Full Figured Chic Ch. 13

"Does it matter?" Jay responded with a smile in his tone.

"No. I'm going get that call, and I'll be in bed when I do it."

They both laughed. "Get lost dude. I don't want you here anymore anyway." Then in response to Greg's reaction he added, "And I'm going to bed in ten minutes myself. Sasha too."

Sasha's heart raced as Jay mentioned her in bed.

"Fine fine, but you'd better. And if she has circles under her eyes in the morning, I'm gonna kill you!"

He slapped his old friend playfully on the back and turning toward Sasha, gave her a wave that meant he was aware she was still in the room. "Goodnight hon. You get sleep you hear me? No staying up till four am because this bastard wants more sketches."

"I'll be in bed soon Greg." Sasha promised, but all she could think about was ten minutes alone with Jay.

The door closed behind Greg and Sasha was alone n the room with Jay.

For what Sasha thought was a couple of hours but could only possibly have been a few minutes, she stood watching Jay as he worked. She couldn't tell what he wanted her to do, so she thought she'd just sit tight till he included her in whatever place he was in.

Jay sat scribbling in his notebook. He didn't even glance toward Sasha. He just worked. She watched him, the pencil moving as if it willed his body to life behind it, a fever of creativity with ideas and life seeming to pour through him. His black hair shook over his brow as he stared intently into the paper before him. The other hand steadied him, his fingers spread wide, braced tensely against the tabletop, his elbow sticking straight up. It was almost as if the fever pouring through him was more than he could comfortably bear and his whole body anxiously trying to manage the strength of it. She hadn't moved since Greg left and it started to feel uncomfortable for Sasha. But she didn't want to say anything. Did he need her here? She glanced to her left, wondering which of the luxurious piles of material on the floor Jay would have her try.

"Are you bored?" Jay asked as he kept working, not looking up at her, not pausing from his task. "No. I just wondered what you needed from me. I am simply standing here."

"Maybe that's what I need."

God, he can be dramatic, she thought to herself, wondering what to do while she stood there inspiring him.

"I hated the way you spoke to me earlier." He said suddenly.

Caught off guard, ire rose in Sasha immediately. She thought of his mother, who Greg had spoken to when he found out about the afternoon, but who still persisted in glancing out of her doorway every now and then to follow Sasha to the kitchen or watch her as she busied herself out of her room. She still didn't think they way that he'd dismissed her was okay when only he could tame her and tell her to leave Sasha alone.

"I think my outburst was reasonable. If you could pull your head out of your own obsessions for five minutes to think about your mother, you would see that she is unwell. And she is behaving very strangely toward me." Courage made her say one last thing. "And I am surprised that you are bringing that up now. Don't you have work to do and isn't this the perfect time to do it?"

Suddenly Jay stopped. He turned in his seat to look at her. "This might be a little project to you, but it means everything to me, and all we are and all we have in our lives is our projects. THIS is what defines me. THIS is how I know who I am."

Sasha wanted to be offended at his abruptness, but the velvet in his voice appeased her. Instead the worry ran through her mind that every time they get a chance to really communicate they turn to harsh words.

Disappointment welled up in her, taking her over again. Like the last time he's spoken harshly to him, she worried that she had the overwhelming impulse to cry. He wasn't done with her yet, however, and she'd be damned if this stupidity that went on between them interfered wither chance -- her only every chance -- to be a model.

Confused and worried that she'd soon make a total fool of herself, She blurted out "What about love for those around you. Can that help define you as well?

As she spoke the words, her voice cracked indicating she was extremely upset and she realised she'd exposed herself with both the words and the manner in which they were delivered. She looked at the pile of material to her left, not willing to turn and show him her face no matter how foolish it all must look to someone as worldly and sophisticated as Jay.

"Did I upset you?" His voice seemed laced with concern, as if he felt physical pain from her own.

A silent tear finally spilled down her cheek after her eye brimmed over. "I'm sorry. I'm so emotional. I don't know what to make of it. It has been a difficult day."

"Have I made it hard for you?"

Sasha sighed, still not willing to look at him, but now resigning herself to the several dips falling from her eyes. She lifted her tear stained face to him and said "Yes. You have made it hard for me."

Instantly Jay leapt from his seat and moved as fast as she could have through possible without him sprinting in an inelegant way to her. He wrapped his arms about her, and Held her tight to his chest.

The close physical contact, especially when she least expected it was the last straw for Sasha. Full gentle tears flowed freely down her face as she felt the powerful enormity of him wrapping his protective arms about her.

"If there were a way to make sure you would never cry again, I would find it." He said in the softest voice.

There was so much earnestness in his voice that Sasha turned her tear stained face to him. "Honestly, it's nice o f you to take an interest, but why do you care if I get upset or not, as long as I am here to inspire you, or whatever it is that goes on between us." She was almost crushed in the warmest possible way against his chest, conscious of his breath on the top of her head, relishing the smell of his masculine cologne mixed with the muskiness of his natural body. He'd let her go in a minute and Sasha was sure it would trigger more tears; the closeness meant way too much to her already.

"What do you think happens between us?" he asked looked hard at her. His haunting eyes flew from each of hers to the other, as if whatever she said next held the utmost importance.

Confused still, Sasha looked back at him, again wondering when he was going to let her go. His warmth and his tenderness while the bewilderment overtook her contrasted against his anger and embarrassment when she confronted him. His actions didn't seem consistent and now that she had the reality of nestling in her arms, all she could think of was her fear and the probability of him letting her go. It felt so good to be in his arms, and to feel his gentle strength around her. Better even than all Sasha's imaginings.

Still looking at him she replied, "I'm not sure. There is definitely some kind of chemistry or energy. I feel it when I am around you -- perhaps its why I act with a certain volatility - and it seems to stimulate you creatively. Other than that I am not sure what it is or what it means."

Pulling one arm from around her body, he moved his hand in front of her face, and let his thumb rub gently over the tear stained tracks on her skin.

"I've never seen anything as beautiful as you Sasha. I've never EVER felt this kind of creative surge. The truth is I've thought of nothing but you since I first saw you. You've already changed my life enormously and I've known you for two days."

He paused, running his thumb back and forth across her cheek, and resting his hand against her jaw line as he did it. He continued. "I'm worried about something. I am worried about my mother, but I have other problems- Other secrets that could make life very difficult for you if I got too close to you. I can't say too much about that, but it makes me volatile around you as well. But when you're actually in the room with me, I think those problems may not stay in the way. I fear that they will move aside and that I will take you in my arms as I have right now and try, with all of my might, to never let you go."

Sasha, still held in his embrace, stared up at him, indulging in the feel of his arms about her and his warmth being sent her way. Without another word, he leaned down into her and planted a deep kiss on her lips.