All Comments on 'Pheromones'

WELL IT IS A GREAT START LET ME JUST SAY I THOROUGHLY LIKED IT

Agreed, great start, quite erotic.

Some edit or spell-check assistance would help typos and mis-spellings, though the story is quite readable and engaging. ...

sorrority ==> sorority ...

have to do someothing ==> something ...

We gasped silmultaneously ==> simultaneously ...

She contiued to ride ==> continued ...

"Oh shit. Mmm Madison. You are incredible,"I said ==> incredible, "I said ...

do that again she said almost ==> do that again!" she said almost ... ...

Keep writing, and use your writing tools for checking. I look forward to more!

needs a bit of degradation and humiliation. Maybe he runs into a snotty bitch who snubbed him

Every honest man's fantasy. A hot coed but lets not stay with one for long or she might put 2 + 2 together and realize she was played

It's an old concept, but the author tackles it with an obvious relish and lack of miscogeny that makes it fresh and delightful. The sex is actually well-detailed, the girl is realistic, and it's overall extremely well put-together.

Despite some minor grammatical, etc. errors, good start. I see you have a part 2, so assume you will be continuing this story. Good.

Lots of stories with similar themes at www.storiesonline.net. Most have titles that include the words alpha male. A search on that phrase should give you some ideas for comparison.

Avec brevity, eh? Not bad at all. Yeah, this could be expanded a bit, perhaps an extended story, but this was a fun rendition of a cool fantasy and science fiction concept.

Anyone appreciating this story as much as I did can surely overlook the few defects. Every guys dream layed out in a concise, believable way. To the critic that needs kink: begone!

loved the build up and how hot and fast it gets. Slow has it's place but eager and hard is almost always perfect.

I like your character's hesitation about what is really happening and then the taste of an unreachable girl. If anything her over-perfect body takes away some of the realism but you might as well fantasize with the best your imagination can summon.

I only wish it were true. Good plot. The female is probably too perfect. The slow built up of tension was good even though the conclusion was obvious. I liked the dialogue and he limited description of the settings.

The grammatical errors have already been noted. Be more careful with those issues, I have the same problems, but keep writing. You have an almost endless number of possibilities.

Like the start of this story. Now if he can keep the Girls from being jealous he could have his Own Sorority. for himself and keep the Jocks and Rich at bay.

Daniel has proven the concept. Now he needs to sit on his invention until he can get out of the university (so they can't claim the invention belongs to them), set up his own lab after a decent interval has elapsed, and only then patent his invention to become rich. Very rich. SUPER rich.

And then perhaps discover he can conquer the upper class females he wants because he is confident and a nice guy who does not need the pheromones he has synthesized. Give him a happy ending; perhaps by choosing the woman he wants, going after her, the two of them having mad hot sex, and discovering she is using they female version of his invention on HIM, and that the only time they need it is when they want to have a super-special night. Something like that.

Should be too high a rating but the time honored premise is still attractive, plus that classic description of Madison imakes it tough to gIve an honest rating.

At first I like it then things come too easily and too much on schedule.

The major source of interest was was the descriptions. Again nothing amazing but much better written than many.

I'm off to read the next one. That will be the decider.