Southern Tide Vol. 02

"He's a good man. That was really nice of him."

"Yeah...my old man was nothing like that. He was always angry. After my mom left him he got worse and started taking his anger out on Donna. That's why she left."

"Damn...that's horrible. The two of you aren't very close then?" Kiara asked with a pitying look.

"We weren't when I was a kid. I was mad that she left us. My dad used to say how she and mom were the same, and only knew how to abandon us. I didn't understand much back then, but after he died, she and I reconnected. I found out that she suffered from panic attacks, because of how he treated her. She didn't feel safe living there anymore. We're a lot closer now and besides John and Dale, she's the only family I've got left."

"Wow. Growing up must've been tough for you guys."

"Actually it wasn't so bad for me. I was my dad's favorite and he never took his anger out on me. It was always mom and Donna who got that end of the stick."

"And your mom...you don't see her either?"

"I can't remember her. I was really young when she left. She never came back and she never tried to contact us. We just moved on without her. I think my dad must've done something really bad to drive her off. I can't imagine that a woman would leave her kids behind without good reason, and never come back."

"That's true. I could never abandon my baby." she said, looking to Joshua as he slept. "Does Donna live around here?"

"Yeah, I see her from time to time. She's married now and expecting a baby."

"Oh, congratulations!" she said in a happier tone, "You're going to be an uncle!"

"Yup. Thank you. It's about time too. She's always wanted a kid."

"Do you want any?"

"I don't know about that." he smiled bashfully, "Not sure I'd be much of a dad."

"Are you serious? Look at how well you get along with Joshua. You'd make a great dad."

"Well maybe...but I need a good lady for that."

He looked into her eyes at that very moment, and she thought that she would melt under his intense gaze. Joshua stirred behind her and quickly averted his attention. She was glad for it. If not for that tiny diversion, she might have flirted with him, and who knows where that would have taken them. She was still a little nervous, but almost past the point of behaving.

"Looks like he's really tired." Brian said, his eyes still fixed on the sleeping boy.

"Yes he is. He's gotten so big, that I struggle to carry him now" she laughed. "I'll wake him in a little bit to go upstairs."

"No need. I got him."

"But he's really heavy. He's put on a lot of weight since you last carried him." she protested, remembering the similar instance at the barbeque.

Brian chuckled and got up. He walked past her, and picked up Joshua's body with ease.

"I'm no weakling Ki." he replied.

"I know you're not...but you really need to stop." she said, refusing to look him in the eye.

She had no idea why, but she was suddenly frightened. Maybe it was because with Joshua in bed, she would truly be alone with Brian.

"Calm down lady." he said, with Joshua now hunched over his shoulder, "Besides, you look like you're tired too."

"It's just the wine." she sighed, "I'll show you to his room."

Although her limbs felt heavy, as if she was wading in water, she got up and led Brian to the staircase. As they ascended, step by step, she began to wonder what he really thought of her. She knew that she had much to offer to a relationship, but her experiences had only been with black men. She never seemed to attract any other race, and now felt under confident.

She led him into Joshua's room which was the first door past the staircase, and both of them stepped inside. Brian moved towards the bed, and Kiara aided him by shifting the covers aside for Joshua. She then sat down on the bed, next to her son's tiny body and proceeded to unlace his shoes. She could feel Brian's eyes on her, but for the moment, didn't know what to say. She kept her attention on the shoe laces, but her fingers trembled, as he stood above her.

"Well...uh...maybe I should get going." he finally said. "You're tired, and I wouldn't want to keep you up too late."

Her heart sank at the words. She didn't want him to go, but she couldn't beg him to stay either. She had too much pride for that. She slipped off Joshua's last shoe, and pulled the covers over him, before she responded.

"I hope you had a good time tonight." she whispered, as she led him out of her son's room.

"I did." he said.

Kiara closed the bedroom door behind them, and took a deep breath. She felt overwhelmed with an intense, yet foreign emotion. It was a combination of sadness, possibly hurt, coupled with a deep longing. She wanted Brian to stay with her. Her heart was stricken with a sharp pain as she thought of spending another night alone. How many nights had she spent alone since Derek left her? Too many to count, and she couldn't bear the thought of enduring any more of them.

"I wanted to ask you..." Brian began, "...would it be possible, if I could see you tomorrow?"

She was relieved. She didn't want to make the first move, and luckily Brian beat her to it.

"Sure." she smiled, while tucking a few strands of loose hair behind her ear.

"I know you're going to be taking Joshua to your mom's, so maybe after that we could go out to a restaurant?"

Her smile widened and she nodded, "Well, I didn't expect you to be so forward."

"Why not?" he asked softly, and moved closer.

Something about his tone was very seductive. He had taken two steps forward, as if he was being conducted to her like a magnet. She was cornered against the wall, and grew too nervous to answer his question.

"What is he doing?" she thought frantically.

He was already dangerously close, and she could now smell the fragrance of the wine on his breath. Her first instincts were to get away, because she didn't trust herself to be so close to him.

He stopped only a few centimeters away from her lips, and whispered. "You look really beautiful tonight Ki."

"Joshua's right there Brian. I can't." she whispered, but the pressure of his lips stopped her from saying any more.

He reached for her waist, and caught her before she could escape. He captured her roughly, but then eased his grip around her body. Without realizing it, she had simultaneously grabbed the front of his suit and clutched the material tightly. All her fears and insecurities came forthwith, and threatened to dull the sweet sensation of the kiss.

"Calm down Ki. This is what you wanted right?" she thought, as his fingers began to stroke the sway of her back.

She couldn't deny it. She had longed for him in the shower, in her bed and during every other daily activity; even when she was with Joshua. She hated herself for thinking about him so much. He had been on her mind ever since she left him alone in the parking lot. Now he kissed her as if he longed for this moment.

She decided to give in to the pleasure and leaned into the kiss with enthusiasm. Brian breathed heavily against her mouth, and began to kiss her voraciously. She was almost overwhelmed by the force of his mouth, and wondered how long it was since he'd last had a woman. From the looks of it, he must have been alone for quite some time, but she was in no position to judge.

She too had been unlucky in love, and had almost given up on being kissed again. She had lost touch with her sexuality, and compensated by being this hard working mother. She lost herself in work and taking care of Joshua, hoping that these responsibilities would distract her from wanting to be touched and taken by a man. For a long time, her plan worked; that is until Dale introduced her to Brian. Now he was with her, pressing his firm crotch against her soft mound, and clasping her hands tightly.

She moaned as his tongue gently flicked back and forth, over her lips. She was on the verge of asking him to her bedroom, when she remembered that her son was asleep, only a few feet away from where they stood.

"Mmm...Brian." she repeated against his moist lips, "We should stop. I can't when Joshua's right there."

It took him a few seconds to answer, because his mouth had fallen to her neck, and was clamped against her throat. His lips traveled ever downward, until he reached the protruding cleft of her breast. She shuddered against him, but gently pushed him back.

His blue eyes were lazy and half shut, as if he had been intoxicated by the mere taste of her. She felt pity for him, because she too felt what he was experiencing. Had she been childless, it would have been easier to get lost in the passion...but that would have meant she was easy, wouldn't it? She didn't want him to think of her in such a way, and that thought forced her to resist.

For a few seconds, they looked into each other's eyes, neither saying a word. Kiara wanted to choose her words carefully, so as not to offend him. What she said would probably determine whether he would see her again.

"Sorry Ki." he murmured, as sense seemed to find him.

"It's okay." she whispered, her palms still flat against his broad chest. "I-I'm not trying to push you away. It's just that the timing isn't right...and I don't want to move too fast."

Her heart felt heavy, and she was on the verge of crying. Why was she so emotional when it came to Brian? It couldn't have been the wine, because she only had one glass. He was having too much of an effect on her, and she didn't like that. She wanted to be in control of her feelings. With him, she was like a naïve little girl going through the motions.

"I know Ki. I couldn't help myself. I've been waiting to do that for a long time. I wasn't sure whether you hated me, and I guess I went for what I wanted without thinking"

"Brian, I don't hate you. I've just been trying to protect myself, and the ones I love. I've been through a lot and I don't want the past to be repeated."

Even though her upturned palms held him back with a good measure of force, he pushed against them and closed in until he was once again, a breath away from her lips.

"You don't have to do this alone Ki. I know you're a strong woman, and a great mom. But you spend all your time worrying over Joshua and Cat. Why can't someone do the same for you? Why can't I take care of you?"

The question made her feel uncomfortable. Not even Derek had ever openly offered to take care of her. But she didn't need a man to take care of her. Her mother had said so.

"I can take care of myself Brian. I don't need a man to take care of me." she said bluntly, but not with the harsh tone she meant to use.

He was making her weak.

"I know that Ki. But I don't want to be alone anymore. Isn't it hard being a parent, all by yourself? I want to help you."

She didn't respond, because she didn't want to confess that she wanted, or rather needed him. She couldn't trust him. Derek had fooled her once, and she wouldn't let it happen again.

He finally seemed to sense that she felt uneasy, and straightened his posture, so that he no longer leaned against her body.

"I'm sorry." he said again. "Maybe I went too far."

"It's ok." she replied.

She wanted to say something more that might have comforted him. But it was probably too late for any of that. Instead, she turned towards the staircase, ready to lead him to the front door. As she escorted him down the stairs, she could hear the faint sound of his footsteps behind her. She didn't dare turn back, because she was too close to proclaiming how she truly felt.

They finally made it to the front door, and it was then that she turned around to look at him.

"I'm sorry if I came off rude. I just have a lot to consider." she said.

"I understand. I'll give you all the time you need. I didn't mean to kiss you like that. I guess I was caught up in the moment."

"Don't apologize. There wasn't anything wrong with what you did."

"If you say so." he said morosely, "Do you mind if I call you when I get home?"

"Sure. I'll be awake." she said, with slight relief. Even after all that, he still wanted to talk to her.

"Thank you for dinner and tell Josh I'll see him soon, okay?"

"I will."

She wanted to give him another kiss, but she didn't dare. They would have easily ended up in her bed, or better yet the living room couch.

"I hope I'll see you even sooner." he said, with a hopeful look.

"Call me when you get home and we'll figure it out." she reassured him.

"I will Ki. I'll talk to you in a few."

"Okay. Drive safely." she said, and stepped back inside.

She gently closed the door behind her, and sank back against the wooden frame. She closed her eyes, and ran her forefinger across her bottom lip. For the moment, she replayed the passionate kiss in her mind. She hadn't noticed, probably because of the butterflies in her stomach, but she had gotten very wet. She wondered what would have happened if she hadn't stopped him.

Would he have carried her into bed, and taken her in the ways she imagined? She had always refused to let her fantasies go too far, lest she set herself up for disappointment. But now it felt appropriate; even safe to take a break from the serious and mindful person that she had become. She made her way up the stairs, and was about to go to her own bedroom, where she meant to lie down and give in to the fantasies, but instinct caused her to stop at Joshua's door. Something beckoned her into his room, and she stepped inside to check on him.

He was still fast asleep and she moved closer to his bed. She wondered what Joshua would think about her seeing more of Brian. She knew that her son loved his father; however, she now believed that Brian would be a better role model. He had indeed changed. He was consistent, while Derek was not. This made things easier, because she trusted him with Joshua, and that was more than she could ever say of Derek.

She decided that she would talk to Joshua first thing in the morning. Brian had already broken the ice, so to speak. It was clear that he cared about not just Joshua, but her as well.

She made up her mind to take the next solid step. She would let Joshua know that she was romantically interested in Brian, who wouldn't try to take the place of his father...even though she hoped he would. Joshua was not conflicted about his feelings for Derek, at least not yet. He still loved and believed in his father, and she was fine with that, for now. Eventually, the time would come when Joshua's eyes would open and see everything with clarity; namely who his father really was. She hoped that when the time came, Brian would be there to console him.

A loud and muffled voice suddenly shook her out of this deep reflection, and she looked towards Joshua's window. The voice was coming from outside and it sounded like a man was having an argument with someone. Out of curiosity, she walked over to Joshua's window, and slightly shifted the curtains to the side, not wanting to give attention to herself. It was Derek. He stood in Brian's way and his pitch was angry, almost violent.

"Shit!" she said under her breath, and ran through the hallway without closing Joshua's door.

She needed to stop this before he chased Brian away. She realized that Derek had been waiting outside to confront him. He wanted to ruin her chances of finding happiness. She wouldn't let him.

By the time she made it to the front door, a car was pulling off from the sidewalk. She quickly looked down the street, hoping that it was Derek who gave up and drove away. Instead, it was Brian's red truck in the distance, while her son's father stood at the foot of her porch, with a satisfied look on his face.

"What the hell is your problem?" she hissed.

"So you like white boys now? How long has this been going on?" he asked, with a smirk on his face. He was apparently amused by the fact that Brian hadn't put up a fight.

"Excuse me? Who the hell are you to question me? Get the hell outta here!" she shouted at him angrily.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me." he said firmly.

"Talk to you about what Derek?"

"About us. Drop this fucking loser. I don't want him around my son."

He had been drinking. She could smell the strong alcohol on his breath.

"You've got some nerve Derek. Now that someone wants to actually spend time with us, you feel like you can just come around here, and intrude on everything?"

"I don't want white trash raising my boy! You understand?" he admonished, raising his voice even more.

Derek was intentionally trying to attract the attention of her neighbors. They weren't too fond of white people either, and would probably take his side on this. But she didn't care. It was almost comical to watch Derek lose his cool. The proud and well-spoken gentleman that he prized himself to be, was nowhere in sight. The very fact that Brian was the topic of their dispute was the only reason she hadn't ridiculed him for it. She didn't want this scene to get out of hand.

Kiara felt only a tiny measure of concern for him, because it was plain that he had driven to her house inebriated. However, if this was a ploy to make her feel sorry for him, she wouldn't be suckered into pity. He knew the consequences well enough, and was willing to risk his son's happiness for selfish reasons.

"Who said he was doing all that Derek?" she continued. "You don't know anything, yet you're assuming that he's trying to take your place. And where do you get off calling him white trash? You know what? If he did take your place, I wouldn't even mind. At least I can trust him to show up and be there."

"Well he won't be coming back now." he said tauntingly.

"What do you mean?"

"I told him he can't come back over here. I don't want to see him around here anymore."

"Oh no, you didn't just say that! Listen you asshole. Do you pay my rent? No you don't! Do you pay for my food and clothes? Another no! You had no right Derek and you need to take your ass home before I call the cops. If you were so worried about who I had around Joshua, you would've never put the two of us in this situation in the first place. Tell me, who left who at the beginning of all this? Who acted like they didn't give a damn about me, right before I gave birth? You're lucky I'm not taking your ass to court! I'm giving you some slack only because of Joshua! You pull this shit again and that'll be it. I will put you on visitation. Even then you probably wouldn't show up. You'd be a free man. So go home and beg Stephanie to take you back. I don't want you and I don't need you!"

Without another word she turned away from him, and slammed the door behind her. She was out of breath from her little speech and wanted to cry, but she wouldn't. At least, not until she was sure that he was gone. Her heart beat furiously in her chest and her face felt feverish.

Had she stayed out there any longer, she would have probably fought him and made up for Brian's reluctance. Derek was out of line, and she resented him even more for trying to dictate who she should bring into her home, and around Joshua. He and Natalie would hang out with all sorts of unsavory characters when she brought Joshua over to their shared apartment. In fact, that was one of the reasons why Natalie couldn't stand her.

Kiara had brought it to Derek's attention, that Natalie's thug boyfriend would smoke around Joshua, and was a big fight about it. He defended his sister in the end, and Kiara became the one at fault. It wasn't until things took off with his career, and he moved out, that she let him take Joshua to his apartment. She didn't like Stephanie very much, but at least Joshua was safer there. Even that had been years ago, and Derek no longer held sleepovers for his son.

She still couldn't believe that Derek had the gall to do all of this. It felt like a bad dream. Why hadn't he gone this far with the other men she dated before? Maybe it was because he was domineering as a lawyer. He had been the ambitious type, who always got what he wanted and couldn't take no for an answer. A man who was used to getting his way would probably feel justified to take on anyone he deemed wrong. Brian had already been timid with her, and she had just managed to put him at ease. Now Derek's actions erased all of that progress, and possibly scared him away for good.