by Corsair46
After reading both chapters your lack of ability to maintain consistency in the plot, names, characters and history is annoying beyond words. Any eroticism is lost in that. It seems like you're trying to put everything you've ever read or thought of into one story.
I said I would rate in the end....but she said someting that made all this story become a sad one...: ""I need Al's cock in me. Fuck my marriage, that's in my past now, just another inconvenient truth."...After this, the story has ended, and all that is left is Divorce...
Writing style feels cold and rushed. This is an outline or first draft and not a finished story. I'm sure magically this one wing receive the sane positive votes as your other one though, despite being of exactly the same quality.