All Comments on 'Time for a Break'

Wonderful!!! Please write more

check out my shower story:

Peggy and Larry Get Clean

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=474101

stupid first person-present tense daydream.

If you want to be a story teller, write it in the past tense.

Please stop immediately, go to your local library, borrow 5 novels and read them all.

Then try again.

Well written, erotic, beautiful.

Wonderful writing. Keep it up.

you gave me an idea for my next story!! NICE story Fox!

Nice and sensuous. I agree with one earlier comment, should not be in second person ("you... you... your..") First, gets repetitive, tough to read. Second, I get the feeling it's recycled from an email you wrote to an online fuckbuddy or lover or BF.

Ultimately, as long as YOU liked it, that's all that really counts. I won't get all smarty-pants and tell you to go read 5 other books, like some other commenter did. This is sex fiction, not the Pulitzer Foundation. Write what you want.