Perspectives Series: Martin

"Don't. Don't change a thing. I love that you are so happy all the time."

~You know, it's real weird but I've been having these little outbursts of crying lately.

"Really?"

~Yeah, they're nothing serious or anything. Like, I'll be watching a mushy commercial and tears will just start streaming down my face. And yesterday, my friend brought in pictures of her baby and it happened again.

"How come, do you think?"

~I don't know but I have my annual checkup next week so I'm going to ask the doctor about it. I'm sure it's nothing, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

"You're just starting to act like a girl. Maybe it's because you're in looooove."

~Oh, shut up. It's not like I'm allergic to emotions or anything.

I laughed. "Hey, I better get back to my guest."

~OK, baby. I love you.

"I love you, too. Be safe tonight."

~Oh, I will.

My entire body felt warm every time she said it. I couldn't recall ever feeling that way about any woman. It was scary.

Jason finally left around 11:30. I'm convinced he wouldn't have stayed past 10 if it weren't for his feelings for Teresa. Her mood was noticeably elevated as she cleaned up the kitchen. I sat in the oversized chair contemplating whether or not to call Jill. She would no doubt still be out but probably wouldn't hear her phone. I decided to let it go, and settled for watching late night porn on television.

Teresa was appropriately disgusted at my choice in viewing and promptly scampered off to bed. It was our routine.

Chapter 23

It was a cold winter with lots of snow. I made it through the holidays, making sure to include Jason in every Christmas party, and New Year's Eve party that I could manage. The friendship between he and Teresa was flourishing and I was presented with another challenge. If they do take the plunge, how long will they keep it a secret? What if he discovers what a bitch she is before they tell me, and they break off their affair? I'll be back to square one.

I was on my way to Jill's for a sleepover. Teresa was staying at Sarah's, and so I took advantage. Jill had asked me to stop by the store and pick up some coffee on my way. I wasn't paying much attention, and then I looked up and saw her.

Jessie was standing in the aisle behind a partially filled shopping cart. She was nervous as a cat. We made small talk while she tried to avoid the one subject we had in common: Simon. She practically fell apart when I mentioned his name.

I sped to Jill's house, trying to forget the chance meeting. It was no use.

"I ran into Jessie at the store."

"Really. How was she?" Jill's smile faded from her face. She stopped setting the table and looked at me.

"Not good. She started to cry and then fled down the aisle."

"Oh, Martin! That's horrible."

"I know. I feel like shit. I just talked with Simon yesterday. He's been working something like 70 hour work weeks to keep himself busy. And, get a load of this...he just bought Jessie an engagement ring."

"What? An engagement ring?!"

"Uh, huh. Says he's going to ask her to marry him as soon as he fulfills his contract and gets back here."

"When will that be?"

"I don't know. June, maybe. It's kind of sad, baby. The way they both are so unhappy."

"I know. Why won't Simon call Jessie?"

"I don't know. He's always been funny like that. He doesn't talk on the phone much to anyone."

"Weird" Jill went back to setting the table for dinner.

I couldn't shake the feeling. I tried to remember if Simon had ever mentioned being in love with anyone before Jessie. He skated through High School and College without a serious girlfriend and the only ladies he dated more than twice since I moved to Kansas City were Sarah and Jessie. He was always so rational when it came to relationships. He never allowed himself to lose control. I wondered if his mother had something to do with that.

It made me sad for Simon. He took himself too seriously; he really needed to let go. I hope this works out with Jessie.

Jill's voice snapped me back into the room.

"Hey, I went back to the doctor this morning."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. How did it go?"

"They didn't find anything in the tests they ran. She really believes that it's my birth control pills causing hormonal imbalances."

"Oh? Hmmmm."

"She said that I can go on a lower dosage pill but she suggests that I go completely off the pill for a few months if I can stand it. What do you think?"

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me."

"You don't mind wearing a condom?"

"Yes, I mind."

"I thought you just said it didn't matter to you."

"I said it didn't matter to me if you went off the pill. I'm not wearing a fucking condom."

"What's the difference?"

"Oh, Jill. You can't be serious. It's like taking your Corvette into the shop and them giving you a Tahoe to drive in the meantime. Sluggish handling and no road feel." I was particularly proud of my analogy.

Jill started laughing. "What? You didn't just compare a condom to a Tahoe, did you?"

"I did."

"You know, my boss drives a Tahoe."

"There's nothing wrong with them. They're perfectly fine for other people."

"So what do you suggest we do?"

"Nothing."

"We STOP HAVING SEX?" She screeched.

"Geez, Jill. You don't have to scream. Of course not."

"What if I get pregnant?"

"You won't. At least not by me...and you better not get pregnant by anyone else, either."

Jill paused and looked at me for a second. She started to speak a couple of times and then changed her mind about what she wanted to say.

"Are you really sure you can't have kids?"

"Yep. I didn't get tested or anything, but let me just put it this way...I would be a father right now if there was any possibility that I could."

Jill thought about it for a couple of seconds. "Okay." She said quietly. Then she turned back toward me and added,

"And just for the record, there is ZERO chance of me getting pregnant by anyone else. Got that, Mr. Sullivan?"

We never got around to eating dinner.

Chapter 24

I was pretty damn sure that Teresa was fucking Jason. It was June and we hadn't had sex since October. Eight months was a long time, even for the Ice Princess. On top of that, on several occasions, Teresa would spend the day shopping but return with no purchases. That was a highly unlikely event. And she was oddly spending the night at Sarah's a lot. All of that just reinforced what I already knew.

Timing was the key to the whole game, though. If I caught them too soon, Jason might just walk away from Teresa in favor of our partnership. I needed to make sure he was really smitten with her, enough to take her completely off my hands.

On the other front, Jill showed no signs that she wanted to move forward. I didn't share my little Jason/Teresa experiment with her, so she had no idea that I was already working on a way out, but she never brought it up. She never even hinted at me leaving Teresa. I was afraid I knew the reason why.

She was always talking about how large her family was and how important children were to them. Although she never said it directly, I knew she wanted kids. She loved kids. It's the one thing I'll never be able to give her.

I put the thought out of my head. I'm sure the irrational way I approached it would disappoint Simon, but who was he to talk lately. He bought a ring for a woman he hasn't spoken to in almost a year. And Teresa saw Jessie in the grocery store with a man just the week before. For all we knew, Jessie had moved on with her life.

I got regular e-mails from Simon and was looking forward to picking him up at the airport on the 25^th. As it turned out, his flight was cancelled, and he didn't arrive until the 26^th. He announced that he was going to finally ask Jessie to marry him. It was the first time I'd known him to throw caution completely to the wind. He was turning into quite the compulsive risk-taker.

I had planned to go out with Simon after picking him up, but he wanted to go straight to Jessie's house instead. That gave me the perfect alibi to go to Jill's.

"Hey, baby." I leaned over and kissed Jill. She was sitting on the sofa when I walked in.

"How is Simon?"

"He's fine. He's going to ask Jessie to marry him."

"Oh, that's great! When? Tonight?"

"Probably"

"I'm so happy for them."

I sat there for a couple of seconds. I wasn't sharing in her enthusiasm over it and I couldn't figure out why at first. Then I realized that I was a little jealous of them.

"Hey, why didn't you answer your phone Saturday night?"

"Saturday night...I don't know. I guess I didn't hear it."

"Where were you?"

"Oh, stop it. I told you where I was, and who I was with. They're friends, just friends. You know I have a lot of guy friends."

"I know you say they're friends, but how do you think they view your relationship?"

"The same way."

"Fuck, Jill! You are so naïve." I stood up and turned around to face her. I was surprised she was standing up right before me. I took a step backward. "Guys think about getting laid, not being friends with girls."

"Oh, yeah? So I guess it would be a bad idea for me to do THIS around them, huh?!" She pulled her shirt up over her head, completely exposing her upper body.

"Wha...What are you doing?"

"Go ahead, keep yelling at me. Let's see if you can fight me now."

I sat down on the ottoman. Or more accurately, I swiftly sat down as I stepped backward off balance. I'm pretty sure my mouth was agape.

She swiftly walked toward me and straddled my lap until her legs were securely wrapped around me and her ankles locked. She threw her arms around my neck and looked me in the eyes as she softly spoke.

"I refuse to fight about this again, Martin."

I tried to move her off my lap but she was locked in place. She giggled. I caught a glimpse of her breasts jiggling as I tried to pry her off me. It was impossible to stay mad at her.

"I won't let you do it." She kissed me on the cheek. "You have a nasty temper Martin Dean Sullivan. I'm not going to allow you to throw a fit again. I love you. I love YOU and ONLY you. There isn't anyone else in my life and there hasn't been since our first date. Hell, before our first date. I knew I loved you that time on the phone when you told me that you were attracted to my personality, remember?"

I nodded.

"I told you I had this big unsightly scar on my side and you told me you didn't care. That's when I fell in love with you and I've never thought about another guy since."

"Never?"

"Never even looked at one, much less slept with one."

I buried my face in her neck. "I'm sorry, baby. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I might be a little jealous of Simon."

"I know what you mean."

My fingers found their way to her exposed breasts. I started nuzzling her neck. "I love you so much, it drives me crazy."

She nodded. Her eyes were closed and her head fell backward. "I know exactly what you mean."

After our make-up sex, I dashed back to the house in hopes of finding Teresa out of the house. My plan was to drive to Jason's and catch them. Unfortunately, Teresa was home cleaning house.

The next evening, Simon showed up at the door asking me to take him to his storage unit. It was just a damn lucky coincidence that I was even home. Wednesdays were Jill and my regular meeting days, but Jill had a work function to attend. I tried to get information out of Simon but he clammed up. All I knew was that he and Jessie were not going to get married and Simon was leaving for Dallas immediately.

Chapter 25

Warm days were about to end and I was anxious. Work was slowing down considerably and I had no other business ventures in the near future to occupy my time. I spent hours upon days thinking about Jill. I probably called her fifty times a day. She never seemed to mind. Oh, how much I love her.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to catch Teresa with Jason. I was even starting to doubt it was Jason she was seeing. I knew it was someone, though.

Teresa came home one day with startling news about Jessie. She spotted her in CVS Pharmacy and she was undoubtedly pregnant.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I may not be pregnant, but I know what a pregnant woman looks like."

"Are you sure it was Jessie?"

"Yes, Martin." She rolled her eyes at me and walked downstairs to work out. She was spending a lot of time working out those days.

I called Simon first to tell him.

~Hey, Martin...what's up?

"Nothing much. How about that game?"

~Yeah, it was a slaughter. How are Teresa and Jill?

Prick!

"They are both fine. Teresa came home with some news that I thought you might like to know."

~She's pregnant?

"No, but you're close."

~She is fat?

"Very funny. No. Jessie is pregnant."

~What?

"T saw her in CVS Pharmacy the other day. You know how the exit door faces the entrance...she saw Jessie from the side and she is definitely pregnant. I guess she has moved on."

There was a pause on the line and suddenly I felt like a real asshole. I thought it would be better for him if he could just let her go and move on. Fuck!

"Are you still there? Simon?"

~Yeah, I'm here.

"That's pretty much the reason I called. Nothing new has happened here. Did you get that last e-mail I sent with the link in it?"

~Yeah, I got it. I can't go to websites like that from work. I'm going to have to use my home laptop.

"It's hilarious! Call me after you've seen it."

~Ok, I will. Talk to you later.

"Later."

I called Jill next.

~Hey, baby.

She sniffled.

"What's wrong? Are you sick?"

~No, I'm fine. Allergies.

"Hey, guess what?"

~What?

"Teresa saw Jessie in CVS Pharmacy today. She is pregnant."

~Pregnant? Are you sure?

"Yeah. Teresa said she was like a few months along."

Silence

"Jill?"

~Yeah, I'm here. I'm just shocked, I guess.

"Oh, we all are. You should have heard Simon's reaction."

~You called Simon?

"Yeah. I wanted him to hear it from me first."

~What did he say?

"Not much. He was real quiet. I think he was mostly shocked. I didn't think about it until it was too late but I probably hurt his feelings."

~Oh, Martin.

"I know. I feel bad."

"Are you going out with your work friends tonight?"

Silence

"Jill?"

~Oh, I'm sorry. What did you say, honey?

"Are you going out tonight with your friends?"

~No, I just feel like staying home.

"You've been doing that a lot lately. You're not doing it because of me, are you?"

~No...No, not at all. Anyway, I think we're past that.

"Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Is everything OK?"

~Yeah, it's fine. I'm just a little tired, that's all.

"Allergies?"

~Yeah, allergies.

"Okay, I'll let you go. I love you."

~I love you, too.

I had an unusual opportunity to break free from Teresa on Saturday. I was tired of keeping up the ruse with Jill but it was absolutely necessary to the plan. I couldn't have Teresa sinking into a depression at that stage of the game. I tried to surprise Jill; she wasn't home. I called her, but she didn't answer. I called several times and finally, an hour later, she answered.

"Baby, where are you? I'm at your apartment."

~You are? What a nice surprise.

"Yes. Where are YOU?"

~I'm on my way. I'm just leaving Jessie's house.

"Jessie's house! What are you doing there?"

~I just stopped to chat, that's all.

"Well...?"

~She's pregnant alright. A full FOUR months along.

"Uh, huh."

~FOUR months, Martin.

"Yeah, I heard you."

~You're not making this easy.

"What?"

~Martin, Simon is the father.

"Huh?"

~You heard me...Simon is the father of Jessie's baby.

"No way! She's never told him or he would have mentioned it to me on the phone."

~You're right. She hasn't told him but he knows now.

"Oh, shit! Will he put it together?"

~Jessie seems to think so.

"OK. How long until you get here?"

~Maybe another 10 minutes.

"Okay. I'll wait for you here. I've got to go. I need to call Simon."

~Okay. Love you; Bye.

"You, too; bye."

I tried several times to reach him but he didn't answer. I thought about leaving a message. What would I say?

Finally, Simon called me back.

"Hey...Simon."

~Hey, Martin...how you doin'? I saw you called.

"Hey, yeah. I'm here at Jill's; she just got back from Jessie's house."

~Really?! What was Jill doing over at Jess's house?

"Girl talk, you know."

~Oh. And?

"Well, Jessie told Jill that she is four months along in her pregnancy and that she thinks..."

"She KNOWS" Jill injected quickly.

"...um, sorry, that she KNOWS that you are the father of the baby." I heard a clicking noise on my cell. "Simon, are you there?"

~Yeah, I'm still here.

"Are you shocked?"

~No, I'm not. I knew it was mine when you told me Thursday. We had unprotected sex when I came back from Dubai.

"Why didn't you say something?"

~I don't know. I don't tell you EVERYTHING.

"Shit!"

~I will tell you this...we're getting married.

"Uh, huh. You said that before, remember?"

~I know I told you that before but this time I actually asked and she said 'yes'.

"You asked her over the phone? You have no class, I swear."

~Not over the phone, you dork...I'm in KC right now.

"You are?"

~Just got here an hour ago. Did Jill say anything else?

I looked over at Jill. She was lying next to me in bed, close enough to hear Simon's voice through the phone. Her eyes widened a bit. She shook her head quickly.

"Not really. She said that Jessie cried and stuff like that."

Jill leaned in to hear Simon's response.

~Well, that happens when you're pregnant.

"Are you with Jessie now?"

~Yeah, she's sitting right here. We were on our way to pick up some custard.

"Well, tell her Congratulations."

~Martin says Congratulations.

I heard Jessie in the background.

~Thanks, Martin.

"Alright, I'll let you go. Call me later."

~Alright, man. Talk to you later.

I turned to Jill and kissed her on the forehead.

"Wow, I think they're really going to do it this time."

"Yeah, that's great."

Jill's voice cracked a little and I looked down at her eyes. They were filled with tears.

"Oh, baby. Are you happy?"

She nodded.

"Is being off the pill not helping? Are you still having little episodes?"

Jill shrugged. "Sometimes, I guess. I'm OK."

"Okay."

Chapter 26

Simon and Jessie's wedding was scheduled for Friday, October 26^th. They asked Jill and me to stand with them at the courthouse in Liberty. Simon and I had been through just about everything together. I'd known him my entire life. I was a little disappointed that he wasn't having a big party, but under the circumstances, it was understandable.

I didn't tell Teresa. It wasn't difficult to keep it from her. We rarely even saw each other those days. I wanted our relationship to be over so badly. Whatever feelings I had for her, whatever guilt I may have felt in the past, it was gone. I didn't feel anything, anymore.

The Wednesday before the wedding, Jill and Jessie went out shopping for dresses. It was going to be mine and Simon's only opportunity to celebrate as bachelors. Although Simon didn't want an official 'bachelor party', I dubbed that night out as one and made sure that he had ample libation. I suggested a strip club, but Simon refused. I had to settle for bar hopping on the Plaza.

We started out at Kona Grill. I had such a history in that place with Teresa and Jill. It was only fitting to see my friend Simon off there, as well. As it turned out, that place was about to become even more historical for me.