All Comments on 'The Lost Lord Ch. 00-01'

please contine....it has a promising start.

Actually, just so everyone knows, I'm already up to chapter 15, working on 16 now. I'll be uploading them all soon.

Why have you moved your publishing of it from HF to here anyway? Though since this area is meant only for stories, not pictures, I understand it. Either way, I liked all the chapters you have published in this work and am worried about your statement there that "The end is in sight". The realm you have created is quite interesting and is full and vibrant enough that a person could write a newspaper describing the changing relations between all the planes of existance. So, it other words, you are doing well and you may even get on the top of rankings or very close to it.

I do have an ending for this particular story in sight, AKA the conflict with Arazra. Though I have thought up one or two more plot lines for different conflicts, either with the same characters or different ones. I'm not done with this one so what I just said is a ways away. As for moving it, I just wanted to reach out to a larger audience.

I like the plot. Looks promising. But the writing to be frank kinda sucks, the way you name characters and how you keep switchibg from first person to third mid-sentence makes it hard to read. I'm intrigued however an want to see where this goes. You should try to get a good editor to help you out.

As I said, the first couple chapters suck writing wise in my opinion. Trust me when I say the later chapters are better writing wise.

In any case, I appreciate the criticism.

This is excruciating to read. Can anyone confirm that the writing does, in fact, get better? Right now i'm just skimming, but if I see "experienced, yet youthful" one more time I might go bomb an orphanage.

This story is very interesting and has lots of promise.

But it needs editing, a lot of editing...

In almost every instance where a particle is used, the wrong particle is used or missing completely.

In almost every instance where a tense is used, the wrong tense is used.

In almost every instance where a verb inflection is used, the wrong conjugate is used.

These are the kinds of errors that microsoft word would easily catch.

I don't know if I can continue reading through this, but good luck anyways.

Just read to chapter 13.

Story is REALLY REALLY GOOD!

Very entertaining!

(Also the writing clears up a bit!)

You were right about what you said in the preface. This little bit was atrocious and difficult to read. What I'm wondering is if you knew that this bit sucked, why didn't you rewrite it so it didn't suck?

My recommendation: a complete rewrite is needed, followed by some decent editing just to make sure. The story is okay so far, just the writing is horrendous. Spell check and grammar check are your friends when using a word processor, and if you're having trouble with spelling and the spell check isn't helping, dictionary.com is a good place to look.

I'll be taking a look at the rest of the chapters and I'll try to give what constructive criticism I can, if any is need. Just to give you a heads up, I tend to be brutally honest and a bit of a perfectionist, so I might end up pointing out the smallest of errors if I don't forget about it by the end of the chapter.

The breast size exaggerations are a bit much but other than that the story is okay

It wasn't written as well as I thought it could have been, but besides that you did very well.

So far the notes before each chapter are the best thing in this story. I would have quit reading if it wasn't for the fair warning, so thanks for that.

Great world building, smooth transitions, and fantastic imagery. Though I did think the Rainer's dialogue wasn't as good as it could have been.

Thanks for posting!

... it's complete shit. I'll try one more but I don't hold much hope - how much better could it be with such a horrible beginning?

Got me interested enough to read further. Fingers crossed it picks up slightly

JC

this is shit writing. With that said, I can't put much faith in your statement that later chapters improve, the reason is glaringly obvious in your second comment. Your comment contains the same poor grammar your writing does.

IF you have an editor for later chapters, there may be hope.

GeoD

(This is a review about the entire series, rather than just this chapter.)

The Lost Lord was very enjoyable to read. Its Japanese influence is obvious, and it reads like an anime or light novel. Unfortunately, it also contains some classic, annoying anime tropes, such as the guy who complains about having a harem, and the enemy who starts fighting at less than his full power.

Each chapter is also littered with comma splices, sometimes even to the point where the meaning is unclear.

Despite the story's faults, I enjoyed it as a whole, and I rounded up to give it a five-star rating.