All Comments on 'The Return Ch. 03'

I have enjoyed all three parts. I like the characters and the plot line. It has some cliches, but what story does not. I look forward to seeing where you go from here.

Enjoy a good story, this is interesting and well written, Thanks!

on. Its good but takes to much time to read.

Becky talked and acted like a 7 year old and then suddenly thinks and talks like at least a teenager. Still a fine read.

Actually, Becky's dialog sounds like a 4-year old, not a seven year old, until suddenly, she starts speaking like an older child. LOL!

it seemed to me that too little was made of the fact that Geoff did caution Sarah to be careful about being with Bobby and she knowingly and willingly ignored his warning. In my mind, that would be excellent grounds to justify his anger and embarrassment and him abandoning her. He seemed to accept far too much blame for going away than I thought he should. The story, however is well plotted otherwise and I'm sure we will see Geoff's new-found wealth and his Seal training come into play as they settle the score with the Armesteads. Who knows? We may yet find his parents!

Lots of fun and fairly straight forward in plot so far.

I admit that the hero is a bit strange, supposedly high

capacity person with extensive military and he still managed

to get slapped three times by his "ex" and then have a collision. I would expect him to have far better reflexes both physically and mentally. I agree with Cageytee that he does not deserve the share of the blame that he accepted. He

had warned her repeatedly...

A very well written story, with the irritating stereotypical literotica hero disappearing for years and showing up finally to say he was sorry. She may have been stupid going out with Bobby, but he was cowardly run away and hide for years hero of the story, Sarah should tell him to get lost.

60 year old George

the story, and I hope that whilst he was away Sarah didn't get a job with the Treasury Department,because he has virtually told her about finding the bullion.

To get it wrong...AGAIN. The problem started with the Heroine having NO REGARD for the Hero's feelings. He begged her to stay away from the guy, so what more could he do? Had she cared even a bit, this whole incident wouldn't have happened!! And of course, the writer of this garbage doesn't even bring this little point up? Bad, BAD, writing. You can't dismiss a plot point. And what's with the kid's speech patterns?!?

I wonder if it hurt...when they cut off his balls. This guy spends too much time crying. Seriously, he told her to stay away, she refused to listen, almost gets raped and its Geoffs fault? How the fuck did that happen? So he runs off, whoopiedo! And how the fuck can his "daughter" suddenly become one of the two women he loved the most, he didn't even know the girl existed two days earlier. I think that Neville, Julie and Sarah are in cohoots to abscond with all of Geoffs money and sunken treasure because they didn't find him until the treasure was found.

<br>Author, I like the story. I like how the story is progressing and you have caught my interest. I would have given you a 100, but I thought you beat Geoff up a too much for him leaving. Geoff, in my opinion took on too much blame. Sarah really needed to take a good amount of the blame for setting this all in motion.</br>

<br>Now would I have left because of this situation? No, but assuming I had not knocked up my girlfriend (like Geoff did); I would have dropped my girlfriend and found a new girlfriend who had more common sense. However, for the purposes of this story; Geoff obviously needed to leave in order to set up your plot.</br>

<br>Now unrelated to the story..... Shango, I have pretty much decided to ignore 60 year George. He will never change; he always blames the male characters when given the slightest opportunity. As my 78 year old neighbor would say; George is part of the 10 year period where a significant number of boys were taught to hate being male. I simply feel sorry for George.</br>

<br>Sorry, to digress author. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading the rest of this story and hopefully many more stories in the future.</br>

Aside from the expected newbie errors which some never get write - or right, this was quite refreshing.<P>

Author, you are appreciated. The criticisms are somewhat valid but understandable that in the growing some are to be expected.<P>

Try to take to heart peoples feelings when they say you slighted his part in the break up. If you paint the picture then you shouldn't change it. You sell emotion and do it quite well so understand that in your downstream plot path.<P>

Romantics are offended when dirt is heaped inappropriately in their eyes. You know what they say about the customer always being right - because in their eyes they are because of your preceding words.<P>

Have fun - don't write on the fly or things like that can be forgotten or inappropriately minimalized.<P>

Thanks Author<P>

With High Regard

All those people with no heart! I think it's a great story. Still a little confused about him staying away for so long, but then it wouldn't be a story if he turned up a few days later would it? Anyway well written story, I don't know if you have ever written anything before because you certainly have had a good start for your first story. One last thing I do agree with some people that geoff took most of the blame and if his mother really knew where he was a message could in theory have been sent to him. If I had a message saying I had a little girl waiting for me death wouldn't stop coming home! Anyway carry on writing, I am and I am sure others are looking forward to your next chapter.

I will save any critique for the end. You have a talent and I find it very entertaining<P>PT

i cant wait till number 4 comes out. the first three were great.

this whole chapter is about blaming Geoff. Typically when folks get engaged they usually have the super hots for each other. Instead we have Sarah asserting that "Geoff doesnt own me!"...

<br></br>

As a general rule if the woman is saying to and about her man during the engaged period the marriage is not going to last.

He doesnt deserve her forgiveness, give me a break. She dhould have been begging for forgiveness. He warned her and she was an engaged woman. So in honor of her engagement she was dating, being escorted around, by the man her fiance say had told her was not to be trusted. She intentionally placed herself in harms way, got herself in a position to be intoxicated, and was about to fuck an asshole, drunk or not. The only thing that stopped it was the sudden interruption by her fiance say. Personally if my fiance was dating behing my back I would assume the engagement was off and would have taken my ring and let the asshole fuck her. Sorry twisted logic does not make a good story!

But, there is no way I'll accept the fact that Georf is the bad guy here. OK he left, Ok he made no contacts for the 7 years, and just maybe that was a screw up on his part. His heart was riped right out of him, I would have done the same damn thing. She was given heads up to watch out for the bastured Bobby, it wasn't about trusting her, it was about watching out for his own interests. So I say, he has no reason to feal sorry for, for the exception of maybe not being there when his folks come up missing. The writing is good otherwise, keep it up.

This story is well thought out and it evokes memories. It must remind many, as it has me, of events in their life's and stories they have read or experienced in the theater. The bringing of Jeff and Sarah back together (with their daughter)is in itself tear jerking. And to me Jeff's return to his small northern California sleepy seaside town, seeing all the old places that he remembered from seven years prior brings emotions and memories. To me that episode I liken to the movie, "Best Years of Our Life," in which three servicemen are arriving back at their hometown (called Boomtown) after the 2nd World War and as the taxi is bringing them to their homes, they recall their high school, the football stadium, the old theater on Main Street, and other places where they hung out, all this with background music by American composer Aaron Coplin. All I can say is that Muirmadra is in my view a superb author. RAG

"PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!! Let's forget all about the fact that NONE of this would have happened if you'd stayed away from that asshole like I asked."

Geez.......

And to those who still do not approve let me say; it will be a dark and harsh world;something like a Taliban controlled area, where women are allowed to do... nothing other than staying at home -if your crireria for appropriate behavior were to be followed. <P>

When it comes to women being raped you sadly follow the old tradition of "blame the victim". Is sarah to be blamed for the criminal acts of being drugged?

Was she young and naive? yes. But she had no intention to cheat.

I used to love to read your comments.You've saved me from reading some crappy stories. But now you're being a Racist ass. Taliban? That's the ONLY society that mistreat women, eh? No one is saying for a young girl to stay home, but her BELOVED did not like her being around Jerk-off. A DECENT person would have said,

"I can always go out w/other friends and still have a good time WITHOUT deliberately pissing off my boyfriend."

See how easy that was?

This chapter totally had the story fall apart. No sane person could have their emotions cycle so quickly. One paragraph is dealing with long term emotional betrayal and pain, and in the next they have fallen to the ground laughing uncontrollably, please. A story can take the reader on an emotional roller coaster, but not a bungy jump. Things have to build and recede, not explode and collapse. If this story is based on anyone that you know then you know seriously bipolar people. All of the plot and character development that you did on the first 2 chapters was destroyed in chaper 3. If your editor didn't point this out then you might think about finding someone more skilled. This is a long story, you have plenty of time to come up with reasonable, believeable story lines. This is not up to the other work I have read of yours. anon jerry

The $1million question being the question of the heart. Sarah was very stupid and naive, and like too many young girls she was dismissive of her man's concerns. Was it her fault that she was nearly raped? If stupidity was a crime (which it isn't, unfortunately), then sure, at least partly (the other part being the rapist's fault).. Was it forgiveable? Yes, but in the circumstances can anyone blame her man for running away? I don't think so, because he'd forever be staring at her wondering if he could trust her. This is why people say "It's in God's will: this way when the reunion comes, it will be better".

Did he have any obligations to her? Yes, but only as far as the baby, and I believe he would have given child support - but that was down to whoever knew where he was to tell him about it; therefore his mother was equally responsible for not telling him about her. Women are too pushy in all the wrong ways, and not pushy in all the right ways. They want reconciliation and instant marriages but they're not willing enough to tell the man about his kid?? I just don't get it. I'm pretty sure he would have stayed close to home if he knew about Rebecca, and he could have in time forgiven her mother.

So of course he will marry the slut Sarah. It doesn't one whit that she was drugged. She would not have been drugged if she had not been acting like a slut by dating behind Geoff's back. I gave this story a 1.

about stories on this site. I wonder about his psychotic reasons for such depressing reactions. Must be guilty feelings for enjoying some of what he reads.

This is one of the best stories in LW.

Please - that was really well written - and yes DWornick seems to be losing it - nit sure why -

Thanks for a very entertaining story.

What happened to Sarah was awful but all of her own making. She was warned by Geoff the Guy was scum and gets pissed off. She is then warned by an angry Julia about dating the scumbag, that the town was talking about her and any future with Geoff was in jeopardy. So she then goes on another date with the Guy, almost gets raped and some how all the blame is put on Geoff!

WTF!

Geoff was an ass for bailing on his family and that's all he should be sorry for.

It was somehow GEOFF'S fault ? What a pack of losers. How DARE they. He should have stayed away for good, neither his sister NOR his one-time fiancee DESERVE him.

He warned her repeatedly. SHE chose to not listen. No, SHE knew so much better than he.

I think deep down she wanted something to happen. Or else she was so stupid he was right to run away.

This story is overlooked by many. Their loss. This is brilliantly written. Five stars.

What a bunch of malarkey. Not one person in the story to care a damn about. Everyone is a pathetic idiot.

Last parting shot: US military officers don't serve enlistments. They are commissioned and the length of service is open ended.

But you just had to have your male Protagonist apologize. Damn shame...you may have had a great tale.

Only one victim here ,Geoff.

The rest was a result of her actions.

He asked ,warned her again and again.

she trusted Armestead over him again and again.

One second later they would be fucking because she wouldn't give credance to what he pointed out too her.

Man I hate it when writers blame the victim to rationalize reconciliation.

There has to be better ways.

Even then it's mostly well written excellent even .

A half page admission to Geoff by Sarah about her naiveté regarding Bobby's intentions and admission that she was wrong to allow herself to be led down the path of seduction (and no, being drugged doesn't excuse what led to that event) would have saved this story.

Her reflections in the next chapter are nearly useless as it does nothing to show that Geoff had a valid reason for reacting the way he did... even if it was an over reaction in some eyes. This chapter is confusing in that previously Geoff shows some reason in discussing with his father that even if she was drugged she shouldn't have been out with the cad in the first place. Even if his rage was cooled a little over time and he began to regret leaving, it doesn't really ring true that the character would just forget that line of thinking and take all the blame upon himself.

Yes, Sarah was given plenty of warnings but ignored them all. So why does Geoff take all the blame? Even if Bobby wasn't a slime ball she should never have gone out with him. (1). She was engaged to another man, and (2). That very man pleaded with her not to associate with him and she deliberately and with some malice ignored him. A deal-breaker for me. He had every right to be pissed off with her both then and now. She was the one who put herself in the position to be raped despite all his warnings.

I do wish writers on this site would read their own stories before drawing the wrong conclusion. It happens so many times and is really annoying.

Apart from the above well written, thanks.

He warned her. Repeatedly. She fucking blew him off. Piss on her. And on him for ever apologizing.

If you ski past an avalanche warning sign, don't EVER piss and moan that you didn't expect exactly what you got.

its also about great memories, & unbelievable events...... so dont be hard on sarah & geoff, they both made mistakes, but thats it thay were mistakes not crimes.

nobody has the right to tell you how to act, think, feel or love, so dont judge any1 harshly, not because you will face the same judgement someday, because judging somebody in one of the cruelest things we as humans do.

If my fiancee was dating another man while engaged to me, I'd have asked for the ring back and broken off the engagement. Why does Sarah not feel the remorse that Geoff does, but shouldn't? I don't get it.

I have to say, pacing-wise, this reads at a breakneck speed.

In about 80 pages, he has discovered lost treasure, lost his parents in mysterious circumstances, had an entire relationship back story explained, has an enemy as a brother in law, rediscovers his lost love (in something like five minutes time), discovers he has a daughter and has EVIL people aiming for him with the mysterious death of his folks.

Let me catch my breath! (and yes, that reconciliation was WAAAAAAYYYYY to fast)

Still, a cracking story.

This is fiction so beliefs are to be suspended. BUT... if you're going to use actual geography be consistent and GET IT RIGHT. Interstate 5 (I-5) is no where near the coast in Northern California, it is over 50 miles inland. It does not leave San Francisco going North, it does NOT go over the Golden Gate Bridge (that would be Highway 1/101... Hwy 1 splits off toward the coast at Sausalito while 101 continues North) nor does it go through Santa Rosa (that would also be 101). I-5 runs the the central valley of California until heads toward the southern coast at LA. The highway run from San Diego to Canada border. Moon Key Bay is fictitious and that's fine, just be consistent. PLEASE.

The story is a bit unbelievable to me, but it is well written fiction for the most part.

stay away from the dude hes bad new... shes almost gets raped and this giant pussy runs off comes back after 7 years and hops back in with the slut.... what in the high fucking cuckholding hell is this shit... fuck me its worth it to take the time just to 1 star every part of this fucking thing... not even gonna skim the rest as I have these first parts

STOP WRITING YOU CUCK LOVING COCKGOBBLER

i would have beat the shit out of her, she choose to cheat she choose to lie. if you load a gun with 5 bullets spin the chamber and pull the trigger, it is not the guy who built the gunns fault or the bullets or your boyfriend who begged you not to play with the gun. It is the females fault she was getting raped 50% her fault totally.

LISTEN UP YOU FUCKING CUNTS, if you go out with a dirt bag i hope you get raped, i giggle with glee.

This fucking writer just chocked on faggy cock to write such a shitty story..fucking pussy.

PLOT twist not her fault and then abuse the guy......i want 5 min with author in a room to explain what abuse is.

After so much bad history, I would have expected more drama. Still five stars.

We have the person sinned upon is the guilty person because he reacts to be sinned upon. What crap.

What brain dead idiot wrote this on page two I had to quit. He told what a sleek Armstrong was, and she ripped him a new one for daring to say anything bad about him then s h e goes out with the piece of shit twice. Then he did what sleeves do, and it his fault horse manure.

Whine, whine, whine. I thought this was a former Seal? Let's his ex-fiance slap the crap out of him because she had a hard time after he left? He warned her about the creep, but she wouldn't listen and got angry with him every time he brought it up. His sister has continuously called him every pejorative known to mankind since he returned. If not for the kid, I'd tell both of them to go to hell - and I'd probably spank my sister before kicking them both out of the house. Deal with that, bitches.

If they needed him at home, why didn't his Mother contact the Navy and tell them she had a critical message she needed to get to her son? They'd have done it.

First chapter, the setup, was pretty good. Second chapter was more or less filler, but not terrible. This chapter was just too...predictable. Too formulaic. No originality at all, and not even that well written. Like I said, I'm out. 2 Stars.

Geoff was made into the bad guy. Seems the prediction at the end of Chapter 2 was right. Even though the situation could have easily been avoided in the first place, as Geoff told his father. And seriously they couldn't go through the Navy to find him and let him know he was a father? I'm sorry but no one is off the grid for 6 years.

I'm guessing that Neville is working his way into the family and s lying about the whole black sheep thing.

The next prediction is going to be that the Armesteads are responsible for Geoff and Julie's parents death.

I'm going to keep reading but not sure how much longer. Truthfully I get tired of the guy being the bad guy and having to suck it up. Sarah knew it was wrong but did it anyway... Maybe you can still love her but how do you trust a person like that. And then to just accept that it was your fault. Ughhhhh!

A descent writer. But predictable story. I have to agree with others, she should never have put herself in that position. Going on a "date" with another man when you are engaged is cheating. And she was forewarned. Maybe she learned a lesson.

Interesting story so far,but it seems as if the characters are a b it to fast in accepting everything and the proposal was kinda quick considering theyve spent years apart and changed in certain ways cute kid interactions

Yeah she brought it all on herself by going on dates while engaged. Worse, dates with a man her fiancé specifically warned her about. Still the kid trumps everything. As to two average sized women holding back a one year retired Navy Seal, not likely. Fun story though.

A fun story but predictable.

Anonymous 6/21/17 and 7/31/17 are correct. Going on a date while engaged? And after being told it was an extremely bad idea more than once? But of course Geoff somehow morphed into the bad guy. Good grief!

And I'm sorry but it's not realistic that they couldn't get in touch with him while in the Navy. They could have very easily especially considering a child was involved.

Obviously written by a girly man.

1. Cries a lot navy Seal???

2. Geoff apologizes to his ex-girlfriend when she was dating Bobby???

3. Geoff's parents didnt tell him he had a daughter?

5. Other crap etc

Man up, buttercup

She was gonna show him and it went bad. Now they try to hang it on him for her stupidity nope. She didnt deserve the attempted rape, but she isnt deserving of reconciling with either. So she got herself together and learned a lesson, well that has a price and her and him paid it. No sympathy for this bs. he pays his support sees his daughter and goes on his way. As for the sister, in reality the apple rarely falls far from the tree if the brother is a scumbag and the dad, them Neville prob is too. Stopped reading right here no point

Well written this chapter was however someone (author) forgot about Sarah and her Bobby determination last chapter. Thankfully it has not appeared to affect the tale too much at this time...

Can't make Geoff the bad guy because he left, thinking he had lost everything. Things are going too well now, so there will be blood.

A really good story line, written like a Mills & Boone -- and ruined. Giving up on the story. This is obviously written by a lady, or a man who thinks like one. 2*.

Well seems Sarah was celibate for 7 years, hard to believe, Geoff on the other hand screwed everyone he could, OK can buy that. Sarah seems to have no problem with it not even need for him to get tested doubt she would be that way in reality. Would Geoff feel the same way if Sarah was the “town bike”? Terrible double standard. Male’s fantasy. But story was OK till then. Similar plot used by other authors.

Don't listen to the negatives, Great story great chapter.

((( "Sarah, I am so, so very sorry for leaving you like I did. You're right, I should have at least allowed you the chance to explain. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I can't even forgive myself. Dear God, I am so sorry." By now, Geoff was in tears, huge sobbing gobs wracking his chest. )))

Get the fuck out of here! He's a decorated Lt in the Navy ... a trained Seal who's done years of dangerous missions where they had to maintain full control of their faculties and emotions and you're depicting him as a blubbering mess?? It was a good story up to this point but you just fucking ruined it. I lost all interest in reading anymore of this Liberal appeasing dick sucker's piece of shit.

1 miserable star is what I'll give you for this one.... and a hearty hi-ho fuck you.

He told her to stay away from the rapist. She knew better. So, it's his fault that he got upset. She was totally innocent in spite of the fact she was dating that evil SOB. So, he cries and begs forgiveness and she bitch slaps him. It was a good story except for that crap.

No thanks.

The first two chapters were good

but this one was more or less stupid.

The first stupid was blaming Geoff

for leaving Sarah.

She was drugged allright,

but she wasn't drugged when she went on a date

with another man.

He was right in dumping the unfaithful girlfriend.

Second stupid is love surviving 7 years apart

under that conditions.

No way Jose!

Most of it would've been gone

after a few months.

This third part needed a serious reality check.

2 out of 5 from me.

This chapter reads like a bad imitation of a lifetime movie. And Geoff is portrayed as a wimpy male. How could it be his fault that Sarah nearly got raped. Surely going out to dinner and dancing with another man would not pass the couples test. Yet this was done repeatedly without Geoff knowing or his approval.

I don't know why there are so many complaints about how unrealistic this chapter is. After all, when, on the first page, the author writes, "Geoff sped onto the I-5 and soon was crossing the Golden Gate Bridge" you should be aware you have left the real world.

I have always liked this tale except for this chapter.

“It’s all Geoff’s fault!” That portion of this tale so does not fit. Sarah ignored his warnings. While engaged she goes out with Bobby? Sad to say it reads like the ladies are trying to justify their screw-ups and blame the one the should not. It just does not fit with the rest of the tale.

That aside, except for the geography mistakes (this bis your tale and you can re-arrange the landscape) it is well done.

btw, this is the only chapter that did not get a 5 from me.

I like the story but have to say his family were total shits by not hunting him down the second they knew about the child. As a father who had an ex do that to him for the first 14 months of his child’s life, having any time taken away is unforgivable.

Can't stand these oh so sensitive but macho he-men who take off at the first sign of a problem. All you have to do is beat the daylights out of the asshole then ask your fiancé WTF?

4/5 again because the pregnancy time-line is totally FUBAR. Geoff was away at school and hadn't been home for some time. Then 6 weeks after he prevented the rape, Sarah discovered that she was pregnant? Great story but your timing sucks eggs.

Then there's the matter of the submarine. I'm okay with the fictional story about the gold treasure. But to make it complete, you should have created a fictional submarine to go with it, not use an actual real boat. The following is the facts about the submarine that you named.

7th patrol

By now based in Narvik, the submarine was carrying out her seventh patrol when she was attacked by a Norwegian-crewed Sunderland flying boat of No. 330 Squadron RAF. Enough damage was inflicted to oblige the U-boat to put into Trondheim for repairs.

8th and 9th patrols

U-387's eighth patrol was uneventful as was her ninth, which took her to the waters around the North Cape.

10th patrol and loss

The boat left Narvik for the last time on 24 November 1944. On 9 December, she was sunk in the Barents Sea near Murmansk by depth charges dropped by the British corvette HMS Bamborough Castle.

Fifty-one men died in the U-boat; there were no survivors.

It is always husbands fault. Page after page of useless dialog and not one mention of the fact she was engaged and was repeatedly dating another man. Very simple, had she not done that, ther would not have been any cause to blame husband. So , yeah, worthless dialog and casting blame to ignore facts. Dumb story construct, completely unrealistic.

And Julie snagged some strands of your hair from your brush you left behind. When Rebecca was born, I had a DNA test done.

Why do a DNA if she was so sure she had slept with only Him?

Geoff cries a lot

Better and better.

whoever wrote this has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. This is just crap.

The child is seven not seventeen. Seven-year olds don’t speak the way this story is written.

Not great. Child speaks like an adult. Why would he get back together with her? She ignored him and dated another man?

good plot idea but rather poor dialogue.

why is the writer in this story making what groff did was wrong.did? he not tell sarah stay away from bobby.she shoulded have been there the start with.pride and loneiness was her undoing.

The great thing about being in a u boat in a hurricane is you dive under it.

Sorry, but waaay too heavy-handed on the emotional scenes. The MC goes from former SEAL to total SIMP. Gave up reading this when it became obvious that was gonna continue...

Fuck this cuck shit!

He is NOT at fault in ANY way!!!

She CHOSE to drink with a man other than the one she was committed to!

Everything that happened is downstream of her choices!

ZK

when engaged dating other people is cheating. don't get blaming Geoff.

as for the cuck shit comment from anonymous anyone leaving a negative comment anonymous is a coward.