All Comments on 'I Control Minds Ch. 01'

Good job; thanks for sharing your work!

But a good start. Thanks for sharing.

To use dialog...

Turn both mother in law and wife into cock sucking sluts, and cum dumps. Thanks for the good story

Work on your writing skills.

Your writing: As my head cleared I realized that I was alive.

Example of showing: I felt my head clearing. Was I alive? Of course I was, the question proved it.

All the conversation is she/he said. You should use quoted dialogue.

"You son of a bitch," the scraggly old guy screamed. "It's your fault. You turned right into me."

Cant wait for you too follow-up. Would be nice to have MIL and Wife as his willing Slaves. Doing any and everything to get his Cock!