All Comments on 'public wank (a Tavvy Tale)'

a cock in hand and a shoe in the head

well done sir!

Well done. Good story (as usual). There are still some extra lines, and one or two places where you could change wording to make it stronger, but much improved. I dislike the double spaced format - but that may be unintentional. Also not sure about the title - it gives too much away. You are unusually good at surprising the reader as a poem unravels, so use that skill. I'd try to give suggestions but they would not be Aussi-fied.

You have tales to tell and you tell with with great style. Your words enabled me to see this whole series of events play out. And you rhymed stiletto with falsetto which impressed the hell out of me lol.

The double-spacing I found problematic. When you copy your poem into the submissions box, check the preview poem box to ensure it looks exactly the way you want.

I find myself again in agreement with Desejo (she gives good critique) about the title and not giving the surprise away in it. Something like "Tavvy Tale" (maybe with a number added if you're going to write more of them) would work better. Your readers will know from the context of the poem what a Tavvy is.

As to the note at the bottom, I generally try to avoid using them myself, but sometimes they really are necessary. IMHO it's not unreasonable to expect a reader to either look up a word they don't know or get the meaning from the context (something that you, as the writer, have the power to control). As for the Aussie-isms (again, thank you, Desejo), if you find yourself using a lot of what you know is dialect most readers won't get, you will have to choose between context or notes. In this poem, the only one (if it is one) that confounded me was this:

"Before it got ugly and went to poop"

I assume that means "went to hell" but "poop" may be yielding an image you really don't intend. :-D

Thanks again for this very strong poem. I don't normally like long couplet poems but your story really carries it along.

for the rhyme scheme here, at first it looks like a welcome variance and then haphazard and then the dread return, I ask because lines look forced into the rhyme.

Didn't vote, you look like you are writing more than editing, even these things have to be thought through.

: Well done Sir ! & congrats to your Ashton Agar for his spectacular Debut !!

To 1201

This is a massive edit compared to what it was. I tried to pull as much unnecessary stuff out of it as I could. Have you ever had an idea on how something should be? For some reason I just see this as necessary to make my Tavvy Tales series work, otherwise they end up short stories. I'm hoping the strength of the content wins out over the penchant for hating rhyming couplets, I am trying to look into meter and rhyme to see if I can make these better that way. I enjoy erectus's face fuck book series which is what put the whole idea into my head.

To Angeline and Desejo, the title was supposed to be "the woman from wristies beach", however it didn't fit into the title space, so being in a rush I simply typed in the first thing that popped into my head, also the reason for the double space.

To Ashesh and Erectus, if not for you two I would have left weeks ago so thanks for the support and encouragement.

not a good one, regarding rhyme

suggest reading Robert Service, you Aussies had a several similar writers, but the names escape me, and Damn, if you tossed out more than is here, you are heading in the right direction.

Here is something to consider, what is the point of this, write to that, with enough asides or misdirections to avoid the straight drive though,

this time I voted, 5 for the edit and the reason