All Comments on 'When Fantasy Becomes Reality Ch. 02'

You wrote a good story. But I almost feel like it was cop out at the end.

Boyd

I didn't think they were going to pull it off. Great recovery in this chapter. I still think that she was a total idiot for leaving her husband and especially her children just for the sake of money. Yes, money is important, but I am sure that most children would rather have some type of close relationship with a parent they so obviously idolize. Sometimes a person has to decide what is best for the many, instead of what is good for the few...sorry for channeling Spock there for a moment.

one of your more stupid stories...

the ending felt like it was forced .To fast with no meat .Should have taken the third chapter if need be not just slam it out in order to close it.

another man whore while in n.y.

This needs a third chapter this was very much a lets end this and get it over with chapter otherwise was very well writen.

Your ending was hurried and quickly came to the "fairy tale" ending. No issue with reconcilliations but need to make the progress and eventual reconnection more believeable. Keep writing -- I like the vast majority of what you write.

Sorry but there's really nothing that would have kept them together after the second time he saw her on t.v., especially after them being in counseling for such an extended period of time. What is actually most upsetting to me as a reader is the shotgun ending where just because she comes to the house early and says she loves him ( yes again ) he jumps up and down like a puppy that's just been given a treat. Your a talented writer and for the most part i enjoy reading your stories, but no matter what angle you choose to take in this category; if you can't provide an actual ending the story will always fall apart imo.

I give up on reading your stories. I am adding you to the list of hopeless writers who never really improve. In a two chapter story you spent 4 & 1/2 pages burying the wife. You just had to lay on one more item after another item on the wife, completely burying the poor woman. Then in only a few short paragraphs you try to put them back together. You do this in every one of your 'reconcile' stories. And then you receive comments over and over again about how fast your stories end, but you never seem to learn. If you are going to deeply bury the poor woman, then the least you can do is try to un-bury her, try to give her a rope or ladder to climb out of the hole with. Spend a page or two putting the couple back together. Give the story a strong ending.

Geez, here you go again with the "reconciliation at any costs" routine with another ball-less male character. Once again, the "almost or got away it" slut wife almost gets caught but decides to slow down the NY adultery action before she totally loses the "wimp ass domestic engineer", whom is supposed to be the husband. Back to the question - are we to really believe this money hunger slut is going to just do a 180 for the sake of the marriage & kids whom she barely remembers? Not friggin plausible or even remotely believable.

This particular effort almost smells like typical fucked up JPB dog shit story - are you idiots collaborating your efforts? Debra & Wayne

I agree with others who have criticized a rush to an ending. This is a long story that keeps running in the same rut. She is self centered, he is trying to get her to be a wife and a mother. Over and over. The length of the story starts to get the reader as fed up with her as the husband. She is simply unwilling to consider anyone but herself. And then, BANG, she says I'm sorry and everything is all right. She shows little remorse for the hell she has put her husband through for the past year and a half. After relentlessly telling this story and detailing the pain he is going through it's just all wrapped up and done. There is very little justification or time spent with the ending, everything is just OK now and it just seems unsatisfactory. She pays no price for her behavior. I liked the counselor telling her off but nothing was really done with that. He was frazzled to the point of needing medication to get rest but she just says "sorry" and things are supposed to be OK. The ending needs to be a fulfilling as the rest of the story and this simply is not.

Well first I will say that you are one of my favorite authors on this site. But I got the feeling that you were trying to get this story done ASAP. Too many facets were left hanging.

1. what really happened in NY

2.what relationship was there with Donna... she just seemed to be another mushroom in the pile of crap created by Randy.

3.why did Steve just seem to accept Randy back after all he and his kids went through

4.many characters intrduced but not developed. they come into the story and then just disappear ie: Dan

I will always look forward to your stories.... keep on writing please

This story seemed to be headed towards divorce but then made a 180 degree turn and ended with Steve and Randy reconciling. I didn't read much to support the ending. Randy was portrayed as the original "everything is about me" girl yet she now says her life is about "we" rather than "I". Where was her epiphany that led to this breakthrough? What changed in her that she now sees her family as equally important as her writing? Unfortunately the author has chosen not to explain the two day turnaround which led towards Steve and their children.

The story line was imaginative. The downward spiral of the marriage was clearly outlined and quite vivid. But the characters the author created were at opposite ends of the field as to achievements, how they valued money, the importance of family and that they no longer had anything to share. The author also glosses over Randy's lies to her husband and how she omitted telling him about her activities in New York. These would seem to be deal breakers because truthfulness and trust are the underpinnings of a good marriage. The author built a good case for divorce, not rconciliation.

After the second national tv exposure, something even bigger had to happen to get them back together, than just a good meeting with a shrink (even though that's is probably what would have happened in the real world). I think its a matter of proportionality. This story was a bigger than life dramatization of real life problems. I think you actually needed to big events to resolve this. First, something more concrete than his ultimatum needed to happen, to convince both the wife and us readers that she would suddenly decide to choose him over her exciting career. Second, she needed to do something about a million times bigger than say the word "we" to convince us that he would decide to take her back after a year an a half of crap. (by way of example, think about that guy in your other recent story who had to walk a thousand miles to convince his girlfriend he was no longer a selfish ass). By the way, I also agree with those who say that you are a good writer, and getting better all the time.

About 80 percent of your story describes how idiot and selfish the wife was. But all of sudden, with no reason the wife made it home but still wanted her job. I think the most perfect choice from all of us your reader would be either :

- she gave up her writing job/career, or

- she gave up her family/marriage (divorce)

that were what she would had to choose before making any decision. Staying married and writing at the same time, well the bad things mentioned before would hit on them again sooner or later, that won't work! Please don't rush anything before you make your ending for your next story, thank you.

Yes, maybe this story did have some faults, like practically any one that's written here regardless of who the author is. You have written in the last year and up to now, probably about sixty stories to entertain us. Some where good, some where indifferent, some were just so so and others were bad. But from the comments I've read on this story and others, seems like readers forget the effort you put into keeping them entertained. Instead they moan and groan because the stories fall short of their expectations. Well author, I for one appreciate all your work, even though I may not always agree with your endings or the way you present your characters. But one thing stands out for sure is that you keep me entertained. I've said it before, your writing has steadily improved over the year and that's what counts.Thanks for your efforts. ML

Dja lose interest at the end and just rush it to the finish line? The ending was a spectacular let-down.

The first part of the story was very good. However, the 2nd chapter left me feeling unsatisfied somehow. I really didn't like the wife at all. Maybe because I was married to a bitch just like her.

Unless you are into bloody revenge, the ending was quite pleasant, the problem being that we did not see the rebuilding of the fabric of the marraige, we only saw the deteriation of it. Without that hard work Steve is going to find a note on the refrigerator saying. Steve! I'll be back in a couple of weeks, there is a cruise that will give me a great opportunity to network with other writers and people in the publishing business. Love ya! Randy.

<P> The problem is that the story was convincing and the ending did not convince.

Yes a great story and I really enjoyed it. Pity the ending was a bit rushed, as otherwise it could have been maybe your best story so far. I know what it's like though from my own experience, and sometimes you get to the point in a story that you feel the need to finish it and get on with another one. Unlike the woman in this story us writers don't make a bean out of what we write on Literotica, and if you, like me, have a busy business to run, then we can only devote so much time to writing. I suspect that you, like me, get the biggest kick out of trying to be creative, and trying to make every story perfect gramatically and 100% realistic, can sometimes be a bit of a drag.

Please keep writing, and above all keep enjoying it. I'm a great fan!

you live in a fantasy world, the kids never had a problem, she was a drunk and just stopped drinking, he moved her all her stuff she never mentioned it, etc, etc, etc. Yet she shows up one morning and everything is hunky dorey, read your own stories you have some good story lines you just can't tell them.

I'll take the story at face value, she never had sex, she still loved only her husband, ect. Ending was rushed, but over all enjoyed story, thanks.

Seeing her deep throating and dancing with a guy in New York, seeing her with an older guy at a who's who affair and what transpired and knowing she hasn't been wearing her rings. Sorry, I think she was having a hell of a good time, felt a little guilt for her upbringing and character to a point of, way inside her mind, not wanting to realize she had abandoned her beliefs, her husband and her children, she was in denial and Ecstacy at the same time. She did break the 10 point agreement by not fully telling him of her acivities and then - "YES" - being on a date.

You could write one more chapter, she falls back into her old ways of being distant from the family, writing and going back to New York and parties, she missed the limelight, the thrills and 'You Bet' The SEX...Divorce!!!

Nice ending, keep up the good work!

this is classic text book case of Forced reconciliation

in chapter 1 I sang the praises of this author. Then suddenly Idiot man takes over and we have this wretched peice of crap for chapter 2.

so randy shows up one morning and says "Dear I am back".. Big fucking deal! HOW does that make ANY difference !?

how does THAT statement get ride of a year and half of neglect? Never mind that Steve has no reason to think it is true... Randy broke every agreement they made.

Moreover the wife's argument about the sunday date night --NOT wearing her wedding ring and being identified as being this older guys' DATE on NATIONAL TV... is No big deal shows wife is so far gone that the ending seems laughable.

But the wife has an ephiphany because Steve walks out of the therapist office ??? This is truly awful.

Good story, until the bad rushed ending. What's the big rush? You spent 90 plus percent of the story knocking down the wife, and then she says "we" once and you conclude it with a happily ever after? I like the idea of a reconciliation, but the ending was so rushed, it just wasn't plausible. For one thing, even at the end she still has an "I can have it all" attitude, and she's publishing four books a year. I don't know if you really know anything about book publishing, but that's an incredible pace. Many authors would be ecstatic to publish two books in the same year, and she's doing FOUR? So even what little we have to on with the rushed "happy" ending doesn't sound good. It sounds like she's still putting her career in front of her family (and the only thing we have to go against that is a single sentence saying otherwise right at the end).

Also, you still have point of view issues. For instance, at one point in the middle of the story, you say "I" in reference to the therapist!

Chapter 1 had a developed really well, while chapter 2 felt rushed and the resolution left me feeling uncomfortable. It seemed to me that Steve and Randy's reconciliation was solely determined by Randy's use of the first person plural pronoun rather than the first person singular pronoun. For me, that doesn't seem sufficient to overcome all the mistrust that has developed in their relationship in the last 18 months. One could say that it is a metaphor for her change in outlook, but this doesn't seem to be that type of story. I don't have a problem with reconciliation stories as long as the author reconstructs the relationship just as meticulously as they destroyed it. This one didn't do it for me.

Slirpuff,

I like your work. You are one of 5 or so authors I look for. I admire your ability to go from beginning to end with some conflict and conflict resolution in between...But not this time. All the commentors who pointed out the rushed and forced ending are on target. Having had a relationship not unlike this one (without the kids and no, she was not a writer, but she was an artist), the final resolution was far more difficult than you make it out. The reversal of 'I' to 'we' takes time and takes events, neither of which were present here. This story gets a C+, the B for the good development and a D or D+ for the resolution. Why don't you withdraw this and redraw it? Not a third chapter, but the last half of part 2 could be so much better and we know you can do it. I cross my fingers that you will do that for you constructed an interesting dilemma.

Regards to you.

You got tired? Didn't want to finish the story? Try a rewrite.

readers have with your story is that you spent so much time at deconstructing the marriage and then suddenly, "poof", all is well again.

Readers felt Steves dispair and were left hanging with their own feelings unconsoled with the sudden reconsiliation.

Coming back after almost two years of living the sefish life should need a little more effort I believe.

There is a need to balance the scales, to rebuild good feelings between the protagonists and in the readers minds.

Anyway, thanks for sharing and don't stop!

I was deep into this story and loving it! The ending was too quick,but overall it gets the maximum stars. Thank you,S.

I actually look forward to your stories and they are always well written and interesting. It was a nice ending but I think she is very lucky to have saved her marriage and that he allowed it. Eighteen months of being self centered and then the trial separation. I almost expected Randy to be swept off her feet and have several brief affairs. She was very fortunate as I don't see many men standing for as much as she did and would of put up with it. He was chief cook, babysitter and secondary bread winner. Everything was about her and it must of been very lonely for those eighteen months for him. The only thing that mattered was her and her writing. Anyhow, I enjoyed your writing and once again thank you for sharing with us. Nice story.

I could only give it a 3 star rating. You have improved remarkably since you started, but this time you fell flat on your face.

The 1st chapter and most of the 2nd were terrific. But the last several paragraphs stunk! No way was that an ending. You know better than that. I suspect you just ran out of steam in the hurry to get the 2nd part up because of the omission of the chapter indication on the 1st part.

It's now up to you to correct this horrific ending, and rewrite an ending that fits a great story. I don't care if they do get back together at the end, just make her reasons plain. There had to be much more going on than her suddenly coming home.

I've enjoyed your stories up to this point. The improvement in your style has been great. As was the better part of this story. But I'm sure by now you know how most of your readers felt about the ending. The comments that I've scanned show this. Hopefully, you can correct the impression you left us with. Give it a try.

Will

She didn't deserve to be taken back after what she had put him through and her whoring ways in N.Y. This wasn't like the stories I have read that you have written!

I really like your writing and the subject matter of your stories. You are one of a few writers I always look for here. That being said I'm a little uneasy about this tale, only because of the ending. You worked so hard at building up the tension between them but then the rebuilding really consisted of nothing but a single word 'we'. I would have liked it more if she made a serious attempt to rectify her out-of-town actions. I, like most other readers, thought she behaved so badly that it deserved more time and words to prove her actions and love for her family. Since this family doesn't seem to be religious, it's hard to believe that 'grace' came into play. I would love an epilogue that tied up all the loose ends. Thank you so much for sharing your many skills with us!

Not bloody likely!!

So, exactly what happened to allow this break through? Nothing we read about directly or even inferred indirectly.

A reconciliation was possible but the plot does not justify one as written.

I normally like your stories, but in this case : 1) It ended too quick, based on one word. 2) Cheating is Cheating no matter what you call it! She was screwing around in NY. He has video proof on national television. She's a selfish lying slut. Cheaters never change.

Good story until the last few paragraphs. Don't get me wrong as an old romantic fool I like how the story ended. But, just supposing the wife character you have created in your story was my wife and had been doing what she had done for a year and a half? and all the parties and dates she went on and all the kissing that went on I would want a little more reassurance than her wanting to stay married to me and a little more reassurance that she really didn't cheat in word and deed with anyone in New York. And that she truly wanted to be the mother of my kids.

I will be honest the marriage probably would have ended some time ago. But on the whole I liked the story I just wouldn't stay married to Randy. But as always I did enjoy the story and I look forward to your next story.

Although somewhat skeptical, I can see her doing a 180 and returning to being a happy house frau, but it was a bit anti-climatic. Will we ever find out what really went on in New York? Ya know cheaters always claim innocence right up until they are caught red handed, and I can't help but wonder of powerful an enticement a Caribbean cruise could be.

Your story is very good. Again you have prevailed. As of today March 8, 2010 I'd say that you are one of the foremost authors posting in Loving Wives, which is no small job given the critical reviews some give. That aside, what precisely brought this change in Randy suddenly. You did not tell us that in simple words. Also, I would expect that in the future, if she is the writer that you have made her out to be, she'll be back in the Big Apple with the book companies and story writers repeating what she has already done. Will she be able to be mother and successfully married women AND author of published books. Finally, is there going to be a followup to this story? RAG

i dont see how he could stay married to her, after everything she did and some of it on national television. whats the point in staying married?

I was hooked this morning. NOW I can get some work done!!!!

I hope that the angry readers develop more compassion, which takes more strength than retribution. Best wishes. drmike

What made her think twice about her marriage? What was her process of thought before she decided to come back.... I think we missed the coverage of the time after she left the doctors office and when she decided to move back in.

I thought the re-conliation at the end was rushed. I missed Randy's thoughts and reasons of why she wanted to be back. I missed her I'm sorry's for what she did to Steve and the family for the last year and a half. And I especially missed why she was carrying on with the snob in New York. Just some thoughts.

Could I trust her in New york by herself? No. I would have to be by her side at every event for many years to come.

Very well written and hard to stop reading! A 5 all the way!

Thanks again for writing.

chapter one, perfect, chapter two also up page 3 when she sat in the kitchen saturday morning. from there it took you just 46 lines to end the mess and everything was good. so it took you 5 pages close to explosion and nothing to blow out the fire. I guess you don't do yourself justice with this end. that was really easy for her, to easy. going out without her marriage ring is not networking and so on. this way he really looks like a dumb shit, a bit retarded so to say. there was no effort from her side just walking into the house and say: help me move my stuff back. not a single time I read that she even saw her mistakes. so how went her next trip to NY without a wedding ring ? I guess you kind of own yourself at least an epilog how she came to her senses. thanks for the story.

....nope.... really really really liked part one though!

This self-centered cunt ain't going to change her ways period. He's a fool to even think it. Did I mention the ending sucked??? Now that I got that off my chest...your writing is good but this ending really did suck.

I guess I am with other readers. We went from him walking out to her showing up and saying "I want it all...we can have it all" type of statement. However, there was no discussion of her lies, of her deceptions and how she feels about her lying to him to "protect" him. He would be a fool to have allowed her back in the house without some resolution concerning her lies and nightlife in NY. She was still going to be going to NY and she apparently was going to party like a "rockstar".

So while I really liked the first part and most of the second part, again the ending seemed like the writer ran out of gas more than the H did.

Your writing is good but it seems to me that you haven't figured out how to "close the deal" when you have a good deal going. Yes, I gave you an excellent as I mostly do, but you really can be one of the very best writers on this site if you learn to "close the deal". It isn't the path you choose for the characters it is all of the holes you leave in the wake of the story.

this story really was going round and round and forth and back before it ends up with having the wife do whatever she felt like, the husband making two dozens of stands and then the ending are nothing at all, Writing in it self were ok but the plot are awfull

Slirpuff,

Your writing continues to get better with each story and I enjoy your writing. Don’t always agree with you but still read your posts. Before I go on let me say I’m in no way shape or form a writer. Just don’t have that talent. But I’m still compelled to question a couple of things in this one. Given the situation Randy was in, the New York night life. I find it totally unbelievable that Randy don’t cheat on her husband. And I don’t mean just a little kissing or getting felt up on the dance floor that he saw. I mean getting her brains fucked out by one or more of her so called “friends”. I think the chances of that being true are slim and none and slim left town long ago my friend. I also have a problem with the ending. It looks like she just flipped a switch and returned to her old self. Again I have a hard time believing this and doubt she will be true to her husband the next time she's in New York. Just my thoughts.

The story was pretty good up until she professed to want it all and to move back in. That is just not what happens in real life conflicts between "upscale" career objectives and ordinary life persuits.

Among people I have known who became highly successful, or socially more upscale, they usually are not too reluctant to shed their connections to the past, including spouses or family, and assume their more elevated life-style.

Let me briefly point out just two cases. One was a fairly mediocre woman athlete who managed to get into sports reporting. She moved rapidly up the ladder of success in telecasting and, when the opportunity presented itself, did not hesitate to divorce her husband and give him full custody of the kids in order to travel around the world in her job. She hardly sees her children.

The second case involved a couple who where TV feature reporters. The wife was more ambitious, and had an affair with a man who was able to use influence to move her up the ladder. She did not think twice about the divorce.

Men oftentimes, but not always, take their wives along with them on the ride to success, but women, for the most part, shed their less successful husbands and as much of their past as possible.

I agree with the comments about the ending seeming forced, however, this story was worth it for one line from the father in law, "Your marriage is in the toilet and right now Steve has his hand on the lever." Love that line!<p><p>I think that what is missing from SP's story is balance - Steve needed some serious time with a professional lady to restore the balance between the two of them after being for all practical purposes cuckolded on national TV. Had that happened, I'd give the reconciliation a greater chance for success. Without that balance, he's always going to resent what she did. Interesting story, though.

Riviting at times. But there sure were a lot of words driving a stake into the wife only to have her awaken in a few words at the end.

I was with you until the end. She suddenly got it? You did not make that believable. You had crafted a very realistic story, both parties were clearly delineated and to be honest where you have her SUDDENLY change it makes no sense. There was nothing in the plot in her head to indecate that in fact she understood her horrible selfishness and how reprehensible her actions were. Twice on television she humiliates him. And that stupid agreement was not a good plot device to keep them together: no court would have upheld it. Because you do not clearly explain how or why she changed, the ending make no sense. They should have divorced. Or at least had her "gradually" come to understand how she had acted. Two long chapters detailing what a self-centered moron she was and only a few short paragraphs where she found God and her husband. Uh-huh! You have progressed so far in your writing and in your own skill that I was flabergasted at the final outcome as you laid it out. Keep writing, but watch your plot. Maybe you needed another chapter from her point of view as she discovers what her mistakes have been; maybe even show just how close she came to cheating ( and I am in agreement with him, even if she had not cheated, she clearly would have if for no other reason than spite: her attitude was that selfish near the end and thoughtless.)

I have read all of your stories and usually I have liked them - some of them I liked very much. The first part of this story I liked very much. the conflict between husband and wife - with the wife being blind and deaf to the husbands arguments and pleading, with nothing but her wants, dreams, wishes and desires being foremost in her thoughts and mind, and then in, more or less, a blink of an eye she changes back to a loving wife. No it was to quick, with no real reason giving for the change. But - I still like the story as a whole - I am a sucker for happy endings !! Keep up the good writing.

Carcam

In most if not all, this author stories, the couple always come back together. No matter what the spouse had done or how many men the wife have slept with. All can be forgiven and everything will be alright.

Bet this is not true in real life but in fiction, if the writer who believed in the marriage institution, the marriage can be re do and be good again.

Good writing and nice to read, but the ending is often difficult to accept.

I am a guy, but I am still a sucker for a happy ending. However, Somewhere we missed something here. What caused the big change from being a self centered jerk to a loving wife and mother? I think we are missing a chapter there, maybe she is served, or maybe he starts to move on, something has to trigger her self examination and change of heart. Anyway, thanks for your stories....most I like, some I really like. This one was somewhere in the middle due to the ending.

I agree with Gaesmo, every part. Good story, and I'm all for reconciliation, but it happened too fast, as if she simply "changed her mind" and all was right with the world. Especially after the kissing and groping TWICE. While I enjoy the reconciliation stories so much more, she didn't earn it and by the end of the story was still destined for the curb!

Still, I enjoy your stories, hope to see more!

might not understand the effort you put in on this story. That writer completely missed the point. The ending is just lousy. There was no reason for it to end that way. You didn't build characters who would react that way, Of course, you can write whatever you want, but a good writer will make the story consistent within itself. If a character is built a certain way, then (s)he should remain in character. If the author wants that character to act differently, then the author should show that character changing in a way that is consistent with the way the character is built. Now to the person who said the readers are mean. Writers say they want to improve their writing, so they put their work out for evaluation. If readers don't give authors the benefit of their thoughts on the writing itself (not whether they like or dislike something a character does or does not do), then they are cheating the writer. Finally, person who said the readers are mean, look at some of the personal and truly hateful remarks made to Britease, D.G. Hear, Jay Cantrell, Just Plain Bob, Matt Moreau, Winterfrog, and many more who allow their characters to be human. If, after reading those comments, you think these readers are mean, then I can't understand your standards. This is one of only a few stories on Lit which drew more thoughtful and useful comments than the vitriol I've come to expect here. Bravo, Slirpuff!

I kind of feel like I've just been run over by a bus. I read pt 1, enjoying it but being frustrated by the actions of both Randy and Steve. How does she lose touch with her children and how does he not get his point across that the relationship is in deep trouble? But I was still waiting for the next chapter to see how things would be resolved. I thought it took too long for Steve to react to her actions but at least he did finally step up. Then all of a sudden, she has this epiphany and everything is coming up roses. Maybe the shriveled rose was symbolic. The ending just seemed to come out of nowhere. Why does she suddenly see the light? Why, because of one use of the word we, does Steve believe that all is good? Too much of a stretch for me to handle. I love how you have progressed as an author and I check to see if you have written anything new everyday, but this ending didn't match the rest of the story. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Thanks for your efforts. Tim

Your stories have improved tremendously. Emotional dialog between the husband and wife is usually more intertaining in "loving wife" stories than is some sort of petty revenge, IMO. I think writers make a mistake when they have the husband refuse to talk to the wife. That's just throwing away what should be the best part of the story, as long as the husband remains assertive and properly sticks up for himself. I suggest you next work on writing from the third person perspective (an observer who can go into the minds and personal histories of all the characters).

Three pages of buildup to a very small 4 paragraph finish. If it were on a newspaper, this would have been a four column story with a 2" finish.

She broke every agreement they made together, & even when she was physically present she wasn't even on the vacation. She doesn't deserve either a loving husband or children hell in an emergency she'd probably be too busy writing to care whether they lived or died.

Couldn't figure out how to rate this story. The story is to flaky and unreal. The ending didn't match your hard work in building to the conclusion... vague is the word that comes to mind. Very important that I say you are an outstanding writer regardless of how I feel about this one story. I kept buildng my own subplots as I read the story. The divorce should have happened as sad as it would have been. They may or may not have come back together but you painted the husband into a corner that he should have followed through with. I did the marriage counseling thing (real life) in my first marriage, the good doctor helped me realize that I needed to get my divorce. Been married for 27 years in my second marriage. Keep the stories coming.

Okey..... i guess. but the ending was.....rushed. i dont mind reconciliation stories, it could have been very good, but this one seems missing a few paragraphs.

Well, its a great story through the point where the counselor rips into Randy for living life with rose-colored glasses on. Its emotional, has some great conflict and is just all around entertaining.

Sadly, as so many others have pointed out the ending is such a complete U-turn that it just makes the story fall apart. i'm not against reconcilliation (I'm a huge fan of The Wanderer/Denham Forrestt who often includes reconcillations in his stories.), but I do ask that the reasons for them make sense and in this story I have no idea why the marriage doesn't fall apart. Randy's sudden epiphany that her actions were costing her her marriage and kids just seemed out of place.

But for me that wasn't the only thing that jumped out at me. Now, I'm not an expert on the publishing industry, but like a few people here I have dream of someday writing a novel that winds up on the shelves of Barnes and Noble and Borders bookstores across the country. Because of that, I have taken a bit of time over the last 20+ years to learn about how the publishing industry works in the US, and very little of how Slirpuff discribed Randy's situation came close to any reality I know of. If she really was expected to write 3-5 books a year, she's probably writing romances for Harlequin. Harlequin doesn't care about its authors much. Most of their books are simple boiler plate romances and the books are published under one of about 2 donen generic author names they use. But you have Randy being invited to New York to network. Which I can only see if she's writing books that someone thinks coule either end up on Broadway or on TV, in which case its unlikely she's trying to write 3 books a year after all in writing the faster you try to write, the lower quality the efforts usually are. I know of no major author at the Danielle Steele, John Grisham, Tom Clancy level who writes more than 1.5 books per year. That whole section just had me wondering where it came from, although I must admit, it was needed for the story to work. (So I guess its me being pendantic that I point it out.)

Still Slirpuff's writing continues to be interesting and as he writes more the quality has improved significantly. He remains one of the authors I watch for at Literotica.

Story line was fine until the end. A third chapter would answer all the unanswered questions? Who are these dates that are grabbing her ass or kissing her? Was she really truthful about NYC, and not having had sex with anyone else in a year and a half? How has she become such a drinker? Were there drugs included also? Why did she never reply to his phone calls to NYC? He probably should have forced the issue sooner than later and save himself and the children the trauma from a useless mother and wife. Unlike other commentors your stories are entertaining. Keep up the writing. If these other so called analysts could they would write something and submit it. There will always be someone who tears you down even though they couldn't do the same thing.

He doesn't make love to his wife for a year and a half other than a slam bam thank you mam. He should have put and end to the farse a long time ago. Is she really getting some on the side? She always is stretching the truth to fit her needs. The vacation should have ended sooner. I guess kissing or swapping tongues is really ok for her to do without consequences. Again he should have served her earlier and gotten on with his life and let her live her "high life" in NYC with all her new drinking buddies. A third chapter could explain what happens next and delve into the divorce that will happen when he finds out all the truth about her "working in the city." A year and a half wasted.

I have to agree about the ending. It comes out of nowhere. Too bad...much of what came before seemed well thought out.

Wow with a selfish wife like that who needs enemies. If my wife did that I'd divorce her in a heartbeat and take the kids with me. She is a selfish bitch who only cares about her career instead of her family.

Are women really that dumb? God forbid she has to leave town on a another so called networking trip. I really feel sorry for the hubby and kids. What a freaking joke this marriage is and will turn out to be.

The story line was plausible, despite what some of the naysayers here have intoned. It gets down to the question of how much do you try and how much crap do you take when you truly love someone. I have read all of your submissions several times, and think you have talent. The only pet peeve I have is in your story telling, that is POV. You keep flipping from third to first person point of view and at times it makes it confusing. You should strive to make the stories remain in one or the other, it will make your stories flow to better smoothly. Other than that keep up the great work and I cannot wait untill your next submission comes out!

Randy's decision to return to her family left much to be desired. No understanding for why she reached the decision she did. Left a hole in the story that needs to be filled.

I've read a lot of you work and this is the first story that has affected me in this way.

I liked the story, Slirpuff. I think that one of your strong points is that your stories are about issues that aren't always "slam dunk" run of the mill cheating wife issues. There are usually shades of gray. In this story, the question of cheating and whether it really occurred was never fully discussed or explained. Randy was never really forced to explain her acts of betrayal, either to Steve or to the Counselor or to her family. All we really got was, "I have never cheated" or "It's not what it looked like." It would have been nice to hear Randy explain why it wasn't what it looked like. Or maybe she could have told the Doctor or Steve why giving a kiss to Tony after going out on a date with him wasn't really cheating. Or maybe you could have had her explain why humiliating her husband on national TV wasn't a big deal. Finally, how about having Randy explain to Steve why she continually lied to him as opposed to just telling him that he wouldn't have understood. I think that the story could have been really very good if Randy would have been forced to explain herself on some of these issues that were not ever fully addressed. Another method might have been to let Randy tell some of the story from her point of view. This might have made the ending more believeable. The way it ended, it is difficult to think that Randy suddenly saw the light and wanted to make it right with her family again. But again. It was a fun read. Thanks for sharing! Ohio, USA

Nice story! :)

It might have been better if he would have held his ground and told her "Thanks, but know thanks" at the end. My problem with her was not whether she cheated. I would have divorced her because of the constant lying that she did to her husband because he "wouldn't understand". She didn't have to answer for any of that in the story. And she didn't seem to regret or even understand how she had humiliated him with her exploits. They both might have been happer in the end if he had set her free to take up with old Tony. But it was a good story. Thanks for sharing it!

A girl's lucked out story, BS.....mrbill

Four-fifths of a story anatomizing the degeneration of a marriage due to an incredibly impercipient, compulsive wife (I can't believe she could write novels with any characters not herself or stereotypical), and four paragraphs declaring her sudden conversion frolm "I" to "we" assuring they'll live adequately ever after? Even Saul's conversion on the road to Damascus took longer, and involved a fit or lightning bolt or other intervention! Slirpuff, you're good with single-minded, self-enclosed women. But this is a copout I'd regret in other writers and am appalled at in you, because you're VERY talented and have extraordinary access to selves in states of transformation, conversion under duress, narcissism turning its gaze outward. Look at the opportunity to track her process of realization of what she's done, thrown away (literally, and we can both point to the paragraph where you toss the pitch and pretendit left your hand!). YES we all get tired of some situations and wish a story were done. But Steve's sense of betrayal and abandonment is felt -- you know these things, and you have an insticnt for the precise language of accusation, phrases that dig deeper and armor her from all approaches. On the other hand, her process of realization and redemption isn't even outlined.

The happy ending is unearned. You should have let her go glittery in NYC and then never look back, even at her kids (except, of course, for scenes in future novels involving self-pity and resentment). That would have integrity. (sigh)

Author - why in the world would you expect the readers to believe this self-centered slut [with a boyfriend in NY] is serious about keeping a marriage with the idiot wimp husband? Not plausible but any stretch of the imagination. Once again, a poor ending.

What really changed? Just because she said "We" can have her cake and eat it too. She still will be living her New York lifestyle, and I bet she would be sleeping with her "dates" that she flirts with in public. It seems the couselor just made it easier for the husband to give up his balls.

Why would she take off her wedding ring? Get thee to the curb, slut.

You can't have a person acting one way for two years faced with the same threats and ultimatums -- and with nothing more that he walking our of a conseling session -- she reverses 180 degrees and becomes a loving wife again? Not a chance in hell. Moreover, all of the late night shennanigans is glossed over and then forgotten.

After the hurt and humiliation she caused, a simple turn of phrase (we rather than I/you) changes everything? Not likely.

This ending was quite off-putting and unbelievable.

this story sucked.

I would have divorced her (I think) based on the dating she did in New York even if she didn't fuck them. (she was willing to take a lie detector test on this)

Steve didn't see it that way. There was more than just the words, Randy was there feeding the kids breakfast and made it clear that she was choosing to be their mother and Steve's wife. This is what he wanted all along. The women hating Anonymous would like to see him force her to give up everything. Make the bitch pay!

I would like to have seen another chapter detailing how she turned life around but the short ending was OK.

I have read slirpuff and he's about 50% good in his writing. This story was a bore.......God.....I wasted my time again........

She stayed over in New York without discussing it with him. She was never in her room when he called. She was short with him, curt and annoyed. She didn't wear her wedding ring? (explain that?). She was televised tongue swapping a jock at a late night club while he played with her ass. She was televised with a celebrity at a charity event kissing her and saying he would take her on a cruise. She missed an appointment with the Doc and said she didn't tell her husband because he would be upset.

Well, if she wasn't getting laid - she should have. Being a self centered writer, constantly in thought, no time for family, annoyed with husband, secretly dating New Yorkers (yes she did)and being dishonest by not talking to her husband.

Slurp, you should have let him walk, even if she didn't get laid (and I think she was having sex, even making love), she gave her husband enough worry and image to spend the rest of his life always wondering, doubting and getting angry - too bad, she probably loves him, even if just her anchor but she needed to get lost - lost in her new world.

Thanks for the read. As usual you stay pretty close to real life but not this time. I'm willing to bet that most of your readers saw her the same way, a very gifted, clever, seductive and seemingly growing successful woman who had sexual encounters and knew how to keep them confidential - her anchor was important and she did have feelings for him and then - there is some guilt about the children.

Too bad you couldn't go three chapters, he would find out and/or finally catch her. I don't think she was looking for a lover or replacement husband, just a normal sexual woman who liked the occasional sexual release and the thriller being the excitement of random and forbidden sex. She just needed her base to qualify her self esteem.

Do I think she planned all of this from the beginning - no. Starting with the first extended stay she was put on a high, curiosity, attention, excitement and she decided it turned her on (not sexually - yet). As time went on she would willingly accommodate the hot crowd, dates, engagements, night life, carousing and I'm sure making out and having sex. She had her home away, respectability and her other life - New York and all the thrills and attention.

Okay, she should have been gone, he was willing to be fair and let her see the kids. Should have cut her loose Slurp, she didn't cheat - sex was just part of the scene, her New York world, nothing personal - just accomdating, she just found a new world that was intoxicating, sexy, thrilling and had untold numbers of adventures for her to experience, she'll never say no!

For all the time, effort and energy you put into giving your protagonist such a horrible set of circumstances, not to mention that he just kept getting shit upon by his "loving" wife, you certainly took the coward's way out in ending your tale.

Put some effort into resolving this thing - one way or the other! You pretty much gave your readers all sorts of evidence that she was shallow, supremely involved with her own wants and life, and completely devoid of empathy toward her husband or anyone else. So why on earth would you suddenly give her back her life with the husband and kids she treated so badly? There really was no effort put into answering that question, and it really - desperately, in fact - needs to be addressed to have your story make sense.

I've said it before in other authors' works: suspension of disbelief is CRUCIAL in writing fiction of any sort; the reader must be given the means to enter the world you, the author, have created, and anything that inhibits (or, worse yet, prohibits) that suspension of disbelief from occurring is a cardinal literary sin. The questions that need to be asked as the plot is developed must include:

1.) How do I get my characters from beginning to end, and still achieve the outcome(s) I have planned?

2.) What must be developed so that this progression is believable, so that the reader can continue to believe in the characters and their world?

If you can't answer both of those questions, then it's highly-probable that your story needs to be amended to a different outcome or point of origin. Maintaining that suspension of disbelief is critical; I can't possibly stress it enough. All else - your vision of where the twists and turns in the story will occur, the outcome of it all, and even the very nature of your characters - is not only secondary, but must be changeable as well.

I kinda curious if she would have been so understanding if he was the one taking off the wedding rings, kissing female friends, groping them on national tv and dating. Kinda doubt it

I LOVED the build up. Women don't just naturally decide to shed their panties and cheat. It's a gradual thing. It takes time. This was realistic.

And you built it up properly and wrote an engaging story!

When we got to the end, I wanted to scream at my computer.

"I'm going to be here full time..."

Where? In the den? On the phone? On her way to NY? Is she quitting being a writer? What expectation did he have that NOW it was going to work out?

But okay...she makes that choice and that offer. He didn't question it or probe or (LOL) get another agreement (which were worthless). Nope, he gets a goofy grin and attacks her breasts! You took a guy who was standing up for himself and for a whiff of pussy, you ruined him as a character, at least for me.

Seeing her like with the rose, and with the long string of 'duty fucks' behind him, I'd be damned if I just jumped in the saddle again. Yes, it's a fine gesture on her part, but she was full of gestures. "No. No rain check. When I believe you're serious, I'll give you another one. Best plant those seeds and get started." THAT would let her know how much ground she needed to recoup to make up for her prior actions.

Because she doesn't get it. And this is disappointing more coming from you then many of the other authors.

from a great Lit. author!

Oh, come on. She lied AND she cheated. Get your heads screwed on readers; how many times can she continue to crap on her family and get away with it.

He will be sucking up creampies within a few weeks, she is lieing to herself as well as him.

The ending sucked!! Not that they got back together but like it just thrown together to hurry and get this story over with. The story up to the last session with the consoler was Great but the last little bit SUCKED. There is no way he would of turned from a pissed off man into a pussy whipped cuckold like that, the bitch was cheating on him even if she did not really sleep with anyone.

She's a great woman and we always enjoy her when she's in NYC. She should dump her asshole husband.

Sincerely,

Dan and Tony

I think the only thing that is going to change is she's going to be more discrete.

Surely many husbands can relate to this story, although probably on a smaller scale. Because of social pressures, women generally put success in business far above anything else in life. For most woman, society has told them that raising a family is not a worthy pursuit. I find it interesting that becoming an author required her to basically live in a new city and use up ALL of her available time. Like any job, it could occupy 100% of your time if you let it. I think the author has captured the spirit of frustration that many husbands of career women endure.

After four and one half pages of the wife being a bitch and refusing to do anything to save the marriage, suddenly in one half of the page she has a miraculous change of heart and with almost no differences in lifestyle, makes things work, and he is suddenly happy. At least make things plausible. If it were that easy to work through issues of marriage and control, there would hardly be any break ups at all.

As indicated in previous comments you always seem to rush to conclusion - like you are tired of writing the story. This really spoils to reading experience. What could have been a 5 star rating is a 3 1/2 with the remaining 1 1/2 star waiting for a better "read" to the ending. i guess you needed the two last months of the story contact to finish it properly.

Well written story. I enjoyed it, overall. But, the wife was despicable. Set aside the deprioritizing of the marriage. She suddenly started to have success and threw herself into it. Anyone who has an interest in creative writing dreams (at least at times) of becoming a successful published author. That's pretty heady stuff: the chance to live the dream and all that. I get how that would put stress and strain on the marriage.

The author here doesn't state the nature of the wife's writing, but I assume it is romance-fiction or something of that nature. No one cranks out 3-5 novels a year writing the next great American novel. Why in God's name would she need to make the rounds in NY literary circles, amongst the movers and shakers of the intelligencia, etc., to "make connections?" Nonsense. Once she got the book deal and got a book or two out of the way (successfully, one assumes), then she really only has to keep cranking out the product, and show up for promotional stuff, etc.

Certainly no need to "date," much less make out and grind with some guy on a dance floor.

I found it inconceivable that, knowing that her marriage was seriously on the rocks-she's separated with divorce pending for God's sake-and after making real progress in therapy (she must have had an opportunity for introspection and evaluation of her priorites, etc., by then), she then, without informing hubby, misses a session to jet off to a high-society function, dressed to the nines, on a date with another man (whatever she wants to call it), and allowing him liberties and to make licentious comments ON TELEVISION for the love of God.

You pushed it, SP, with that little gambit.

I really dig your work, but often find it exasperating (which is maybe part of why I like it). This was a good example. Wife, for being a very bright woman, was profoundly dense. She either couldn't, or wouldn't appreciate her neglect of hubby and kids, and the objectionableness of her behavior. I liked the "come to Jesus" talks the therapist had with wife-you brought out several good points about selfishness and seeing things through rose-colored glasses. Well done! You can turn a phrase very artfully.

I've noticed another theme common theme in your works: you often gloss over the most obviously objectionable parts of a "cheating wife's" behavior. In this story, the real problem was the wife's neglect of family. However, the obviously objectionable behavior includes, of course, the night out in NYC, dancing with another man, letting him grope her and her giving him a full-mouthed kiss on the dance floor. The precipitates the whole separation and starts them on the road to recovery, as it were. However, that actual issue gets suprisingly little attention, except that she denies that it meant anything, that anything further happened, and that it looked worse than it was. She never admits or acknowledges the fundamental wrongness of it, and she never really comes clean about who he was, the story behind getting to that moment, any other involvement with him, etc. If I were in hubby's shoes, I would have wanted a full accounting of her involvement with that son of a bitch, and I would have insisted that she have nothing to do with him ever again in the future.

The failure to have accounts settled on that point leaves me shaking my head in frustration. Kind of like your story "What Wasn't Said," where the issue of the phone call with Ronnie was never really addressed, nor was the length of time that the wife there and Ronnie had been having these clandestine phone calls and talks about their feeling for each other and their prior sex life. I feel like you miss opportunities.

You remain one of my favorite authors.