by peachknight
Thank you for posting it for us and welcome to Literotica. I found your story very readable if a little clunky in places -- but that will improve as you write more, and I sincerely hope you will. Well done, Happy Christmas, and please have four stars.
However, 'They felt contempt to just watch the ceiling.' Did you really mean that?
It means a lot to me that so many people like it and this story is so well received. Apparently arrogance is my downfall when I thought I wouldn't need an editor or more than one or two proofreads. This definitely means I will be writing more and you haven't seen the last of PeachKnight. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!
Wonderful story that has me excited. I would love to serve you.
Nicely done! Sure, some editing will help, but you have a wonderful touch. There are scenes in which you describe the action and there are scenes in which you live the action. The latter are terrific, the former a bit clunky. Keep writing!
I'll be looking forward to your work, and this would make a great series!
It's the very first time I give a femdom story 5*. One of the best stories I've read in the last months.
On reflection, yes PeachKnight, your story is ripe for extension! Drawing from your expressed interests in "Domination, Mind control, Magic," Dominant Sarah could reveal a mischievous or evil streak, tease & torture her slave(s) with subtle magic, build a small harem, and give your readers a great run ... all with the gentle assistance of your editor!
Out of the blue after one week without any hints he is her slave??? Even its a fantasy it have to be believable!!!
I liked your story, the idea of it.
Shame you didn't write more, either continue this story line or write another.
Just the right amount of domination and wholesomeness. Thank you! Pity that the author has not written since but will keep waiting!
Good prmise.
But lacks details. Sex scenes start, move, and end too fast.
Three stars.