Sound Mind and Body

Ben knew that to be of any use to Gray he would have to find out and so, for the first time since he had met him, Ben raised his voice.

"Grayling, look at me and listen." He waited and when nothing happened raised Gray's face himself with his thumb and then spoke more softly. "I love you, Gray, I don't ever want to be apart from you, but you have to let me in, please." His voice wavered as he finished speaking and it was Ben who broke eye contact first.

"I ... I love you too, help me, Ben, help me tell you." Receiving a nod of agreement Gray got to his feet and then climbed onto the bed, he pulled the duvet around him and waited patiently for Ben to join him and make himself comfortable. When he found himself held close in Ben's arms Gray knew there was no other place he would want to be as he told his tale.

"I met Simon when I was twenty-one, the day I was twenty-one actually, he was the DJ at my party in Devon. I knew I was gay, even then, but I'd never done anything about it. He was so cool, jet-black hair, thick, wavy, but he wasn't interested in me, I was a wimp. I got a job in the science department at Milton when I was twenty-three, I'd had my inheritance the day after that party and so I bought this place and began to work as a teacher. One night I went to a club in Chelsea, Pogo's, and he was on the door. He looked wonderful, his hair was a bit longer, so black, and he had black trousers and shirt on. I just wanted to melt in front of him.

"If he hadn't changed much, I had. I'd worked out, taken up swimming, I wasn't a wimp any longer. When he had his break I spoke to him, reminded him of where we'd met. It all went from there."

Gray's voice was still relaxed, still even, and Ben knew they weren't near the bad stuff yet. He also knew Gray would embellish the pleasant things; go into greater detail so he didn't have to talk about where it all went wrong.

"I went back a few times, usually on a Friday when I didn't have marking to do and finally he asked me out. He wasn't my first boyfriend, that would be Greg ... what?"

"You're deviating, baby, I don't need to know about Greg."

"No, sorry, sorry. After about six months I bought a stake in Pogo's. I gave half to Simon, so he had a say in things, and I kept going there on a Friday night. I'd seen Paul Mayerling a few times, sometimes he'd sit and talk with me while I was waiting for Si to finish his shift, sometimes he was with other guys but even then he always said hi." Gray stopped talking and looked towards Ben. "Kiss me, please, before it all gets too hard."

Ben was more than happy to do as he was asked and he ran his hand up into Gray's hair as he captured his lips with his own. For a moment it was as gentle and chaste as the first time their lips touched but then Gray's hunger and desperation got the better of him and he took control, kissing Ben with such fervour he had to pull away just to breathe.

"Sweetie, you need to tell me. All the kisses and cuddles you want will be yours when we're done. I promise, I'm not going anywhere, whatever you tell me."

"'k. I never took much notice of Mayerling, not really, I knew he was a regular, so was I, so what? Simon had decided we needed a holiday and as the Easter break was coming up I booked a fortnight in Boston."

"Lincolnshire or Massachusetts?" Ben couldn't help himself, even though he knew it was getting serious.

"D'uh, Massachusetts. We'd never had a real holiday together, not like that, with passports, flights, the works." Gray closed his eyes. He could see Simon, getting all excited about what to pack, what they would do while they were there, all the things they'd see. "I ... I finished work on the Thursday, Si had to work the Friday night so I booked a hotel just down the road. Chelsea has some great places, or it did, I've never been there since."

"You're doing fine, keep going." Ben began to stroke Gray's hair back from his face. It was long now, down to his shoulders and he was glad that the younger man hadn't had it cut when he returned to work in September.

"I took all the bags to where we were staying and Simon went to Pogo's. The hotel was great; I had a swim, a steam bath, even a massage before I went to the club. When I got there Simon said I smelt really hot." Gray smiled at the memory, he remembered the feeling of his boyfriend's breath against his neck, then his face became sad again as he restarted his tale. "The place was busy but my usual stool at the bar was always reserved for me on Fridays and I sat people watching. After about ten minutes I felt someone behind me and turned." Again Gray closed his eyes, it was about to get difficult and he didn't want to continue. He felt the brush of a kiss against his lips and he moaned into the touch but it was gone and he knew he had to speak again.

"You know it was Paul, I said hello, just as I always did, but instead of saying the same back he reached out and touched my hair, then he leant in and smelt it.

"Hmmm, Grayling, you smell wonderful tonight."

Gray was back in the club, it didn't matter that Ben was holding him, touching him, he was in Pogo's and his words took Ben there with him.

"Thanks. Simon and I are off on holiday in the morning thought I'd better make an effort."

"Really?" Paul Mayerling's eyes had flashed as he heard Gray's news. "That isn't very convenient."

"It's not?" Gray had been confused, nothing was planned at the club over the next couple of weeks that either he or Simon needed to be there for.

"No, I'm having a party tomorrow night, you are my guest of honour." Paul had run his hand through Gray's hair as he spoke and Gray tried to brush him off.

"Well, you should have told me, but it wouldn't have made any different, Paul. I'm taken, you know that. You've been coming here long enough to realize Simon and me are together."

"Nothing is certain in this world, little one, nothing at all." For the first time Gray had felt scared of Paul. The words carried a menace that was unmistakable and he looked around in a panic for someone to rescue him.

"Back off, Mayerling. He's mine." Simon had been there in a second, his six-foot frame roughly the same height as Paul.

"Ok, ok, jeez, can't you guys take a joke?" Paul had done as Simon said and backed off, he'd turned and moved away to the other end of the bar where he'd bought a drink and then found a table that miraculously became vacant as he approached it. It was then Gray had realized just how powerful Paul Mayerling was.

"Simon?"

"Don't worry, another couple of hours and we'll be gone. He'll have a few drinks and forget all about us. Hon, I have to get back to work, are you ok?"

Gray had nodded; he'd stay the opposite end of the club to Mayerling, chat with the barman and make sure he could see Simon at the front door all the time. Everyone seemed in a good mood, he was being more doorman and less bouncer, but Gray knew it could easily change.

"I ... I had a couple of beers and then, well, nature took its course." Gray was back in the present now and Ben watched him closely, wondering, even after all he'd told him, whether his lover would be able to finish the tale.

"I made my way to the men's room. It was the other end of the bar and then in back. Two stalls and a couple of urinals ... sorry, sorry, you don't need to know that."

Ben had rested a finger on Gray's cheek and the young man realized what he was doing again.

"It isn't wise, little one, to cross me." Gray hadn't had time to even close the door to the stall before he felt Paul Mayerling moving in behind him.

"Paul, please, don't do this. Please." His words made no difference as the stronger man began to pull Gray towards him, claiming his lips in a bruising kiss, his hands grasping the younger man's upper arms tightly as he did so.

"You are mine, no one is going to deny me, not you, not your beefed up boyfriend, I always get what I want. Understand?"

Gray had tried desperately to get away but in the confined area there was nowhere to go. Paul began pulling at his shirt, exposing his skin and biting the base of his throat. "I will have you, I can be rough or gentle, the choice is yours."

"No! Let me go, I won't tell anyone, I promise, please." Tears fell as Gray knew that nothing he said would make any difference; Paul Mayerling was going to rape him and he couldn't prevent it.

"Help me, please, someone, he..." A large hand covered his mouth and nose, blocking the sound of his voice as well as his airway and then Gray felt Paul's other hand tighten around his throat. The restroom began to blur as he struggled for oxygen and just as he slid to the floor he thought he heard a sound.

"The barman had got worried about how long I'd been gone, especially as he couldn't see Mayerling either and he came looking for me. Paul told him he'd found me unconscious in the bathroom but he ... he hadn't, I swear. Ben, I didn't ... I didn't lead him on, I ... I didn't even like him." The words ended in a sob and Ben pulled Gray closer to him.

"Shhh, baby, it's ok. I know you didn't do anything like that, and even if you had you said no, that's all it should take to get someone to stop." Grayling was shaking in his arms now and for a moment Ben just held him. He knew there was worse to come, but even this alone would have messed up his lover's life.

"I didn't tell Simon, maybe I should have. I thought he'd kill him so I left it. I made the barman promise not to say anything and I just sort of pulled my clothes back on and went to sit on the stool again."

"What about Mayerling? Surely he didn't stay at the club after that?" Ben was shocked that Simon hadn't known. The man had been a bouncer; he could have effectively got rid of him and maybe prevented whatever had happened later.

"The barman told him he should leave. He said I didn't want any trouble and that if Simon wasn't to be told he needed to make himself scarce. I didn't see him for the rest of the evening so I guess he did."

Again Gray paused, he really didn't want to continue and he tried to pull away from Ben, to extricate himself from his arms.

"No, baby, you've come this far, keep going, let it out."

Gray nodded but said nothing. For a moment he leant against Ben's chest, as if gathering strength from the bigger man and then, with a deep intake of breath that ended in a groan, he began again.

"It was gone two when we left, I'd helped cash up, Simon had done the security check around the place and, after the barman headed home, we'd locked up and gone out into the road by the club. I was still spooked by what happened and just clung to Simon as he held me, kissing my hair, whispering to me how good the holiday would be, how much sex we'd have and then suddenly he was gone, not holding me any more."

Gray's words began to loose their resonance, his voice became a mumble and the tears he was shedding made him hard to understand. Ben didn't want him to have to repeat anything so he gently kissed his forehead and spoke quietly.

"Take it slow, babe, one word at a time, it's only me here, one word after another."

"'k. Someone had pulled Simon back, his arms were being held behind him and Paul Mayerling was punching him in the gut. He ... he grunted and cried out ... I tried to get to him ... there was a third man ... he stop ... stopped me. S... Simon fell to the floor and they kicked him, over and over but he fought back, got to his feet. The other guy, he was so big, he charged Si, pushed him and ... and ... oh, God ... his back hit a railing and he fell over it down into a basement. I h ... heard him cry out, scream, and then ... Ben, his neck, I heard his neck ... sorry, I'm sorry." Gray rushed from the room, tears streaming from his eyes as he made his way blindly towards the bathroom and then Ben heard him retching and vomiting into the toilet.

Ben waited ten minutes before he tapped on the door.

"Gray, you need to come out, baby, let me help you, ok?"

Again Ben waited, he didn't want to intrude, but he also didn't want to leave Gray alone for too long. He opened the door and moved quickly into the room to take his lover into his arms as Gray turned to him, his face haunted by what he'd had to relive.

Ben walked Gray into the lounge and together they sat on the sofa. No words were spoken, instead they held each other, Ben gently stroking Gray's hair or just letting him rest his head on his chest. Finally, after almost an hour Gray spoke.

"Take me to bed, Ben, I need you."

Ben just nodded, his lover's emotions were all over the place, but he could understand the primal need for them to mate. He needed it too. To replace the sad memories with new, fresh, passionate ones. He pulled Grayling towards him and then lifted him into his arms, kissing him with a fervour that took both men's breath away.

Their clothes were discarded across the lounge as they hurried back to the bedroom. Ben pushed Gray down on the bed, kissing his neck and chest, leaving his mark to prove to the younger man how much he wanted him.

"Fuck me, Ben, I want to feel you inside me."

"Baby, are you sure?" Ben looked shocked, he'd thought maybe he'd get to suck Gray off, and be sucked himself. Both men could tease the other incessantly, taking them higher and higher before they exploded. He would have been more than happy with that.

"Yes, something new, we need to do something new to take away today." Gray lay back fully on the bed, raised his arms and grasped the headboard with both hands. His legs flopped apart as he opened himself up submissively for his lover and Ben couldn't help the moan that escaped him.

"Oh, God, Gray, yes, let me take you, I'll make it good, baby, I promise." He leant in, sucking on first one nipple and then the other as his hands began to play with Gray's cock. He felt the pre-cum dampen the tip and he moved down to take it deep into his mouth.

"Ohhhh, Ben, God, yes, yes!" His body arched from the bed and his cock pushed on the back of Ben's throat. Gray wasn't too long and it had never been a problem for him to take it all in. Ben's cheeks were concave as he sucked up and down the length, the suction making Gray see stars and he knew he needed to slow down.

"I'll be gentle, baby, if you want me to stop I will."

Gray nodded; it had been so long since anyone had loved him this way and he knew it would almost be like the first time. He watched as Ben leant forward and took a pack of flavoured condoms and some lube from the nightstand. Gray held out his hand and took the protectors from his lover.

"Let me." He ripped the silver foil cover off and then, as Ben looked on in amazement, Gray put the condom into his mouth. Carefully, not wanting to rip the latex or hurt his lover with his teeth, Gray moved to grip Ben's cock at the base. He then put his mouth over the end and began to push the condom down the length using his lips to unroll it. Ben had felt nothing like it before and grasped Gray's head, holding him there for a moment, savouring the feelings.

"Oh, fuck, Gray, where did you learn that?"

"Remember Greg, the one you didn't want to know about?" Ben nodded his head; the sensations as Gray now laved up and down his cock were driving him wild. "We learnt together. I'll teach you one day." Gray moved back, lying down again and began to jack his own cock. "I want you, Ben, I want you to take me, make me yours, I love you so much."

"Turn over, baby, let me get you ready." Gray did as he was told without another word, he grasped at the sheets as Ben placed a pillow beneath him, parted his cheeks and began to lick and suck his way down to Gray's most private of places. His head was resting on another pillow and he moaned into it as the wonderful sensations began to overtake him. Ben's tongue began to probe the tight opening, furled up it gradually made its way inside and it was all Gray could do not to rub himself up and down on the sheets and cum before Ben was finished with his preparations. He moaned in desperation as Ben stopped his ministrations but then grimaced as he felt one thick finger being carefully inserted. He forced himself to relax and in just a few moments was writhing again as he enjoyed long forgotten feelings.

"That's three fingers, baby, turn over again, I want to see you."

Ben's voice was soft but controlling and Gray rolled over and raised himself up so the pillow could be removed. He was a mixed up wreck he knew that but he wanted nothing more than to give himself to Ben and he pulled his legs up to his chest, opening himself up to the man he loved.

Ben watched for a moment as Gray waited for him. His cock was so hard it hurt and he could feel a need inside him to take Gray by force, to make him his property but he didn't. Instead he lifted Gray's legs onto his shoulders before taking hold of his cock and carefully resting it at the entrance to Gray's body and then, as he began to push, he leant forward and captured Gray's mouth in a kiss.

"Mine, baby, so beautiful and all mine." He pushed into Gray and felt himself being admitted and began to rock back and forwards to ease his entry. "So tight, feels so good, so damn good."

"God, Ben, yes, take me, ohhhh, yes." Raising himself up Grey began to fuck back against Ben, feeling the rock hard rod inside him touching and then rubbing his prostate. Ben's warm hand took his cock and began to stroke it. Feelings exploded around Gray as he felt his cum boil in his balls and then, as he tried to hold on longer, to make things last he heard Ben again.

"Cum for me, baby, cum now, with me." The hand sped up as did the thrusts, "Can't last, baby, gonna cum, oh, fuck, Grey. Ohhhhhh!" Ben pushed faster and faster into Gray, then his body froze for a moment before every nerve ending seemed to be concentrated inside Gray and he was shooting load after load of spunk and suddenly Gray was doing the same. He clenched even tighter around Ben's cock and cried out his lover's name over and over as his load spewed forth onto his chest before Ben collapsed down onto him totally spent.

Ben didn't know what he'd expected to happen after he and Gray had made love. That, on top of Gray having finally told him his story, meant nothing would be the same again. The release they'd both needed had been wonderful but the reasons for it meant he'd trespassed into areas the younger man hadn't wanted him to go and they would both have to face the consequences of that.

Gray had wrapped himself around Ben as they recovered from their explosive orgasms. He'd needed to tell him how things had ended. Mayerling had protested his innocence, claiming he'd been sure Simon was the one attacking Gray and he'd only gone in to protect him. No other witnesses had come forward to speak on Gray's behalf but three had for Mayerling. The man who'd actually pushed Simon had got ten years, but his would-be attacker only got five. He must have behaved himself inside but that didn't surprise Gray. The tears had come again as the young man explained how he'd realised he was totally alone; no one had backed him up, no one had cared. He'd sold his stake in Pogo's, buried his lover and disappeared into his flat. He worked, ate, slept and, until he'd met Ben, had envisaged doing nothing more until he was old and grey. Once he'd finally finished his tale he'd snuggled into Ben, his face still wet with tears and fallen into a disturbed sleep. By the following morning it was as if the laughter had never been in his eyes and his whole demeanour changed. He could no longer hide in his new relationship because Ben knew what had happened and that increased his despondency and depression to new levels. Stubbornly though he refused to hand in his notice and just leave, saying instead he would stay until a suitable supply teacher could be found.