Liv's Legacy: Anise

My heart did like that. Make it, my heart loved that, all the feelings I had were still coursing through me, though not quite as they did at first.

"Here," she said, pulling away a bit, and undoing a couple of buttons of her shirtwaist dress, then pushing one of her bra cups up.

Her breast and nipple were magnificent, but she knew it, and I feasted my eyes on it as ripples of desire surged anew through me.

"Go ahead. Touch it, caress it, kiss it, suckle my nipple—whatever you want to do to it."

She need not have said any more. My hands and lips went to it, and I massaged it, kissed it, then suckled madly on her nipple as one of her hands went to the back of my head and pushed me further into it.

"Mm, you're loving it so good. Soon we'll be doing all we want with each other. We'll give each other lots of love—hot, sexy love—then enjoy it all afterwards, and you can have all you want of my tits that love your lips. God, you feel so good sucking on that nipple."

No sooner had she said that than her hand went to my clitoris again. Without her saying anything, I knew instinctively that she'd pulled her hem up again, and my hand went to her clitoris, and I suckled on her nipple madly as we brought each other to another magnificent orgasm that left me debilitated. She didn't have to worry about stifling my screams as I wasn't about to turn her nipple loose, and instead sucked harder and harder on it as she pulled me so tight against her. She loved how we were as much as I did.

"Christ, we're going to kill each other with love," she shocked me by taking the Lord's name in vain that way. "You're a fantastic lover, Anise. Absolutely fantastic. But now we have to clean up, especially me. I've got my love juices all over me, or rather, you've made my love juices pour out of me, didn't you?" she kissed my lips quickly, then grinned.

My heart was fluttering happily, and wanting her again.

"When summer vacation is here, I'll tell your mother that I want to take you shopping in the city, and we'll make love the whole night through afterwards. I can hardly wait. Won't that be something?"

Her face was bright with her smile of pure pleasures to come, and so was my heart, but those nagging thoughts began to assert themselves again. While she was cleaning herself, and I was doing the same, oddly though it was, I couldn't help looking at her in the mirror. My heart kept lurching at seeing her shaved as she must have been, her vagina so sexy looking, so making me want to touch it, and even kiss it if I could, or hug it to me.

"We better move, or we'll have people wondering. Tell you what, you go out, and I'll wait a long time so no one will suspect, or put us together in any way, okay?"

"Okay," I said, my unwanted thoughts coming stronger, accusing me as never before.

"First, give us another kiss, and maybe a quick pull on my nipple that still misses your lips," she said, baring her breast to me again.

Accusing thoughts aside in a hurry, my lips moved gladly onto her nipple, and I didn't want to give it up.

"God, I hate to make you stop, but now kiss me, and let me feel that love you said you have."

Like a wild teenager feeling her first love, I was on her and kissing her hard, making all of those silly sounds of pleasure and joy as I felt our lips twisting, and pressing, and our tongues touching as we licked each other's lips, something that was also a first for me.

"Now go, baby, and dream of us making love again, but without these silly clothes," she said, and gave me a quick peck, then pushed me to leave.

Though I didn't want to, I left, but looked furtively both ways as I went out the door. As I moved, I worked to gather my senses, to make myself presentable.

"Goodness, Anise, you were gone a long time. Are you all right?" my mother asked.

"Yes, and it was all so sudden, but I hope I'm okay now. Maybe I better get home quick," I faked.

My deceits were growing, coming as they'd never had before. My sister looked at me, or rather glared, but I didn't care. What I cared about was the way I loved being with Mrs. Alexander, though all of the tormenting thoughts were hitting me. As much as I'd had such great pleasures, so now I had an equal amount, or more, of torments. They were truly tearing me apart, but I loved Mrs. Alexander—Joann—so much that it was all even more terrifying.

* * * *

The night was too much for me, as were my conflicting thoughts and emotions. The fires of hell yelled at me, their voice hoarse with their joy at having my soul. Tossing and turning wildly during the night, I was glad my sister wasn't in her bed. When morning found me worn out, I knew I couldn't go to school, and also knew that I couldn't continue as I was with Mrs. Alexander.

Instead of going to school, I went to the park, and sat to try to sort my thoughts out, to try to make peace with myself. At the last, I knew that there would be no peace save that I get away, move away, so that I couldn't be near Mrs. Alexander, my beloved Joann whose touch and body were consigning my soul to hell. As I thought that, and felt a measure of peace with my conclusion, another thought came to me. She had laughed too easily, and that ease also reminded me that she didn't fear Mr. Alexander seeing us, and me with my hand up her dress. Why?

I truly wondered at that, and miraculously, with a clear mind and no emotions. Perhaps my emotional quota had been all used up by me. There was no way I could argue that I hadn't shed more emotions than I ever expected to in a lifetime.

Yes, I worried about her, Joann, going to hell as I knew I would, but also just as easily was how she took the Lord's name in vain. Was she like those women that the bible warned against, that Jezebel and Salome? She was very sexual, and now that I looked at it this way, she was very free with her sexuality. Then I thought of my hand up her dress before we were found out by her husband: had I honestly initiated that? Suddenly I didn't think so.

Still, no matter what my thoughts, I still felt I loved her, and more, that I wanted her again. She could gladly take me to hell, and I would let her, my desire for her was so great. But I didn't want her in hell. I wanted us both to be God's, to be in heaven with her as well as all good and worthy people.

My resolve was greater: I had to leave, and I would do so right after I graduated. I had enough money to take me just about anywhere, and then survive until I found a job; college would have to wait, or I'd have to go at night. It could be done, and I would do it, but I couldn't ever go to church again and make myself available to her for I knew that if I did, I'd not be able to resist her. My die was cast.

Is it wrong to say that I was at peace with my sorrow? That's how I felt.

Chapter. 3

True to my word, the promise I had made with myself, I didn't return to church, and refused to tell my mother why. At last, she gave up, only saying once that Mrs. Alexander had asked after me.

Even more, my heart was saddened, and though I still longed to be with her, I realized I had committed adultery, and was the cause of her also committing adultery, not to mention using God's church to rut sexually in it. Those thoughts, along with our destiny to soon be in hell, burdened me, my heart, and surely, my soul, blackened by our misdeeds

* * * *

No sooner than I had graduated with high honors than I told my mother the next day that I was leaving. She looked horrified, and questioned me endlessly, and with many tears, but I was steadfast in what I knew I had to do. My older sister, Meg, was stunned, my younger brother, Bob, was confused, and my father, well, he never said much anyway, and he didn't this time either. My mother was the biggest problem.

"Are you in some kind of trouble, Anise?" she had to ask.

"No, Mom, I'm not in any trouble. I just feel a need to be on my own, to make my own way. Honest, I'm telling you the truth," I half lied, half told the truth.

The only trouble I was in was the very real possibility of losing my soul in hell, and Joann, too. And more, I wondered if I did love Joann, or if it was simply feeling so much sexual joy, and maybe finding someone who understood my feelings, my need for another woman, but did she truly need me, or only found me interesting, or maybe convenient.

Peace, at times, I guess, can help one clear the mind, especially when you've already purged all of your emotions from your person from an overload of them. Whatever, I was leaving, and only my mother hugged me good bye.

I had no idea where I was going, but it wasn't to college, and it wasn't to the city. Thinking that I would drive for a while, then look at some of the towns as I passed through them, I knew my plan was faulty, but what I was leaving behind was worse if I stayed. At the best, I knew that in time I'd be found out, or maybe the and it would kill my parents, as well as my sister and brother. To do that, and lose my soul too was too much for me. All I could wonder about now was why it had to be as it was? Why couldn't we love as we knew we wished to love. Why was God so cruel to have made me as I was, then punish me being faithful to being as he made me. Whatever, I had to live with it, and find a way to go on.

* * * *

And I did go on until I was crossing a good sized town and saw a nice park that reminded me of the one I had sometimes taken refuge in. That the town looked clean, and had what looked like thriving businesses was in its favor too. A long story short, I stayed, found a job at the telephone company's business office, and looked to settle in.

Where I found a place to live was convenient, but not much to speak of, but it was decent enough and livable. Settling in, I had enough clothes so that I didn't have to worry about looking presentable. Not long after I was working, several men tried to hit on me, wanting to me to go out with them, but I didn't like that idea. That men held no interest for me made it easy, but the women there, well, I had to shut them out lest my eyes begin to hunger for one of them, for any of them, I was so lonely in no time.

When I ate lunch, I always sat by myself. In no time, the others who worked near to me left me alone. When needful, I talked to them, and they talked to me. At first they were offended by my aloofness, but then they must have decided that I meant them no harm. It was about a month later that I was approached as I sat to eat my lunch.

"Hi. I'm Mary Purcell. I saw that you usually eat alone, and so do I most times, but I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind some company today. May I join you?" she politely, and gently asked me.

As I was about to say that I really preferred to be alone, I looked at her, and something made me stop, and instead say, "Okay, if you wish."

To say that I shocked myself wouldn't be fudging at all because I did wonder what in the world caused me to agree to her sitting with me.

"I'm Anise James," I was polite in my turn.

"Yes, I know. Thank you for saying it's okay to sit with you. I guess you're wondering why I asked when I know you usually sit alone, and the others leave you alone," she paused while I looked expectantly at her.

At that moment, I sensed that I had done something I shouldn't have because as I looked, I knew I liked what I saw, that she was more than pretty, but in no wise beautiful. Still, there was something about her that captivated me, made me want to know her, and that was dangerous for me, or so I thought. Even if she liked women as I did, I couldn't help another girl to wind up in hell with me. Yes, those thoughts still plagued me, hounded my nights, and that I could freely cry at night didn't appeal to me in any way, though it was what I did anyway. Still, I couldn't do with another what I did with Joann.

Joann! That's how I thought of her now. My sexy Joann, the one who showed me some of the joys of how women could love, and opened my mind to even more questions about the horrors it held after all the joys were over and done with.

"You don't talk much, and that's okay, but I hope you don't think I'm intrusive if I ask about you. Just a little, if you don't mind?" she said and waited.

"No, not a little," I said, hoping I wasn't being unpleasant to her.

"I was born here, and never lived anywhere else. I've worked here for a couple of years now. The work isn't bad, and the supervisors aren't evil like they say some are in other companies," she said with a friendly grin. "Oh, and I live alone now. Making my own way, I hope."

Though I hadn't meant to, I smiled.

"Hey, thanks. That smile helped to make me feel it was okay to ask to sit with you," she said, another friendly smile on her face.

She was being so nice, kind and easy to be with, and I smiled again.

"That's what I'm trying to do," I said without thinking, suddenly feeling good with Mary. "I've not been in town long."

"What brought you here, if you don't mind my asking?"

Once more, her warmth was welcome, and my comfort level with her was good, everything feeling pleasant. "The park," I answered.

"The park? Uh, the park brought you here?" she asked, puzzled, I was sure, and trying to keep smiling. My smile remained.

"Yes. It reminded me of a park I used to love to sit in, and the town looked clean, so I thought that this might be a good place to start trying to make it on my own."

"Wow! Never heard of something like a park making one want to stay in town, but you're right, the park is nice, it's clean, and so is the town for the most part, though there are a few crazies, but that's everywhere, huh?"

"I suppose it is," I agreed.

"You're easy to talk to, Anise. Do you think it'd be okay to have lunch with you again?"

'If you wish, yes, I think so, that is unless you're a strangler of single women who just settled into town," I grinned big, shocking myself at the friendliness I was showing to Mary.

She laughed. "No, I'm not a strangler of any kind. What you see and hear is mostly what you get. We all do have things we don't show all the time, or to everyone, but mostly this is how I am, and who I am."

"Okay, but if it is, and you usually sit alone too, why is that since you do seem to be so friendly?" I posed to her, one of my eyebrows up.

"Oh-oh, got me. Okay, well, you just caught my eye. The others are okay, but I'm not comfortable with their talk. They don't say much that's objectionable to me, but, well, you know, we all have different interests, but when I saw you, and how you are, it made me wonder, so I thought I'd see how we got along—that's provided you said okay to me sitting with you, that is."

She sounded honest, her words were straightforward, and she had an authenticity about her that I liked. Maybe she would be a good friend to have, that is if I could get by her looks that more than appealed to me. It seemed that I appealed to her so far no matter what she may have thought of my looks.

I didn't take Joann's word for it that I was beautiful, or had gorgeous legs as she did. Honestly, I didn't believe her then no matter what my eyes seemed to tell me, or that they had agreed with her. As far as I was concerned, I was fairly plain, though in a pleasant looking way.

"I hope I haven't disappointed you. You are very pleasant to talk to."

"Yeah, you too."

Thereafter we had lunch together all the time. Mary brought me out as I had never thought anyone could. The extra quiet person I was opened up to Mary, though not in a personal way. Perhaps it was that, that she never asked me anything personal other than those few questions the first time. It was that, I thought, that also made it palatable to enjoy how she looked, how she appealed to me sexually. With Mary, I was able to put aside my sexual desires, her friendship meaning so much to me. It was something else I never had, and I didn't want to lose it, lose her friendship, that is.

We eventually spent a lot of free time together, mostly on Sundays, sometimes on Saturdays, and even after work. We'd go shopping for little of anything, or to a movie, or I'd go to her place and watch a movie there, or have dinner with her, sometimes with me bringing the food, other times I'd help her. Though I was more than attracted to her, I did find it more than bearable for the sake of our friendship. That was something that I found that I desperately needed, maybe even more than a sexual relationship, though I longed for that when I was alone in my bed. And more, my rough nights were much lessened, my crying almost disappearing.

* * * *

Several months into our friendship, I became too loose with her while at her home.

"You don't have a boy friend, Mary?" I asked, and instantly regretted that I had. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ask that. I mean, I guess I've just gotten too comfortable with your company, and I didn't think. Please forgive me."

She hesitated, and that worried me like I couldn't believe.

"That's okay. Honest, it is. I've wondered about you too, but you're still kind of new in town, though you have turned down all of the guys at work. I figured that you just didn't want to mix pleasure at the office. Well, I've done the same thing, so I never said anything, didn't ask, but I wanted to. But to be honest, I've loved our friendship so much that I was scared to open up a can of worms, but now I guess I should."

"You don't have to say anything else. You've already said much more than I deserved, and I am sorry I asked."

"No, Anise, you deserve to know. Frankly, I'm kind of surprised no one has said anything to you."

Suddenly she had my complete attention. Still...

"Mary, please, you don't have to say anything, whatever it is you feel you should now. I'm glad you're my friend, and I don't want anything to change that. Honest," I near begged, but for what, and why, I had no earthly idea. "No one has said anything, and frankly, I don't want them too. All I want is what I know about you, and that's that I like you. Can that be okay, enough I mean?"

"Yeah, I guess so, but I know you'll be wondering what I wanted to tell you, and if you don't, I'll still think you do, so let me say this, and after that, if it offends you, I'll understand."

There was nothing I could say, that was obvious, so I waited to hear what she'd say.

"I, ah, I'm a lesbian, Anise. But I didn't look at you because I wanted to have sex with you. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with you, or that you're not more than attractive, but I saw you, and there was something I really thought I liked, and I wanted to find out what it was. I have, and I know what it is, and that's that you're a super person, and I want you for a friend as we've been."

Isn't it something how the mind can suddenly clear up, and all the wondering and confusion, and everything else bad like that, disappear? I caught myself stifling my smile. It wasn't a bad smile, and it wasn't a big one, and of a truth, I was smiling at myself. But she caught it.

"Why are you hiding a smile?" she asked softly, and truly wondering at me.

"I'm sorry, Mary. It was just that I was so afraid you might say something that would make us break up our friendship, and then poof, it all disappeared, and I noticed how quickly everything changed in my mind, and that my fears were gone. Honestly, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Forgive me?"

"You mean you don't mind if I'm a lesbian? You're not afraid that I'll hit on you, or do or say something stupid because of it?"

"Uh-uh," my smile was out all the way as she looked at me with too much wonder. "Since it's confession time, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian too," I told her, but very quietly, then suddenly worried as I did when I was at home, and sometimes still was at night.

"Hey, why did you change so quickly just now?" she asked. There was no doubt in my mind that she was truly concerned about me.