by JSZ
This has always been one of my favourite short stories ! Evokes many fantasies working in an office environment. Would love a chapter 3 :) Would love to read about the emotions of the women on their first day in their new dress code - tube tops and skirts 1" below the crotch. The male employee's reactions to seeing the women in their new dress code and the women's interaction with the general public.
... The votes are hard to keep track of and they are boring.
The idea is very much to my liking. Your grammar, however, needs to drastically improve. You should either more thoroughly proofread your stories, or get a person to do it for you. Things to include:
Spelling ("baloney" should be "balogna")
Quotes
Separate dialog lines from main paragraphs
Other common mistakes (commas in the wrong places, or unnecessary places)
I loved this story! self induced humiliation and excitement is the best!
By far, I would have to say that this "tale" does not "deserve" a third chapter as the new poster flooding the BB is requesting.
The original author needed an editor. Perhaps with major work/help from another (beyond just the grammatical errors) this fantasy could have been expressed in a better way?
I wouldn't mind reading about the punishment of one of the women, or more.
I was delighted that you wrote the second chapter, like the first it was fun and rather naughty. Years ago, we had a similar sort of discussion at the office but in far more informal way, just for fun. Do write a third episode but perhaps with not too predicatble an outcome ! And don't forget the men, what are they going to wear ?
Ellie
I was curious if you might be willing to consider writing a few more chapters to this story.
AMY
amyjaskolka@hotmail.com
Enjoyed the first story. Well put together and good story idea. I realize that this is sort of a transition piece, but it gets pretty jumbled with all the people "talking" and having to refer back to the first story to figure out what "options" they are voting on.
Take your time. I look forward to the next installment, but don't let people's praise get you to just push the story out halfway done.
This is my kind of fantasy. I love it. Don't stop now. I love it!
As an office worker, this brings great fantasies to life, for which I thank you.
My only jab is that with multiple characters it is tough to read when more than one 'speak' in a single line with no quotations. But this is petty - the content far outweighs the negative.