All Comments on 'James & Maria Ch. 01'

I really enjoyed the chapter. i think it would help for you to get an editor just to smooth it out and look for mistakes. There were some sentences that were phrased a bit awkwardly, so try to write the way you would normally speak. I look forward to seeing where the story goes.

You have made a good start here and I look forward to reading your next chapter.

Good start. James seems very sweet and caring for a vampire, waiting so long to approach Maria. The two leads appear to have good chemistry. Looking forward to reading the next chapter. Well done with your first submission :-)

For been your first submition its very well though. I enjoy the development of your characters and looking forward to the next chapter.....

I do have to say that I think it's pushing it to say she's going into senior year of highschool. Unless you've been left back a time or two you're usually 16 or 17 in senior year. 18 year olds aren't common in h.s. I know there isn't any sex in this chapter but I'm sure it will be soon.

I feel like saying Italian princess over and over isn't necessary...i'd vary it with his princess or soul mate or mate. change it up a bit.

Aside from those things I really do like it and it is a sweet feel-good story so far and I look forward to seeing more of his vampire side.

First of all thanks for the comments but in all honesty I don't really think it's proper to question my education. But here's a quick fast fact: the common age the high school senior students of the USA is 17 to 18 years old. In most states the recommended age to start Kindergarden school is 5 to 6 years old which means when you graduate from school you're either 17 or 18.

Cannd wasn't questioning *your* eduction, the word "you" was used in the general sense. "Unless you've been left back a time or two you're usually 16 or 17 in senior year", that is, "Unless someone has been left back..."

That said, where I went to high school many years ago, kids were 17 entering their senior year, and turned 18 during the year. The only ones who were younger had skipped a grade, and the only ones who started at 18 had been held back a year either to illness or failing. I just talked to my senior-aged niece, and she says it's still like that. *shrug*

Nice story, though. Glad the next two parts are up and I missed it before...nice to have that much to read. :) Looking forward to more.