Incarcerated

I was disturbed by that for a long time after he left.

Not long after lunch on Wednesday, I was called to the telephone. Puzzled I picked up the handset and felt the sheer joy of hearing Dawn on the other end. After some initial words I asked how she knew where I was. "I didn't really, I rang the prison and they must have known where to find you," she stuttered sounding slightly confused but then in a stronger voice she asked "Where exactly are you? Have you moved to the main prison and are you alright – I've been ever so worried since seeing you so upset on Saturday?"

I happily told her all about the library and would have gone on longer but she cut me off saying that she had to go. I was still thinking how to say goodbye in a way that would fully express my emotions but before I could speak she said desperately, "I love you David, I love you more than you will ever know and you must never doubt that." With that she was gone.

Life went on. During the week, at the same time as handling book requests I dug into the computer system and found that although the problems were easy to solve it would be a time consuming process to sort everything out. Almost before I knew it was visiting day again. This time she walked straight to her chair and sat down although many others managed to grab a quick embrace before being separated by the screws – but I knew that Dawn was just avoiding me getting into trouble. When seated she glanced constantly round the room, almost as if avoiding my eyes and her face had a kind of strained look. Unlike the previous week she also seemed to have trouble finding something to say.

After a bit of fairly forced conversation I had to ask if something was bothering her. She shook her head and forced a smile, "I think it's because I'm missing you so desperately. That first week I was so worried that all I could think of was you but now that I know you're are safe for the moment I'm thinking a bit more about myself." This led me to talk about what I was doing in the library and saying that sorting out the computer might keep me in the library for longer than two weeks. This news seemed to cheer her up immensely but the expression on her face was one of quiet satisfaction rather than one of pleased surprise. Anyway, by the time she left Dawn looked far more relaxed and had a cheerful happy smile on her face as she waved goodbye.

On her second visit we were both more natural with each other and this was understandable. On my part I no longer had moving to the main prison hanging over me as an imminent threat and Dawn seemed to have lost some private worry that she would have failed to mention for fear of upsetting me.

The following week was the complete opposite to her first visit in that for most of the time she seemed at ease but when it came to leave she just gazed at my face for a long, long moment then left quietly with a strained look in her eyes.

A week later it was different again. Not only that but Dawn seemed different in herself but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was – perhaps confidence, perhaps poise or maybe it was just that she seemed far more relaxed than on the previous visits. The conversation mainly concerned Crystal and the little endearing things that she said and done. I haven't mentioned yet how much I was missing my little daughter with awareness that there were going to be months of her growing up that I would not see. This news from home certainly helped me in that respect.

On her next visit this new assurance was even more marked. For example, on entering the room, for quite a few paces, Dawn continued in conversation with another female visitor instead of as previously eagerly searching the room for a first glimpse of me. This could be explained by her falling into a routine now that the newness and strangeness was wearing off. I also felt that she was more of a woman than the girlish image I was used to but again the reason could be that the trauma of our forced separation had forced a greater maturity upon her.

The next visiting day was a very special one for me but at the start I thought it was going to be the just the opposite. I was on my way to the visiting room, filled with happy anticipation when one of the prison officers beckoned to me. "You're to go to the interview room," he said.

"But it's visiting," I protested.

"Maybe it is but you are down for interview," he insisted. "It's the old interrogation room at the end of the corridor on the top floor. Here's a chit in case you get stopped on the way up there."

Almost in tears I took the authorisation and reluctantly headed towards the stairs. Outside the designated room I paused, worried what they were going to throw at me now. My knock on the door brought no immediate response so I hesitantly pushed it open. Imagine my joyous surprise to see Dawn sitting behind the table wearing a thin summer dress. She looked a dream and there was no-one else in the room. The next moment we were in each other's arms.

For almost ten minutes I was content with just passionate kissing but then became aware of Dawn's soft breasts pressing against my chest. Instinctively I started making moves to release and feel them but my wife quickly stopped me, whispering, "We're not really alone. There's a camera up there watching everything we do."

The thought of authority bursting in on us effectively dampened my ardour and I quickly adopted Dawn's suggestion that we sit at the table where we could still talk, hold hands and look at each other without fear of interruption. We chatted for a while until she asked if I had noticed the scanning motion of the camera. I was initially upset that she could look around while I was content just to feast my eyes on her until she pointed out, "The camera always pauses at the end of each arc. It means that if you stood just there and bobbed down at the right moment, you could get right under the table without being seen and nobody would know you were there."

"Isn't that bit risky?" I said, reluctant to damage the chance that this privilege might be repeated.

Dawn shook her head, "One of the other wives told me that fucking isn't allowed but as long as we don't do anything blatantly in front of the camera, they turn a blind eye to almost anything else."

Suddenly I had an attack of palpitations and felt seriously short of breath. Dawn was gazing happily at me with a big smile on her face. "What to you want to do, would you like to lick my pussy or shall I crawl under the table and suck you off?"

I opted for the first option and with my mouth already watering in anticipation. I scrambled eagerly under the table. The first thing that I noticed was that her dress skirt looked very short and that she was wearing her high heel shoes. I smiled at the thought that if were in the usual visiting room she would be driving the other males mad with lust. For a moment I was rather shocked that she wasn't wearing panties but that thought was immediately blown away by the realisation that her usual muff of sparse brown hair had completely gone leaving her vagina bare. In the past I had asked her to shave her pussy but she had always refused saying that she wasn't that kind of girl. It made me feel good that she had managed to overcome her principles to make the day even more special for me.

Part of me would have been content to gaze at her delightful slit for ages but that was in conflict with a driving urgency to taste her, so I plunged my head forward. I feel what then ensued to very precious so I would prefer to keep it private here, enough to say that I ejaculated in my trousers very soon after I started. These special visits turned into a monthly treat. The next time Dawn did oral on me and from then on, for the rest of my sentence, we managed to do both. Out of interest, for the blowjobs we abandoned the concealment of the table; I would stand against the wall immediately below the CCTV with my wife kneeling on the floor in front of me.

From then on my sentence passed reasonably pleasantly if very slowly. During the day, with something to do, I was able to keep my mind occupied but there were times during the long evenings when I felt desperately lonely. During my time there, there were transitory occupants of the other vacant cells and it was nice to have someone to talk to but they seldom stayed longer than a couple of days. I was sustained by Dawn's regular weekly visits, those monthly specials and of course looking forward to being back home at the end of my sentence, reunited with my wife and young daughter and able to resume a normal life.

On the day of my release, filled with the anticipation of seeing my little daughter again I packed my meagre possessions and sat on the end of the bed some three hours before the due time. This was a mistake because there was no-one to talk to and there was nothing to do except sit and champ at the bit so it was a kind of relief when Bull came into the cell. He started with a 'So this is your last day – bet you're glad' exchange and then said, "I have to admit that I got it wrong. Do you remember on your first day in here I forecast that both you and your lovely wife would have had a good share of large cock by today. Well I was certainly wrong, at least as far as you are concerned – have you any idea how lucky you are to get out of here with your arse-hole intact? I think you're a very lucky man altogether."

I muttered an answer but cannot remember what and as I spoke Bull pulled some documents out of his pocket saying, "I've found a job for you. Don't say 'No thanks' because it's more or less compulsory. Getting a job quickly is a condition of your parole and this is the best you are likely get. It's basically a packing job and the pay isn't too hot but with your education you should quickly get on to quality control or something like that and I do know that they want someone on computer systems. It's a firm that often takes ex-cons so if you stay there and keep your nose clean for a couple of years your stay in here will disappear from your employment record. Turn up there on Monday morning, hand in the letter I've given you and don't let me down. With that he brushed aside my heartfelt thanks and disappeared.

Eventually, I went through the release procedure, changed into my civilian clothes and felt a surge of relief as the prison gates clanged shut behind me.

There was a taxi waiting with my wife standing outside it. I started to run towards her but although she smiled Dawn stayed where she was instead of moving in my direction. At first I was puzzled why this should be but then spotting a small head in the back explained why she had remained near the vehicle. Next moment I was crushing her to me as if my life depended upon it and for a brief moment Dawn hugged me back fiercely but then she pushed me away saying, "People are watching – go and get in the other door, we can save that until we get home." By the time I had walked round and climbed in the car Dawn was sitting with our little daughter on her knee. I knew better than to overwhelm her immediately so I just smiled. I didn't even reach out to touch her and that was hard. "Do you remember your daddy?" Dawn asked softly.

Crystal gazed at me with big wide eyes but there was a puzzled look on her little face. "Knotted," she said very slowly – at least that was what it sounded like.

I didn't know how well or otherwise her speech had improved over the lost eight months so I gently corrected her saying "No – Da- Di."

"This is you're real daddy – he had to go away," Dawn told her and with that, to my great relief and happiness, Crystal held out her arms to me.

In my dreams I had imagined that once back home I would be able to pick up as if I had never been away but it was not like that. After a few awkward moments I realised that in coping without me, my wife, as a necessary defensive mechanism, must have developed routines that did not include me and that my return now clashed with these. So in a way I withdrew and contented myself with happily squatting on the floor as my little daughter took pleasure in showing me her toys. She had some nice expensive things and it struck me how much Dawn must have scrimped to buy them.

Dawn did chat to me but always on the move as she prepared an evening meal and kept making unnecessary cups of tea when I would have preferred that she just sit by my side. It was eight o'clock with Crystal finally asleep before we were finally alone and then Dawn turned on the TV – granted she snuggled up close and let me fondle her breasts but now she wanted to watch the program rather than talk. By the time we went to bed I still had not received the delayed embrace promised when standing by the taxi and I was beginning to fear that we had lost all rapport – even that evidenced during her prison visits. But once in bed she was a tiger. It was as if she was trying to make up in one night up for all that I had missed while in prison.

Friday went smoothly and was all that I had hoped for, with Dawn seeming far more relaxed. It helped that I only joined in when invited and otherwise tried not interfere. Sex was good again that night if not quite as frantic as the night before but right from the start on Saturday Dawn seemed a bit on edge. Crystal also seemed a bit different, more than once abandoning me to seek out her mother. After lunch I sat and got engrossed in a book – Dawn had taken herself off to the bedroom and Crystal was over-exited and rather obnoxious, certainly not the sweet little girl she had been thus far.

After one of her trips to gaze out the window she came to me to ask "Where's Unkie?" I assumed that she had lost one her toys so I said, "I don't know darling, I'll help you look for him in a minute." Giving me a look of disgust, the little madam climbed back on the chair to look out of the window. Soon after that her mother returned and the rest of the afternoon passed off fairly normally until I was sitting on the side of the bed getting Crystal off to sleep. Out our curiosity, pointing to the soft toys in an arc round her pillow, I asked "Which one of these is Unkie?"

"None of them," she said clearly, looking at me as if I was retarded.

Monday I started at my new job and it was all straightforward as Bull had promised. I did some packing for an hour but just to learn what was involved and then started to receive instruction on quality control. They were quite exited to hear of my computer expertise and I hoped to be upgraded fairly quickly. Not long after lunch on Wednesday, just as I had begun to work without supervision there was a grinding noise and the conveyor belts stopped moving. After a few minutes of confusion the manager appeared to say that the repair would take several hours and that everyone should go home but on half pay for the hours not worked. It seemed that this had happened before because everyone seemed to take it in their stride.

I walked in the door at home to find the living room empty but almost immediately Dawn appeared from upstairs. She seemed shocked to see me and her eyes flashed to the clock. With urgency in her voice she said, "I'm taking Crystal to the park. I was just going up to wake her, can you wait for a cup of tea until we get back?" I nodded agreement as my wife went back upstairs but I was puzzled – according to my calculation Dawn should had just got our daughter to sleep not be on the point of waking her up and it was strange that she had shown no curiosity why I was home unexpectedly. These thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and my mind was still occupied as I went automatically to open it. I was surprised to see Bull standing there but this was no greater than his obvious surprise at seeing me. However he quickly recovered his composure, gave me a wide smile and said, "I was passing nearby so I called to see how you are getting on in the job I found you – how come you're not at work. He seemed completely unaware of the illogicality in his words.

By this time I sensed Dawn hovering anxiously behind me, having apparently left our daughter asleep. I invited my ex warder to come in at the same time saying "Darling, this is Bull, he works at the prison and it was he who got me my job. They went through the motion of shaking hands and then we sat down while Dawn made some tea. Conversation was stilted, mostly about my job and the breakdown that brought me home early and then after a very short time Bull stood up to leave. Dawn was also on her feet quickly saying, "You stay here love, I'll show Bull out." They went down the hall but seemed to pause at the door to hold a muttered conversation. The words were largely undecipherable but I heard Bull say, 'told him yet' to which my wife said something that ended with, 'until he's settled'. As the door opened Bull said loudly, "I reckon I'll pop in the pub for an hour."

When my wife returned my suspicions were on the boil. "What was Bull here for – why would he have come to talk to me if he thought I was at work?"

Dawn gave me a long sad look and said, "I'm not going to lie to you, he came for sex. "His real name's Ted by the way."

I was in total shock but as I stood there feeling totally numb I realised that it was not completely unexpected because suddenly a whole load of anomalies suddenly fell into place. "How long has it been going on?" I managed to ask.

"A long time but it wasn't really cheating," she said but then her inherent honestly forced her to add, "At least it wasn't cheating at the start." I couldn't think of a single thing to say. There was a long pause and then Dawn took a half step towards me saying, "You've got to believe me – I love you just as much as I ever did. It was only sex. That's all it ever was, just sex."

The strange thing was that I could see the love in her eyes. I don't know whether this gave me hope or whether it simply broke my paralysis but I heard myself saying calmly, "Come and sit down, I want to hear every single thing right from the start."

We sat together on the settee, close together but not touching. Before starting to speak Dawn reached out as if intending to hold my hand but then thought better of it. "You went into prison on a Tuesday. That day and the next two were terrible for me; I missed you so much and was crying all the time but I tried to seem normal with Crystal. She was constantly asking where you were and I had to tell her you'd gone away for a while, without worrying her. On the Friday afternoon I had just got her off to sleep when there was a knock on the door. Peeping through the window I could see that it was a very big man who was rather ugly and I would never have opened the door if he hadn't been wearing a prison uniform. I could also vaguely remember seeing him at the court. I invited him in and he accepted my offer of a cup of tea."

My wife paused for a moment to gather her thoughts before continuing, "There was a bit of polite conversation and then he said, 'I'm worried about your husband. It's a very tough prison holding lots of rather nasty men and your husband just isn't the type who should be in there. Part of the trouble is that he looks little more than a youth and then there's his rather feminine face. Most of the men in there haven't been with a woman for years and they've got past being particular. Your husband is going to be gang-raped, possibly within hours of moving into the main prison and then for the rest of his sentence he'll have no choice but to satisfy the sexual of urges of other men on a daily basis. Many wimpy men take to that fairly quickly but I don't think your husband has the resilience to cope.'

I was shocked but not enough to lose my common sense. "If the authorities know this is happening, why don't they put a stop to it?" I asked him.