All Comments on 'Heavenly Woman Made Me Cum Helpless'

But the execution could be improved. There were a lot of sentences that began with "and." There's is no need for that, just drop the 'and.' The breast milk scene went by so fast it was a blur. Why include it at all, if you're not going to draw out the scene, build up to it, describe the sensation of nursing at her breast, etc.? <br><br>

Your writing makes you sound quite young. Maybe that's on purpose, given your nickname, but it sounded like the story of a teenage boy who snuck into a strip club. <br><br>

One last thing that I couldn't ignore - strippers strip for money, not out of the goodness of their hearts. It was unrealistic to read that the stripper chose to volunteer her time. Club owner's sister or not, that's losing her money, losing the club money, and it wouldn't fly in real life. It only works in a fantasy dream sequence.

Lololol!!!

sorry but this is terrible, had potential but was written terribly.

that is messed up

I wish I could find a hot bitch like that! Hot fetish story... Yumm