So Far From Yesterday

"You're still not being honest with yourself. Okay, let's pretend something for a minute." She took his hand in hers and as she said, "Look at me Sam, there's no truth to be found in the carpet between your feet."

He did look at her then so she pressed on. Let's assume that for the moment that Holly is alive and we were all good friends. Are you with me so far?"

He didn't answer, but he didn't look away so she went on. "Okay, so I've been at your house for a couple of hours or so and we've had a great visit and maybe even a drink or two. You and Holly walk me to the door just as you did minutes ago. Then you pat my ass as you smile at me and you say some remark about something or another. Nothing more, but pat my ass and you say something. Now number one, how do you think I would have responded? Anger? Some smart comment about you being in trouble? Certainly not anger. Number two, would Holly tear into you with as much anger and shouting as you did just now? What do you think Sam? Would Holly have exploded or even been a little pissed at you after the door was closed?"

His eyes drifted from hers for a second and then back as he said, "No. She might have had a firm comment about it, but that's all."

"And would you expect me to take a swing at you, or call you a name or whatever?"

"I don't know."

"You do know because it just happened. I have to admit, I've never had a client ever pat my ass before though," and she smiled. "So just maybe you have fears. I know it hasn't been long since the fire, so don't expect miracles. It really does take time. Now that said, I'm going to guess you're almost afraid of trying to get on with your life. Sam, you will never forget Holly and you'll always love her. The hurt and the loss will ease with time, whether or not you want it to happen. Nobody will expect you to keep her in the forefront of your mind, because human beings just aren't wired like that. I'm no shrink, but damn it Sam, stop running away from the inevitable. Cry as much as you want, but don't lie to yourself." Getting up she said, "Now I'm going home, because you're probably going to be mad at me and I don't feel like arguing."

He stood up and they walked to the door again, but this time she put his hand on her ass. "See Sam, I'm not crying and your hand isn't falling off."

He turned her to him and put his arms around her. "Anna, you're more important to me as a friend than a decorator. Thanks for putting up with me."

Her arms went around his waist as she said, "You're welcome."

She made it as far as the top step when he said, "Oh, and Anna. You really do have a very nice ass."

She smiled and blew him a kiss and went to her car. Why the hell did he make that comment about her ass, it wasn't like he'd been studying it. Then with one last wave, she took off and he just stood there. He still knew that what he had done was wrong and he wouldn't do it again, but Anna had been wonderful the way she had handled that mess.

Chapter Four

Sam still spent his Sundays mourning Holly and Deidra. It put him into a deep funk, but he felt he needed to do that. He didn't get on the computer or anything else that would distract him. He might do a load of laundry, but nothing that would pull his mind away from his wife and baby.

Monday morning brought Sam back to the real world. Gerald Hancock's secretary called and they set an appointment for three in the afternoon.

As soon as Sam sat down, Mr. Hancock said, "We've received the records about your fire from the fire marshal and the report from the medical examiner. We're waiting for information on the furnace manufacturer and a few other things, but it won't take us long before we'll be ready to move on to filing with the court. Sam, have you thought about how you would like this to go given a choice?" Before he could answer, Mr. Hancock said, "I think we should try for fifty million dollars. Now that doesn't mean you'll get that even if we do win the suit. But, it let's them know we're going to push this. Hopefully, it also puts us in a very good bargaining position. Juries are typically very sympathetic when an infant dies due to the negligence of another."

"Okay, Mr. Hancock let me tell you what I'm thinking and would like to see happen. I don't care about fifty million dollars actually. But like you said, that puts us in a good bargaining position. If and when things seem to be going our way, I want to extend an offer much less than the fifty million if they will settle out of court, but the settlement must be in cash, not payments over twenty years or whatever. I'd go for, say a split payment five or so years apart however."

"Are you sure that's how you want to do this? You'd be giving up a great amount of money."

"I know, but I don't want this to drag out for years, I don't want to go through the courtroom scene and I'm only going to spend just so much money in this life."

"So what amount of money were you thinking?"

"We'd have to figure that depending on how things go of course, but I'd be willing to settle for say ten million in two five mil payments, plus enough to cover your fee of course."

"That's very generous of you, Sam."

"I'm just doing what's best for me. I sure as hell don't have any pity for the guilty parties."

"I'm sure not. Okay, I'll keep you informed, but as I'm sure you know, this could take some time."

"I understand, but time is as important to me that anything else."

"Understood," with that they stood and shook hands and Sam left.

The days were passing quickly. November eighth came and at three that afternoon, Sam signed the last of the paper work at the title office and left with the keys in his hand. As soon as he was in the car, he dialed Anna's number and waited. When she answered he said, "I have the house keys in my hand."

"Wonderful, so now we can work out the deliveries and so forth."

"I don't know what your schedule is, but how about dinner to celebrate? Perhaps at the Carriage House?"

"I'd love it, but let's meet at your new house so I can walk through it again."

"Great. I'll make the reservations for, say seven, and I'll pick you up at five thirty."

"See you then."

The food and the service at the Carriage House was always excellent and it was no different for them that time.

They were nursing their last drink when Sam asked her, "Anna, why did you put my hand on your butt after...well, after I made a fool of myself."

"Well, first of all, you didn't make a fool of yourself, but to answer your question, I did that hoping you'd relax and not worry about your little indiscretion."

"Oh."

"My turn for a question, what did you think my reason was?"

"It's just that...well, I just can't be getting involved or tangled with commitments."

She smiled and asked him, "What would make you think I have plans or am looking for commitments? We haven't even kissed each other's cheeks. You really are running afraid, Sam."

"You make it sound like I'm dysfunctional."

"Of course you are, but if say months from now, or maybe a year from now you are still so guarded and afraid, then I'd say you have a problem." Then she all but laughed as she said, "Sam, if I even hinted at anything beyond a friendship, you'd run like the wind." He didn't say anything, but at least he did smile.

The next time they saw each other was when he came to his new house from work and Anna was there to see that each delivery was correct and undamaged. She showed him what had arrived and they talked and then he went home to change and settle down. It would be some time tomorrow before the house would be ready, and then with Jeff's help, he had to move his personal belongings from the apartment plus what he had in storage from his old garage. His business relationship with Anna was now at an end and his new life really had started like it or not.

It was now December. The eighth to be exact, and he went to Indianapolis to see friends there and had dinner and a drink with Noah. Holly and Deidra were never mentioned nor was the fire. Instead, they focused on things like the business climate or anything they could think of, but never Sam's disaster. It was at the end of their meal when Noah asked Sam, "Would you be interested in joining our team Sam? There would be some flying involved, but not often, other than that it would be much like what you do now."

"Noah, I'm flattered and I really appreciate the offer, but I'm still trying to adjust to my new life such as it is. I'll think about it though."

"Fair enough. How did the house turn out, I mean working with the interior decorator and all?"

"Great. Anna was fantastic to work with, I liked what she did and we've even become friends. Speaking of which, I've not talked to her in weeks."

"And the legal issues?"

Sam leaned back with a discouraged look and said, "Not a word. He warned me it could take some time, but it would be nice to hear some kind of good news on that front. Those bastards need to pay for their incompetence."

There wasn't anything that Noah could say to that, so he changed the subject saying, "I'll be up in South Bend, but I'm not sure just when. It could be tomorrow, or in two weeks."

"Give me a call when you get in."

"I'll do that." With their visit concluded, Sam headed north and to his new home. It was only three days later that Noah called. "Sam, I'm in town. Why don't you join me Friday night. There's a very casual gathering at Ken and Marge's at seven. You remember them don't you?"

"Sure, I met them a year or so ago"

"Right, just a few drinks and conversation, nothing fancy or involved: They're celebrating selling their business."

"Early retirement?"

"We'll find out, but I doubt it, they're pretty young to be retiring."

"Money has a way of erasing the age criteria for retirement." Noah laughed and then Sam said, "Sure, I'll pick you up, say about quarter till."

"See you then." It was at that party where Sam met Roger and Angeline Meyer. An older couple, but she was charming and Roger had no shortage of tales to tell. Whoever he was, it was easy to see he had money and the other guests were quick to smile at him and be charming. When Noah had a chance later he told Sam, "Roger and Angeline are good people and good ones to know. Though he plays behind the scenes, he has quite a bit of influence in the business world both here and a number of other areas. Why he chose South Bend to settle in, I'm not sure, but they seem to love it here."

It was then that Angeline came over and slipping her arm around Sam said, "Noah, you can talk to Sam anytime. It's time he and I got acquainted," and she pulled him away. Angeline didn't lack for charm or for being just a little nosy in a friendly sort of way, and before it was over she had learned of the fire and of Holly and Deidra dying. She had also shed a few tears as he told her the sad tale. Angeline took over mothering him for the remainder of the evening.

Chapter Five

Christmas had been rough for Sam. Jeff had invited Sam to share in his family Christmas, but Sam declined and just buried himself in a book. New Years Eve wasn't nearly as bad, but he had no desire to go out and get drunk either.

Sam finally heard from his lawyer on the tenth of January almost four months after filing the suit. As soon as he sat down across from Mr. Hancock, he heard, "Sam, if you meant what you said, we may be able to close this in near record time."

"I meant what I said. I want them to pay, but I don't want to wait five years while the court system drags on and on."

"How would you feel about four million now and then three more in ten years, and my fees are included in those numbers."

"Do it."

"I hope you don't look back on this with regret."

"Mr. Hancock, if I can't manage to live on four million, then no amount of money in the world would be enough for me: I need to get on with my life and try to forget as much of this mess as possible."

"Okay. I'll be in touch with you in the next week or so. Just maybe I'll have some news for you." Sam stood up, shook his hand and left smiling.

True to his word, Mr. Hancock called Sam at his office, and by five o'clock Sam knew his law suit was to be settled out of court. The terms were to remain confidential and Sam was happy with that added detail. Sam's life was changing yet again, but it was a good thing that he didn't have a crystal ball, because more was coming his way in the coming days and weeks. Only time would tell however, if those things would be good or bad.

It was only a week later when Sam received an invitation in the mail. He called Noah right away. "You back in Indy, Noah?"

"I am."

"Did you receive an invitation from Roger and Angeline?"

"I did and I take it you did too."

"I'm afraid I did."

"Sam, whatever you do, don't blow this off. I've told you about Roger and Angeline, and to receive an invitation from them for something like this is quite an honor."

"But damn it Noah, I hate opera, even if it is Macbeth."

"Well, at least it is Shakespeare's shortest."

"Very funny, so I get to wear a nice dark suit, blah, blah."

"Buck up Sam, and put on your best face. You will enjoy the evening despite your reservations. Hell, I'm driving up from Indy so I can be in on this soirée. In fact, pick me up at the apartment."

"Okay, but this better be good." After hanging up, Sam muttered and swore at himself for not saying no to the invitation. The only reason he was going he told himself, was because Noah had introduced him to Roger and Angeline and he didn't want to embarrass Noah. The opera would be at the beautifully restored and gilded Morris Civic Auditorium with two performances, and the one they would see would be the last one.

On the appointed Saturday evening, Sam and Noah drove to the parking garage not far from the auditorium. Sam's Lexus didn't stand out in the large cluster of Mercedes and Jaguars that surrounded them. Everybody had pulled their best wheels out of the garage because this was a big event for South Bend, and Roger had reserved a dozen seats split into two groups across the aisle from each other.

The opera wasn't as bad as Sam had expected it to be, but he was glad when it was over and was among the first to get to the lobby. He and Noah stood off to one side and watched people dressed in everything from cargo pants and jump suits and denim jackets to fur wraps and sequin semi formal dresses. From there everybody made their way to Roger and Angeline's at Woodland Hills Estates just off of Grape Road. All of the homes in that area were very nice: Upscale but not extremely so. Conservative to people like Roger and Angeline, because some of their friends lived much more luxuriously.

In addition to the dozen people that Roger had reserved seats for, another ten came to the party that had their own tickets to Macbeth. In minutes, Alice the maid, had taken their wraps and scurried around to keep up with the snacks and picked up behind the guests. It didn't take Sam long to collect a stiff drink and ease off to a quieter corner to watch the milling group of guests. He knew several of them, but that left perhaps fifteen or so that he didn't know at all. Then he saw her. His eyes would wander around the room, but always go back to that tall thin woman. The first time she caught him looking at her, he quickly looked away and thought he was quick enough. But the second time was different and she smiled at him and held his eyes for a few seconds. Long enough that he caught himself smiling back at her. He was mad at himself for allowing her to catch him gawking at her because it was a little embarrassing. He had no desire to meet another woman. Then Angeline moved over to Sam and said, "I saw you looking at Nadia."

"Who? Oh, is that her name?"

"Yes, and her...I'll call him her escort, is Malcolm Chandler. I say escort because I don't know what their relationship is for sure. Would you like to meet her?"

"Thank you Angeline, but not especially. I was just studying her."

Angeline smiled and said, "Sam, I know you're still in mourning so I wasn't implying that I was going to hook you two up. Studying her...I've never heard it phrased that way."

Sam ignored her and added, "Would you like to hear how I see her?"

"Okay Sam, tell me, what do you see when you look at Nadia?"

"She's very striking...in a thin sort of way, almost regal in fact," and before he could add to that, Angeline interrupted saying, "Oh, now she's not that skinny."

"Angeline, my love, I have writing instruments on my desk that are as big around as she is."

She was smiling, but she still rebuked him. "Now Sam, you're being abusive."

"My apologies then. Suffice to say, I think she is quite thin, but then she is tall. I see a woman that is either well provided for, or she is able to do an admirable job of providing for herself."

"But you don't wish to meet her, I find that curious."

"Angeline, I'm fine and thank you for the offer. I also apologize if I seem less than outgoing this evening, but thank you and I very much appreciate you and Roger inviting me."

"Sam, it's been seven months since the fire, is it getting any easier for you?"

He kissed her cheek and said, "I've reached the point where I don't cry anymore, so I guess I'll make it."

"That doesn't tell me much. What else do you see when you look at Nadia?"

Sam allowed a small smile and said, "It's been hard to study her, because she catches me looking at her."

"Well, if you don't allow me to introduce you, she'll begin to wonder just what your problem might be, or perhaps think of you as someone with a mental handicap." She stepped back then and told him, "I'm going to mingle, but when the time is right, I'm going to see that you two at least meet each other."

As soon as Angeline left him alone, his mind went back to observing Nadia. The name fit her he decided. What was it about her, other than her tall thin beauty? She was standing near Malcolm what's his name, and yet it was like her thoughts were elsewhere. It was her eyes. Haunting gray blue eyes with a faraway wistful quality. She was a dreamy eyed fair complexioned woman with a small, cautious and demure smile, but never a full smile that would surely light up her face. Her lips were nicely shaped and small. Delicate came to mind.

She had graceful controlled movements which fit her controlled demeanor. She gave the appearance that she had some secret emotion or thought. Some urge or desire that was not allowed to surface....very self regulated and proper. Yes, he was convinced she wanted to be somewhere else or doing something else. What that could be was impossible to even guess.

He had to rely on what he'd seen, rather than look at her and be caught yet again. Next to her eyes, he thought of her hair. It was on the short side and the color of golden straw, but with the sheen and texture that looked like fine silk, and impeccably styled in a soft wave. It demanded to be admired and he wished he could touch it, so he could remember how it felt under his hand. Around her neck was a spray of diamonds. Not huge stones, but the collective effect was stunning next to her fair skin and framed by her wide neckline. He had to look at her fine boned almost delicate shape once more. He looked her way and discovered she was looking at him and once more the exchange of small guarded smiles before looking away.

Chapter Six

Then there was Malcolm. He too was tall and on the thin side, looked distinguished, and reeked of money. Older than her by at least a few years, or was it just the graying at his temples that gave that appearance? His eyes were clear and alert, but at the same time, it was like he was looking through Nadia. Like he completely missed the fact that she was so attractive, but to Sam at least it was more significant that Malcolm seemed to miss the fact that Nadia's thoughts were not at the party. She allowed a small piece of her to be there, but her heart wasn't. For Sam at least, it was easy to see that Malcolm's talents lay in business and not in personal relationships. Sam was sure Malcolm could buy her most anything she wanted if he chose to....except true happiness. Then Sam laughed at himself. Who the hell was he kidding, she was probably very happy to be escorted by money man Malcolm. It was while he was mentally analyzing Malcolm that he noticed Angeline talking to Nadia. Sam had the sudden urge to disappear. To tell Noah he would be back to pick him up later, but that urge was pure fantasy and he knew it. But Angeline and Nadia talked for several minutes, shared smiles and then Angeline moved on to other guests. Sam was so relieved that he found a fresh drink and talked to a man named Peter Iverson who was lingering near the bar.