All Comments on '20 Year Anniversary Pt. 01'

Very good start. I hope you burn John Stevens badly. If it was ancient times (or certain areas today) he'd be lucky to keep living and more than likely would be castrated - I'll settle for his wife divorcing him and taking all his money, and both families hating him, and his being fired with cause. As for the wife and their marriage - maybe it can be saved, maybe it can't. If it can be saved I'd recommend marriage counseling, a very strict post-nuptial agreement, STD testing, and maybe even polygraph exams. She is going to have to explain her actions to her kids and probably both sets of parents. Her job and career are also at risk.

Be waiting to see out come.

You need to get help developing dialogue. It reads more like a list of events rather than a story. Very forced and lacking emotion. When developing characters it is more than just describing them.

youve already indicated you are planning a racc with you third person narrator comment that he is going to try and save their marriage despite knowing she is a cheating whore

Very well written. I hope the next parts are posted soon.

A fairly well written story with a very commen plot, not much to make it stand out but it depends on where the author decides to go with it and which group of the loving wives readership he wants to please. BTB or RAAC are both OK as far as I'm concerned but some others aren't so tolerant I'm afraid.

There were a few issues however, two very small ones, a medium one and one very major one. The small ones: she describes herself as "extremely faithful" you are either faithful or not, there are no levels of faithfulness. I doubt anybody has ever described themselves as "extremely faithful" it's rather like somebody dying and being described as extremely dead. Then they find an authentic Thai restaurant in Thailand, duh? I don't need to elaborate. Both very small issues but quite annoying.

The medium issue is the boring business speak. We don't need all the uninteresting where's and wherenots, nobody cares and they don't add anything to the story, in fact I'd wager most readers, like me just scan through these parts. Its much like when authors spend pages describing how Bill or Bob met his wife in high-school and fell in love, then she went off to uni while he worked daddy's farm then they met again and blah blah blah, you know what I mean? Sometimes less is more.

Lastly one major issue and this was from the very start: recording events in hotel rooms. Yes I know the author went to pains to acknowledge it is illegal but it still doesn't work. Maybe if you used some amateur backstreet P. I. to set it up and bribed the manager of some rundown fleapit hotel you might succeed but it'd still be illegal and you'd still have your arse sued. Absolutely no half respectable investigator would risk doing this, no hotel manager, no matter how good a friend would allow it, and Chris, especially as he works for the DA would know how they'd all be sued and probably ruined by John despite him being the villain. It's a bad and frankly lazy plot idea all round.

Even so it's not a bad story, just spoilt slightly by avoidable errors, but I'm sure the author can work it out.

most of this chapter was unnecessary as far as the plot is concerned. How they met and the entire trip to Thailand did not advance the story. Then you told us how she will be caught and her daughter will try to help them work it out. While the first chapter included too much unneeded information, you recapped the next chapter in a sentence.

An enjoyable read so far.

It's quite well written and flows easily.

I'm looking forward to reading the next two chapters.

Don't bother submitting chapters 2 & 3.

The only things in doubt are if Em can con her parents and who will end up with an attorney for a husband. My money is not on Em being successful... Mike is already fond of loopholes and bent laws.

Enjoyed this story thanks for sharing

Who's Emily?

Amber is like a moth to a candle. But I'm already getting the vibe that you're not going to let her go down in flames and we're going to be getting a RAAC. Nothing wrong with reconciliation but with me it needs very much justification and I'm not seeing it so far.

FANTASTIC !!!

PLEASE CARRY on .....

How can you save something that is gone. He should notify the man’s wife and employer. He should divorce the whore and then go after her job.

Sorry, but the story took a hit when he wanted to wait for proof. What were the semen stained panties? And he’s a prosecutor? Still, well written and I’ll stick around. Thanks

Waiting

parts of the first page need work, and there are other things that need some additional effort, but this shows true promise. Don't get discouraged. I think you'll develop into a very competent writer of fiction. I'll give you 5, partly for encouragement ;-)

I've just started submitting myself so I know it takes a lot to put yourself out there but well done I think it's a great start. Certainly has me looking forward to the next two chapters. I do hope you don't let the angry anonymous haters, and you will get them, put you off. Well done.

Nice start. Good story.

What kind of a complete moron would take marriage advice from their young children? Please make his job as an attorney be a daydream of a professional dishwasher or something, if you go that way.

Not too bad, but much too much irrelevant detail. Not the best, not the worst. Let's see how the story develops.

Excellent plot, well-written, finely-paced dialogue, and best of all, REAL characters. The small details, like conflicting emotions, incongruencies of behavior, guilt, fear and the little mind-games people play are what makes fantasy into good FICTION. Amber's inner conflicts and the contradictory way in which she treats John, makes her character especially believable and, more importantly, human. TOO MANY writer's characters are black-and-white, all good or all evil, which isn't at all realistic. Realism in fiction creates a bond within the reader. This story does that!!! NOW.... Waiting for the conclusion.....! 5xStars

So far far so good!

Props for having the balls to write and submit. Someday I'm going to give it a go, maybe. lol

And one small thing, "semen-stained panties" IMHO way more than a strong hint, I'd say proof.

From someone braver than I by submitting a tale at all and for writing your first story in LW, a baptism of fire if ever there was one. Yes it needed a little tidying but you've had a go and done pretty well imo, so I'm looking forward to part 2 and thank you.

Good and not so good.

And that's not bad for a first story.

The good is the writing

and character building.

The bad is the time switching

and the cheater's POV.

Let me explain.

In good time switching,

a story can start with the hero

driving unfamiliar roads

or sitting outside a cabin in the country.

We wonder about the present,

the past and the future.

But this story doesn't offer that.

We know the present,

the future has few options (divorce or reconciliation)

and only the past is 'exciting'.

We got an answer before we got the question.

And what does cheater's POV give us?

Not much.

We get 'how', I'll admit that.

But do we get 'why'?

Rarely we do.

The cheater is usually too busy

making up excuses, to consider reasons.

And who wants to listen to (read) excuses?

This is not a bad start for a new writer.

Some of it is quite good.

3 out of 5 from me.

I think your first story is a good one.... Anxious for the rest , especially interested to find out if John is sincere with what he has told Amber about his feelings or is he just a serial seduction artist looking to add to his conquests.... John may not like to find that Chris is just any old lawyer but a prosecutor with friends who can make his life miserable...... also interested to see how Amber explains her actions to Chris ,,,, can she without further hurting him ? Is their marriage over ? Look forward to the next chapters

The marriage is already OVER. To save it, It just becomes another WIMP story...

Good start to the story.

LOL. Love to know your secret of arriving at Bangkok Airport at 1PM and getting to your hotel by 2:30.

Good story but overly padded.

This is going really well. Story: good. Writing: good. Wife: dumb

Five stars

Is $900,000 a big project for a large bank?

A fine tale, so far. I look forward to more.

Minor suggestions only, there's a little bit too much detail in terms of exact dates and times that prolly use more reader energy than needed.

Looking forward to the story progressing.

Thanks for writing.

You clearly have one of, if not the best editor for this genre, so don't screw this story up! LOL! Solid character development so far, although as the other commenters noted, semen stained panties IS proof of infidelity. I'm guessing the story is already written, so not sure worth of plot comments. The kids are out of the house, they both have well paying jobs, and she's cheated multiple times. "I" would struggle to give her a pass at this point, not even knowing what you'll reveal next chapter with the video proof. 5* for now...

No way to really save the marriage at this point.

Ok, but i know more about the business deal than the tawdry affair

He picks up her panties and there's an abundance of sticky, cum smelling material in the crotch. He thinks "that's strange" puts them down moves on. Wait, isn't he looking for evidence of cheating? As a prosecutor, wouldn't another man's jizm leaking out of her pussy constitute guilt? End of story, slam dunk divorce. But I get a very sick feeling you've already decided that Chris is a faggot who'll end up looking forward to finding more cum in her skivies that he'll start licking. I think this is as far as I go wirh this shit.

A new Author and a good story so far!

But please please don't start telling people how long a story is, then post it in 'parts' just post it! and if its not finished them wait till it is, there is nothing more annoying than reading a good story then having to wait days for the next instalment!!!

Congrats on posting your first story, Mr. Greener. You did it right. You finished the story and then started posting, rather than making us wait. I know that because I've seen it all. You also worked very hard to improve it after the first draft. Keep writing and you'll be a delight to read. Thanks for sharing your story, Randi.

A good story so far. Good work from a first time author.

The wife has so far deliberately entered into an affair. She has her eyes wide open.

Please do not let this be a RAAC, it does not have to be a BTB but sure as hell do not let the bitch get away with her adultery. Divorce and humiliation please.

I thought u did so well l score you a 5/5

Keep up the good work.

Not bad first attempt. I see you've given a hint of the direction of the next part and plan on having one of their children intervene to save the marriage.

Very bad idea unless it is very clever.

Good story so far, but was very disappointed that the next part was not available. I can't write squat, so not complaining too much, but really needed the rest of the story.

Good start, Looking forward to the rest of the story.

Seems you are reciting facts, events, and not really portraying the emotional shock and toll that John would;ve had seeing his wife's semen stained panties. Hope this gets better.

Got bored and skipped a bunch

Good so far...but.

The guy is supposedly an intelligent lawyer, yet wonders what the sticky substance in her panties might be??? If I’m ever prosecuted please let it be by this guy.

Bag the evidence, compare DNA, if it’s not yours, proof obtained, job done. But that would only be a page not three chapters.

The style of writing seems to indicate we’re heading for RAAC territory but I’m happy to wait and see.

Nothing at all wrong with this authors work so far, compare it to other new authors and it’s a god damned masterpiece.

"Can Emily save her parent's marriage?"

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Chris would be a fool to forgive the slut for her betrayal.

Besides, she's 42 now and long past her prime. Time to dump her for a younger model without looking like the bad guy.

But, we'll see. I do wonder why the rest hasn't appeared if it's already written.

Not too sure where the story arc is headed, but maybe that's a good thing.

So far an interesting scenario has been set, and no striking grammatical errors.

All in all not a bad start for a new voice in Literotica'toughest section, a solid 4 stars so far.

@annie: I smell...

Yeah, you like to throw that "RAAC" term around, right? Chapter 2 was submitted on January 27, and it is not the fault of the writer that Lit hasn't posted it. Chapter 3 was posted on January 29. The author did it right. Randi.

It seems someone at Lit doesn't appreciate Grass's efforts. It should never take this long to post a submission. I am interested is seeing where this goes. I suspect others are as well. This is a hell of a way to treat a new writer.

Thanks Randi for the update. I'm really looking forward to the next chapters and was wondering what happened. Sadly Lit has seemed to be going off the rails lately. Yes, I know its FREE but come on. Like HDK said it's no way to treat a good new writer. Following chapters should post within a day or two of the original.

The problem with the admins of lit is they're so busy 'fixing' things that don't need 'fixed', not fixing things that do like not all comments showing when you click on show more or show all when they suddenly drop to 1 comment when the links are clicked, they're also too busy allowing stories to be posted in the WRONG category, like girlfriends, not wives.

Hopefully they'll get their heads out of their collective asses and post the remaining chapters of this story.

For a first effort especially when one has the courage to post it in LW's. It can't hurt that you had who many of us consider the best editor on this site. One suggestion; use more contractions in your conversations, it will make things flow smoother. Another thought, no one living in Ann Arbor or Chicago would say "...child in university?", maybe at Moo U in Lansing though. They would say something more along the lines of 'in college, at Michigan or at the University of..." The other way is more of a continental/British way of speech.

If John typically only lasts 2 or 3 minutes I can understand his wife not being too enthused with his efforts and I don't think I'd want Amber handling my money if that's all it takes to satisfy her. Amber is correct in the idea how bad this could be personally and professionally if they get caught. The personal is obvious, the professional just starting with John's company not being pleased to have the contract cancelled if the bank believed there was a conflict of interest. Most businesses of any size have morals and ethics clauses in the employee guidelines and/or contracts, they are there solely to protect the company.

Some recommendations if one is going to cheat; lock the damned door, close the blinds and Do Not change anything at home as in initiating new things in the bedroom. That includes out of the clear blue sky, swallowing or giving up your ass. It has a tendency to really piss off the spouse if they find out you are doing things with your lover that you have denied them. His response to the excuse that you didn't do it for your husband was because you didn't want him to think you were a slut is probably going to go along the lines of "All Pigs Fed And Ready To Fly." I'm guessing it's probably not a good thing to cheat on an attorney. I don't know for sure, mine were partners, one a retired judge and the other a former prosecutor.

Looking forward to as Paul Harvey used to say from Chicago "The Rest Of The Story." Not just for my first sentence - *****'s Signed: BTW

@Anonymous Re: "Who's Emily?" - Her daughter! "Eighteen months after they were married Emily was born

/

It makes no sense (other than to extend the story) for him not to pick up the soiled panties and confront her.

/ RD

What's with the 23 instead of 23rd? It looks weird!

Hi all,

I apparently violated a rule by using a phone number which looked authentic.

I edited and reposted this morning. If you see a number which is 312-XXX-XXXX you will understand.

Sorry, rookie mistake

GisG

The wife cheats on her husband but according to the raac writer she's just an innocent "faithful wife who lost her way."

Just another entitled cheating wife who thinks she too smart to get caught. The husband already has his suspicions and cum filled dirty panties. Why wait for concrete proof such as video of her fucking her paramour.? In divorce court cheating doesn't mean anything and any such evidence will never be allowed. The court doesn't care if she fucked one guy or a hundred .

Just file for divorce and be done with her and move forward in life. Its not the cheated upon problem to figure out the cheater's fuckedupness. Why would you want to stay with a person that betrayed you? You do not owe the cheater reconciliation or forgiveness. Just recognize your relationship has reached its expiration date and prepare to move on in life.

I'm really trying to stay awake for this one, but too many mundane details and the stilted writing style make it difficult.

Friend or no friend, there must be some seriously big favours owed to put not only his job and career on the line, but also his liberty by allowing cameras into the room and giving out personal information of his guests.

Also vice-versa. If it's not about getting evidence to produce in court, a simple phone call to say they have arried would be enough and he could go to the room and challenge them.

/

Why the assumption that they would use the Hilton?

If the manager is a friend of your husband and knows you well enough to not be able to imagine having an affair, would you risk it or use another hotel?

Amber is booking him in because she always does the hotel bookings? I would imagine a PA at one of the companies would do that, so just let them carry on. More than that, they would block the room out for the length of the project to ensure it was there and to get the best rate... my old PA's head coming back.

Amber must be dumber than a box of rocks to carry on at the hotel knowing that Mike is a friend of her husband.

/

Chris was going to do try his 'Hail-Mary' - a proof read should catch the bigger typos like this and a few others I spotted.

/

Really don't understand the need for Amber to take John out to dinner privately. Even a private meeting at the office seems a little overkill. Is Cynthia also the project lead? Speak to the one leading the project with your concerns about John's apparent youth and ability to manage the account and have protection clauses written into agreements. As for 30-31 being too young, that's unbelievable and putting it all together feels like you are forcing a situation.

/

PPD and he's planning on being away for work every week and is very blase with his 'don't know how long it will last this time' which suggests his wife is still struggling and this time is already a month longer than before. Granted he still has to earn, but his lack of concern would be a turn off for any woman with any level of mothering instinct.

/

Amber was very naïve and not thinking with all her faculties

Not thinking straight? Probably, but not naive after 3 kids and 20 years of marriage and nearly as many in the corporate world.

/

Far far too fast, if she lost control that easily then John would not have been her first.

A whole 7 inches and 3 minutes ignoring the trope of small husband a large lover, it really does help if someone knows what they are doing.

After crossing the line her mind would be in turmoil and that he was shit to boot would only have made things worse.

/

So after another 25 minutes... John's a real stud... they don't shower and rush back 5 minutes before a meeting with Amber's boss.

Lynn would have a conflict, smell the wine first or the sex, either would be enough to have John removed from the project and Amber sacked.

/

Maybe it's me, but last I checked there wasn't a smell to men's semen.

But then Chris' reaction - they smell like men's semen... that's strange. REALLY?!?! Your wife is, unusually, in the shower, her panties smell of men's semen and presumably were clean on this morning and the only thought is 'that's strange'?

However it seems that Mr prosecutor needs her to be 'very evasive', It was fine and we went to lunch are not what I would call at all evasive.

/

Really only average - wife of 20 years for some reason can't say no, and even more questionable can't say no a 2nd time.

Husband is a little below average size, lover is bigger than average, though all evidence points to an egotistical, but poor lover.

Husband puts the clues together slowly and even when faced with the evidence is willing to put his health on the line, even ruling STDs out, having just worked out your wife is cheating would kill any chance of being in any mood for anything but sleep.

This cheating wife seems to be getting away with it, but the prosecutor husband probably isn’t as clueless as he seems. When do we get back to the cameras?

Writing here is not the best, the language is strained/stilted. Contractions, especially for speech, help reduce that. "I will see" is not nearly as realistic as "I'll see." Then there are the idiotic interior monologues. The husband picks up his wife's panties, smells semen, and thinks, "that was strange." What a maroon this character is. Surely that should have read something to the effect of: "What the hell was semen doing on my wife's panties, I knew it wasn't mine." "Strange" is a poor word choice for such a devastating sniff. By saying it was "strange" the character seemed to be incapable of adding 2 plus 2. Nevertheless, I appreciated the writers first effort, even if I found myself hoping that there would be more meat and reality to the scenes he/she presented.

Ne hagyja elbizonytalanítani magát,jó a történet és a fordulatai...!Sok sikert továbbra is..!

What a stupid female character. Wow thst takes the biscuits. She fucked up once then did again. That takes some doing, its your character you have created but wiow is she dumb.

Some prosecutor: "The semen-stained panties and the shower scene were strong enough hints." Yeah, I think that would be enough evidence for most people.

Very good especially for a first effort. One point that seems inexplicable. Semen is unmistakable both in smell and appearance; if he finds semen in his wife's panties, he knows it has to be from someone else. Why doesn't he confront her immediately? He is a prosecutor. While one part of him might say, "Gather more evidence," the main part of a good prosecutor is to go for the jugular in questioning and confront her, cum stained panties in hand.

My point is that the story here might benefit from some explanation as to why he didn't confront her immediately. He plainly is not a wimp but again, as a prosecutor he would know that her cum stained panties are evidence he should preserve. He would normally take them, put them in a ziploc baggie and not relinquish them. I know this is personal but he should be in so much more turmoil than portrayed. I think the story would have been stronger if it had explored this further.

Just for future reference semen stained panties are not a hint, they are a glaring neon sign saying quite categorically ‘hey honey guess what got into me today’.

"The semen-stained panties and the shower scene were strong enough hints"

lol

Semen-stained panties are so far beyond "hint", c'mon mang

"He picked them up and thought they smelled like men's semen. That was strange, but he placed them back" as another male's semen in his wife's panties wasn't really that big of a deal.

Don't bother reading it to the end. It's a 1 star, worthless cheating whore and cuck RAAC story. Not worth your time.

Wow, I swear some of you will grasp at straws to find a fault.

So the author used the words “ strong hint” at the seamen in the panties.

Are you forgetting he’s an attorney for the DA??

His mind is geared to 100% proof of crime FIRST, he’s now into full on evidence finding mode.

Could she be laying a trap for him? Maybe some elaborate plot to test him?

You have no clue. Try reading it ALL first.

Good story so far, compared to other offerings.

On to ch 2.

Boring

He’s a lawyer, that would usually indicate he was pretty smart, and picking up her panties full of semen is quite a good indication that there’s something rotten in the state of his marriage, but like the astute genius he undoubtedly is his only thought is ‘that’s strange’. Oh come on.

If you’re going to give your character a profession that requires a modicum of intelligence then the shower scene plays out all wrong, he deals with deception on a daily basis this evidence alone would have raised more red flags than a Ferrari dealership.

another cockold writer

There are weaknesses in the story, sure. I for one do not like this robotic date-by-date stuff. But, for the first story, this is great start. By the way, get an editor to avoid stuff like "thank you such much".

You need a proofreader. Too many misspelled words.

Heading for a RAAC

Panties smell like semen and he shrugs? Really? Tooo big of a stretch to make home seem stupid. Amazing how a state attorney is stupid right? Another too large stretch.

This whole story went south the instant it said that Chris insisted on waiting to have sex until his wedding night. Really?? Is this the 1930’s? A young guy in his early 20’s, with a beautiful, committed girlfriend who wants to have sex, in the late 1990’s, and he says no for some totally unsupported reason??? I did not expect some kind of sci-fi alternate universe angle in this story. Totally unrealistic and pointless. Made me skeptical of the entire story after that.

So they are in Bankok, THAILAND, and Amber says she found an “authentic Thai restaurant five blocks from here”. You are in THAILAND, honey, they are ALL authentic Thai restaurants. And then later Chris won’t use an outdoor shower??? WTF? Totally unrealistic.

So, what is this obsession LW authors have with people of both genders insisting on waiting for their wedding night to have sex? It’s the 21st century, people. I don’t even know anyone who, by the time they got married, hadn’t had numerous dating relationships and several longer relationships that were sexual. I literally know no women who were virgins on their wedding night nor any to whom this was important or of even the slightest significance. Yet somehow, LW stories overflow with old fashioned characters who end up having difficulties because of this very issue. Enough already. Time to grow up and join the modern world.

Hints?!? You see cum in your wife’s panties, you know that it’s not yours, and that’s a HINT that she’s cheating?!?

POS writing. One Star

ZK

Good first story - very enjoyable- good story flow

Too much business bs for me. That stuff should be summarized if neeeded at all, the project details and progress is irrelevant.