All Comments on 'Eleanor Rigby: Choices and Consequences'

WritingDragon:

I hold you in high regard as a writer, capable of creating images and spinning a great yarn.

In this story, throughout all the conversations, Ted never used the word "lie" to Ellie. The deception is the crime, isn't it? The sex is kind of like a symptom of deception, to me at least.

That she lied, is what has me incensed at her character. So, you did do that, you certainly do know how to stir the emotional pot.

Great job. I just HATE that he is taking her back. LOL.

Take care,

-Pultoy

than she was in the original. That is quite a feat of writing imo considering I thought she was as low as possible already (him explaining his fears and basically begging her not to do it then her choosing to have an affair anyway, etc).

I have no idea why people are so hung up on reconciliations around here no matter how little they seem warranted. Ellie has no redeeming qualities as far as I can see and yet you make it seem like love triumphing over all.

Not every ending has to be happy (in fact, when these stupid husbands develop selective amnesia, I consider it to be a very unhappy ending in that they are settling for a steady piece of ass instead of wife and partner). Even if they stay together, why does it always have to be about love? Why not just say he kept her on because she was a good piece of and would spend years jumping through hoops?

On to the story. I thought it was well written and it had some good points. That Ted took so long to decide and even start to get over it was much better than the overnight quick fixes that have become the norm around here. I also liked that he was human and lashed out and made her tell their whole family. Maybe not the nicest thing to do but still showing remarkable restraint as far as getting even goes. Ted is still too good to be true but at least he isnt saintly.

Things in the story I didnt like:

- him wanting to get revenge on Paul but mostly letting his wife off (I do remember what I wrote in the last paragraph but a few uncomfortable momments isnt really laying the blame where it belongs imo). Paul may have been the biggest asshole in the world but he wasnt the one married to ted. Paul didnt drug Ellie or force her into anything so any anger that he shifts onto him when removing it from ellie is just transference and doest deal with the real problem.

- Ellie claiming she loved Ted all along even when she chose Paul over him. Maybe this is the root of my problem with the love = forgiveness = reconciliation stories. I simply dont believe that Ellie can claim to love Ted after what she did. Even if she does think she loves Ted, she also said she loved him before she fucked him over so heartlessly (and thoroughly). Why are claims of love and promises of good behaviour any more meaningful now than they were before her affair? Why is this shitty, hollow kind of love enough for Ted?

- my previous two qualms can be said to just be differences of opinion between me and ted/author. That the kids started pressuring him to forgive and forget right away is a serious mistake in the story though. Kids are much more likely to be absolute and judgemental than adults in situations like these. Even more so when one of their parents is involved since they expect parents to be perfect. How many school aged children do you really know that would behave like this? If they came from a relatively happy and stable home (both you and hdk made them out to be the cleavers before ellie showed her true nature) its doubtful that they would act like this and that they already see their parents as normal, flawed humans. Kids hold their parents up to higher standards than regular people and thats the opposite of them saying 'Oh well, she was a good mother before this so I say we make dad give her a mulligan'. Not saying they would hate her forever but it seemed odd that they started talking about working things through only 15 minutes after they found out.

- why are the husbands always so sure that staying with the wives is their only shot at even a little bit of happiness and that they couldnt possibly do better? Ted was painted as a catch so its not like he couldnt have tried for something better than it would ever be possible to get with ellie (either because of her character, or because some things can never be as strong as before once they are broken so badly).

- I dislike how authors seem to write women as second rate partners in a marriage, stupid and unbelievably short-sighted. One of the big undercurrents in many of these stories seems to be that woman cant control themselves and arent really responsible for their own actions. By having the husband always take her back and forget about whatever she did, he is basically saying thats about all you can expect from a weak woman. Maybe this is not at all what authors mean but its something I read into many of these forgiveness stories. Woman may be more emotional than men (not at all sure this is true but a lot of people seem to think it is) but they are just as capable of contolling themselves as men. They are just as smart as men and just as able to see their actions for what they are (speaking to the increasingly more used device of making the wife pretend to be suprised that she hurt her family so much). Holding women up to a different (lesser) standard than men is a fairly archaic concept from my way of thinking.

All in all it was a good story even if I totally disagree with the direction you went. The good writing and that you made ellie even worse than hdk did in the original deserves a high score though. Thanks for writing.

Your follow up is equally good as HDK's version though a different outcome might have been better. Actually, the best thing would have been if HDK had not caved to pressure and NOT wriitten a follow up to the original which was excellent the way he finished it. I hope he is not swayed to finish Michelle. The best approach is expressed in a Rickie Nelson song, Garden Party which has a line... "since you can't please everyone, you gotta please yourself." As I commented on Nighttime Confessions Too, authors should write for themselves first and then the reader. If your story is good, then readers will read them. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Boyd

Have you ever had a good friend hurt you with premeditation? Have you ever had a business associate purposely with forethought try to hurt you or your work? Did you readily or ever kiss and make up with them?

I realize the stakes are different with a family but then so is the agreed long term legal commitment and pain. In this case, she was told of his concerns and selfishly persisted anyway. And it wasn't a onetime cuckolding, it was three occasions of twice each with only an interuption slowing her intentions over a two week period. She openly calculated, planned and deliberatly disrespected her husband with others awareness.

Yet he is "the" rational forgiving force concerned about his and his families future - how insensitive of his unreasonable expectations of her loyalty, trust and respect! Aruuuuug!!! - ok I got that out of my system!

Look given all he has stomached don't you think this recovery happened a little too fast and easy to be credible to her and us??? What does she really have to lose next time except the kids might not be around to support her against him in spite of her being guilty again??

Author - I love your work - I feel you are very talented - I respect that you are the writer and have the right to do whatever you wish - I know that everyone likes a happy ending - But given the quick capitulation do you think she really respects him - would she have forgiven him so quickly given a reverse same circumstance? She had cut him off for all practical purposes due to her own guilt but even that selfishness still didn't stop her or cause her to think about how hurtful her wants were??? Remember that you painted this with your words.

Author - all I ask is that you consider what and how long and how often you have a cheater cheat and then fairly met out the consequence as normal life would. Bending preceeding estabolished, average or normal character traits can be detrimental to the plot path and the credibility and reality of the story. And you eh.

Looking forward to your continued growth and work - with high Regard

but you and HDK arrived at the same stop sign together. For the life of me I can't say that I like one ending over the other. Each had things that needed to be said if the ending was going to conclude successfully. Anyway It was a good ending even if some commentors didn't want them to get back together. A good read. Thank You. Ronnie W.

In my opinion, you managed to recapture the original characters. The story went where it should have gone. They had several happy years together; they deserved to recapture that happiness if possible. Better for the family as a whole. Disagree with AverageJoe about the kids, they would be the first to forgive and desire reconciliation between their parents. I came from a broken home, parents divorced when I was 16. One, and I won’t say which one, was caught cheating. I loved both my parents and the divorce didn’t affect that love. One of my saddest days was two years later when they remarried. The reason I was sad, I knew it would not last; theirs was a marriage that should not have been revived. I was correct, didn’t last a year. I’m a big fan of reconciliation, but I’m also a realist, there are some marriages that just shouldn’t be. Again, my rule of thumb, if they had a loving, close, and happy marriage and relationship before one of them stumbled at the gate of temptation, then why shouldn’t they be able to have it again if they so desire. Great, no, fantastic job Writingdragon, as usual. I had never felt the original story had been brought to a satisfactory conclusion, now I do, may it rest in peace. Harddaysknight did a fantastic job on his part two, but it was a stand alone to me, didn’t feel I was reading about the same original characters. A fan always of both authors.

This was an especially brutal betrayal. He warned her more than once and she chose to deliberately cheat on him without giving him a single thought. She would have continued this affair for some time had she not been caught, all the while cutting him off. It was not a stumble, it was a conscious decision pursue her lover with the husband as a possible fallback position if she didn't succeed. If, after warning her and her responding trust her, she so flagrantly and cavalierly breaks that trust, under what self-delusion can he bring himself to believe he can trust her again?

But the worst thing was the daughters telling him if he didn't take her back they would have nothing to do with him. He's the one who almost lost his life saving her immediately after he found out she had betrayed him and they tell him they will withdraw their love if he doesn't give her a free pass. That would make it virtually impossible for them to reconcile. At that point he should have said, "It's clear that none of the three of you love me. You want what you want and my emotional welfare doesn't figure in your decisions at all. I'll save you the trouble. Goodbye."

Foremost, I found the revenge out of line. The girls standing with their mother is really weird. The psychobabble was crap. A forty-year old woman is not a kid who can be talked into getting twenty years younger. If that was realistic, Ted would be the dumbest moron to take her back. To me, that is more than dumb (of the wife); it is mentally unstable.

However, the wirter showed real talent that is highly appreciated.

I used to lean toward the boot their asses out ending.

But people do make mistakes. People fuck up really badly.

If it's a long term thing, no question. Out the door on their asses.\

But shit happens all the time. one must look at the overall picture, before making a life changing decision.

Sleeping by yourself. Being alone all the time is a cold thing if the only heat is the satisifaction of "Kicking the Whore Out!"

the decision to give a second chance should be made in the light of day, not in the heat of passion.

Rob Conner

Three detractors forget one of the major factors to this reconciliation. 18 years together and two wonderful daughters. You don't just throw that away lightly. There would be four lives destroyed, or heavily damaged; not desirable. Why do that to your daughters? He still loves her.

I would also point out that she is devastatingly repentent. This, the mother of his girls. Should he destroy her? It seems apparent that she is almost destroyed now. To continue with the divorce would finish the love in the family. Well, not finish but certainly diminish it for him. The women will stick together but the girls will be a little resentful that mom caused dad to leave.

But the main issue is Ted and Ella. They have so many years of love, and loving, that they need to be together.

I'd almost bet that any woman reading this can relate to how Ella felt about recapturing her youthful feelings. Men, maybe not, especially if they haven't been in a long relationship themselves.

A good read and a good writing.

As always, a wonderful work. I'm sorry you don't write more.

Nicely written and better than HDK's ch. 2, but not good enough. There are two unintelligible areas in your story:

1. The reconciliation is, and in such a short time, absolutely implausible.

2. These daughter's are wonderful???

Agreeing with Rpsuch's POV, I'd add only one thing. Ted is like a kid unable to think straight.

Bavarian

You're a good writer, much better then me. Eleanor Rigby was one of my favorite stories. You did a good job explaining everything. My only negitive comment would be, you wanted her to tell all these people about her affair. Even though they supposely all knew. It doesn't help her family by her telling strangers about the affair. Also if you read any of my stories I'm kind of a revenge freak. I belive the husband needed some satisfction of his own. Not just through her father.

All in all a very nice read. It was your story to write as you seen fit and did a first rate job of it.

Kudo's to you

DG Hear

I very much felt, from the very beginning, that reconcilliation was the only choice. I'm not part of the rabid, 'toss the bitch out on her ass' crowd, but in this case the betrayal was deep. However, in this conclusion, he never really examines why he should leave... Only all the reasons he should stay. The counsellor seems to do the same thing... Examine all the good, but gloss over the bad. I knew what was going to happen from about the third line in.

It was another good ending to the original story, but I did not rate it a 100. I can see them together as Ted has no love for anyone but her. Ellie's statement: "...I loved you with my heart soul and mind before the affair, and, when I woke up from my foolishness, I realized how deeply I love you now." shows her views are still skewed. Ellie could not have loved him totally and cheated on him and she did not respect him. I think Ted would put pressure on her and make her feel pain, but I thought it was mild in this story and should have been more to rate it a 100.

I liked HKD's second part and yours but a better one would be a combination of the two. I do like your writing and please keep the stories coming.

to predictable... maybe they could stay together but to me the hurt was to great without more conflict...i feel like he should have taken a lover so she could hurt also ...and yes she should have been publicly humilitated by having to get rid of helen as a friend and she should have had to tell all what an ass dan was ...i would have sued him for damages at his work place well before someone else did ...ok but it could have been better

There were several places where it was difficult to understand who was talking or that a parargraph was dialog. A few more "s would have cleared things right up.

Here's the rule:

"If one person's speech goes on for more than one paragraph, use quotation marks to open the speech and at the beginning--but not the end--of each new paragraph in the speech. To close the speech, use quotation marks at the end of the final paragraph." - Purdue University Online Writing Lab

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Written well enough but the same story as been told over and over.

I read the story; read the comments.

My character analysis of Ted and Ellie are that neither will quite get over the scar on their marriage. It is a disfigured marriage now. I'm glad they are reconciled but they are a long way from happiness. Maybe Ellie has matured.

The story was well-written. The talk was not filler, and the anguish of everybody concerned seemed genuine. I gave the story 100 but not because it was enjoyable. It was well-written and thought out. What makes it more noteworthy is that it is somebody else's characters and initial situation.

The critics made valid arguments for their views. Some almost convince me that Ted's taking Ellie back is largesse on his part. She certainly betrayed him---big time.

playingcardcompany

I just didn't really feel it.

The reason that I didn't was that, in the original story the husband did everything in his power to be a better person for years to the wife, and to show and prove he deservered her. He always put her and his kids always before himself in everything he did in his daily life. That right there says he was probably a better man than most of us on a daily basis. But the wife was so selfish in what she wanted she even had an afair after the husband told her why he was uncomfortable with her being around an ex-boyfriend. That really betrayed him in the worst possible way. He even went the extra mile to jump in raging river to save her life after she did that to him. He was still the better person. I just find it hard to believe, after reading this continuation, that he would try to put it all back together again.

With this sequal you wrote, you created a way for the wife explaining away what she did and putting them back together. That really doesn't help the story, it really hurts it. Someone that goes that far the extra mile, when they are betrayed, doesn't write it off as no big deal. I think in the rush to have them reconcile you didn't consider that possibly. You may have wrote back in a way for the husband and wife to be together, but it really doesn't flow with the original story.

Thats one reason why I hate, reconcilation stories that have no real basis in the story, other than to quickly stick the wife and husband back together. "Sometimes", just sometimes bad things happen when we are after only what we can get out of life first. There isn't a big red do over button for us to get a second chance with once we screw up in life. But for some reason, folks who are really big on reconcilation stories act like there is if they can logicaly explain why someone did cheat. Just because it may be explained doesn't mean it gets the big red do over button slapped on it.

But while it was a decent story, it really should have been its own story. Because it really had all its own merits to stand on its own. It just didn't flow with the original story though.

Well thought out. Only technical comment is that is is distracting when you slipped back and forth from first person to third person. You need to pick one and carry it through the story.

Dear Author:

Your story is so formulaic, however well written and was so so boring.

Now lets see …oh yea.. ….CHEATED then FORGIVENESS and RECONCILATION.

How do I fill the middle part…..oh yes, as follows:

1] daughters’ accept the mother’s cheating and have asked dad to reconsider

2] Dan has a horrible background and is a louse that has already cheated with two others and bragged it over town.

3] Mom and Mom in Law help in supporting in the reconciliation

4] Father in Law beats up Dan…supports son-in-law

5] friendship ties with Helen are severed.

6] pyschobabble used to show that Ted pre-ordained the whole thing by always feeling Ellie was too good for him

7] Ellie needed to recapture her lost youth?

8] Dan and Ellie were forced to dissolve their original relationship by father’s intervention so their original feelings for each other still existed and of course

9] Ted’s strong character shows through by the rescue of Ellie from the waters that he is a stand up guy and will do what is best....for everyone but himself…

Wow…. here we go Ted…we made it nice and easy for you to forgive and reconcile….

But where the hell was all this supposed support and closeness before the cheating took place!!!!

Why didn’t Ellie’s Dad and mom warn her of Dan as before especially when they were to co-chair the fundraiser.

Why didn’t the daughters talk openly about anything prior to the cheating.

Why didn’t her father speak privately to Dan before the cheating to tell him to stay away from his daughter or else….

Why didn’t her lifelong friend Helen be a true friend and stop it…especially after the first of three trysts

Why wasn’t Dan’s background reviewed and inspected before being place in a volunteer fundraising capacity…after all the PI’s report acknowledged all info was public…

Why wasn’t Dan’s slimy braggart character found out earlier…heck, it is a small town.

AND so on and so on…

Poor Ted…the only character that gets sucked in both stories…by the authors changing character development in midstream…

The first story should stand alone…all other stories have either changed the original characters…esp. Ellie or redefined the environment from whence it happened…..

But it was well written…though formulaic…

‘nuff said

Andy

If you haven't walked a mile in the character's moccasins, you can speculate what and/or how you would react. But when the chips fall where they lay, you quite often don't react the way you profess. Believe me the issues are complex as is the cure for cancer. Too many times we take the throw away approach in our microwave society.

Thank you for your story.

To me, these were totally different characters than Harddaysnight's characters. In your story, I could never get a handle on Ted. He character was very inconsistent.

I never understand how an author cannot notice that he has slipped from first person narrative to third, but it happens all the time on here. You start telling the story as if Ted is the narrator, then 1/3 of the way through, switch to third person, then suddenly back to first.

“I was just being transported back to my high school days,,, I did not think I would hurt you, if I kept it hidden,,, But, guest what, honey?, I love only you!  Please, believe me!  I’ll do any thing you say!”

I mean, what the _uck is that?!  He DID say, “Ellie, please, watch out for that guy you used to know,,, I somehow don’t like him and it is more than simple jealousy,,, don’t do any thing with him, as you did in high school,,,”

HE DID TELL her that, right? (I know, it's just a story! I, however, am "analyzing" a story here! ;o)

“Ted, I’ll do any thing you say!” 

No, she won’t!  She did just the OPPOSITE!  Dumb as he is (others tend to look at him as strong, reconciliable, loving, ad nauseam), even he got some thinking going (even if not followed through):

“Ellie,” Ted said, “you don’t truly love me,,,Your parents caught you fucking him in your living in high school; now, I’ve caught you fucking him,,, The two of you, by your own account, have been doing that for “a few times” now and would have gone on doing it for who knows how long,,

“You HAVE ALWAYS WANTED him, despite what your parents or I said,,, Let’s be honest for a few moments, Ellie:  In your mind, I was just someone to fall back on,,, Your tears come only because you’re caught and put in an embarrassing situation,,,”

“We both know this:  if he’s just a tad more truthful, REGARDLESS of who I have been to you all these years, you’d HAVE asked for a divorce or something before now. Though I didn’t know it until now, you’ve always chosen him over me!  Trying to UNDONE that decision now, Ellie, is like rubbing salt in my wounds,,,”

The most reasonable concluding words, then, should’ve been something like, “Ellie, we HAD many good years together. I appreciated you for putting up with me all these years, while patiently and quietely yearning and waiting for your high school sweetheart to return.  Now he has,,, Don’t let mine or your parents hatred for Dan cloud your decision where he is concerned.  Whatever he may be in our eyes, to you, I’m sure he will always be that exciting and irresistable guy from high school days,,,

“Let’s just be parents to our daughters, but live our separate lives,,, each really going after what they really wanted out of life,,, Neither of us is too old to find someone we truly love.... You may have found yours, again, after all these years,,,, It is time for me to find mine,,,”

Very decent story (conclusion) nevertheless,,,

In a nutshell, quite amaturish and rather sophmoric. First, let me say that HDK is one of my favorite authors. He writes good stuff. But as one commentor pointed out, this isn't even the same characters.

As to specifics in the story. Get a good editor...I mean a GOOD editor, not one who majors in the spelling grammar folks but one who has at least a passing aquaintance with structure, dialogue and characterization. The dialogue was godawful. I realize English is not your primary language but you spent far to much time watching old flicks from the 30's and 40's.

"Oh god please no Ted, please I made the most horrible mistake of my life. Please don't do this. We have 16 wonderful years together I know you love me. I wasn't showing you the love I truly have for you when I went to him. I thought I could control myself... that he was only in my past. Only when you found us having sex did I realize how obsessed I still was with him."

What a crock! It is the worst tripe of the heydey of Greer Garson! No American woman speaks like that, especially when looking at losing 1/2 of everythng she has!

And obviously, you don't have kids. Example:

"Daddy I know you're mad and so angry at Mom, but please look at your options before you divorce her." Followed by: "That's stupid Daddy, mommy loves you and knows this was the worst possible thing that she could ever do. But she loves and wants you. Are you going to go to a counselor? My Advisor in school says it helps people a lot." About the time my kid talked to me like that she would be wondering what the hell hit her. A child calling te parent stupid? Throwing up her "advisor"?? Most REAL parents would tell the kid that what was going on was between their mother and him and to butt the hell out! But to be fair, most kids would be far more concerned abot how the divorce could affect them and not the parents. I know,I reared 5 of the little rug rats. :-)

And the father! "Ellie, although the raw pain is ebbing I am still not decided on what to do." Althought the raw pain is ebbing?? Most of my fellow countrymen don't even know what the word 'ebbing' means, much less use it in a sentence during an emotionally charged episode. (assuming this was emotionally charged of which there was little evidence. Not one "hell" , "damn", "shit" or "fuck" used!) Hard to see this guy felt anything. Unless his prostate was bothering him. What struck me the most and the hardest is that in the space of 4 paragraphs we went from "Just sign these divorce papers...." to "We will see how things work out " ???!!! Boy does this guy run hot and cold!

Sorry to shuch an ass, (hmmm, well, no I'm not) but from a strict writing standpoint this need a shitload of work. I could go on, but, to be honest after the first half page I was in so much pain, I couldn't go on. I know people are going to say "just enjoy the damn story!" But HDK is a fine writer and deserved a better effort than this one.

THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!

This is Chagrined and save me an aisle seat. :-)

Hard to understand why this was written. It is the same outcome as HDK's, pretty much the same story and for about the same reasons. Only difference was F-in-law beat up the predator cad instead of Ted. Throw in the poor editing, and we have a waste of time.

While it has a similar outcome to previous versions, it is always fun and entertaining to see a different writers take on things. The subtle differences were well done, and I thought very thought provoking. I was a good job Writingdragon. I look forward to more of your work.

ALL (slight exaggeration :) of you praised hdk's efforts to reconcile them. I didnt think a reconciliation was warranted either but this was still a more believable version of unhappily ever after than hdk's part 2 was. Why is everyone ripping this author for doing the exact same thing hdk did when his part2 received universal acclaim.

I didnt think Ellie deserved a second chance after how brutally she behaved and how shallow her 'love' for her husband seems to be either but at least I wasnt claiming hdk's reconciliation was the be all and end all. HDK reconcilied the couple faster and less painfully than writingdragon did. He had tim behave more perfect and unemotional than writingdragon did. Hdk didnt explore any of the concerns tim must have had regarding taking ellie back (I realise his part 2 was from ellie's pov but he didnt even bring up any doubts related second hand through conversations).

Im one of the last people on this site to accept the quick and easy reconciliations that seem to be in vogue now but this story wasnt all bad by any stretch of the imagination. Tim covered a lot of the problems that would stop them from ever getting back together irl. He just seemed to forget about them later in the story is all. At least they were mentioned and it took a few months before he lost his senses. A step in the right direction as far as im concerned.

As for tim forgeting all the reasons to get as far away from ellie as quick as he could, I have a theory about that. I think that the cheating authors dont really believe the husbands should take their wives back in most cases. Many of them start out strong and bring up many good points then just kinda petter out and write a reconciliation with no basis in the story up to that point (doesnt follow characters previous behaviour, dont deal with issues the husbands brought up in the beginning, dont give any real reason why the husbands are so dead set on staying with their cheating wives, etc).

I think the authors either believe that the only happy ending is a reconciliaiton (not at all true - for me, a happy ending is finding real love, not staying with a partner that can treat you like ellie treated tim in this story). Either they are trying to force what they consider to be happy endings or its just a writing excersize on their parts (i.e. 'I am going to see how poorly I can make the wife behave and still have a reconciliation because thats a much better test of my skills than writing a realistic husband that wont keep coming back for more no matter what').

Even if Im against tim taking ellie back (said so in my original comment), I still think this was a good story. Just because the author doesnt agree with me, doesnt make it a bad effort. I found the characters believable and in line with the originals (ellie continuing her deplorable behaviour even as she cries about how much she loves tim and what a bad mistake she made and tim continuing to be a near perfect man and husband. I found it very believable that he would reconcider his fairly hasty decision at the end of chapter 1 based on his prior behaviour and his putting ellie on a pedestal for so many years. I think that further consideration of her actions should have lead him to an even stronger belief that ellie was worth pissing on but thats just me.

p.s. the fact that its damn near impossible to write a satisfying reconciliation for tim and ellie should be taken as a testament to the original story. HDK did such a good job of portraying ellie as such a worthless person that I really dont know how anyone can be happy that tim gives her another chance.

Judging by the number of comments you did a good job.

Also, it appears that long comments are the go for this story.

Personally I'm not that fussed with reconciliation at any cost type stories. I really believe this story was best left exactly where HDK finished his original.

He started the rot with his Father McKenzie ending, so I suppose we have to realise others will follow.

At least in your version here you explored the feelings of the characters and gave us a set of plausible reasons why they did decide to get back together.

Seemed to me you did manage to keep the characters true to the originals, despite the opposite view taken by a few critics.

Sure, Ellie changes a bit - wouldn't we all be surprised if being found out like that had no effect at all on a person? Ted changes a tad too, but whose outlook on life would not change at least a little after he saw another man fucking his wife?

People change. I'm not the same person I was last year, last month, maybe last week. Are the changes for the better? I hope so, but that's for others to judge.

You showed Ellie changing after she realized what she had done. She could have either said "Fuck you Ted, I'm off" or decide to try and put back together the marriage she so profoundly damaged. In YOUR story she chose the latter.

Likewise, Ted could have closed his mind and tossed her out, or decided he would see if there was anything to salvage. In YOUR story he decided a salvage attempt was worth the effort.

Reconciling 'because of the kids' is a fool's choice, but considering the effect on them of the actions you intend to take, as in YOUR story, is quite reasonable.

YOUR story, with YOUR supppositions of what the characters would do is well thought out and well written.

As for Charined's diatribe, I suggest you forget it. Isn't this the author who after taking a caning on some of his own stories has spent the past few months trashing every story he comments on? That must put his credibility as a critic pretty high, I expect.

He wants an editor to make you change the language(words) you use in your stories. I think you express your ideas very clearly, maybe too clearly for him.

I don't know a lot about editors, but I do not believe they are expected to change an author's natural writing style. I read chapter 2 of Secrets and Betrayals again to check. Your writing style and language is similar in both stories, and from memory is pretty constant throughout your stories on this site and others.

Don't change it, it is one of the reasons your fans read your work.

Writingdragon comes over to me as a gentleman who is capable of expressing his thoughts and thus those of his characters using civil language. Poor Chaggy has a problem with that. On the other hand I like it.

It's a fucking relief to fucking well find a fucking writer who can fucking write an underfuckingstandable fucking sentence without fucking having to fucking well resort to crude fucking language to get his fucking ideas across.

I await more well thought out and properly written stories from your pen.

Ted makes a demon out of Helen, yet the 1st part of the story doesn't back that up. Yes, she gossiped; but she posed the question of how Eleanor would react to Dan with intercourse being the last option. When Eleanor says she will just be friends with Dan she gets on the fund raising committee. Then she did not attempt to cover for Eleanor on the night that Ted found out.

Then the kids, completely unrealistic. Yet if they were to act that way, Ted should have responded to "Any questions Dad?" With "I've raised daughters who approves of cheating? That makes my custody decision very easy. Any questions?" Well, that dialog is also unrealistic, but certainly more satisfying.

What neither conclusion covers is what happened to the fund raiser. In this version, Eleanor says she didn't see Dan again. Did she drop out? Did Dan? -- that doesn't seem likely as he was looking to score more with Eleanor as well as more as Public Relations for his practise. If she did, then how can anyone trust her. She should go with the kids.

I liked the Beatles references in HDK's version, but he should have worked in "All the lonely people". Tough to do if the goal is a happy reconciliation.

Wife got to stay-therefore Ted is stupid, loser, wimp. He didn't seem like such a sissy in HDK's prequel.

First the good points:

-You stuck to HDK's final outcome- reconciliation

-You provided more depth to Ellie's character

-You provided more plausible details to the lover's

character (explain his cowardly actions)

-You make the final reconciliation not easy which is more

realistic

Now the bad points:

- Kids have no place in the reconciliation process

- Kids would have hated their mother's actions (note how

they felt about the lover's cowardly actions in the

first story)

- Ted has to live with this woman after the kids leave

the nest so while he needs to consider their well being

their threats were meaningless. What are they going to do

blame him because he could not love a lying cheating

wife?

- One important point not discussed between Ted and Ellie.

The "I went back to high school days" excuse explains the

initial seduction of Ellie not the subsequent fucks. Was

she waiting for Ted to repeat the scene that her father

played when she was caught before? She should have had

serious counseling to get an objective assessment of her

problems before Ted agreed to any form of reconciliation.

Despite the above, it is your story and you can write it anyway you want. I like your writing style and I look forward to your next story.

SleeplessinMD

whether I liked it or not. I went back and read HDK's original and his follow-up and then read this again. I really like what you've done. Oh sure, there are a few small things - at times it was mildly repetitious (she told him how many times in part 1 and again in part 2... "but she had to tell him all of it and he needed to know things" and I don't know how many teen age girls would say "please look at your options before you divorce her". But those are nits, it was well written and consistent with the original story. It had just the right amount of summation and that's always a hard call! You done good!

There was alot to like and a couple of things not to like but all in all it was a good read.

Much better ending than original, but he's still a wimp. Love is like grief, you move past, get over it & get on with your life. Regardless of his feelings of insecurity, staying with a cheating wife is the worst thing he could do for his self esteem. (zed)

finally we get an explanation of what happened to cause ellie to stray, and a plausable one at that.(no one can come up with a reason for dan to load ellie in his car to try and catch ted, much less what the hell they would have done had they succeded).i wish all who comment would tell what they would have done to dan. i would have nailed him with a kick in his guts, groin or face. then i would have tasted his blood through my teeth. imagine,finally being free to mutilate no.1, my life's nemesis. too bad "writingdragon" wasn't there at the exposure, but thanks anyway for saving the story.

I enjoy your writing style always. You even put in quite a bit of thought into the interactions, the how & why, of your characterizations.

Yet I feel in this specific case, the heroine lagged behind in a clear evaluation of true character and the emotional changes and adaptations that she would have transitioned through, to carry out the affair, in the first place.

As such, this image painted by so many, of the weeping, whining, begging wife is an image I cannot accept as even near to reality.

You are a very intelligent and creative writer, and as such, if you take the time, thinking of how much natural respect towards her husband that had to have been breached and broken down before she could take even a single step towards having the affair. Than if you continue along this line of thinking, and examine the nature of all humanity in justifying actions already taken, I think you will see that your characterization of the heroine could never have been.

Yes she would beg to be taken back, but would the reasoning be “as told”? Would not also much of her actions be tainted towards more of a pacification and downsizing of the affair first? Would not her first thoughts and actions be in “damage control”, damage control such as she, still fully in the mental state of the affair and not in a state of learned and acknowledge sin or transgression, would feel necessary? Would not it take time to transgress from the one state of mind to the other? Would not actions during this time of transition have also an effect on actions and thoughts of his?

I love your writing style. At times I am angry at the wife and think of the husband as weak BUT you always make it come out that love and self restraint from violence is the key to a successful conclusion. I am one that wants things to work out. Some of the commentators seem to feed on hate and revenge and equal these to real manhood..What a pity. Real strength is in restraint. Real love is in total forgiveness. but I agree, watchfulness is necessary. Monitor the peace and deal preventably with concerns. I look forward to more great stories like the ones you have done already

A lot of buildup and no finality to a dense and pointlessly long story. Eleanor Rigby was a song about the futility and grayness in life, and I always got the feeling that Paul was singing about the futility of Father Mackenzie's life in wiping off the dirt from his shoes as he buried another parishioner; the futility of believing in God and Heaven when this world is so very cold and hurtful.

And in this case it was. Dan needed to be killed for what he did. And in the real world, that kind of thing really happens. And if anyone Needed Killing, it was Dan. But aside from that, the need for divorce was very real because this kind of betrayal is serial betrayal in it's nature. The wife was so very locked into appearing as the "high school deb" with the "Prom King" boyfriend and so very muscled to boot, and here she is looking for forgiveness for a 30 year fantasy. This kind of person can NEVER let go.

I liked it, but with some reservations. I tend to agree more with rpsuch, regarding the attitude of the daughters. If they had spoken to me like that, if the cheating wife had not scolded the daughters - which she did not, I would have walked. I would have divorced all three of them, and let the daughters realize the weight of what their mother had done. With this ending, the daughters are enabled to replicate the same behavior as their mother. It is THEM that should go to counseling- not the father. Maybe we should have another alternative ending to this one? The wife's father is the only true hero in this mess!

I prefer Harddaysknight version better you kind of stretched the story a bit you made it sound like she cockolded him for Dan you left out the priest talking to her and giving her advice after her fuck up .

Pat

Liked this ending, well done. Liked the fact some accountability was sheeted home to Helen (was she married btw, if so someone should have a little chat to her husband, give him a heads up re his wifes true attitude to fidelity). One suggestion, making Dan the lover such a cad eliminated a source of drama and what ifs. Imagine the possibilities if he had been just a regular guy enjoying some pussy and maybe keen to reunite with Eleanor? Ted would have had some soul searching to do then.

This is just the ending the original story needed. I like this a lot

I felt sorry for the whores children. He should have left her in the water.

But if I were the author, he would have kicked her cheating ass to the curb. I have been married to my wife for almost 40 years. Were I to find out that she had cheated on me on three occasions (5 copulations), her ass would be out the door in a heartbeat - even if the act occured 10-20 years ago...

it is that the slut wife had multiple bouts of bareback sex with a man who was also involved in other sexual relationships. AIDS and drug resistant STDs as well as other infectious diseases are real and outthere. Where in this story is it stated she went in for the required medical testing, as did he, for the next several months. Unfortunately he had already had children by such a weak willed and self centered individual. A shame to project such genes further into the gene pool.

great writitng skills. But I cant understand the part when you forgive someone whos cheated on you so gravely after 16 years of marriage. she fuckin did exactly what you feared the MOST. and how the fuck does somebody MAKE UP for cheating?

Loved it. Very realistic in how I have seen this issue played out in my office. Very few people actually do the kinds of things the revenge mongers on this site always state they would do. In fact many of those that say they would don't. A few do, I grant you, but most find out they really do not want to go to extremes of revenge. Loved this story as it shows what real love and not fear or possession can do.

it seems like her regrets was getting caught,and not the affair. who cares if she was being one of several affairs. she was responsible, and was calculated in what she did. another Dan comes along, and what is to stop her? crocidile tears i think.

I find it amazing the number of respondents that counsel total unforgiveness. They would be the first in line for forgiveness should they make an error.

Of course they are "anonymous" and therefore can't be called to account for their lack of compassion for others.

In almost every case of infidelity, there are factors involved that color the actions and causative factors that are unrealized but very real.

The lady was guilty--no doubt about it. The fact that it happened three times gives question to the reality of her repentence. However the counselor made a valid observation concerning the past and its effect on her.

Aging is an emotional reality and more so for women than men, in that men seem to gain mature distinction whereas most women just feel "older." Not a positive factor!

To repent means to make a 180 degree turn from the repented action. It has no meaning if the fact of repenting is not allowed due to instransigence on the part of others.

Forget? never, forgive? whenever possible. There is no human that is so perfect that they have never erred, and maturity is gained at the experience of overcoming errors.

I like the story and the outcome, not the facts that produced the reason for the story.

Personally I felt unhappy that HDK wrote his second chapter and decided on reconciliation. I appreciate WritingDragon's

effort but I have to admit that I am in complete agreement with the negative reaction to the way the wife thought about what happened in this second version and had a very negative reaction to what the children said would happen if he did not reconcile.

I can see where this could of gone this way. It was a good extension of the original story. Thanks for the entertainment. Mike from Texas

the more she talked, the less sympathy i felt. he was right, he was too good for he. there is visitation for her and she can pay child support.its not to cut her from the kids lives, just his on a daily basis. future, a better one awaits, without her. it built to this disappointing ending, where is trust truly restored? no free pass for him?

wd,

Enjoyed original but....always liked happy endings. Some stories end un-happy some end happily. Some people are young and unhappy so dat "noboddy should be happy." I'm old but not un-happy, "that’s' my choice". My choice of endings...Enjoyed your ending! Thanks for writing Your ending (and ignore the anonymous dickheads)

xtreme

I actually liked your sequel better HDK's. It had more passion it and actually showed more emotion from Eleanor although told from her Husbands point of view

Very good read! You put a heartfelt effort into this conclusion to this story that was very real. I really appreciated that! HDK I hope was proud of your effort to his story!

Thanks for writing!

A few grammatical errors that caused the smooth flow of the story to come to a screeching halt which could have been easily solved with a thorough read through. The extra details about her affair actually made the story more implausible. At least the way it was written. Supposedly, she was in this "time warp" like dream state that even the expressed fears of her husband couldn't wake her from and make her see what she was doing to her family and her marriage. This suggest the marriage wasn't that important to her. I thought the rational that Ted gave for their marriage, that he was good enough only after Dan's true colors were uncovered, was right on. Also, Ted's turn around seemed too sudden. Even though it was stated that four months had passed it seemed that Ted made his decision to reconcile awfully fast. There was also the threat of his daughter, Jen, that he overheard which implied that the women were sticking together and if he didn't make the right decision soon they were going to withhold their love and stick with their mom leaving him all alone. Which, of course, would play to his insecurities of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" (that he's not good enough). You presented some very good reasons that pointed to a major flaw in their marriage the caused Ellie's infidelity. That basically, Ted was right, deep down she didn't think he was good enough for her. Insecurity is a character flaw that most people who have it live with their whole life. It's not easily cured if ever. Maybe if you gave a little more detail about Ted's thinking process that he went through when deciding to try and save his marriage and less evidence to the state of their marriage before the affair it might have worked. You gave some good reasons for reconciliation but compared to the ones for going the other way they didn't seem to compare. I liked the story and it actually had more meat than HDK's version but HDK has a kind of "Tongue -n- cheek" writing style that tends to put the story more in the realm of comedy than drama. An author can get away with a lot more when it comes to realism when it's framed as a comedy. Don't get me wrong, I like reconciliation stories and overall, I enjoyed reading this one. I'm just nit picking giving you something to think about. Thank you for your time and hard work for this entertaining story.

WD ... a well written follow up that obviously had a lot of thought put into it. The issue is reconciling with a woman who chose to lie, manipulate and ultimately betray her husband not once but three times. I agree completely with his demands that she cut off her "so called" friend and she meet with Dan's employer to demand his dismissal. Eleanor protested that she would be admitting she was a slut .. well that is exactly what a "loving wife" is when she spreads her legs for a man who is not her husband. As they say "if the shoe fits...". A better ending would have been if Ted had gone thru with the divorce filing under Adultery .. using the word "infidelity" is too kind for what she did! The story could have ended with her having to suffer the humiliation of knowing her friends and family knew what happened and her having to "truly" work to win Ted back. Again a good follow up that could have been great with a slightly different end.

I agree with RPSuch -- the daughters trashed any possibility of reconciliation.

All three kicked to the curb and go on with his life. Too many women think that the pussy rules. When it does, the relationship is skewed and sick.

When reconciliation is based on love, not pussy pressure, it stands a chance of completion. Any other base is sand -- shifting and insecure.

Good writing

like daughter - at least 2 more cuckolds in the pipe as soon as the slut daughters get married and hang the horns on those hubbies

But the real problem is he took her back......

OK, I think it was a good sequel, but she never followed through on one of Ted's conditions. She was supposed to address Dan's employer and confess what happened and force them to enforce the morality clause of his employment. She never did that. Someone else did it.

Ellie said she was willing to do anything to prove to Ted that she wanted another chance. But when confronted with the possibility of some personal embarrassment (even after being as embarrassed as she was when Ted found her and Dan together) and being told that Dan was already bragging about nailing Ellie, she never did it. She should have jumped at the chance to get some revenge on Wilkins after finding out what an arrogant, cowardly little prick he proved himself to be.

I also missed the input from Father McKenzie. Otherwise a good story!

Every adult have to bear a consequence of their actions. Some are forgivable mistakes, some are a deal breakers.

How could any man live with distrust and suspicions for the rest of his life? It is better to end it immediately !

This was a great read, i liked it a lot but i also had questions to ask, why didn't she go and tell the management that he had breached his morality clause and the other one was did she ever tell his parents and what happened there.

Something that i get tired of is this macho bullshit about" kicking the Bitch" the curb and the I'd do this or that. What a crock. I think you and other writers do is try and show that sometime forgiving is more macho than the other way. You say it truthfully when you say that you just cant turn off LOVE like a lite switch, yes there is pain, but if there is remorse sometime love can overcome the hurt and pain and things can be fixed.

Again thanks for a great read and keep up the good work...

BH

...the qeustion often asked "if you know why didn't you stop me?"

I have often asked myself,if I find a $10 bill lying around and nobody would be the wiser as to who picked it up,"do I walk away in the knowledge that someone somewhere at sometime would be hurt because it was lost to them?",or do I justify it by maybe "say?","if it was that important to them they would have kept their eye on it?".

.....I don't know why that $10 was lying there accident,trap,foolishness but I would like to think if it is gone it is not because someone justified themselves as to why they should have it for themselves rather than the rightful owner...oh well life goes on.....looking forward to more stories from you,great stuff

I live the life of someone who could not live with bitch -

But I had nothing to indicate anything like remorse, acceptance of responsibility, real love for our family or anything else to pin a future on.

That bitch wasn't worth it and there were plenty of other issues going on to say just stop and walk - love won't turn of or on like a switch but the room gets real dark when bulb dims or breaks and then you walk away. As long as the light is strong you can navigate to the door and move on IMHO

One of the better reconciliation stories I have read. Selstim made some good points. Good stand alone story.

I do have a problem with the threats from his daughter though.

The threat from his daughters was wrong, to me that ruined the reconciliation, he did NOTHING wrong!

This is certainly better than the original conclusion; I especially preferred the counseling aspect. Still, why does she constantly hesitate and argue over his conditions? Why does she have so little remorse or justification for her excessive premeditation of this affair, after her husband bared his soul to her about his concerns? To me, these are instances that would have easily derailed any attempt at reconciliation. This marriage should have been torched.

both stories, fuck all this out her league shit. she's just another lying cheating slut. and this RAAC shit makes me fucking sick. the husband's is just another cuckold.

The story is a challenge we all have those lost worlds in our past - the what if situations.

I think one of our proofs of maturity is how we cope with them and the follow ups - she failed miserably, she came back - maybe -

The daughter did what kids do - she forgave and made up her mind what she wanted to see him do - good for her lol.

The wife seemed to, pretty clearly,, "get" what she did and what it meant to both of them - she stopped making any excuses real early -

Nice job

Nope, it is his choice. His daughters can like it or lump it. He needs to get a back bone and tell them that he understands that they want their parents together but he will make his own decisions and if they don't like it , tough shit! If they want to try to threaten to withhold a relationship from him, that is their problem. If you buckle to emotional blackmail you lose yourself.

Both final chapters to our girl Eleanor say the same thing. I know revenge fucks don't work but if Ted could make Elle feel the betrayal he felt it might have given this tale more credence. John is spinning...

and living in Tennessee. TK U MLJ LV NV

Another wimp joins the club. Sad.

This isn't as good as the original ending by Harddaysknight. I'm not sure why you decided to have her dump Helen and while I understand the counselor part, that just seemed to replace the Priest. I also liked how Ted dealt with Dan in the original story rather than alluding to the father-in-law being involved. Don't get me wrong. Your ending was well-written, but I liked the original better. Write on!

gave it a 1 its a piece of shit plot, your rage was real for the man but then you wimped him out without just cause, and in the plot no real remorse or support by the cunt daughters Jen's voice had a strong edge to it as she replied, "If he doesn't get it through his rock hard head pretty soon he will be very sorry when Audrey and I get done with him." I'd put her in the fucking grave with a knife.They are women and no real surprise when they joined in on moms side, from they way you wrote it it was all to common place,yawn, not an improvement at all. not so much as writingdragon as writingwimp bitch as far as this story goes.

apparently women cheat because they get involved with wimps. I wonder how he will rationalize it the next time she cheats. Maybe he will face the truth: any future cheating behavior on her part is on him.

Good job overall, closet cuckolds will protest too much (as usual) but story was edited, made sense, and remained true to the original HDK characters, well done.

I feel it did not fit into the time frame of the story. This section of the story is somewhat disjointed in tempo. The info does fill out the story line but feels almost as a afterthought to a good story.

Harddaysknight's sequel was much better. Its too easy to paint the seducer as a vile serpent with no redeeming qualities.

Maybe he got to loving cream pies, cause the cheating slut will be feeding them to him.

You're right, you can't turn love on and off like a lightswitch. Especially when your hot ex comes back into town, whom you still love. Oh, did you mean love within the marriage? Ellie didn't seem to have any trouble flipping that switch for a couple of weeks of betraying the man she supposedly loved for sixteen years.

This version was a bit more plausible than HDK's Aftermath, but it's too bad Father McKenzie wasn't around in this version to have a little talk with the daughters about respecting their father (you know, the guy who risked his life to save their mother, even after she stabbed him in the back.) I just didn't see the need for another version of the story that ended with RAAC.

Another well-written story that cuts off the man's balls and destroys his self-respect.

She cheated not once but several times over 2 weeks and how long for the petting and kissing leading up to the sex. Oh! she never saw it coming, she didn't know she was being played after this guy kept telling her just what she wanted to hear, and she is supposed to be so smart??? But wait, she said she felt "guilty" each time AFTER it happened, until the next time. She felt so guilty that she cut off sex with her husband. Then she had the gall to blame him for not stopping her??? Poor girl, she just wanted to relive her youth. She did tell her husband she was so sorry-again after she got caught. She did receive a lot of good advice in this and the previous story, she should remember it for her next husband.

Too bad you are a liar. Yup, that's what I said, a liar. There is no way that a person "loves" there spouse and cheats on them. It is a contradiction in terms! Love is a verb! It is an action! It is something you do! To love someone means that you actively care about their welfare and take steps to ensure that they are safe and protected from harm. It also means that you try to make them happy, not sad. You treat them with respect, not contempt! No, she didn't love her husband when she chose to fuck around, in fact she hadn't loved him for a while, if ever. You see, when you love someone for years it becomes a habit, like an addiction. You just can't stop cold turkey and start actively hurting them! So, she didn't love him. She still didn't love him after she was caught, she loved herself and her life, and her reputation. She didn't want to lose those things. She didn't want to lose her husbands love or her children's love. Sure they were sort of siding with her, but in the long run if they had gotten a divorce they would have blamed her and held it against her. That is what women do, they remember and never forgive. So, you are a liar, your protagonist is in denial and if there is any reality in this dimension, he will one day realize this and walk away. It would probably happen when the youngest kid goes to college and they are left alone and he sees the real her for the real POS she is. 4* for the writing!

...Ellie is still a whore.

"I've been a whore for an egocentric ass..."

That is an understatement, Whore. If I were your husband, I'd keep you. Keep you in another bedroom, keep you alone. No love, no touches, no family outings, just keep you like a mushroom in the dark.

Years ago, my wife was working as a waitress and I was a carpenter. We were in our late twenties with 2 kids in grade school. I beat my wife home from work one day and was surprised when she came straight to me and let me know her old HS boyfriend, who popped her cherry had stopped by where she worked and stayed there all day. He wanted to 'talk'. At this point, we'd been married over 10 years. After he'd popped her cherry, they fucked for about a year straight before he cheated on her. They experimented and did all the nasty things young lovers do when they are learning.

She said he just drank coffee and watched her and back then, my wife looked good! Finally she had a break and he wanted to know about her life. She had been the head cheerleader, he was the star football player. Me? I was the band geek, that loved her from afar. After they broke up she went through a couple other cocks before I came along and we married.

The main thing he asked her that really caught my attention was "is he (me) treating you alright?" The point being, if he isn't, here I am! My wife let him know in no uncertain terms, she was happily married to the man she loved, had two wonderful children and our life was perfect. She conveyed perfectly that she wasn't interested in the least. He took the message and left, she's never seen him again that I'm aware of, some 30 years later.

Right or wrong, I'm still about 3/4 pissed at my MIL. My wife's boyfriend found her first and she just couldn't wait to tell him where my wife worked and that he should stop by and see her, something he'd already planned on. If my MIL only knew how he used my wife for her cunt and not much else, she would be shocked. Basically, in that year, he never took her on a date, the only times they got together away from school, was when he wanted to fuck her and from what she's alluded to, she let him fuck her every single time, she never said no.

But when the chips were down, the rubber met the road and she not only stayed true blue to me, but immediately came to me and explained what had happened.

Now with Grandkids, our life really is perfect!

I must say that I agree with most comments...but I also must say that the only Man that resisted to three temptations was Jesus. We all sin some day, for this or for that. And most of the times we repent after failing...She repent herself, she confessed her sins to all, so even being a cheater and a whore, she had the right to repent and to be forgiven. He had the right to not forgive, but he choose to forgive and that was is right too. Will they survive in future to all what happened? I don't know, but at least they have the right and the obligation to try as a family and for the family...

I love BTB stories and I love when a story unfolds that show the bigger side of human nature. He obviously ask himself the question along the way" am I better off without her". And, he arrived at the answer you gave in the story. I wonder if there are relationships like this that can really recover from the betrayal and restore the trust. I want to believe as you have portrayed that it can be done.

Thanks!

any of the versions of this story. And like was mentioned before, you can surely tell what kind of raising the daughters got. Cheaters raise cheaters, if nothing else by example. Lack of respect for the husband by the wife shows the daughters how to treat all of the men in their lives. I don't know about handling cheaters all that much, but I had a close example of that growing up and it taints the children in the marriage for life.

As much as the father loved his daughters it is a shame that they totally took the slut side of the marriage to the point of threatening to make his life even more miserable than it already was. He should have just stood on the bank and watched them swim, maybe helped old Dan by throwing him a heavy chunk of concrete to hold on to in the water. If you hit him just right he would have been in the water for a long time.

I was all going good with the story - for the most part - right until Jen copped the "he better take you back or else" attitude.

It's not her or anyone else's choice as to how hurt he is by what his wife did. If it hurt him too much to get over then they should just feel bad about it but accept it.

I mean, what happened to that "Mom, how could you?" the girls had earlier...?

Character mismatch.

Decisive at the start, emotional waffle at the end.

Not saying the conclusion is wrong, just how Ted was portrayed at the end.

Good writing but how could he ever really trust her again? She was easily persuaded to cheat, didn't want to give up her friend, then apparently got the daughters to switch from his side to hers. All in all almost a perfect recipe for a disaster just waiting to happen in the future. I could see him wanting to not divorce the cheating slut because of the children, but to actually want to return to a real marriage to her? Why? What would he gain but years of distrust and the constant worry about when will she cheat again. The woman described in this story would be almost certain to cheat again by the way, she was just too self centered not to eventually talk herself into believing that she didn't do anything that wrong, especially if she feels that she got away with it by getting to keep her marriage intact after getting caught.

You take an apple tree, graft pear shoots onto it so that only pears grow, and want everyone to believe its still an apple tree. Try being original or even harder writing something that actually uses the characters and plot of the story you pretend to be extending.

Getting back together just felt wrong. Even in the original story. She was warned by her husband, ignored his concerns and on multiple occasions had sex with Dan.

Only AFTER getting caught did she feel any real remorse. She said she was confused before she was caught, but not enough to quit screwing another man!

No, they should not have gotten back together.

Really , why spread this deodorant on shit?

The title should be "Choices",there were no consequences.

Some of the writing left a little bit to be desired. A few run on sentences and a few fragments that shouldn't have been complete sentences in and of themselves...but from a story telling standpoint I thought this was very well done.

I do, however, have to agree with some of the previous comments in that I felt the reconciliation was forced. To my own thinking, if I tell someone not to do something, plead and beg them not to do something and they go on anyway, they have just demonstrated to me what my opinion is worth and their own opinion about how I feel. Neither of which being cornerstones for a lasting relationship, let alone a marriage. The time to say "I'm confused" is before anything happens...not after. This is particularly true when the exact issue is brought to the fore and put on the table for discussion. Even if the thought hadn't occurred to her before he brought it up, that's the time to say "I hadn't thought of that...let's discuss it." Not "you're an idiot! Now let me go off and prove just how big an idiot you are."

But, not my story. I didn't write it or edit it, just commentary from the peanut gallery.

Your writing is readable but this guy is a pussy!