by Karkadann
i like this story and cant wait for the next chapter. The way you tell this story is great, its direct with no fuss. I like teh way your building these characters. Great work only real critique would be is to ask if your can break your paragraphs up. I found i was getting lost moving down each line, sometimes reading the same line again or missing one a line. Geeze i hope i explained or discribe that well enough. :)