and I was hoping this would help. I certainly didn't want to clean up after her.

Jen put her head in her hands and groaned. She was definitely not feeling well. I hurriedly searched for something to tie her hair back out of the way and found an old headband that someone had left in my bathroom, who it could have been I have no idea. I put it on her and she looked at me and gave me a weak smile. Then she suddenly turned and I helped her get into position to worship the porcelain god. She knelt and emptied her stomach. I couldn't understand why she got so drunk so early tonight. She went through a couple of rounds of this and finally sat back, looking exhausted, hot and sweaty, and extremely uncomfortable. I wiped her head a few times with the washcloth and waited. She seemed to be done.

She finally gave me a grim smile. "I think I'm done now."

I helped her stand and took her into the living room. She looked at me funny until I put her into the recliner. "This is better than lying down flat until you get over the alcohol."

"Okay." She looked up at me with that puppy-love look again. "Thank you for taking care of me."

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. Just don't let it happen again."

"Okay." She said that quietly as she was already starting to pass out. Then she did.

Fuck! I thought I might get laid tonight and instead, I end up caring for a bad drunk.

I went and got ready for bed. I checked on Jen one more time and she was resting comfortably. I put a second light blanket over her and went to bed. It was 11pm on a Friday and I was in the sack alone.

I started thinking about all this stuff in my life. I had found out more about Miranda and Scott and, now that I knew the history, I was actually thinking it was better that I found out before the wedding. If I hadn't found out until after the wedding would have been a major disaster. Of course, the way it actually occurred was a horrible way to find out, but would any way have been okay? I probably wouldn't have gone on such a pussy spree, but maybe I would have anyway. It also made me realize none of that was my fault. I think I had always harbored some feeling that I had done something wrong to cause her to do that after we were engaged.

I realized after the discussions with Carole, Jen, and Denise that I was actually acting like a pretty nasty person. I'm not sure I was any different than some men, but I understood what they were saying. I had not been that way when I was younger. And now along comes the new Candice. That changed a lot in my life. I was shocked at how much I suddenly cared for another human being. She had a straight shot into my heart and seemed to know it, just like big Candice had known. So did that mean that I had to play nice with the female of the species? No, but for some reason I was starting to feel bad about some of the things I had done in being so cold and tossing the women I had sex with out so soon after fucking them. They were probably just like me, looking for companionship in a quick physical relationship, which was an oxymoron. I had also begun to realize that I was really fucking lonely. Having family back in my life had confirmed that. But where did that leave me with Jen, who was mooning over me like a young schoolgirl?

I woke up at about 3am to go to the bathroom and get a drink and I checked on Jen. She was sitting up in the recliner, talking quietly on the telephone, and crying. What the fuck?

I listened to her talking. "Sorry it's so late, Carole, but I just can't get past the feelings I have for John. I know that underneath, he's still the good guy, the protector of the downtrodden, which was what I called him when I was young. I'm still in love with him and tonight I made a fool of myself." Pause. "Ugh! I got drunk, mooned over him, and then I remember him holding my head over the toilet while I threw up." Pause. "Yeah, he was attentive all right. He probably didn't want me to puke on his floor." Pause. "Whatever, I may need to find some other way to deal with this - like move to England." Pause. "Yeah, I know. I'm a smart woman, but my heart is stuck on him. I'm just still a little drunk and feeling sorry for myself." Pause. "Okay, thanks. I'll get him to bring me home in the morning."

I stared at the back of her head. Jen was seriously in love with me, not just maintaining a schoolgirl crush that she hadn't gotten over. What the fuck was I going to do about that?

I headed back to bed and ruminated on this some more. After about 30 minutes of not being able to go to sleep I realized a few things. First, I was an idiot for thinking that picking up and fucking the women at that club was going to help me get over the anger at Miranda. In fact, I was only hurting myself with that. I mean, some of them had hurt feelings when they left, but they would get over that. For me, however, I was not making any progress at all. I was just repeating the same action over and over and what, expecting something to be different? Wasn't that the definition of insanity? Secondly, I realized that that person was not really me. Denise told me that. Carole told me that. Jen hinted at it. So who was I? That was a difficult question. Over the last year I had changed, but I'm not sure I could be who I was before that either. That guy was a naïve idiot. So what was I going to do about it?

I thought about Candice again. She deserved a godfather who was a decent guy and who would be the friendly uncle who took her to ball games and bought her the worst, fat-filled hot dogs that vendors sold. I grinned at that. That required me to be a better person to the family than I had been in a long time. That I could fix immediately.

So what was I going to do in the rest of my life? I thought about it and again didn't think I could go back to the way I was before. I finally fell asleep about 4:30.

--

I woke up the next day and it was almost noon. I had slept a long time. Then it hit me; something else that had changed recently. I hadn't had the 'dream' in a while. Miranda was not haunting my nights any more. What caused that? I thought about it for a few minutes. It had to be a combination of the all these things in my life: Miranda's letter, my feelings for the new Candice, and even Jen and Denise. Maybe Jen was what I needed in my life right now to help me get over Miranda. I don't know about loving her, but she was a good woman, pretty, loved me, and I could do a lot worse. I ran over everything I thought about last night. I had to change. I was going nowhere in my personal life, I was lonely, and I needed more than just cheap fucks. Is this what they call an epiphany? I didn't know for sure, but I knew I needed to change my ways. When I took a long, hard look at myself I realized I was pretty lonely and miserable.

I walked into the kitchen and Jen was standing there, looking forlorn. She didn't seem to be doing anything, just staring out the window over the sink.

"You okay?"

Jen jumped, not knowing that I was standing behind her. "Oh, yes, just thinking."

"About what?"

"About me and my idiocy toward you." I walked toward her with a smile. She put up her hand, palm facing me, signaling me to stop. "No, let me get this out." She took a deep breath. "I've loved you for years and I thought I would come back here and do, I don't know, something. I don't know what I expected. That I could just turn you back into who you were when you were young, trusting, and a decent guy? Maybe I didn't think it through, but I know now that you will never be a trusting, decent guy again. So I will just have to move on. It will hurt, but I will figure it out."

I hesitated. That hurt. I don't know why, but it did. She had no faith in me? "Can we just talk for a minute? I need to say some things, too."

"No." She stormed out of the kitchen and walked outside. Where was she going?

I caught up with her and grabbed her by the arm, trying to turn her to face me. "Let me go, dammit." She yanked her arm back.

"Stop! I just want to talk for a minute."

About that time Carole pulled up in front of the house. Jen headed for her SUV. "I'm done talking here. Just forget I exist."

"How can I do that Jen?"

She turned to stare at me. "You'll find a way."

Carole was out of the car by now and was wrestling with Candice who was yelling something. She got Candice out and headed toward me. "She's yelling for her Uncle John. Here, you take her." She handed me Candice and the little one clung to me again. She looked up at me with those damn see-through eyes and that completely eliminated my building anger towards Jen. Candice could completely disarm me and quell any anger I had.

Carole went over to talk to Jen, who was now standing next to the car. They both knew that as long as I had Candice they couldn't leave.

I turned to the little one. "Candice, do you like Aunt Jen?"

Candice looked toward Jen and nodded.

"Do you want me and Aunt Jen to be together?" I figured 'date' would be beyond her comprehension.

Candice grinned and shook her head vigorously. She held out her little hand and made open and closed fisting movements while holding it out toward Jen. Jen sighed heavily and then walked over and took Candice's hand. She looked at Jen and said, "Unca Yon."

Jen couldn't help but shake her head and laugh at that. "Okay, sweetie. I'll listen." She turned to me and her grin turned into a glare. "But it had better be good."

"Well, I didn't think she'd understand date. Why don't we try another date this Friday? I'll be on my best behavior, okay?" It was the best I could come up with as long as the four of us were all there, one being a toddler.

Jen looked at Candice and like me she couldn't stay angry when confronted with this blue-eyed beauty. "Okay." She gave Candice a little kiss on the head. "Is that better, sweetie?"

Candice looked up to me for confirmation. "That's better."

Candice turned back to Jen and nodded.

Then Candice squirmed to get down so I put her on the ground and she moved back towards her mother. Carole shook her head as Jen went back to the SUV. "What is it with you and Candice?"

"I have no idea."

Jen looked over at me, her anger returning just a little. "Call me later about the date, but you'd better be right after using your niece to get your way." She slammed her door.