Maria's Misconceptions Ch. 02

"How old are they?" she asked Beth.

"Tim is ten, and. . ."

"Almost eleven, mom," said Tim.

That brought a small smile to Maria's face.

"He'll be eleven in February, and Jeff is nine," Beth finished.

"They look so much like their dad," said Maria, as a few more tears rolled down her cheeks.

Maria looked at Beth's face for a moment and said,

"I believe I've seen you before. . . I'm sure you wouldn't remember, but back in 2001, before I left town, I drove around reminiscing a little," she took a deep breath, "And I drove past the house where I lived with Gary. . . Did you live there back then?"

"We still do," replied Beth.

"I'm glad you've got the house. . . I drove past the house and there was a young pregnant girl that was walking out to a car. . . It was you, you must have been carrying Tim."

Maria paused for a moment, then spoke again,

"I. . . I need to tell you. . . I wanted to stop, but I. . . I was scared that you. . . I thought that you were Gary's new wife or girlfriend and that you were carrying his child. . . I drove by a day or two earlier too, and I saw the Wilson's outside. I stopped, but when I got out of the car, the look they gave me scared me and I left."

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Meanwhile in the cafeteria. . .

"So, you haven't told us, why did she tell you dad's name this morning?" asked Jacob.

Jace told them the story about Maria's bouts with depression the last two days, how he could tell something was wrong when they went out to dinner the evening before, how she had gone to bed early, and what had happened during the night,

"During the night, she tossed and turned and was talking to someone in her sleep. Right before we were supposed to get up this morning, she slid over and wrapped her arms around me tightly, and said. . . I love you Gary."

"Whoa," said Jack, "That really is odd."

"What's that," said Joshua and Jacob in unison.

"I woke up in the middle of the night and Gary was talking to someone too," Jack replied.

"What's so odd about that?" said Jacob.

"The last words that he said were, I love you Maria," said Jack.

There was complete silence after Jack revealed what Gary had said in his sleep. After a few moments, Jace told them about earlier in the day and finding Maria in the kitchen crying,

"When I asked her what was wrong, she said that it was Gary, her first husband, that she'd never told me about their divorce and what she did to him, that she had been dreaming about him. She promised me that she would tell me about it and that she had decided to give him her Corvette."

"Corvette?" said Joshua.

Jace told them that they would have to take that up with their mother, then he told them that that was how he found out their father's name.

Jace was shocked to find that Gary and Maria had divorced in 1991, even though he had handled her divorce from James, he was still under the impression that Maria had only been married to James Wilkens for a very short time. He thought that he must have mixed up a couple of different cases in his head.

"So, was she screwing around with you before she dumped James? Did she leave him for you?" asked Jacob.

"No, they were divorced in '97, I ran into her two years later , in '99 and we got together.

Joshua and Jake told him about their parents marriage, how happy they seemed to be and how they thought that things were alright. Then they explained to him how their mom had left, on what was supposed to be a business trip, and never returned.

They told him how they found their dad on the floor when they came in on the day she had him served with divorce papers.

"She never told me anything about your dad, I'm so sorry, it sounds terrible, I just can't picture her doing something like that. Did she have some sort of mental breakdown?" asked Jace.

"Yeah, she was suffering from wealth envy, and she just followed the money using her twa. . . Sorry, I really shouldn't say anything like that, she IS your wife," said Joshua.

"You said that she was going to tell you everything about their divorce, see if she tells you about the video tapes," said Jacob.

"Video's?" asked Jace.

"Maybe you should wait and see if she tells you about them, if she doesn't, then you can come back and talk with us, we'll tell you about them," Joshua added.

"Why did she divorce old man Wilken's?" Jacob asked.

"Well, it seemed that he was cheating on her with his personal secretary," Jace replied.

Jace's answer gave the other three a good laugh.

"Imagine that!" said Jacob.

"Like I said, after you talk to Maria. . . We're a little hard-pressed to actually call her our mother right now. . . You can come over, we'll meet at my house with you, and compare notes. Uncle Jack, I want you to be there too, I know there's things you know, that you've never discussed with us before," Joshua said.

Jace agreed, and they all exchanged phone numbers. Jace told them that, if there were any questions they had about Maria, they could call and he would be glad to answer with what he knew. The other three told him the same, and they all headed back to the room to check on Maria.

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Jacob's wife, Susan spoke briefly with Maria, telling her that she also had a son, he was six, and his name was Johnathan.

"I just can't believe what I've done. . . Why. . . Why did I run away like I did?" Maria started crying again.

"I DID love Gary. . . I jus. . ."

Maria sat silently for a few moments thinking back to the happy times that she and Gary had spent together when they were married. She was so in love with him, but that no good bastard James had started his seduction of her the very first time they met, and she fell for it. Looking back, she now strongly suspected that her ex-friend, Debbie had also been involved in getting her mixed up with him.

She thought back to the day that she last saw Gary, he was sitting there in the turning lane in his old Monte Carlo. She was so conflicted, at first she wanted to rub the Corvette in his nose and show him just what he gave up by not trying harder to give what she wanted. Then in the next instant, she had wanted to motion for him to pull over, so that they could talk, she wanted to tell him that she still loved him. . . Then he looked at her like he didn't even know who she was. . . The light had changed and she drove on.

"If he would have just given me a sign, any sign at all. . . We may have been back together. . ." Maria said out loud, without realizing.

"What was that, I didn't understand you," said Beth.

"Oh, nothing, I was just thinking out loud. . . What I was trying to say was, I realized about a year after our divorce. . . That I was still in love with your father-in-law. . . But, I saw him one day and he looked right through me. . . Like he didn't even know me. . . I thought he was over me. . . And I was so embarrassed by what I had done, that I just. . ." Maria sadly replied.

Maria looked at the floor as more tears fell. Beth and Susan both moved in to hug and comfort her.

"I dreamed about him last night, and. . . And I realized this morning, that I still loved him. . . But it's. . . It's too late now," she sobbed.

Jace and the others had returned to the room and found Maria upset again,

"Has she been like this the whole time we were gone?" Jace asked.

Beth walked over and whispered to him,

"No, just the last few minutes. She told us that she was dreaming about Gary last night, only to come here and find out that he's gone."

Looking at his watch, Jace whispered back,

"Yes, I know about her dream, she has an appointment with a psychiatrist this afternoon at 4 o'clock. . . It's almost 2:30 now, we're going to have to go, so that we can get there."

He walked over and bent down, taking Maria's hands in his and told her that they needed to leave, so that she could make her appointment at four with Dr. Spencer. She rose to her feet and hugged her two grandchildren and told Susan that she wanted to meet her other grandson, Jonathan soon. Told Beth and Susan that she was glad to meet them, then turned to her two sons,

"I would so like to hug you. . . But, I'm not so sure that's what you want. . . And I don't blame you, I just hope that someday, you can forgive me, I am so sorry."

Joshua looked over at Jacob for a moment, and then told her,

"I don't think we're quite ready for that yet, maybe in time, but for now, I don't think so."

"I understand," Maria replied, "Could we possibly get together sometime and talk. . . I'm going to see a shrink today, maybe. . . Maybe he can tell me why I've acted the way I have. . . And why I've done the things I have, I truly am sorry. . . I DO love you guys," Maria responded.

"We'll talk about it and let you know," said Joshua.

"I'm glad I got to see you boys, I really am. Jack, it was nice to see you again too, we have to go, so that I can make my appointment. . . Oh, Beth, Susan nice to meet you. . . Timothy and Jeffery I love you," Maria said as she headed out the door.

Jace told them all that it was good to meet them too, and he and Maria exited the facility.

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Maria's time with Dr. Spencer seemed to be productive, she explained to him about her bouts of extreme sadness that had started the day before, and how she had the episode today. Then she told him how she had had both episodes at the LTC facility an then a milder one after she'd left the day before.

"Has anything happened in the past at Riverside, or at another similar facility, that would trigger an unpleasant memory?" Dr Spencer asked.

Maria told him no, but explained how her ex-husband had been there, unknown to her, and today, she was right down the hall when he passed away. In fact she understood that the worst episode she'd had, which was this afternoon, occurred right about the time that he'd died.

"That's very strange, did you see him and not realize that you had? Or was any of his family there? Did you see them?" he asked.

"I ran into his brother in the hallway, but it was after the episode, that's when I found out that he'd died. . ." Maria said, as she looked away and paused for a moment, "I also saw my two sons. . . I haven't seen them . . . or Gary in over twenty years."

"I see, how old were your sons the last time you saw them?" he asked.

"Joshua was thirteen and Jacob was eleven," she replied, sadly.

"Was there a certain reason. . . I don't mean to pry, but what was there any particular reason why you and your first husband divorced?"

"It's a complicated story, let's just say, I was a fool."

"And why do you feel that you were a fool? he asked.

Maria looked away again and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Because I was still in love. . . I realized today that I was still in love with him," she said.

"Would you care to explain why the divorce happened?" Dr Spencer asked.

"I'll try," she said.

She explained about how her first boss at Cutlar Industries had passed away, and about Debbie boasting about using her husband for her rich lifestyle. Then, how she had tried to convince Gary to get a better paying job, and he wouldn't leave the Street Dept. She had felt some resentment towards him and she didn't know why, but looking back she thought now, that Debbie had put those thoughts in her head. She had never been envious of anyone until then.

And then, how her new boss was so handsome and he had started his seduction of her from the very first day they met. She told him about the party at James' house and how she had flushed when she realized how big his 'thing' was, when she saw him in his swimming trunks.

Then she told him, in detail, how James had taken her to DESIDERIO'S, and how he'd put the moves on her. She explained that Gary had been her first real boyfriend, she'd never even kissed another man and, that when James made his move, her mind said no, but her body couldn't resist his advances. Debbie had been subtly pushing her into James' arms too.

"When he put moves on me again, I knew I had to 'have' him just once, but when we finally did do the deed, he did things to me that I didn't know were possible. . . And I. . . We started an affair that lasted a year, he bought me a new Jeep Cherokee and he also insisted that I still have sex with Gary, then he wanted to hear all of the details of Gary and me's encounters. Looking back, I think he was a sick fuck. . . Oh, excuse my language!"

"Perfectly alright," he said, "Please continue."

She told him about James wanting to take her to Paris and how they had arranged it. Then, how she had decided to leave Gary to be with James.

"I felt like a queen, I became addicted to the sex with James, he was very talented and very large, I wanted to live in his luxurious home with him and have sex every day. I thought that I had fallen in love with him, but now I know, it was the sex and the rich lifestyle that I had fallen in love with, not him. . . Anyway, I left Gary. . . And my children, and never looked back,"

The doctor thought for a moment,

"I think a lot of your sadness is unresolved feelings of regret, why they just started yesterday is a mystery," he said.

"There was one other episode a couple of years ago, it was after my commercial with Jace aired for the first time. For some reason, after I saw myself on television, I ran to the bedroom and cried and cried, I don't know why," Maria explained.

"Oh?"

"There are some things that I did while I was married to James that I'm ashamed of. A lot of people in my hometown know about it too, that's one reason I moved to Columbus," she said.

"Are you open to talking about those things, or are they something you want to keep private? They may well be part of the reason for your problem," he said.

She explained to him about how James coaxed her into the orgies and gang bangs, and how she found out later on that he had been secretly taping them and selling them to a porn video distributor.

"I need to tell my husband about my unresolved feelings for Gary, but I can't let him know about the sex parties and movies," she said.

"People do things. . . No offense to you. . . People do stupid things for no reason sometimes. Something in their subconscious causes them to act on impulse and do things that they would never, ever do under normal circumstances. You mentioned that a friend of your's took delight in gloating about her wealth. . ."

"Ex-friend," Maria cut in.

"Can you tell me about your marriage to your first husband, and how you met this friend?"

Maria related to Dr Spencer about meeting Gary in school and how close they were, about their home, their sons and her job at the insurance agency. Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke about taking the class at the local college,

"If I'd never taken that class, I would have never got the job at Cutlar, and I would have never met James. . . And Gary and I would still be together," she cried.

"How long was it after your split from Gary, that you realized you had made a mistake?"

"About a year."

She explained to him about the day at the stop light and how Gary had acted like he didn't know her and she thought that he had moved on.

"I knew that day. . . I knew he would never take me back. . . And I was also embarrassed by what I'd been doing, I could never face anyone from my past again. . . Someone, I was told it was James, made sure that Gary got a copy of me having sex with several men at the same time. . . I could never face him. . . or my children again, James destroyed my life!"

Maria went on to tell him about Debbie and how she had encouraged her to cheat on Gary and 'move up' financially. And she briefly explained her relationship with Edison, how after he had died, she married Jace. She told him how her and Jace's marriage was wonderful, but in the back of her mind it felt as though something was missing. Then, about her dream the night before and how she had reacted when she realized that Gary was gone.

"I believe your problem revolves around your feelings of guilt and embarrassment of your actions while you were married to James, and regrets of your divorce from your first husband. These things happened over twenty years ago, but why your feelings of sadness have lay dormant for all of these years and are surfacing now, will need some more sessions with me to try and find out why. . . But, the timing of your episode, how it coincided with Gary's death really intrigues me," he responded.

He also told her to find some place peaceful, relax and try to remember anything that anyone had said about Gary or his health. Or any other items that may have upset her, not necessarily at the time she was told, but after her brain had processed the information, and her reaction.

The receptionist set up another appointment for Maria with Dr Spencer for the following week, and her and Jace headed home.

On the way home, she told Jace that she wanted to go out to dinner, and afterwards return to Alum Creek Lake to the spot they were the night before, so that she could relax and tell him all about her relationship with her first husband, Gary.

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Several months passed, Maria had explained to Jace all about her marriage to Gary and their divorce. She apologized to him, telling him that she'd been carrying a torch for Gary for the entire time since their divorce. But, now that Gary was gone, she could love him completely. Jace told her that he understood, but he was still hurt a little.

Her subsequent trips to see Dr Spencer seemed to help, she hadn't had any 'episodes' since the day Gary died. She did feel a little sadness, when she thought about how she never got the chance to tell Gary that she still loved him though.

At Christmas time, dinner was at Joshua and Beth's house, Maria and Jace were invited. Maria had not been inside this house since the day she left for Paris with James, twenty one years before. The memories came flooding back, as she looked at her sons, she remembered going in and kissing them before she left. Once during the meal she turned to look into the living room, she didn't know why, a feeling just came over her.

She turned her head back quickly, staring down at her plate. Jacob noticed, but didn't say anything. Jace had noticed too,

"Are you alright?" he whispered to her.

"Huh. . . Oh yes I'm fine, just remembering when I lived here is all."

Jace knew her well, and he was sure something was amiss, but he would talk to her later about it.

After everyone had eaten, Maria told Joshua and Jacob, that she had something for them, and wanted them to both have it to share,

"I'm giving you my '93 Corvette convertible, I want you boys to have it. The last time I saw your father, I was in it. . . And he was more interested in it, than he was me," she said, sadly.

They were both pretty shocked, especially when they found that it had the 40th Anniversary package.

"It has less than 10,000 miles on it," said Jace, "It's really sharp."

Jacob spoke with Jace about what his mother had told him about Gary and her marriage to James.

"Did she ever mention the tapes?" he asked Jace.

"No, she didn't say anything about them, what exactly is on the tapes?" he asked.

"After the holidays, come over and I'll let you look at the one we have," replied Jacob.

It turned into a good day for Maria, they didn't talk about the past, this was a holiday dinner and celebration, no one wanted to spoil it by bringing up old hurts and resentments. She met her other grandson, Johnathan and also got an embrace from both of her sons before she and Jace left, she looked at them and said,

"I promise you that we'll talk later. . . I'll try and explain why I did what I did. I know there's no excuse, I'm going through therapy now to try and understand it myself. . . I love you both so much."