All Comments on 'The Entity Pt. 10'

I think this has been a worthy effort, and an excellent overall story (why I'm still giving it 100pts). However, it seems to me that it's fizzling out as we approach what seems to be the end...

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For example - after so much exposition on what a psychopathic dirtbag Scanner Bob is, to have his story arc end so abruptly seemed to be a disappointment. "Linda came out of nowhere and shot him in the balls... the end" His capture deserved more exposition. Not necessarily a bloody death, but at least more investment in the story. Linda's sudden appearance almost seems like a "cheat".

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Also, the story continuity seems confusing. There were earlier complaints about chapters being out of order. That complaint still stands, at least about story sections, if not entire chapters or installments.

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Be all that as it may, this has still been a worthy effort. Though the problems I've cited have led me to not be as invested in the tale as I was at the beginning, I still think you've come up with a great story!

The shooting incident was broadcast by web-cam so I believe Linda would be facing some legal problems on that issue should one of the "chatters" anonymously post the incident on the web!

One thing I have particularly enjoyed about this story has been Linda and Tammy very slowly and gently falling in love, rather than the typical lesbian Lit story where two women just suddenly jump into bed together and start eating pussy. I find this story far more credible and comprehendible. It is in fact a real romance. Very lovely.