by Keos
Good buildup, but short "climax". Overall good story, but too short to really enjoy. By the time you're kind of into it, its over and that is disappointing for a story with a lot of potential.
With a bit more to say in the story and a some small editing tweeks, this story would be amazing!
It's a good story, but too short for my tastes. You do need to get an editor though. There were at least two errors that I found, that stick out like sore thumbs. All in all, very good. Thanks!
Cool story line. You should add more chapters to it though. Lots more can go one from there and if it were a bit longer.... Really good though! These types of stories are great!