Sound Mind and Body

Ben made sure he delivered Gray to school every morning in his cab and was always there each afternoon to pick him up. For two weeks that worked but then one Tuesday when he wasn't working Ben had a visitor.

His small house on the outskirts of London had been up for sale for a week. Gray had told Ben it was daft for him to keep it, especially as the flat had a doorman and was far more secure. Ben had just nodded his agreement knowing there was no point in trying to change his mind. He had put the property on the market without mentioning it again. Gray was so tightly wound and introverted that Ben had begun to do things and then seek Gray's approval afterwards. He was pretty sure he knew what his boyfriend would like and not like and so far he seemed to be doing ok.

The estate agent had called and asked whether a prospective buyer could come and view and Ben had spent a hurried hour and a half tidying or hiding all the stuff he seemed to have on each and every surface. When the bell rang he opened the front door looking reasonably cheerful only to be pushed back against the hall wall as a tall, dark haired man held his forearm across Ben's throat.

"I imagine you know who I am. Grayling Watson belongs to me. I know where he lives so stay away from him or you'll end up like Simon Preston. Understand?"

Ben pushed back, making Paul Mayerling take three or four steps away from him.

"Gray is my boyfriend, he has no interest in you, and certainly doesn't 'belong' to anyone! Now get out of my house before I call the police and have you arrested." Ben manhandled the now furious man towards the door; he was strong, but not as strong as the cabbie who had been working out harder than ever so he could protect his lover. Once Ben had got Mayerling out into his front garden he turned to return inside, felt a stunning blow across the back of his head and fell to the floor, no longer aware of his assailant or anyone else.

Gray had been shocked and scared to find Chief Inspector Nelson waiting for him in the main reception of his school instead of Ben. He'd managed to keep his tears at bay until he was in the unmarked police car, but the description of what had happened to his lover filled him with dread.

The detective had driven Gray straight to the hospital where Ben was being treated. He explained to him that the estate agent, arriving roughly half an hour into the supposed viewing, had found Ben unconscious on his front path and called an ambulance. By the time the young man had arrived at the casualty department he was returning to consciousness but had no recollection of what had happened to him or how he had ended up where he was found. The chances were he would never remember.

The doctor on duty told the detective that Ben was having a CAT scan and they could sit in the main waiting room. He would be admitting Ben for at least overnight observation as the young man had been unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time, but quite probably over five or ten minutes and that was a definite cause for concern.

Gray arranged for Ben to have a private room, ensuring all bills would be sent to him and then, once it had been prepared, made himself comfortable in one of the two easy chairs, watching the detective but saying nothing.

His mind was in a whirl. He'd known Ben could be in danger, but he'd thought, stupidly, that it would be something that would happen when they were together. The fact that Ben's house was so far from his only made him realize more strongly that he had been right to tell his lover to sell it and move in with him. What would be even better though was if Gray could get him to leave, to break up with him; that way Ben would no longer be in any danger. He had no doubt that Mayerling would attack again, this had been a warning, meant to make Ben back off and scare and remind Gray of what had happened to him last time. He doubted Ben would capitulate, but the rest had worked, he wasn't just scared, he was terrified.

Ben had been wheeled into the room almost an hour after Gray had entered it. He was asleep, his face pale apart from an angry looking bruise down one side where Gray imagined he'd hit the ground. The nurse told Gray and Nelson she would be coming in regularly to check on Ben but that at present he was considered to be in a serious but stable condition. Grey had just nodded; he couldn't take his eyes off the sleeping form of his lover. Usually Ben was the strong one, nothing seemed to faze him, but as he lay there, his breathing being monitored as fluids were pumped into him, he seemed so fragile and Gray felt his anger rise.

In the end Ben stayed for three days in the hospital before being released into Gray's care. Ben still couldn't remember anything that had happened to him for the entire day before the accident and up until he saw Grayling about three hours after he had been admitted. He had driven everyone mad by asking over and over again what had happened to him. The first time he'd asked Gray why he had a headache he'd shrugged and told him he'd hit his head. There was no proof that anything other than that had happened. By the time he'd been asked about forty times Gray was ready to tell Ben he'd been abducted by aliens and used as a football. He had a feeling that, for the minute or two he remembered what was being said to him, Ben would have believed him.

It had been a month before Ben was ready to go back to work. Gray had readily agreed to leave school and remain at home with him while he recuperated. He had tried to persuade Ben to finish the relationship when he was feeling better but the older man had refused. They still loved each other but things had changed between them. Although they hugged, cuddled, even kissed, Gray wouldn't let Ben close enough to make love to him regularly. They had pleasured each other, just as they had done the first time when Gray had begged Ben to stay with him, but now it was Ben doing the begging. Gray was too scared to let Ben any closer to him and so instead, despite Ben's best efforts, they began drifting apart.

Before Ben could drive his cab again he had to undertake a medical exam and so, with a heavy heart, he'd left Gray alone one Thursday afternoon hoping that he could get at least one part of his life back on track.

It took far longer than he'd thought to get all the paperwork and everything sorted out but Ben was delighted he could go home and tell Gray he'd be back at work the following Monday even if that meant he wouldn't be able to keep an eye on his partner during that time. He hadn't realized how much he enjoyed his job until he couldn't do it any longer, and the chance to return to it was very welcome.

Ben stopped for a few minutes to talk with the doorman on his return. Jim was on holiday and the temporary guy seemed pleased to be taken notice of.

"Mr. Watson had a visitor while you were out."

"Oh." Ben was immediately on his guard. "Was it Inspector Nelson?"

"No, no, I know him, I'd never seen this guy before. About your height, dark hair, didn't say much, just that he was here to see Grayling Watson and knew his way up."

Ben didn't wait to hear anything more. He had no proof but he was sure the visitor had been Paul Mayerling. He was half way up in the lift before he realized he hadn't even asked if the man was still in the building. He rushed down the hallway, grabbing his keys out of his pocket as he did so; he flung open the front door, crying out his lover's name at the same time.

"Gray, baby, where are you? Gray!" There was no reply and the silence hung in a heavy pall over the flat. Ben opened the bedroom door but Gray wasn't there, he moved to the bathroom, crying out as he finally saw his lover.

"Gray, no!" The bathroom in their home was large; Ben had always loved the room and how much space there was. He'd even entertained the possibility of making love to Gray there, but that had been swept from his mind by the insecurities of his partner lately. Now, grateful once again for the extra room, he crouched down by the side of the slumped body of his boyfriend, tears on his face as he took in the scene.

Gray was flopped down by the side of the bath, he had no clothes on, the ripped remnants were, Ben realized belatedly, out in the lounge. Gray had blood and sperm over the lower half of him but what worried Ben more was the empty pill bottle that had fallen out of his hand to lie menacingly next to a broken tumbler on the tile floor of the bathroom.

"Oh, God, Gray!" Ben looked around, trying frantically to remember what the hell he needed to do. He knew Gray had been raped and it had to be by Mayerling but that scumbag wouldn't kill Gray, his boyfriend had tried to do that to himself.

His first aid knowledge came back in a rush and Ben leant down and listened keenly for any sounds to show Gray was still alive. When he was satisfied that he was breathing slowly but regularly he carefully moved him until he was lying on his back. Once he was sure there were no extra injuries to deal with, or any bleeding other than that he'd already noticed Ben gently moved Gray into the recovery position, talking to him softly all the time. Then he grabbed his mobile phone from his pocket, dialled 999 and prayed he wasn't too late to save the man he loved.

Gray had refused to see Ben for almost a week. With hindsight Ben realised it was probably just as well. First of all he'd been frantic with worry but gradually his anger had come out and, as it was misplaced, he'd been very glad his lover hadn't witnessed it.

Paul Mayerling had been arrested and charged with rape. Nelson had told Ben he didn't think the man would get more than three or four years at the most, about the same as he'd got for attacking Simon. Two lives, one terminated, one ruined and the man would only be incarcerated for seven or eight years in total. Nelson wasn't sure if he could charge Mayerling with stalking or not. There was still no proof he'd attacked Ben, although both Gray and Nelson were sure it had been him. They had DNA from Gray's body to charge him with rape, and although Gray hadn't wanted to press charges Nelson had told him with the evidence they had it would be a guaranteed guilty verdict and so he'd agreed.

Gray's hospital room had been bright and airy, the view of London out of the windows spectacular and Ben concentrated on that for a moment or two as he composed himself. Gray had finally agreed to see him and it was all he could do to stop himself from just holding him tight and never letting go.

"Thank you." Gray's voice was soft and hesitant.

"For what?" Ben looked away from the window. He loved Gray so much, but it didn't seem to matter at the moment, they were almost like strangers.

"For saving my life."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. Are you angry with me because you didn't succeed?"

"No, not now. I was, but what's the point? I'm still here, nothing I did that day turned out right."

"Gray, please." Ben moved across and sat by the bed. He reached out his hand but Gray didn't reciprocate and so he let it fall onto the sheets.

"He raped me, Ben, he tried to kill you. I could never go with him to protect you, I wasn't strong enough, but if I was gone, permanently, well, then he'd have no reason to go after you again. I failed, so you have to leave. Walk away and never come back, that way you'll be safe. I can use my money to hide if I want to, I'll have four years to work something out."

Gray's voice was toneless, all the emotion was gone and Ben's heart cried out for him. He wanted to grab him, shake him, try to make him see sense, but he knew he couldn't.

"I'm not going anywhere. Well, not anywhere you can't find me. Maybe one day you'll decide you want us to be together, when you do I'll be waiting. Until then I'll visit with you, be your friend, but I love you, I'll always love you, I just wish you could love yourself enough to believe me." Ben leant over and kissed Gray on the forehead, and then he got to his feet, turned and walked out of the room. He had no idea if he would ever be allowed back, but he hadn't lied, he would always be around.

Six months of therapy at one of the best residential homes in the country had left Grayling feeling he could at least begin to face the world once again. He'd known all along that he hadn't been to blame for the rape but the guilt he felt over the attacks on Ben and Simon had haunted him.

Marcia Mulholland had visited him once a month to keep herself updated on his condition; he would see her weekly for as long as he wanted to once he was back in London.

A trip to New York had persuaded his sister that she didn't need to worry too much about him. They'd skated in Central Park, shopped in Saks, taken the Staten Island ferry and seen the Statue of Liberty from the water. The restaurants they'd eaten in ranged from burger bars to five star establishments and Gray had enjoyed every moment of it. No one had known who he was and there had been no need to be constantly looking over his shoulder.

Finally he'd come back to London ready to take a firm hold of his life once again. Gray was no fool; he knew he still had a long way to go before he could lock his demons away permanently, or even temporarily. He was able to deal with them on a day-to-day basis though, and there had been plenty of times when he'd doubted his ability to do even that.

Ben had kept himself busy while Gray tried to get his world back into focus. As promised he had been a visible force in Gray's life, but had only ever travelled at the younger man's speed, and done what he was asked and nothing more. He had found himself a therapist and talked over his own feelings and fears as well as trying to understand what Gray was going through and how he was likely to react.

He hadn't looked at another man in the time they hadn't been an official couple. His love was as strong as it had been the day of the attack. He didn't expect it to ever change.

Ben's mobile had rung twice before he heard the voice he loved so much.

"Gray?"

"That's me. How you doing, Ben?"

It had only been a couple of days since they'd last seen each other, but their regular coffee dates had been on the neutral ground of the local café and had always been on Gray's terms. He had felt things were getting better and better between them though. The laughter had begun to return to his life even though sometimes it was still very hard going. Gray had even brushed his lips with his own when they parted outside the coffee house earlier that week. This though was the first time Gray had called Ben without make prior plans to do so.

"Can we talk?"

"Yes, oh, God, yes, Gray, please." Ben didn't care if he was begging; he'd get on his knees if necessary. Gray was his soul mate and he'd do anything if it meant they could be together again.

"I got a hamper, want to come and have a picnic?"

"It's eight in the evening. Where do you want to have this picnic?"

"Come and pick me up, I'll show you."

Gray had moved from his old apartment, but not very far. The group who had built Barton Towers had other properties in the city and Gray had found a very nice penthouse with stunning views, doormen, security services and gates that were locked every evening. He felt safe there, no one knew him, or what had happened, all they did know was he could afford their services and for that reason alone they would provide them.

Ben's photo was flashed up onto the computer screen as he gave his name to the smartly uniformed security guard at the reception desk in the main lobby of Gray's new home. He was scanned with a metal detector before he was allowed to enter and realized the influential politician who had recently bought a property two floors below Gray must now be in residence.

The lift took him silently and swiftly to the top floor where he knew Gray would be waiting for him. His presence already announced via the video intercom facility that each apartment had.

His heart almost stopped beating when he stepped out into the thickly carpeted penthouse lobby and realised that Gray wasn't waiting for him. He didn't have a key and so he anxiously moved towards the door raising his hand to knock as he did so.

The door, however, was already open, the door was never open, and all the terrible memories of the previous winter flooded back to him and he rushed inside.

"Gray!" Ben called out his lover's name, afraid Gray had fooled everyone, afraid he'd decided to finish what he started and have him find the body again. "Gray, where are you?"

"In here!"

"Oh, thank God." Ben rested his head against the doorframe of Gray's bedroom, his eyes closed as he regulated his breathing. The voice he'd heard was throaty and excited and as Ben finally looked at him he knew why. "Gray?"

"You said you didn't cut and run, please, Ben, come back to me." Gray was sitting on the bed on a red and white gingham picnic cloth. There was a wicker basket beside him with champagne and strawberries in it. Gray had a pair of faded blue jeans on and a white shirt. His feet were bare and his hair was slightly mussed. To Ben he was the best thing he'd seen in a long time.

"I've waited so long for you to ask me." His voice choked as he spoke and Ben covered his confusion by making himself comfortable on the bed. He smiled as Gray handed him a flute of champagne and tilted it towards its pair as they toasted each other.

"To us. I've missed you, but I had to do things at my own speed."

"I know, and I told you I would wait. How could I not? I love you, Gray." Ben drank some of the bubbly, slightly sweet, liquid but his eyes never left the face of his companion. He opened his mouth as a strawberry was pressed against his lips and then laughed as the juice spilt down onto his top and Gray shook his head.

"That will have to come off you know."

Ben growled in response, almost ripping the t-shirt from his body before shoving the tablecloth off the bed and claiming Gray by pulling him into a hug.

"Love me, Ben, make love to me."

"Are you sure, baby?"

Gray nodded his head, he had no idea if he could do this but he wanted to try.

"Kiss me."

Ben needed no further encouragement; he ran his hand into the soft long hair, luxuriating in its feel. He had missed it so. Their lips claimed each other, tongues clashing for a moment before Ben began to suck on Gray, taking him into his own mouth, as he purged his mind of all the lonely days and nights since he'd last kissed his mate that way.

"If I'm not wearing a shirt then you're not either." Ben didn't even try to take the top off sensibly. He grabbed the neck and tore it down the front, sending buttons flying, it took a couple of attempts but soon Gray was lying bare chested, his eyes dark with passion as Ben sucked a waiting nipple into his mouth, nipping and licking it while his hand played and pinched the other one.

"Ohhhh, God, Ben, I've missed you so much."

"Shhh, baby, all the things you want to say we can talk about later. For now just let me love you, make you mine again." Ben stood for a moment and undid his jeans. He removed all his remaining clothes in one movement and when he looked up Gray was lying naked before him, his cock standing to attention as it waited for him to touch it.

"So beautiful, Gray, so beautiful." Ben straddled his lover and began to gently touch him. He wanted Gray to be glad he'd instigated things and knew that rushing him wouldn't work. His fingers massaged the hairy chest, running over ribs and hips before he leant over and began to leave small kisses in their wake. Each nipple was sucked for a moment before Ben moved on. He sucked hard enough to leave red marks in a few places before stopping altogether and beginning again at Gray's feet. He sucked each toe in turn, looking up to see Gray squirming on the bed and hearing him moan.