by foldedpaper
A pure erotic story, and as such doesn't need conflict, drama, plot twists and such. My only regret is that folded paper isn't active.
Chilley
The only thing that really stood out to me was the word "boob." You only used it once I believe, and it really broke my concentration... I don't know what it is, but that word always ruins a good story for me.
Take that how you will! Not bad for a first try.
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<p class=MsoNormal>The second half of the story was pretty good stroke material
– much better than average.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoNormal>But there are two things that keep the story from being more
than stroke:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoNormal>(1)<span style='mso-tab-count:1'> </span>It is
not necessary – in fact, irrelevant – that your protagonist has a
cock that would qualify as “monster” anywhere but this site<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoNormal>(2)<span style='mso-tab-count:1'> </span>Your
protagonist seemed not at all inconvenienced by his marital status – I
guess he didn’t think once about the lies he had told to his wife, or would
have to in the future<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class=MsoNormal><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></p>
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