All Comments on 'Unrepentant Heart'

Sounds like it will be an offer he can't refuse.

Jump or I kill you slowly.

I have always thought that this is a conceivable consequence of a cheating wife being caught. Some love so much that an abrupt act of catching her in that position and saying "I love you" to him could do it. And to have your little daaughter tell you it is happening.....

You have put into the story my former feelngs of possibility.

Good story well written.

Just one question---didn't he have ANY health insurance or vacation or a sick plan at work?

You have written a great chapter in this story. You have described the emotions perfectly. Your last sentence leaves me hopful that there will be revenge on the other cheating party. I also like the fact that you did not write the happy ending that many would like to have on this type story. In real life very few marriages survive infidelity. He is also to be respected for the fact that he sheilded his children from the confrontation. Please keep the good work comming.

and you nearly didn't write it.

Well written, and the ending was different and realistic.

I liked your passage about why th ewife cheated - I never yet read what I thought a proper reason, lot's of excuses, as you say, but no reason.

Because she could is probably the nearest to reality we will ever see.

this silly comments system is mucking up again.

'Twas I.

this sequel is much better than Unbreak My Heart. if it had been known there was a sequel you never would have gotten all the flack (including from me)in the comments of first story.

a very dark,sad ending but very believable.

thanks,

don

I'm very impressed and thankful you are writing in such fine manner and theme. Your best effort to date.

Thanks for your time, efforts and talent - much more please - best Regards

You took us on a trip and I'm glad I went along for the ride.

The only other thing left to say is; "Well Done."

Would it were true, ther are plenty of arseholes out there who need attending to

Great write. I would ask that you write more stories but I got to think that you put everything you had into this one.

Many rhanks.

This is a decent story. Trouble is, the stuff at the beginning pretty much ruined it. Just tell the story, ok? Yes, you did say "Warning:" but that's just too late for me. You see, I'm cursed with the ability to read several lines at once. So by the time I started that paragraph I was done - and the anticipation, tension and most of the interest was gone.

Whence comes this urge to pre-tell one's own story? It's bad enough when a reviewer gives it all away but why does an author do it?

You have my interest! I still think you spend too much time trying to insert details that only impede the story. The second page was the story and it was very good. Most of the banter with the doctor and Pat and Mike... what was it for? Why not have Kojak and Colombo stumbling around taking up space? You don't need gimics. The story stands on its own very well, but the excess verbiage slows it down. You have me eager for the choice that lies ahead. Your characters are real and your writing is excellent. Again, it is a short story, not a novel, but a very good short story.

just really hated the fact that the guy had to do all the suffering. his wife got the gold mine. he got the shaft as another old country song goes.

Really a good story with a moral to it. There are consequences for acts of infidelity.

Gary

Great job! More!!!

now lol i wonder what that choice is ...and if he will ever come back... he has what i would call a killers eyes .. i seen that in nam.... once someone has seen to much someting dies and sometimes it takes a long time to come back....if ever ... you are on my list of authors to watch now ...ty keep it up

I'm surprised that you decided to continue this tale. I thought that the first story was very well done. At the end of that piece Dan was 'hopeless'. People who are hopeless commit suicide. I have a friend whose doctoral dissertation was on something called hoplessness theory, so I expected a certain progression of your character. After reading this story I cannot tell what state of mind Dan exhibited. Is it close to contained rage? I couldn't tell. But that wasn't my biggest problem with this story.

That a man would leave his children with a woman who had a relationship with a known sex offender/pedophile defies all logic. Even if Dan were not to be the guardian himself, he would NOT leave his wife with that responsibility.

I can ignore the overuse of coffee as a filler for character banter, but I cannot overlook Dan's choice to leave his wife responsible for his children. At that point the story fell apart for me.

I liked how the wife wanted to justify her cheating but it was all just a bunch of stupid excuses.... GREAT JOB!!

I read "Un-break My Heart" first and I couldn't wait to read the sequel. Excellent writing and story line. Even though it is quite "gut wrenching" it is a very believable story. Dan is such a believable character that I truly empathize with him and the emotional damage his wife caused him. A great ending to this part of the story. I would like to think that Chagrined has one or two more sections of this story to write.

Somehow, I don't want to leave Dan in the(mental)state that he is in now. He needs to find a soul mate to bring the life back into his eyes and his soul. He deserves it.

Keep up the great writing...

The dialog really moves and gives the story the kind of electricty found in only the best stories here. Keep up the great work. I am looking forward to what comes next.

I know I'm going to get slammed for this.

Yes, it is very well done. His statements to her about "Were you my wife when you were giving yourself to him? Were you their mother?" are word that can and probably should apply to so many other stories. The end of love and the pain are wonderfully detailed. And yet...

He is leaving his children in the care of someone who's judgment is at best questionable. Sure she has his threats hanging over her, hopefully keeping her on the straight and narrow, but she is still someone who fell for the lines of a known pederast. In addition, her first words to him were "This isn't the way I wanted it to happen. You weren't supposed to find out this way!" She wasn't sorry she did it or even that he found out, but the way he found out. If it wasn't for the pederast plot twist it was easy to assume that she was planning to leave him. And yet he's giving her full custody.

In the end, he's the one who will suffer the most, cut off from the life he should have had. Though she will suffer to, partially for what she has lost but also because of a fear of him, but she will have the family.

Great story. It could use another installment, especially since I prefer a somewhat happy ending but it was a good one. I wouldn't have let her have the kids though.

Dan maybe left the chidren with the mother because he realised that losing 2 parents would emotionally scar them more than they have been scarred already. Also he will be watching to make sure she keeps her end of the bargain.

That said, this was a very thoughtful story and well worth the read.

I very much enjoyed the first part of the story, but... I don't know. This sequel left me wanting. I felt the emotion in the first part, but this one was lifeless. Maybe it's supposed to be since the main character was "lifeless".

However, I just could not get into this part of the story. No, I didn't want there to be the vicious revenge factor, or the cuckolded husband story. But... I guess I would have liked to read more about his coming to terms with it, rather than jump ahead and have him suddenly know all these things about the man.

Or perhaps I would have liked seeing the man hold onto his vestige of humanity by claiming the children in the divorce settlement. She neglected her children, and he could easily win them in court. And apparently, she did nothing to support the family during that six months so she's proven she's uncaring of her financial obligations to her family.

No, I just felt like this story was rushed whereas the first part was from the heart.

God god god god god yes. This is a soul ripper. Can't say it's a feel good story. If anything It hurts. What can be said? It helped me to understand something. I'm not trying to flatter, This is very very well done. I think you get a handle on what we don't want to see. Like I said this story hurts. being Human is to be one big contradiction. I don't know how to explain what I think of this story. I like it and I hate it. KEEP WRITING

feeling cheated by this story I would recommend you wait for the next part!!!

Nobody can write human nature like Chagrined does. You'll be sitting on the edge of your seats!!!

What a story, not the every day type the graces the pages here. This didn't need sex or anything to get its point across. Very well written very well done

What a story, not the every day type the graces the pages here. This didn't need sex or anything to get its point across. Very well written very well done

The agony was there in Unbreak My Heart, but no end was in sight. You have shown how the agony is constant and endless, but give the reader a better idea of how things had come about and who the characters really were. The two together are masterful.

As you know I am a Romantic, but not all outcomes are "happy ever after." After the things this man heard his wife say and agree to there could be no other ending, but there were no hints of that direction this was going to take in the first "part" of this story. Thank you for giving us a conclusion.

Doug

Very different and refresshing.Kept me riveted in suspense. Would like an update wth the confrontation with Stricland. Keep up the muse.

Dan offers the child molester the choice of taking his own life or being killed by Dan.

One of the posts below seemed to think Dan was offering himself a choice.

I think the molester having to make some choice similar to the above is likely nearer the point.

Not that I like reading about a man whose soul is so severely crippled, but, well, I've had those eyes too. Two tours in Vietnam gave them to me. When a guy's seen just too much action, seen so much meaningless death, and witnessed just how inhumane humans can be, that his very soul just hangs up a "gone fishing" sigh and shuts a door inside his mind until it's safe to come out again.

Got my release and came home without any decompression time, and when the police officer I'd known from my childhood took his first look at my face, my eyes, his reaction was to step back and reach for his pistol. Looking back now, I can see that he was right to react as he did. I'd been through so much that I could easily kill without feeling anything other than imagining how I could have done so more efficently, more horrifically.

Honestly I see a lot of myself in Dan Turner...and I really, really regret knowing how he feels, and will feel for ages to come.

It is refreshing to read a fine story like this once in awhile. Please send us some more just as good.

It just gets better and better! Waiting for the conclusion.

I'm waiting for the explanation of something pointed out by another commenter. She said, "This isn't the way I wanted it to happen. You weren't supposed to find out this way!" That's not a random statement. It indicates a specific plan. Maybe it was a mistake to include it in the 1st part. But it needs explaining, especially when combined with how desperately she was searching for him in the beginning (after he left). That's inconsistent with her just planning to dump him.

No, it isn't clear that with his state of mind he could win the children in a custody battle. It depends on the state, the judge and the day the judge is having.

This was an awesome chapter. This is a man who told it like it was, he didn't come out forgiving, becoming a castrated cum drinking wimp. He came with death in heart for what his wife had done. So many other chapter would have the husband standing there watching jerking of, when the stranger turns around, the husband would wimp out and speak of his love for his wife. She would turn around and sp-eak of his small dick and she was being fucked by a real man. Look like she has been fucking for over a few weeks. I think his last statement as the chapter ends, it looks as though he is going to look for that child molester himself and confront him. I also think he will try to find out if he had touch any of his children. Am I right about this author?

There is going to be another part. Can't wait for it!!

unreal,unlikely and completely unerotic.

You're right. I don't like her at all.

Once more you wrote a truly compelling story. It made me think, what is the best solution here? Does he leave the children with a mother who took their safety so lightly? Is he really capable of taking them himself? In his state of mind, I say no. Does he press for the state to take them away? Unsatisfactory too. This is what a good story does, it makes the reader think. Bravo!

I still at times have that 1000 yard stare. I've lived with it for 35 years it seemed to come on less and less till a similar chapter of my life. It is back now with a vengeance. If you've never had it you wouldn't understand it. If you have you don't need to ask about it. You give a very realistic view of the mind behind the eyes. With the help of someone here at lit my eyes are coming back to normal. Thank you for writing this story.

must be a true loving wife to put up with a mentally unstable, potentially violent man who abandoned his kids.

Why did his wife say those comments about not wanting him to find out this way? Not like this? Why should he let her have the kids? She should be the one on the street!!!! I guess those PHD's couldn't reform common sense! What the hell was all the banter about between the doctor's? That just muddied it up. But this chapter was dark! I think I would have liked it better if he came back and tormented her to the point where she was repentant then his healing started, and hers! and over time fell back in love but after a lot of healing took pace on both sides of the table.

and brought him back to be a human being again. the writing was good and had me interested till the end. Maybe after he finds and kills this pedophile bastard he can come back after snapping out of the dark hole he climbed into and come back to his kids as a human being. Love hurts and this is the worst betrayl one can face. Well I see how the third part turns out!

Thanks for writing!

Sexmate

I don't believe it.

You obviously know how to write. Still, this story isn't very erotic. Smart decision moving the 3rd chapter to non-erotic, this story is miscategorized.

As some other reviewer said, the wife's infidelity is nothing compared to the guy's psychosis. Okay, so the other man's, the pedophile, oughta be locked up for good; but that --- or the wife screwing with him --- had NOTHING whatsoever to do with the husband's unstable mental make up.

Some other reviewer also said it: a more "normal" husband, a loving man (towards the children, not the wife --- she deserved to be with the other man for sure; and her tears were only because she's caught; so they make a good team, having all the sex and eroticism she and that man wanted)

-- would have comforted his children, who had gone through so much, having to call him when their mother was fucking strange men like that pedophile whom she thought was just quite romantic.

A loving, true father would have done all he could to make sure his children are safe and away from such a dnagerous woman they have for a mother.

But the guy's attitude of: I wanted to kill you, but I will let you live, since I want you to take care of mine children. And take good care of them, you hear? 'Cuz if I heard you mistreat them, in any way, you will die immediately from my hand.

I mean, THAT is at least as psychothic as the pedophile, in a slightly different arena.

Those poor kids: an uncaring, selfish, destructive mother and a mentally psychotic father. He, obviously, blamed HER for his mental unstability. BS!

No "doctors" can cure this; only the AUTHOR of these characters!

I'm very curious about what happened to the child molestor....

Was he offered a choice? To be rope hung from a tree by his neck or his nuts, I hope!

I have to say I'm really enjoying this series. Sex be damned, character interaction is where it's at. I have a good guess of what he's going to do but I wonder exactly whats going to happen.

Terrific story, but he should have gotten the kids.

You're an excellent writer, but I enjoyed the first story much more. I didn't care for the message in the sequel: that a woman who cheats is bringing evil into her house and, but for the kids, deserves to be killed. I doubt anyone would write a story like this about a man screwing around with his secretary. Oh, and the guy never seeing his kids again is way over the top. No father who loved his kids would just walk away from them because he was angry at their mother.

the man should go on to be a super criminal that no one can stop like michal mires but more smarter like the joker, but the wife will know that every thing he does is because of her

Wonderfully written, inspite of the absence of sex(the story being on an erotic literature site). One would want to see them together again at least for the kids but this is harsh reality, the kind of steps a man would have to take.

The story is riviting so far. Being a romantic I would like to see the 'wife' having to live with shell she created. Wife has no means of support; the kids are lossing their college funds with a very bleak future in sight.

I liked the thouht provoking vinyettes that are left hanging

so would i

what ever could happen probably will or has. TK U MLJ LV NV

Next step, Strickland. What will he choose?

Why do women always cheat at their homes. I caught my Ex just the same way. Most are just sluts for any cock they can find. It's funny more women cheat then men now yet they get the house the kids and half of everything. That is why divorce is so profitable for these sluts. It is harder to get married than divorced. I would have killed the bitch knowing what she did with the kids in the house.

well done. Five stars.

5 amazing stars! My heart was pounding when I was reading the story. I wanted more.

damn this was a good story but it couldve been really good. The plot-- wife unsuspectfully begins an affair with a child molester, bringing him in to the house and saying she loves him... there should have been a chapter that dealt with the wifes emotions after finding out just what she had been doing.

What did the worthless cunt expect? She changed her man. Fucking slut. Screwed a pedophile in front of her children. Tremendous drama. One more chapter.

His characters and fascinating and the dialogue hits hard. I feel for him and understand him. The basic principle is that he can no longer give emotionally to his kids. He is fairly sure that the wife can and so as long is she is a good mother to the kids he will not make her pay for being a bad wife. The best possible position in the midst of darkness.

Goddamit, that was excellent. Absolutely Excellent.

To Un Break My Heart!

Well done and thank you for the story!

Pleaae keep writing.

dont know if I commented on this before, but fantastic bit of writing, both chapters.

Thx and would really love to see you crank it up again-but remember, you gotta finish the damn stories, unlike that Michael & Elizabeth crap you foisted on us.

It's clear you are a good writer, love to see more.

Fantastic bit of writing but a bit of a shock to the system. I could see a bit of me in there.

Thank God I am in a life long totally trustworthy relationship where cheating is totally impossible for either of us as we have loved each other all our lives.I married my sister and despite a life full of other people's disgust we have never even looked at other people.Every time I leave home I know we ache for when we will be together again.Thank God as if what happened to him happened to me I would have been destroyed as well in the same way.I would definately kill myself.

I would kill 4 my wife or take a built 4 her but I could not take her cheating

Still love it.

Way too weird to grade.

And is STILL suffering!

“She admitted he had been an excellent father but she needed more. She needed love and passion” – As usual in these stories, dis she ever talk to HIM about that? Of course not!

“Our marriage was going stale? The passion was being replaced with complacency?” – And as I’ve said before, what was SHE doing to enliven their marriage?

Overwrought melodramatic mush.

Good effort and I gave you a 4

Turgid, hackneyed, and absolutely devoid of character development. The wife acts like a soulless Stepford denizen. Just plain moronic.

and he will deal with the other guilty party

choices and consequences////////// now its Stricklands turn to make a choice, TK U MLJ LV NV

Too fucking weird for me.

On the weird scale of 1 to 10 this is a 16 I can't think of anything else! So l love you all! GREG. OH 50 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

Should have left this one out. 1*

Perfect description of a burn out. Once a man stops caring about living or dying, life is very simple. Unfortunately, he still had the kids to care about. He had not lost all his love. He would not be able to leave them for long. When he came back to them, she'd be in the way. Knowing how she abused them with her cheating would be all the justification he needed to do what he had to do.

This passage say's it all about cheaters:

"No, Sheryl, you did this for one reason; because you wanted to and could get away with it, pure and simple. Everything else, Strickland's professed love, his cock, the sex, my work, your desire for a life away from the pressure of being a parent were all just attempts at justification."

Is that most writers look for some truth even in their wildest fiction. This wasnt fun. Too much truth.

Awesome story. some wordings need proofreading.👍🏼

awesome big 5

nothing more I need to say

is there a 3rd part to this?

I would love for you to write a sequel to this, maybe set it 5 or 10 years into the future. I can really relate to Dan and his state of mind. Also, I wonder how his children fair, and the choice he offered. To hell with the rules, 10 stars.

Didn't remember reading it before until I saw my own comment!

I was going to repeat something that Dan said, that these women who complain about how much time their husbands spend at work are always quite happy to take the material goods their husbands' hard work provides.

As I said in my earlier comment, did she ever TALK to him about how "stale" their marriage was, or do anything about it?

As I said great story. The only thing I can think of though is the children and how this will hurt them.

So why would he leave them with a lying cheating slut? Why let your kids be influenced by her as they grow, especially knowing that at least one of the kids saw her cheat.

He did get one thing right. Cheating is a choice and all other excuses are just BS.

This was supposed to be a sequel, but it was more like a parallel story to the second part.

The guy wimped out and allowed that whore to raise his kids??? he was worse than the skank!!!

Not the ending that I hoped for. I wanted her to.leave and him to stay with the kids. I do know where I hope he I going.

made by an abnormal.......TK U MLJ LV NV

It could have been longer. But maybe not. Everything needed has been said. He was forever changed, like good men who have the horrors of war visited upon them. Or survivors of family massacres. There is not enough condemnation possible for his evil wife. People don't want to admit his soul had been torn, there is no getting over or past such an event, and he chose not to kill his children's mother.

It's no more complicated than that. Betrayal can do that to a man. Intense story and good.

but he had no more love left. what little love he had was ONLY for his children.

he threatened his wife, he would do it too. he has nothing now to lose. he's more dangerous than anyone you'll prolly ever see in your pampered life.

he'll prolly kill her lover, just because. he's beyond 'winning and losing'. he'll kill or be killed. it's primal, it's beyond what you can fathom. go up to the 'ice man' and call him a wimp, i bet you wont.... which shows me who is and who isn't a wimp.

he lacks the ability to be scared of literally anything. he'll bounce back. the world needs men like him....to protect people like you....

He was broken by what he saw, and heard. Now, he lives in a cold dark place, that it seems not even his own children can reach, it sucks to exist in a world like that. Darkly written.

morbid, fiction, sorry, with end. LOVE slap hapy papy #9

I give it five stars. I hated it, especially part one but it was very well written. To depressing for words but well written.

Appreciate this chapter more this time. He's still breathing , but his soul is dead. She should be a very good mother, knowing what is coming if she's not.

Thank you for giving this story some closure. I wish he would have killed them both!!!

So sad