Enslaving Chloe Ch. 08

Chloe and I enjoyed being with both men and women although neither of us had ever met a man to whom we would have submitted. Even sexually we found it hard to find men with whom we were really compatible. So we took to fucking each other in the absence of any real alternative. I don't mean that we never went to bed with a man, but if we did they usually disappointed us before very long and we would end up consoling each other which often led to a sexual involvement with each other as well. As far as men went, I know that Chloe was quite the slut when she was younger but her many relationships were mostly quite short-lived. I think that once the novelty wore off she soon tired of the demands of a man when when her own needs were not being met.

She had never submitted to any man so far as I knew. Not because she would not have liked to do so, but simply because none of the men she ended up with made her feel that they would respond adequately if she did. I got the impression she dumped many of the men she fucked relatively quickly because they actually expected her to *mother* them rather than being capable of looking after her in the way she really wanted. In my case the only man (or boy) I'd ever expressed my innermost desires to was my first boyfriend and that was a total disaster. Since then I'd been very careful about letting any man see that side of me even though I often wished I knew a man with whom I could discuss my deepest needs and who would be supportive like Chloe.

With my feminist friends there was almost an obligation to discuss everything very openly including our sexual experiences and preferences, but if I mentioned anything about my more perverted desires it soon became obvious that my views were considered heretical. I always had difficulty conveying to my *sisters* that although I agreed with and supported them in principle I had quite different aspirations to theirs. Rather than wanting to be the first female executive of a Fortune 500 company or achieve some other milestone for feminism I just wanted to be myself. I felt that if I could do so without being forced to give up my personal desires in the face of pressure from society or family or anything else then that in itself was a victory for women's emancipation.

Unfortunately, apart from being free to seek a way to live out my own desires I did not really want to be emancipated. Rather than wanting to be equal to others my natural inclination was to desire subjugation. I knew perfectly well that I would not be happy juggling a demanding career in a senior position with motherhood or my duties as a wife while struggling to find time to attend consciousness-raising sessions with my feminist sisters. This was never a path to which I aspired.

To be honest I saw my feminist beliefs being manifested in my attitude that the most complete fulfillment of myself as a woman that I could imagine achieving was to be fortunate enough to be totally dominated by someone I loved and trusted. What I wanted more than anything was to make a commitment to such a person (when and if I found them) that I was their property and that I wished only to be used for their pleasure. If I could demonstrate such a commitment by lying bound at their feet licking their boots while I begged to be allowed to serve them, all the better! What was actually involved did not really matter to me as long as I felt that my need to be totally enslaved by a loving dominant was being met, and I would be happy to do whatever was required of me no matter how humiliating or depraved that might be.

Somehow none of my feminist friends seemed to see the strength of my commitment to living out my dreams as in any way admirable or illustrative of a woman breaking through social taboos and paternalistic barriers to achieve her desires. Mostly they were shocked and horrified by the way I thought and regarded me with disgust. At first I was upset by their narrow-minded and moralistic attitudes, but eventually I realised that it was better to just keep my thoughts to myself.

It was experiences like this which convinced me that it takes a great deal of strength of character, and incredible dedication to her chosen path, for a submissive woman not to give in to the many pressures and obstacles she encounters. I think it's a real mistake to make the assumption that submissive women are weak and unable to think for themselves!

Chloe was the only woman I knew at that time who never made me feel ashamed of who and what I was. She was not only supportive and shared her own slightly different but very complementary desires for submission with me... she also lovingly allowed me to lick her cunt and she sometimes permitted me to abase myself for her enjoyment. We got along perfectly! Although I loved and respected Chloe I would have preferred to feel the dominance of a man, but at that time I had not met any man who had the self-awareness, integrity and strength of character necessary before I would even consider submitting to them.

Like our feminist sisters, both Chloe and I felt that as women we should be able to achieve whatever we set out to do in our lives and we refused to accept the many stupid restrictions imposed on us by society that limited our opportunities. We also saw many men as weak, selfish, juvenile and willing to exploit women's vulnerabilities for their own purposes. Like many women we wished we could find a man with the personal qualities that would make him stand out from the mass of boy-men who thought only of themselves and regarded women as an alien species that were *impossible* to understand.

However it seemed to us that the type of feminist principles we admired were often nothing more than empty words spouted as rhetoric by women whose narrow minded attitudes were just as offensive as those of the most chauvinistic man. Chloe and I often discussed how the way we viewed ourselves seemed to be just as foreign to many women as it was to most men. This disturbing reality (as opposed to all the high-flown rhetoric) was very discouraging and I perfectly understood why Chloe eventually decided to adopt a facade that was very different to her innermost self and why she never allowed those around her to know her true feelings. Both of us came out of that stage in our lives with the attitude that we could not be fully open with or completely trust anyone except each other. Rather than rejecting feminism I feel that it was feminism that rejected me!

Of course Master already knew all this as I had discussed it with him many times. He understood when I told him that the shock to my best friend's prestige and image in the arts community as a result of Bryan's attitude towards her was not only a financial blow but a psychological blow as well. Chloe defined her (public) identity very much in terms of her activities in the arts community. She was well known nationally and even to some extent internationally for her creative abilities, but her position relied largely on her ongoing contribution locally. By substantially reducing her exposure with one harsh decision Bryan had hit hard at something he didn't even know existed.

Now it was going to be harder for Chloe to maintain the public image of a modern young woman very much in charge of her life that shielded her from any real scrutiny, and it seemed to me that the multiple difficulties my friend was suddenly facing meant that her life as it had been was going to be much more difficult to maintain. When one has to battle adversity on a number of fronts simultaneously I think it's very natural to feel like retreating to somewhere more secure, more predictable and more rewarding than the constant daily grind out there in the *real* world.

Master had listened patiently to me without much comment and without asking many questions. Despite his lack of comment I knew that my analysis of the current situation interested him greatly, and he was well aware that my main concern was being able to judge the right time to talk to Chloe about my proposal.

Eventually even I began to run out of things to say and we were both silent, but it was a companionable silence and we just enjoyed hearing each other breathe. It was not unusual for us to sit together quietly for a while as we always felt a sense of connection even if we didn't have much to say. Tonight Master was thoughtful for a long time... then he told me that although he agreed there was a very interesting confluence of circumstances right now, he did not want me to push Chloe into anything.

It was very important to Master that Chloe make her own decision about whether she wanted to be his slave. He felt that as it was obviously a life-changing decision for her, she should have the opportunity to consider it carefully and without any pressure. So he instructed me that I was not to remind my friend that I had something to discuss with her in the morning unless she made some comment that would make it appropriate for me to do so. He knew I was impatient to discuss my proposal with Chloe, so Master told me that if she had not mentioned it within the next few days he would reconsider.

Master knew very well how much I wanted Chloe to become his slave, but I fully accepted that it would not be right to be too pushy with her in trying to bring this about. I knew that it was essential that this momentous decision be hers alone. Unlike the brutal slavery of olden times (which I am well aware still exists in various forms) the kind of voluntary servitude I had always desired could only be a result of free choice.

I don't know if anyone who does not share a desire for "voluntary servitude" (rather than being forced to be a slave) can truly understand such a complex and seemingly contradictory fetish. There is a very big difference between slavery that is imposed on unwilling and resisting victims and the "voluntary servitude" in which I lived. Both Master and Chloe possessed the knowledge and understanding of my personality that enabled them to keep me hungry for deeper and more intense experiences involving submission, humiliation and degradation. In that way they had a lot of power over me, but it was only as a consequence of what I myself also wanted.

I certainly get angry and upset if insulted or treated with a lack of respect, just like any other woman. But someone who has the ability to put me in that special mental space where my deep desire for submission and mortification kicks in knows that there is virtually nothing I will not accept if approached in the right way. It's very hard to describe all these complicated emotions, but I am not easily influenced by anyone unless they have the natural ability to handle me in a way that makes me want submit to them, as opposed to making me want to resist and run away.

I knew that Chloe felt exactly the same way and that any difference between us was only an expression of our different personalities. I was certain she would be able to accept fundamentally the same degree of servitude I currently experienced with my Master if she decided to choose that option. He would understand how to modify anything that needed to be changed to suit her specific desires, but that was something they would have to work out together, when and if she agreed to my proposal.

At that stage it would be out of my hands, and what I needed to focus on now was getting her to the stage where my friend could negotiate the terms of her enslavement directly with Master if that was what she decided to do. I very much wanted to help Chloe achieve the love and acceptance for which she so deeply yearned.

The prospect of serving her as well as Master made me smile.