by candy_2691
This story is really good so far. I'm really curious to se what Abner's gonna do.
NO NO NO..... You didn't have to stop there! I love it,please continue. Please don't take to long for the second chapter.
I LOVED IT! JC :)
Please continue...I love the story line so far and can't wait for an update.
I don't have any complaints about it, but why'd you leave us with a cliffhanger? Jeez... Great story, are you going to continue?
I would have liked it more if not for some grammar mistakes. Also some of your sentences are way too long and have a lot of commas. I'm not saying commas are bad, but a period would be nice once in a while. :D
I hope you take this as constructive criticism and not slander. I really do hope that you continue this story, but it might be for the best if you get an editor. Otherwise I loved it.
I like the direction of the story, but you need to decide if it is written in first (I, me, my) person or third (she) person. Going back and forth got distracting.
I'm sorry, but there are a lot of run-on sentences and misspelled words, etc., that take away from this reader's enjoyment of the story. One example that pulled me right out of the story was "wreck less driving." The correct term is "reckless driving." Wreck-less would actually mean the driver hasn't been in any accidents.<br><br>
Going back and forth from Theresa to "T" is a bit jarring too. Why do that? Also, I think it might be better to use third person for your main character (she, her: "She felt sweat trickle down between her breasts" "she ran into a hard male body"), rather than first person (I, me, as in "I saw a wolf" or "I felt the hairs on my arm stand up"). But whichever way you prefer, pick one and stick to it.<br><br>
You do a pretty good job at describing a rather desolate and grim area where the action takes place. Gritty and realistic, as in booze ruining many Indian lives.
its seems to be inspired by twilight. the main guy sounds like jacob black only more aggressive...
I came here looking for a romantic love story with the whole "love at first sight thing". Instead i get something that looks like the girl is going to be raped... sorry not my kind of story, but i will read the rest.