All Comments on 'Secret in the Secret Ch. 22'

Interesting, so will Emily and Stevens get caught?

Why did it take so long to post this story when it's not even a full page it's kinda annoying I'm sorry but in the amount of time it could have Ben three to four pages at least I love the storie and ease explain why it took two months for this and the last of the mermaid story???

Because I have schoolwork and work to worry about, when I get home I'm tired and rarely feel like writing. Also this is three pages in word and took me quite a while to write.

Love the plot line. Great character interaction and intrigue. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks

No!!! Why did you make her fall asleep like that lol

Ive ben reading all the chapters in order it is a great story.

Take the time you neeed good writing cant be rushed.

Hope to see a new chapter soon.

I really like both your story length, and that you don't allow your character to get used immediately and also not often. You keep the plot moving forward while also sparing a little time for fun. But I am enjoying the pacing. I also like that you have your more feminine guard in the role of protector, alpha, and futa.

It's nice at the end how Amanda finally mentions interest in Emily's (?name?) life before prison.

You could expand on the 'marking' and how it works... If Stevens (?) didn't need to adhere to the 'claim' then what is its point? Also, early on Stevens had pushed the main character into a wall, and she somehow felt like keeping it to herself. But, nothing came of that secrecy. I thought that, at the very least, Amanda would do a little detecting (since we know the surveillance camera was on Emily while she was waiting for her). You also opted not to show Amanda confronting Stevens about revealing herself (the second time she's done that apparently). Later, it appears that she only informed on her to the Queen.

Regardless of a few still loose ends, I do like the premise and the hierarchy that you've created. I think if you wanted to make the story even more dynamic, you could turn the other inmates from mise-en-scene into living and breathing ones. A bit of realistic prison life (or showing just how the guards run their tight ship) would also be interesting.

I hope that you continue to expand this world and take it up to the next one rather than ending with lift-off.

I guess time will tell.

Thanks for taking the time to write out a good length of story. I should tell you in your other one, that I really liked the mermaid story too :)

Sorry for the anon, but I have enough accounts floating around, and the occasional good story on here just isn't enough to get me to sign up on another site. I'll try to follow you via RSS feed.

Scout

Where are the stars? Can't vote 5 stars for your stories. :(

On my stories about 1% of the readers vote so a single 1 star vote brings down the rating a lot. I decided that rather than let a small number of people rate the story that people should read it and decide for themselves. I love comments a lot more than I do ratings anyways, hope that answers your question and thanks for the theoretical five star rating :)