Pixie, Katie and Me Ch. 01

I scowled at her comment, my ego obviously in play and working at frustrating her idea.

She paused and added, "You both know I'm this non-conformist." She turned to me in apparent irritation, "You even knew all the years we dated that I'd go off and see other guys. I don't want to be tied down this way -- even now. I'm not sure what that means, but we've talked about this before."

I said curtly, "Yes. Yes we did; and now I'm feeling the difference between theory and practice." I paused and added, "I'll think about it too. I'll see if I can find some other mindset that I feel comfortable with." I looked to Katie.

Katie had a scowl of unhappiness on her face. She said softly, "Me too. Will you be seeing Richard again?"

"Yea," Mel said with some level of resignation, "tomorrow, but we'll be at the mall construction site. I'll keep things tame just to please you guys."

Mel came over beside me again and took my face in her hands and kissed me on the lips. "I do love you, even though I have all these other urges that I seem to have to follow. Thanks for at least considering all this." She reached across and stroked Katie's face as well. I responded coldly to Mel's advance.

The matter was on the table but no further discussion took place that night, at least with Mel.

I announced I intended to take a walk to 'clear my head' about an hour before our regular bedtime. Before the words were out of my mouth, Katie said, "Me too!" with such finality that I could see it shut Mel out from joining us. Normally, we would have put an end to such friction as it happened, but I let it slide by. After all, I was one of the aggrieved parties. We quickly left the house, leaving Mel reading in the living room. In hindsight, I think Mel wanted to give us the space to talk together about her proposal.

Katie and I held hands as we walked down the driveway and headed north for a clockwise walk around the block. We were silent for a long time, both of us thinking about 'things'.

She finally said to me, "Doug, I love you too. And I've made a decision tonight that will affect all of us."

I looked at Katie's sweet face in the heavy shadows of the night, a streetlight casting the only light towards us.

"I'm going to leave and get back to my own life," Katie announced to me. "I haven't told Mel but I've been thinking again about it for a few weeks. This situation that Mel brought home tonight has been a catalyst for me making that break sooner than later."

"Oh, Katie, are you sure? We both love having you here," I pleaded. Inside, my heart started to ache in a very physical and strange way. I suddenly felt all empty inside and like the world was sliding away from me and I couldn't get it back. First, Mel and now Katie were upsetting my life.

"Yes," she said slowly. "Tonight, after Mel said she wanted to spend some intimate time with Richard I wondered if my presence might have something to do with that; you know, that you split your time and attention between the two of us and she's consequently feeling the need for some 'outside' attention."

"I know she'd say 'No' to that and I do too," I tossed in as I put my arm around her. She pulled into me. We stopped and kissed. I added, "This is just Mel trying to be the non-conformist she likes to be, particularly in her relationships."

"There's more to my decision," Katie said. "I think I need a more traditional relationship; you know, just two people being intimate -- I guess, not three. I'm past needing to be married, but I think I want to shift back. I could do that very easily with you -- very easily, but if I pushed you to run away with me and leave Mel, I'd be the home wrecker and I couldn't do that -- even with Mel living out all these ideas about unconventional relationships. I'd never forgive myself."

"You tempt me," I said wondering where I'd take the conversation if Katie took my comment as something other than an ego booster. I hugged her to me.

She went on, "If I leave soon, it'll un-complicate the thinking you need to do about Mel and Richard -- for her too. If Mel thinks you have my warm body at home, it changes her thinking. If she realizes that her attraction to Richard might come at the expense of time with you, she might change her priorities."

I said firmly, "Now, I can guarantee that Mel doesn't think that way. She just wants to be with Richard -- to have an intimate relationship with him. It's the way she is -- the rebel. Both of us agree that we can love more than one person, and we've done it before and now are doing it with you."

I paused, stopping our walk and turning into her. "Please reconsider and don't leave us. You make my heart ache at the idea. I'm on the edge of being teary. I need you in my life and I know Mel does too."

"Doug, I want to have kids and a more traditional family -- what you and Mel had before I arrived a year ago. This has been a fantastic year that I shall cherish and remember with joy, excitement, and fondness forever. But I think I shall ever regret if I don't end it and move on."

"I volunteer to be the father," I told her, trying to make light of the moment, yet inside my emotions were starting to overtake my control. I ignored the last part of her comment.

"I know," Katie said. "I've even thought about that and haven't even ruled that possibility out yet. That said, my leanings are to go back to Boston and restart. My parents are there and can help me get right back into things without a hassle." Katie's resolve softened and she sniffled back a tear.

I stopped walking again and pulled Katie into an embrace. Tears had welled up in my eyes on and off over the past couple of minutes over my colossal sadness about her departure; now they returned and started to stream down my face. I choked out a sob and held her closer. I felt grief at the imminent loss of a loved one and recalled the same sad emotions when Joy had left. We stood in the middle of the street and cried into each other, both anticipating the separation and loss we'd feel for months after she left.

I asked through my unrestrained sobs, "You're sure?"

Katie just nodded her head against my chest, unable to speak.

We cried together for many minutes, feeling the hurt of the changes we both knew would eventually come. Finally, we heard a car coming so we turned and started walking again, this time just holding hands. The car passed and was long gone, and the two of us just let the momentum carry us back to the house. We didn't speak another word that night except to pause outside the house and say, "I love you" to each other.

I zoned out in my den staring at the TV as an old movie played, leaving Mel and Katie to whatever discussions happened to come up. I eventually fell into some kind of exhausted sleep in my chair, full of emotions that I seemed unable to cope with while conscious.

I awoke very early with the TV still on and with a hollow feeling deep within. I decided to go to work. I took my shower and re-dressed using the guest bathroom, trying to avoid waking Mel and Katie who both slept together on either side of the large bed when I peeked in.

I kissed Mel on the side of her head and she mumbled something unintelligible. I went around the bed and kissed Katie too. She woke up and looked at me. She sat up, the sheet falling from her naked form. She held her arms open to me and we hugged and kissed. I felt passion from her but also the closing of a chapter. We ended with a tender kiss. Katie looked at me with big doe eyes and then pushed me towards the door. As I pulled away I could see the tears streaming down her face again.

Katie was gone when I got home that night.

*

Much to my surprise Mel was more broken up by Katie's leaving than I was. She'd break into tears and blamed herself for the breakup, however, we both avoided a long discussion about her leaving or placing any blame. That first week, we proved to be each other's rocks. I steered the conversations to the fun times we had while Katie was with us, and reflected back even further for the first time in years on the fond memories we had of Joy when the three of us lived together down by the University.

A couple of months just slipped by. The sadness Mel and I felt with Katie's departure gradually healed leaving us with both happy memories of our year together and a melancholy feeling about her departure. We'd helped her heal, removing the pain of her shattered marriage with our own love. Love is often a bittersweet experience and our relation with Katie was no exception: sweetness for all the time we had together, the shared experiences and passionate love making, and the joyful memories; and sadness about her return to a traditional life style back in her hometown.

Mel said that Katie had made her promise not to telephone or try to contact her. "I'll need my space and time to create a new life," she'd told her. Mel had promised for both of us and we honored her request.

Mel's idea of a liaison with Richard didn't come up at all after that night in October. I didn't think Mel would have her fling without talking further about it. One cool night as we sat in the spa, I finally broached the question with her.

"Mel, what ever happened to your idea of you and Richard getting together? You've been very quiet about it since Katie left." I paused and added, "I'm not promoting anything except the subject was so controversial and then evaporated when Katie left."

Mel slid across the hot tub into my arms, "Well, truth be told, I haven't lost interest in the idea. I just put the whole idea on ice while we got over Katie leaving. Moreover, I wanted you to get used to the idea that I still want to have 'outside' friends."

I said, "I have mellowed a bit about the idea, but give me a little longer. Is he cool waiting for you?"

Mel told me, "I just said I wasn't ready to go any further. He accepted that. It's a 'nice to have' for him too; he's married and has close to the same kind of relationship with his wife that we have."

I wasn't surprised at Mel's continued interest but let the obvious questions and opportunities implied by her statement pass by for the moment. I really did want more time to get my head around what a relationship with another male or couple would be like and how that would be different from involving women like Joy or Katie in our lives.

To be continued...