Southern Tide Vol. 02

After picking her up, Derek drove to her mother's house, where Joshua was very surprised to see them together, especially in the same vehicle. Although they never spoke ill words of each other in front of him, he was very aware of the problems in their relationship. Even Kiara's mother had raised an eyebrow when she spotted them together. Kiara had no time to give details and let her mother know that she would explain later.

She left her mother's house with a very ecstatic Joshua, who couldn't wait to have breakfast with the two of them. This too was a first, because they had never spent any time together since he'd been born. Kiara would have liked to make it a pleasant experience, if only for Joshua's sake, but she already knew that it probably wouldn't end well. Still, she tried to postpone such thoughts until the conversation was underway.

As Derek ushered them into his neat and luxurious apartment, Joshua immediately rushed for the video game consoles, positioned on a glass shelf, below a wide 52 inch screen TV. Derek chuckled at his son's excitement, while Kiara only shook her head and smiled. Joshua did love his video games.

She hadn't been to Derek's place in months, and admired his collection of awards and antique furnishings. From a quick glance anyone could tell that he was living the good life. Her salary was quite meager in comparison to his. He had done well for himself, and no doubt Stephanie had enjoyed the perks of his good fortune,

She caught herself before being sucked into that downward spiral of jealousy. She remembered Brian, and the life of independence she had carved out for herself. Sure the apartment was nice, and Stephanie had enjoyed the life of luxury that she once coveted, but she was very aware that the cost of it all was too high. In the end, she wouldn't have stayed with Derek, based upon Stephanie's troubles with Natalie. There was no way she would have been happy, even in this beautiful condo.

She wished Brian was with her. Only then would she have felt completely confident and protected. Her stomach churned and she felt a slight pang of queasiness as she wondered if Joshua would hate her after the next few hours. She was used to being the scapegoat whenever Derek and Natalie were present, and it never really bothered her. However, her relationship with Joshua was another issue. Would Derek cause him to turn away from her?

Derek's heavy hand landed on her shoulder and shook her out of the foreboding thoughts.

"Come on, I'm ready to serve you guys." he said with a sincere smile. "Josh time to eat!"

"Okay Daddy. Coming!" Joshua yelled aloud.

He led them to a large walnut dining table, where he placed their food on more appealing dishware. Kiara took her seat and sat across the table from her son and his father. Joshua preferred to sit next to him, and this worried her. He was obviously very close to his father, and she began to feel a little jealous. But maybe she was being ridiculous. Joshua was always with her, and only chose to sit next to Derek because he hardly saw his father. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself.

For a few minutes, the three of them ate contentedly; Kiara eating the slowest. She was too nervous to enjoy the delectable crêpe, and toyed with her food as if she was the eight year old child in this scenario.

She remembered that she had gotten an iced coffee with her meal, and it was nowhere in sight. She looked to the kitchen counter, only a few feet away, and saw that Derek had forgotten to serve it. She was about to get up, but Derek's eyes had followed her movements and he quickly got to his feet.

"Oh man...I'm sorry. Didn't mean to forget your drink." he said, and rushed to where the chilled drink stood against their empty food trays.

"Derek...that's not necessary. I can do it myself." she tried to say, but he was already on his way back.

"Your mom's being difficult Josh." he said to his son.

Joshua grinned at his father in response, and then at Kiara.

"Your dad thinks I'm a little kid." she retorted, and accepted the drink from Derek's hand.

In truth, she didn't want him to do a thing for her. She suspected that he saw her as a helpless and extremely weak woman; especially since she had initiated this meeting. She would show him otherwise. She would try to maintain an air of independence around him, however minor.

"And your mom doesn't know how to let a man treat a lady." Derek continued; his eyes now shifting away from Joshua to Kiara.

Her heart skipped a beat at the phrase. Those words had previously been spoken by Brian, on the very night that Derek intruded on them. She was suddenly filled with a strong sense of purpose as she recalled the events of that night. Still, she pretended not to be affected and fought the urge to throw one of her utensils at him. She was no child, nor would she act like one. She would leave those tactics to Natalie.

She had already come this far. Better to keep the momentum going so she could get everything out, without eliciting any anger from him.

She smiled at her son, only because she couldn't bear to look at his father. Derek's eyes were still on her and he waited, as if expecting some kind of retaliation. There was none. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Derek finally sat down and said, "I'm glad you decided to give me a chance. I really want us to be a family again."

Kiara wished he had started off with some chit chat about work, or how Joshua was doing at her mother's. But he had gone straight to the matter, leaving her no more time to figure out how to lean into the soon-to-be difficult conversation.

She took a deep breath and began.

"Yeah...about that. I understand how things are going with you, but I didn't come here to reconcile with you. I think Joshua's old enough to understand what's going on and I won't keep anything from him."

"So...what is the reason?" he asked calmly, with a look of confusion.

"Well it's about the other night. The man you confronted there; Brian. He's going to be seeing a lot more of me."

"Give me a break Kiara. You can't be serious!" Derek said sharply.

"I am serious Derek." and she looked to her son, who was still eating. "Baby, you like Brian don't you?"

Joshua nodded his head vigorously, because his mouth was packed with eggs.

"Well you know that your daddy and I aren't together, don't you? And that's for a very good reason?" she asked.

Joshua nodded again, while Derek quietly and patiently listened on. She wasn't sure how long he would remain silent, so she kept on.

"Brian wants to come around more often, and he wants to teach you to be a good rider. Would you like that?" she continued.

"A rider?" Derek smirked with amusement. "A rider of what?"

"Horses daddy!" Joshua said enthusiastically. "He took me riding last year, and it was a lot of fun. He got me a cowboy hat and says that I can ride all by myself. He's going to teach me."

"Is that so?" Derek asked disapprovingly; his patience seemingly wearing thin. "So my son's been hanging around with him all this time, and you never told me?"

"Let's not go overboard here. If you came to see him more often, we probably wouldn't have gotten to know Brian. The fact is that he's in our lives now, and I wanted to talk to you both about it. He and I have gotten serious and since we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other, I want you to respect our relationship. After what happened the other night, I could have gone a different route and taken legal action, but our son would suffer for it. Brian isn't going to take your place, but if you continue to be vacant, don't be surprised if he does."

She spoke the words much more succinctly than she had ever expected to. Derek's interrogations would normally render her angry and confused; even to the point of forgetting what she would have wanted to say. His confidence and possibly that tiny bit of love she still felt for him always seemed to sabotage her. There was none of that now. She was as calm and composed as she could have ever been, and was proud of herself for it. This would all turn out just fine; she was in control.

"Why are you doing this in front of Joshua?" Derek frowned. His voice was low, yet spiked with harshness.

"Our son is as much a part of this, as you are. He deserves to know everything."

"So you're going to be strutting around town on a white boy's arm, and have my son be the laughing stock of the neighborhood? If you didn't notice we're in the south Kiara. Color matters, and the last thing I want, is for my boy to be influenced by the white man."

"His name is Brian and he's not a white boy. He's my man now, and you have no say in this. I can see why you might be embarrassed, but you brought this all on yourself. From here on out, I'm going to live my life the way I see fit, and if you can't respect my decision, I have nothing more to say to you."

"You do see what this is, right? You're just a fantasy to him. He can't take care of you like..."

"Like you can?" she frowned and cocked her head to the side. "You sure did take care of me when I was pregnant. And I suppose blocking my number was another way you took care of me, right?"

"Kiki..."

That was the last straw. She couldn't abide by any more of his nicknames.

"Don't call me that Derek." she bit out. "It's Kiara. Address me by my full name. We're not close anymore!"

"What the hell's gotten into you? Don't you see you're going crazy over some white trash? " he argued.

"Watch it! Your son is still sitting next to you."

Joshua stared at both of them uncomfortably, and had stopped eating ever since the dialogue began. Kiara wanted to avoid any sort of argument, but Derek was obviously looking to take things beyond a civilized discussion.

"Joshua can handle it. Stop babying him." Derek said accusingly.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! My son deserves to have his real father and mother together. Why don't you want us to be a family?"

At this point she felt embarrassed for him. His outlandish remarks and pretension were beyond annoying. She expected him to play the blame game, but he really believed that he had never done any wrong.

"I'm serious here! If you go off with this guy, I'm cutting you off!" he admonished.

"Cut me off if you want." she taunted. "I'll be just fine! I always have been. What about Joshua? Are you cutting him off too?"

Derek didn't answer. Instead he looked down to his son, who seemed stunned by the conversation. Joshua had lost some of the color in his face, and he set his fork down; apparently losing his appetite. He looked like he would cry and Kiara wanted to go to him. She wanted to hold him, cradle him and tell him that everything would be just fine. But she wasn't sure that everything would be fine. She remained seated, not wanting to give Joshua any false hope.

"Josh...you want your mom and I to be a family right?" Derek asked him, much more calmly.

"At least his tone was gentler with his son." Kiara thought.

"Yeah...but..." Joshua hesitated, "...I like Brian too."

Derek grew quiet. He seemed unnerved by the response. Kiara used the opportunity to have a heart to heart with her little boy.

"Baby...did we scare you?" she asked.

"No, not really. I just don't want you guys to fight." Joshua mumbled, as he looked down at his plate.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I just wanted to tell you both that I really care about Brian. He loves you too, and he wants to see us more often. Would you like it if he came around more?"

Joshua glanced at his father, then back to Kiara. He was obviously too afraid to respond and remained quiet.

"You can tell me baby." Kiara whispered. "Daddy's not going to be mad at you."

"I don't mind if you're Brian's girlfriend." Joshua finally said.

Kiara smiled at her son, with both amusement and undeniable love. She had been careful not to use the word 'girlfriend,' thinking the term might offend Joshua, but he was as direct as she was. He was clearly afraid of losing his father, which was why she was giving Derek a chance to come to terms with her decision.

"Thank you baby." she smiled. "Your dad will still be there for you...you know that, right?"

Joshua thought for a moment then nodded. It was obvious that after what Derek said, he was beginning to contemplate the truth of that statement.

Kiara's heart sank as she looked at her little boy. He was the spitten image of Derek, yet wasn't wanted by his own father. She fought back the tears that stung her eyes, and looked back to the man she now felt a seething hatred for. As a religious woman, she had always tried to avoid emotions bordering on the brink of hatred, yet here was a man who was giving her every reason to discard those beliefs.

Her hate was now coupled with disgust, and her face must have reflected that bitterness because Derek could not meet her eyes. Instead, there was a look of guilt in his expression.

"Look I didn't come here to fight or argue with you." she said, fighting the urge to scream at him. "I thought that we could both be adults about this. Trust me, I've found out some things about you recently that would have put you to shame, but I'm not going to play your game. You hurt me all those years ago and I had a hard time letting go of all that pain. Now, things have turned around for me and it's not fair that you're trying to take my life apart. I left you and Stephanie alone, and I never interfered with the two of you. It's my turn to find happiness and I think I deserve it after everything I've been through. Ultimately, it will be your choice to cut us off, but you'd be hurting your son the most; not me."

Derek remained quiet. He didn't move, nor did he give any indication that she was making any sense. Kiara was well aware that Derek's contributions took a load off of her bills and other expenses. Of course, she could always take him to court for child support, but on his own, he gave her both money and gifts for Joshua; more than the courts would ever ask of him. She was also daunted by the realization that she might have to work extra hours, especially when she barely got any free time to herself.

Suddenly, she didn't want to be in his apartment anymore. The conversation had taken a turn for the worst. Her confidence had betrayed her, and once again she felt helpless. She looked down at her half eaten crêpe, as if the pastry would tell her what to do next. She desperately need advice; something, anything to keep Joshua from thinking of her as the worst parent in history.

She had been so sure of herself; sure that putting her foot down would cause Derek to give up. But he had thwarted her plan with a serious threat. She needed some time alone, to plan her next course of action.

She didn't really think that Derek would abandon Joshua; however, he had based his threats on never seeing Brian again. What would Joshua think of that? Surely his mother wouldn't sacrifice a relationship with his father for an outsider.

"I'm gonna go now." she sighed, and got up from her seat. "Can you drive us back to my mom's house? I wanted us to reach some kind of resolution, but I never thought it would come to this. It really makes me sad."

She was getting ready to make an exit, when Derek suddenly motioned for her to stop.

"Wait, don't go Kiara. I'm sorry that I reacted that way...as well as the other night. Look, I've been going through a lot...with the whole break up and everything. I panicked and I'm sorry. I know I haven't been there for either of you and I'm really ashamed of myself. It hurts to watch both of you take a liking to another man. But I know that too was entirely my fault. I'm willing to change. Can you give me another chance?"

She sighed. "I can't. I've met someone who makes me happy. If this was years ago, I would have given you another chance, but things have changed. Just do what you must and I'll take care of things on my own, if I have to. "

Derek fell back against his chair and looked exhausted from their little exchange.

"Why don't you finish up baby? You only have a little bit left on your plate. " Kiara said, as she made her way across the table to her son.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked pensively. "I would like for us to eat together. I won't upset you anymore. I promise. And I didn't mean what I said about cutting you off."

"It's alright. I'm fine and I really have no energy for any more conversation. I was trying to save Joshua from any more pain. I see that there was no avoiding it." she said.

Her heart was ready to burst, and she had no idea how she managed to hold the tears back. She would not let them see her cry.

"Are you okay baby? Kiara asked Joshua sweetly, hiding any weakness in her tone.

He looked as if he had already recovered from the previous events, and was now nibbling on a sliver of bacon. She admired his resiliency, yet she was aware that it might all be an act to stave off any more negative remarks from his father.

"Yeah mommy. I'm okay." her son answered.

"How about he spends the night with me?" Derek interjected, "He hasn't slept over in a while, and I guess I owe him more of my time."

She looked at Derek skeptically, not believing this sudden change of heart.

He seemed to sense this and said, "I want to spend more time with him; really. Don't look at me that way. I don't have any hidden agendas."

"What do you think baby?" she asked her son. "Want to spend the night with your dad?"

"Really? Okay, yeah I want to spend the night!" Joshua said excitedly, forgetting the recent argument.

"Well...alright. Please don't make me regret this." she said to Derek.

She walked over to where Joshua sat and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you baby. Have your dad call me later, okay?"

Joshua nodded.

She picked up her purse from the table, and headed for the door without saying anymore. Derek got up and followed her to the door.

"Kiki...Kiara you should stay." he mumbled, once they reached the doorway.

"No, I need a little air anyway. I'll be alright just please speak to Joshua. He's probably hiding it, but what you said must have been really difficult for him. He's acting tough because he's worried that he'll never see you again. It would be an ideal time to make him turn on me, but I don't think you'd do something like that."

"I wouldn't. I just really wanted to give us a try. I'm sure he'll be happier with us as a couple."

"You don't give up easily do you? I think you need to call Stephanie and try to work things out with her instead."

"Why? She wants nothing to do with me."

"What happened?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"It was...something Natalie said. They got into an argument and I didn't take her side." he said, confirming what she already knew.

"You know where I stand with Natalie, but you really need to tell her to butt out of your life. I wasn't going to say anything, but I saw Stephanie recently. She came to see me and was really distraught; kind of how you've been acting lately. She misses you and I think you should try to talk to her. I'm not totally sure, but my instincts tell me that she may be pregnant."

"What? A-are you sure?" he stammered in astonishment.

"Well there were a few signs. It could just be stress, but I think she is. Don't make the same mistake you made with me Derek. She's probably alone and feels very vulnerable. It would make sense that she left you when you wouldn't even stand up for her."

"Shit..." he sighed and leaned against the doorpost.

"Don't let her see the side of you that I grew to hate. You still have a chance to make things right. Have a talk with Natalie and get your woman back. And I know that this might complicate things, but please...try to be there for Joshua. He loves you so much. With a new baby, he's going to feel forgotten and I don't want to see him disappointed by you. He's strong but he needs you."