Ghostly Ghouls and Ghoulish Goblins

"Protection from what? We're ghosts. We're dead. No one can harm us and nothing can hurt us. Trust me Irene, nothing and no one can injure us that hasn't already killed us," he said with a ghostly laugh that echoed throughout the haunted house.

* * * * *

"What was that? Did you hear that? I just heard a ghostly laugh," said some trick or treaters walking by the house outside.

"Oh that's just a ghost. My Mom said not to go in there. My Mom said that the place is wicked haunted by the old people who used to live them back in the '60's. They died in their sleep from a carbon monoxide leak from their fireplace," he said.

"Let's cross the street. I'm getting the heebie jeebies," said one of the trick or treaters.

"I don't like ghosts," said another.

"I don't like ghosts especially on Halloween and especially during a full moon," said another while looking up at the sky.

"Let's get outta here," said the last trick or treater.

* * * * *

"Besides the dog is too small to protect us from anything," said Tom while not wanting to take his cute dog and ruin his good time of scaring people. "He's a Chihuahua. Always shaking and crying, the dog is afraid of his own shadow."

"I still want to take him Tom. He'll be scared to stay home alone," she said picking up the dog to hold him and cuddle him in her arms.

"Unbelievable, a ghost dog who's afraid of what? Humans? Gees Irene, listen to yourself. I wish I had bought a real dog, a German Shepard or a Doberman pinscher."

"Please can we take him for a walk too?"

"Okay, okay. I'll get the leash. C'mon Oscar. Wanna go out? Good boy. That's a good dog. Here, you hold the dog Irene. I need my hands to be free so that I can look scary for me to scare people," he said holding his arms over his head as if he was a monster instead of a ghost. "I'm not going to scare anyone when holding a tiny Chihuahua at the end of a leash."

"I don't think you should try and scare anyone Tom. Besides, I don't think they can see us," said Irene in her soft voice while shaking her head. "They won't even know we're there."

"Some people can see us and those who can't see us can feel us," he said with assuredness. "We just have to look at the fright on their faces to know if they can see us or not," he said with a laugh.

"Okay, but I swear Thomas if you go around lifting women's skirts and stripping women naked in the way you did when those two, poor, city inspectors came to the house, I'm going home. I mean it! I can't believe you lifted their skirts, pulled down their panties, and stripped them naked. Even worse what you did, I can't believe that horrid man was masturbating over his naked co-workers. Shame on him!"

"Stripping those people naked is what I needed to do to scare them away Irene," he said with a laugh. "We're safe now. No one will bother us."

"Please don't do any of that Tom. I don't want you stripping women naked. That's just so disgusting Thomas. I realize that you're dead and it really doesn't matter if you look, touch, and feel other woman anymore, but have some respect for me," she said.

"Okay, okay Irene. I won't strip any women naked. I just want to go out for a walk on Halloween," he said ready to walk through the front door.

"Trust me Tom, I know what it feels like to be violated after that man groped me on the bus decades ago. Women don't appreciate being so groped, having their skirts raised to their waist, and their panties pulled down to their ankles," said Irene. "No one wants to be stripped naked," she said. "That's just disgusting."

"Okay, okay, I promise I'll behave," said Tom. "Gees, what's the sense of being a ghost if you can't have any fun?"

* * * * *

With Irene and Oscar in tow, Tom walked through the front door as if it wasn't even there.

"Boo," he said to the first group of trick or treaters he saw.

"Mommy! Mommy!" The group of kids ran away.

"Aren't you a little old to be scaring children?" The mother took her child by the hand to cross the street. "I'm calling the police," she said pulling out her IPhone. "That man is scaring my child," she said to other parents while pointing to him still standing on the sidewalk.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"There's a man, a pedophile probably, dressed as a ghost scaring children."

"What's your location? I'm on Elm Street and he's standing right here in front of me."

"Can you describe him?"

"He's tall, elderly, and pale. He looks the way that all old men look in the dark when illuminated by a full moon," she said. "Oh, and he's with an old woman holding a dog, a cute little Chihuahua." She looked at Irene. "What's your dog's name? He so cute."

"Oscar."

"What's with your husband scaring the kids?" The woman looked at Irene and frowned. "Why is he so mean?"

"I apologize for his behavior. He doesn't get out much. He means no harm," said Irene giving her husband an elbow to the ribs. "It's Halloween. He just wants to have some fun."

"Hello? Ma'm? What are they wearing?"

"Oh, sorry, I was talking to one of them, the woman, she seems very nice. What are they wearing? They're all in ghost costumes, even the dog," she said.

"A car is on the way," said the dispatcher.

A crowd of concerned parents gathered around from the commotion.

"What's wrong?" Asked one.

"This man was scaring the children."

"What man? I don't see any man," said someone.

"Careful, she might be crazy or horny if she's seeing men," said someone laughing.

"What's the matter?" Asked another.

"I dunno, someone said there's a pedophile."

"A pedophile? Where is he?"

"That one over there," said someone else.

"Where? I don't see anyone," said another.

"What happened?" Asked another parent.

"Some guy was trying to take one of the kids," he said.

"What happened?" Asked someone else who happened upon the scene.

"That guy was trying to kill some kids."

"No way."

"What guy? Point him out. Where is he? I don't see anyone. There's no one there."

"Him. That's him. That old pedophile dressed as a ghost," said one of the people pointing to nothing.

Fortunately or unfortunately, no everyone could see the ghosts.

"Hey! You better get outta here before we called the police," said one man.

"I already have. The police are on their way," said the mother.

"Let's get him before he gets away," said someone in the crowd.

"Where is he? I don't see him," said someone else.

When the crowd turned to Tom, in all the commotion, Irene dropped the leash.

"Run Irene. Run!"

"Wait! I have to get the dog."

Oscar, the brave little dog that he is, stood his ground and attacked the leg of the first person who tried to kick him. Kicking right through him, he growled, snarled, and snapped. Again and again the person tried to kick the dog to get the dog off of him but couldn't.

"Oh my God! That's a ghost dog and those are really ghosts. Ghosts! Run! Everyone run!"

With most of the crowd not seeing the ghosts, the crowd started running in all different directions just as a police car and a news van pulled up. The policeman, an obese, middle-aged patrolman emerged from his car.

"Alright, alright, everyone calm down and tell me all that happened.

"Ghosts! They're ghosts. They're really ghosts," said one person from the crowd who could see the ghosts.

"They tried taking one of our children," said another person.

"They tried to kill one of the kids," said someone else.

Being able that he was one of the ones who could see the ghosts, with gun drawn, the cop turned and approached the ghosts.

"Let's see some ID," he said.

"ID? We don't have any," said Tom.

"What are you illegal aliens?" When they didn't answer him, he asked his question again. "Are you legally in this country?" Asked the patrolman.

"Yes, of course we are, we're United States citizens," said Irene. "I was born here in 1898 and my wife was born in 1900."

"What are you a comedian? If you were born in 1900 and your husband was born in 1898, you'd be well over a hundred," said the cop trying to compute their ages in his head. "You'd both already be dead," he said being the idiotic detective that he wasn't.

"Please, I just want to go home. I live right there," said Tom to no avail when the policeman turned his attention to Irene.

"You're not terrorists are you?" Questioned the police.

"No, we're no terrorists, you idiot. We're ghosts. We're just ghosts, residual ghosts but I just wanted to go outside. I just wanted to scare someone," said Tom. "I'm sorry. Can I just go home now? Please? I promise to behave."

"Home? No you can't go home," said the cop turning to Tom. "You must remain here until I complete my investigation and with neither of you having any ID, I'm going to have to take you down to the station to be fingerprinted for a positive identification," he said.

"Irene, my wife, told me not to go outside but I wouldn't listen to her. I needed to get some air. Being that it's Halloween, I just wanted to scare someone," he said with sadness. "Being that I'm dead, I just wanted to have some Halloween holiday fun. Can we go back in our house now? I promise not to scare anyone anymore. Please?"

A news van following the police reports on their scanner turned down Elm Street and parked their van. With cameraman, sound man, and lighting man in tow, the news reporter, a good looking, shapely blonde with big tits, started conducting her live broadcast.

"We're here live on Elm Street interviewing Halloween ghosts that have been accused of scaring trick or treaters. Excuse me sir. Sir? Excuse me. I'm Rebecca Roberts from News TV. What's your name?"

"Tom, Tom Conner," said Tom.

"Are you a real ghost," she said with a laugh.

"Of course I'm a real ghost," said Tom looking in the camera while fixing his hair. "Are we on TV?"

"Yes, this is a live broadcast," said Rebecca.

"I've always wanted to be on TV," said Tom striking a pose.

"Tell our viewing audience what it feel like to be a ghost?"

With Tom still enamored with the TV camera, hamming it up by playing his role as a scary ghost, when Tom ignored the reporter and didn't answer her, the news woman turned from Tom to Irene.

"What's your name?"

"Irene," she said submissively.

"And you're Tom's wife?"

"Yes."

"And are you a real ghost too?"

"Yes," said Irene with all one word, one syllable answers as if she was a nervous guest on a talk show.

"Tell our viewing audience what does it feel like to be dead?"

Angered by the woman badgering his wife, with the woman now focusing her attention on Irene, Tom walked behind the woman and lifted her short skirt up to her shoulders. She struggled to pull her skirt down but to no avail. Holding her skirt there in place, she jumped around and back and forth as if she was a fish on a hook. With the camera still rolling and the feed broadcast live on TV news, he not only exposed her white, bikini panties to the crowd of onlookers but also to the world.

"Hey let go of me," she said trying to break away from the ghost and push down her skirt. "Pervert. You pervert ghost! Let me go! Let me go! Stop! Don't do this! Cut! Cut," she said. "Stop the camera."

"Not a chance," said Clive Oliver, the cameraman. "This is my chance to win an Emmy." As if he was the top dog in a cat fight, in a quick pull and a hard tug, he removed her skirt and pulled her panty down and off. Now with her brown pussy exposed, everyone knew that she wasn't a natural blonde as she always professed to be.

Don't you dare," she screamed when he pulled her blouse up over her back.

As soon as she leaned down to pull up her panty, Tom pulled her blouse and bra over her head and off of her body. Now naked, her breasts were exposed, as well as her ass and pussy, to the TV viewing audience. With her clothes strewn everywhere, trying in vain to cover her nakedness with her hands and arms, Rebecca Roberts stood there totally exposed before running to her van without her clothes. Trying to cover her tits and pussy with one hand with her other hand to her ass, unable to completely cover either, she was naked on a live news broadcast that was instantly picked up by satellites and broadcast all over the world.

"I never liked her," said the Clive. "Holier than thou, she's so full of herself. She's such a bitch."

"Alright, come with me. I'm taking you in," said the officer putting handcuffs around Tom's wrist.

When the handcuffs fell to the sidewalk with a clink, Tom, Irene, and Oscar made mad a run for it. Safely inside their house, with Tom never wanting to go outside ever again, they never left their house again, that is...until the book was written and the movie, The Haunted House on Elm Street, was release.

Winning the Oscar for the best screenplay, Rebecca Roberts appeared at the Oscars for her nude, live role in the movie with her cameraman, Clive Oliver, who won the Oscar for best cinematography. Now famous and fabulous rich, Tom and Irene live a lavish lifestyle. Not knowing that their house was still in the family and that their parents were still alive, not really, not at all, kind of, as they were still dead and ghosts, Tom and Irene were reunited with their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Tom paid the city the back taxes and penalties with interest, and with the money earned from the book and movie, restored his house to the way it was in the 60's. They all lived there happily ever after.

THE END

This is a Halloween contest story. Please vote.